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RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 12:54:42 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

"Blind date" shows up at your door.  His eyes are bloodshot, and he smells like marijuana, but you don't want to be rude and accuse him of being high, so you don't say anything.

If he's been smoking pot, he's more likely to macrame his ass into your sofa and eat all the snack food in the house than gut you like a fish.
Jus sayin'


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 12:54:54 AM   
dreamofthemoon


Posts: 10666
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, LeBlueDude,
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeBlueDude


quote:

ORIGINAL: Scheherazade67

I think someone who expects you to invite them to your home before meeting them for coffee (at least!) is crazy!


What if you don't like coffee?

I like coffee by the way, but I know people who do not

i would think if they don't like coffee, you find out what they do like and go from there.  It's a personal preference kinda thing.  

And i agree with meeting in a public space on a first meet.  Erring on the side of safety and all.

~ dream

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(in reply to LeBlueDude)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 1:10:34 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Ya know...sister/brother/best friend sets you up with a guy you've never met before, never spoken to or know anything at all about except the sister/brother/friend tell you they have a "great personality"....

Now, the serious answer. Sorry to disagree, LW, but the above situation is very different from meeting someone off the 'net. IMO, having a "good head on your shoulders" means having common sense. Some folks talk a really good game online and on the phone, but are completely different when you meet them in real. For myself, I'm happy that the guy who sounded great on the phone but was creepy and squicked me out when we met does not have my home address.

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 2/5/2010 1:14:06 AM >

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 1:12:56 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

"Blind date" shows up at your door.  His eyes are bloodshot, and he smells like marijuana, but you don't want to be rude and accuse him of being high, so you don't say anything.

If he's been smoking pot, he's more likely to macrame his ass into your sofa and eat all the snack food in the house than gut you like a fish.
Jus sayin'



In our house, showing up smelling like smoke is a good way to have the door shut in your face - any kind of smoke. And that goes for anyone, no matter how many times we've gone out with him.

However, as was pointed out, an internet date isn't quite the same thing as a blind date set up by a friend or relative. For a blind date, I would probably be fine with meeting at the house - for an internet date, no way, even with Holly and rob present.

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(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 1:14:22 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		~fr

Safety is pretty arbitrary. If you meet them in public, your license plate can be tracked. If you call them on the phone without blocking your number, it can be traced. These traces are readily available to civilians.

So meet for coffee first if that is normally how you get to know someone. If you normally drop your pants for hot spontaneous sex, or you’ve know the prospect online for some time, then why not just hook up for that hot encounter you both want so much?

Standard BDSM protocol is to use a safe call. Presuming you can actually know his real contact information, you pass that and the location you are meeting at to a friend. You set a time and if you don’t check in, the police get to rush in to find your dead body aand avenge you with their investigations.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Or you can do what they do in the adult escort service industry. I used to run security for one and never had a serial killer go through the trouble to spoof our system.

1. Let prospect know they will need to pass an ID check and there will 3rd party call ins
2. Pre meeting - prospect has listed phone number
3. At meeting – license check name/face match. “OK” call to 3rd party in front of prospect
4. End of meeting - “OK” call to 3rd party in front of prospect
5. Post meeting – secret "all clear" call once you/they are clear of the area

That’s all pretty extreme . . .
. . . better a thousand times careful than one time dead.


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(in reply to LeBlueDude)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 5:17:15 AM   
PrimalConsonance


Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeBlueDude


quote:

ORIGINAL: Scheherazade67

I think someone who expects you to invite them to your home before meeting them for coffee (at least!) is crazy!


What if you don't like coffee?

I like coffee by the way, but I know people who do not


I'm not a coffee drinker myself, but it's an expression that opens itself up to other beverages since most coffee shops now offer tea, sodas, and even hot chocolate if you like.  They can also have water (one of the necessary ingredients for coffee I hear...), so you'll be fine.


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(in reply to LeBlueDude)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 6:15:56 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashyia
People should do what they are comfy with.  Though as a Dom and a girl states she would like to meet in person  at a public place would you  refuse to meet her?


I'd be happy to. I've done that several times. "People should do what they are comfy with" was not really what you said in your OP and that is what I was commenting on.


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(in reply to ashyia)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 7:39:39 AM   
ashyia


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Ya know...sister/brother/best friend sets you up with a guy you've never met before, never spoken to or know anything at all about except the sister/brother/friend tell you they have a "great personality"....



  The post was to hear opinions because even if you meet publically first they can still  be smooth enough to fool you or a friend.  As LW said people recommend folk and you may go out with them.  Since I started the post I'd like to play devils advocate now to  ask when do you think you are OK to meet privately??

 little wonders's comments reminded me of a few years back when my boss was almost begging me to date one of our customers.  the guy seemed nice to everyone I worked with, cute daughter, he stopped by daily to talk to me and my gut said "no".  I caved in and  decided to give him a chance.    The day were going to meet at the beach, very public, for a nice walk and chatting he didn't show.  He did have a good reason,  He was arrested for Murder.  Yes folks, 4 months of people begging me to go out with this great guy and he committed murder.  

I don't agree with all of little wonders comments but the point is even if you do public first how do you really know?I do think meeting publicly first gives you more of an advantage against someone being like the guy above.  I also believe I need to trust my gut feelings on people.   Have I missed out on a nice guy because my gut said No.. yes I have.  Though, he may be nice but I still don't think in the long run it would of worked as a D/s relationship after I did get to no him better. Just need to train my gut to recognize Friends only and  Right Dom for me I guess. 

< Message edited by ashyia -- 2/5/2010 7:40:48 AM >

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 8:36:26 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashyia

So am I completely wrong for thinking the first time you meet someone should be in a public place for coffee or such??  I can't tell you how many times some "Dom" tells me I have no clue how to be a sub/slave/little girl because I don't invite them to my place for the first meeting.  

Since when does being safe mean I am not a sub/slave/little girl?

"I can be over at 4 and you can sit at the door with a blindfold on" and I was chastised for not understanding...  

I would love to hear what others think...



just block those idiots, theyre not worth wasting time thinking about.

its not so much meeting in a public place or at home. plenty have met someone in a private situation and its all gone well. ive met people at my home before now, but they werent asshats. im sure that if id said, can we meet in a pub first they would not have accused me of not being submissive. they would have respected my caution and gone with it.

to me it lacks imagination to be honest. its like driving high speed past a horse on the road. no imagination just an arrogant necissity to get where they want and sod the conseqences. you dont want to be with someone who has no sympathy or empathy or imagination and blackmails you with the comment 'youre not submissive then' every time you find something difficult, so just tell them to piss off.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to ashyia)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 9:12:02 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with most of the comments here- but after all, its hard to argue against wearing a seatbelt. Even if there is a 1% chance of needing a seatbelt, I still put mine on.

But aside from the safety angle, I think meeting informally in public is a good thing, if for no other reason than it allows you to focus on something other than sex. As lusty as I am, when Kim and I have met people we always make it a vanilla meeting, just to get to know them.

Really, its no different than when you date in the vanilla world- putting the sex cart before the relationship horse is usually a bad idea.


p.s. Whether you have a cute pic of your panties, or a plain vanilla shot of you clothed in a burka, a certain percentage of men will think of you as a piece of meat. We are pigs, all of us. But we can take out the trash and kill spiders so that sort of redeems us.

(in reply to ashyia)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 9:44:15 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

Ya know...sister/brother/best friend sets you up with a guy you've never met before, never spoken to or know anything at all about except the sister/brother/friend tell you they have a "great personality"....

Now, the serious answer. Sorry to disagree, LW, but the above situation is very different from meeting someone off the 'net. IMO, having a "good head on your shoulders" means having common sense. Some folks talk a really good game online and on the phone, but are completely different when you meet them in real. For myself, I'm happy that the guy who sounded great on the phone but was creepy and squicked me out when we met does not have my home address.


I agree with Wyld. And I find it disturbing that a 40 year old women with 10 years experience would even ask a question like this. Like, gee, it would be really fun to go to a hotel and blindfold myself and wait for some guy to come and bring all his friends.

This is not 9 1/2 Weeks, toots. Fantasy behavior is either fantasy only or you enact it once you met, know and trust the person.

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 9:52:38 AM   
ashyia


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline 		Not all men can kill spiders either*smile*

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 10:10:10 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have had plenty of guys pick me up at my door on first meet. But.. lol in the decades I have dated, I have never met one while naked and blindfolded. Did I miss that particular crop who would expect that?
Meeting guys that others have introduced to you, or that you have met first and accepted an invite are vastly different than some guy who tells you naked and blindfolded is the expectation.
:) I do have a friend who invites guys over, but she has a very large dog who sniffs them up first.


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Wow. I must be a lot more old fashioned than I thought...

No one here has ever been on a blind date?

Ya know...sister/brother/best friend sets you up with a guy you've never met before, never spoken to or know anything at all about except the sister/brother/friend tell you they have a "great personality"....

The guy comes to your house, you let him him, you  do the obligatory "oh you're early. Let me finish getting dressed" while you go back upstairs for 5 minutes so he can stir for a little bit or look around at your stuff to get a better idea of who you are because well..he's nervous to be going out with you.

You come downstairs, smile, look him over and decide right then and there if it will be a good date or one of looking at the time waiting for it to be over.

Then you both drive off together in his car to the restaurant that he chose and pray like hell that he hasn't mysteriously misplaced his wallet for the night.

No one? Never? Wow...can ya tell I've been through numerous ones??





< Message edited by Missokyst -- 2/5/2010 10:13:21 AM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 10:35:49 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeBlueDude
What if you don't like coffee?


Do what I do. Ask for a LOT of sugar to mask the taste. And nurse the thing so you don't have to drink much. Works for me.

(in reply to LeBlueDude)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 11:14:00 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		It's not *wrong*and it's not *right* either.

Some people I'd have over for a drink within half hour , ...........Hard to kill me with a few 6' sons lurking ......lol. OH , you mean doing kinky stuff.

edited to add.... You didn't understand what being blindfold at the door meant? Dear god.

agirl


< Message edited by agirl -- 2/5/2010 11:24:18 AM >

(in reply to ashyia)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 12:15:13 PM   
ashyia


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

Ya know...sister/brother/best friend sets you up with a guy you've never met before, never spoken to or know anything at all about except the sister/brother/friend tell you they have a "great personality"....

Now, the serious answer. Sorry to disagree, LW, but the above situation is very different from meeting someone off the 'net. IMO, having a "good head on your shoulders" means having common sense. Some folks talk a really good game online and on the phone, but are completely different when you meet them in real. For myself, I'm happy that the guy who sounded great on the phone but was creepy and squicked me out when we met does not have my home address.

I agree with Wyld. And I find it disturbing that a 40 year old women with 10 years experience would even ask a question like this. Like, gee, it would be really fun to go to a hotel and blindfold myself and wait for some guy to come and bring all his friends.

This is not 9 1/2 Weeks, toots. Fantasy behavior is either fantasy only or you enact it once you met, know and trust the person.
. This was a issue brought up by a newbie at a local munch. Which is why I asked for peoples opions td Toots...I find it more disturbering when people are age has aproblem with sharing a tpoic for general opinon. I'd like to think if one newer person is having issues other might too. Therefore, asking in a thread might give them some insight on the matter. Also, some peoples kink is to show up blinded folded and be used and left. If it's their kink more power to them and I hope nothing horribly wrong happens.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 1:10:29 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashyia


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

Ya know...sister/brother/best friend sets you up with a guy you've never met before, never spoken to or know anything at all about except the sister/brother/friend tell you they have a "great personality"....

Now, the serious answer. Sorry to disagree, LW, but the above situation is very different from meeting someone off the 'net. IMO, having a "good head on your shoulders" means having common sense. Some folks talk a really good game online and on the phone, but are completely different when you meet them in real. For myself, I'm happy that the guy who sounded great on the phone but was creepy and squicked me out when we met does not have my home address.

I agree with Wyld. And I find it disturbing that a 40 year old women with 10 years experience would even ask a question like this. Like, gee, it would be really fun to go to a hotel and blindfold myself and wait for some guy to come and bring all his friends.

This is not 9 1/2 Weeks, toots. Fantasy behavior is either fantasy only or you enact it once you met, know and trust the person.
. This was a issue brought up by a newbie at a local munch. Which is why I asked for peoples opions td Toots...I find it more disturbering when people are age has aproblem with sharing a tpoic for general opinon. I'd like to think if one newer person is having issues other might too. Therefore, asking in a thread might give them some insight on the matter. Also, some peoples kink is to show up blinded folded and be used and left. If it's their kink more power to them and I hope nothing horribly wrong happens.


If it's something someone is actually looking for, they wouldn't be asking if it was  ok or not.

Your original post said ...

So am I completely wrong for thinking the first time you meet someone should be in a public place for coffee or such??  I can't tell you how many times some "Dom" tells me I have no clue how to be a sub/slave/little girl because I don't invite them to my place for the first meeting.  

Since when does being safe mean I am not a sub/slave/little girl?

"I can be over at 4 and you can sit at the door with a blindfold on" and I was chastised for not understanding...  

I would love to hear what others think...

There was no mention of some *newbie* asking . YOU asked it ...about YOU. You got a range of opinions from *don't be a twit* to * not much wrong with it*......and you did ask what other people thought.

agirl



(in reply to ashyia)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 5:07:20 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeBlueDude

What if you don't like coffee?

I like coffee by the way, but I know people who do not


Groan. 

(in reply to LeBlueDude)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 5:36:57 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashyia
Since I started the post I'd like to play devils advocate now to  ask when do you think you are OK to meet privately??

Anyone I'm willing to meet at all, I'm willing to meet privately.

I had a "first date" in 2008 with a woman on CM, where she flew to my state, I picked her up at the airport, and she stayed at my place for four days.  I've driven to a woman's house and played with her there, as a first meeting.  I've picked up another woman in front of her apartment and taken her to dinner.  I've gotten into the cars of several woman within five minutes of meeting them in real life.

Most human beings really are trustworthy and decent.  Even if they are sexual sadists.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ashyia)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: first meetings - 2/5/2010 5:41:34 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

p.s. Whether you have a cute pic of your panties, or a plain vanilla shot of you clothed in a burka, a certain percentage of men will think of you as a piece of meat. We are pigs, all of us. But we can take out the trash and kill spiders so that sort of redeems us.



You think so???????

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 60
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