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RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 6:04:01 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Bounty, I like Diane already ;)

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quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 8:30:21 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Hell yes it gets in the way, very hard to stay in control when you are being fucked by a man no matter what the context is. Mentally I think it is the thing I struggle with the most.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 9:04:50 AM   
Nahemah


Posts: 34
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Well I don’t want to give the impression that sex is the only thing that interests me in a female dominated relationship. Or is the sole purpose of me seeking a female Dominated relationship. There are people that are submissive with out any sexual relationship to their Dom/mes and that makes them fulfilled. I am just not like that or I would have tired to convert a “vanilla” girlfriend if all I wanted was kinky sex. that doesnt seem right

It doesn’t work for me if it’s not something she truly enjoys.

I lean toward sadists (this may mean I have a vain streak in me and like their attention) woman that enjoy the power and sometimes enjoy my suffering sex or not.
Anyway I am just telling you how I feel not saying everyone should be like me.


I agree with you. I love sex. I love using sex as a tool, as a reward. I want the whole package. Never should sex be initiated or demanded by a submissive, but if it something that I want, why shouldn't I have it? Actual intercourse coupled with mutual, understanding, love, and respect is one of the most beautiful things two people can share.

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 12:38:48 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

quote:

Your friends' perspectives have nothing to do with it.

of course not, only "YOUR" friends do, and "YOUR" opinion is the holy grail. to hell with the rest of the shemales in the world.  its all about your opinion.

Nice selective quoting.  I wasn't talking about "the rest of the shemales in the world."  I said that your friends' perspectives regarding how they self-identify has no bearing on this discussion.  But you knew that already.

quote:

quote:

Due to that, I'm guessing that I have an exponentially greater understanding  of what transsexuals find offensive than you do, your "shemale friends" notwithstanding.

of course, my friends and the friends of my friends, why in your infinite wisdom they are totally irrelevant to you, the way they feel about it, their opinions are all bullshit to you, and you are the only one who's opinion is valid since you were sent to this earth by god to tell the shemales of the world they are wrong and you make all the rules for what they must take offense too.  i will have to relay that to them.

As I've already stated twice, I don't care if that's how a person wants to refer to themselves.  I take issue with YOU referring to transsexuals using that term.  If you can't see the difference between the two than you're an even greater fool than you currently appear to be.

quote:

Hell what could other shemales possibly know about themselves that you do not know better!

I never questioned what they know about themselves, but you already know that too.  This is about YOU and your use of an offensive term, not them.

quote:

quote:


This isn't about what your "friends" want to call themselves, I don't care how they refer to themselves.  This is about *you* using the term to refer to transsexuals, "versatile" or otherwise, as you did in this post.  Stop trying to shift the issue.

oh now you are including transexuals as a whole not just those who identify as shemales as "I" stated, and switching the word to versatile instead of shemale.  nice shift stef, nice way to change the whole meaning of what "I" said.  i love it  when people accuse me of using their tactics.

"Versatile" was your descriptive label, from your original explanation of your understanding of the term, not mine. 

It usually signifies a tgurl who versatile or a top or simply just a non op typically, as opposed to those who are strictly bottom or post op etc.

Do you even remember typing this?  Nowhere do you say this only applies to people that self-identify as "shemales."  You were categorizing an entire subset of the transsexual population with this pathetic and erroneous statement.  Blame yourself for the term's use, not me.

quote:

quote:

A person can refer to themselves as a shemale, a he-she or a philodendron for all I care but *you* referring to people as shemales is offensive

not bad, 5 paragraphs each one telling me your friends are better than my friends and finally stooping to the infantile level of calling me names.

You can't even get this right.  It was three paragraphs explaining that what a person wishes to call themselves is not my concern, but that YOUR choice to refer to people using that term is offensive. One paragraph pointing out that you are a morally and socially bankrupt fuckwit for continuing to use that term even after being told how offensive it is and one paragraph trying to fulfill your request for "statistical data."

quote:

oh by the way i "IDENTIFY" as a sub but you damned well better not call me that because its extremely OFFENSIVE for *you* to call a someone a submisive regardless if they identify that way.  Double DUH!

I've already said this half a dozen times before and you seem to not have grasped the simple concept but I'll try one more time in the hopes you might experience a brief momemt of clarity.  It's not a question of how a person wants to refer to themselves, but how YOU choose to refer to others that is the issue here.

quote:

now you can go back to calling me names.

Coming from you, particularly in this thread, is almost laughable.

~stef

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 4:42:04 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Are superiors finding it hard to find submission with out the expectation of sex?



I really must thank you!  I laughed out loud when I read this.  I haven't read anyone else's response yet but I simply had to say - that's too funny. 

What do I care what anyone else expects? hahahahaha  Expect all you want.  Chances are pretty good you'll end up confronting how you deal with disappointment, but I wouldn't dream of saving you from that lesson! hahahahaha

Not you personally, you understand, rather anyone who would have an expectation of me that I haven't agreed to hold as some standard.

They can expect all they want.  I hope they enjoy it. hahahaha 

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 5:05:45 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef
As a charged example, black people often call each other 'nigger' but if a white person does it, it's offensive.  It's the same thing.
 

I don’t know who originally started this rumour but quite frankly depending on the circles you run in you won’t find a single black person calling each other nigger.  To me hearing that word from *anyone * is offensive, and I can’t stand that somehow whites got it in their head that black people all run around calling each other nigger.  Some black people do, and some black people don’t.  There are plenty of black people who don’t and find it very offensive.  


I quite agree with you on your point, although I think it was further to what stef said rather than contrary to her point.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 5:06:54 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

I have spoken to so many here that cherish and desire earned submission from a sub or slave . However , while sex can besomething  both are seeking , many out hereare telling me that the subs and slaves they are talking too expect  sex.Even when the profile clearly states they will not  conduct sexual acts with any slave/sub.
Are superiors finding it hard to find submission with out the expectation of sex?


NO.
 
I've been extremely open about my feelings regarding sex and submission.  I have to feel some chemistry with anyone that I play with or else it just doesn't work for me.  That doesn't mean that I have sex or sexual relations with each person that I play with.  What it does mean is that I am to some extent sexually attracted to every person that I play with. 
 
I have met subs that expect sex.  I'm not attracted to these kinds of people.  Ever.  They are usually arrogant and rude which are absolute turn offs for me.
 
As far as a sub expecting anything from me...what's that old saying?  Want in one hand and spit in the other.  See which one get's filled up first?

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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 5:54:02 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		this is redundant, i am out of it.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/29/2006 8:53:43 PM   
lushusboobs


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I think that in YOUR relationship, everything is about the foreplay. The lesbian women I know consider orgasm to be very important.
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Texas Maam


Certainly, Texas Ma'am, I do not presume to speak for all lesbians.  I think that my position was a sort of  devil's advocate though and I was just trying to show that if you look at sex from the standpoint that all of the foreplay leading up to orgasm is the frosting or the whipped cream so to speak, and the orgasm is the cherry.  I can live just on the cream without ever having tasted the cherry on top.  I think that sex can be more fulfilling if you don't look on the orgasm as the end all and be all.  In fact, for older people, it can promote more sexual function if the orgasm is not the focus.  I've never said that I don't enjoy sex or that I don't enjoy orgasm.  I think my whole outlook on it is that it doesn't have to fit inside a conception of sex which is really traditional.  Although in my younger days I probably did enjoy those wham bam quickie sex sessions, it takes more to satisfy nowadays.  And it is more mental for me than physical.  And for some people who don't orgasm anymore (not me but...)  sex can be defined in different ways.

I also was born in Texas by the way.  Does that make me a Texan?  I'm not in your circle of friends and I wasn't raised in Texas, but if you want to split hairs, I'm a Texan who doesn't see orgasm as the most important part of sexual connection.  There's much more importance for me in the spiritual and psychological connection.

Lushus


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/30/2006 6:44:10 PM   
apb


Posts: 103
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline 		I've identified as lesbian most of my adult life (25 years this year).  For me, foreplay is definitely important - I enjoy the journey just as much as the destination.  But I do love getting to that destination!

Now, when it comes to the lifestyle, I must confess to being very new (working on 7 months) but am happy to share my experience thus far.  My initial experience (as a sub/slave) involved serving both a Master and a Mistress.  I never expected (or demanded) sex.  But I did feel a level attraction to both of them, and when the occasion arose I served them both sexually.

I will also say that in my early days our scenes (both in public and in private) were not a sexual experience for me per se.  That was until I met MissTress.  I can still remember that first time she Dommed me as if it were last night.  I can only compare it to the first time I kissed another woman.

So ... does sex get in the way of submission?  I think it depends on the Dom(me) and sub concerned.  It depends on the dynamic of the relationship and what each desires from the interaction.

For me it does not get in the way ... but sex after a long, hard, intense session with my Domme is incredible.  It definitely takes me to a new level and I am hooked!  But sex is not always associated with a scene or with D/s role play.  It is also part of a very loving and caring relationship that I am building with my Domme. 

(in reply to lushusboobs)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/30/2006 9:51:37 PM   
lushusboobs


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline 		Did anyone watch Conan last night?  Sue Johansen was on talking about sex.  Her comments were that she wanted to dispel some myths.  The myths that she wanted to dispel were 1) Size isn't everything.  It isn't totally about penile stimulation and 80% of women come by clitoral stimulation alone.  and 2) The orgasm is overrated.  IF you focus on what is leading up to the orgasm rather than achieving the orgasm, sex is a heck of a lot better.  Now this is coming from a woman who has heterosexual tendancies so you can't blame it on the "weedwhackers" as someone so homophobically put it.

I really think this Sue  is wise and right on. 




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You'd look pretty in my panties...

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/2/2006 9:25:55 AM   
lookinforDomme


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		Does sex interfere with submission? The answer, from a submissive male is no, not really!

It is true that in the minutes immediately following intercourse ... a man does experience a "rush" of power. An elation that makes him feel confident and cocky ... but this is a normal, healthy reaction. A reaction that an insightful Female can use for Her own enjoyment and satisfaction!

You see, the natural high the male experiences can be easily controlled. The fastest way to end it is to inflict some pain or some distasteful tasks. This immediately clears the male brain ... and re instills the desire to submit! Thus a savvy Woman can use the biological response in ways that suit Her.

Does She wish to be held and feel loved for a few hours? Then let the natural high continue!

Does She wish to get the dishes done ... or be served breakfast in bed ... or just plain feel Dominant? Then give him a good whipping, have him humbly thank You with foot worship ... and then get him back to work!

It really is so simple! You see, a man who adores his Owner will do what She desires!

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/2/2006 9:54:25 AM   
mantis65


Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It really is so simple! You see, a man who adores his Owner will do what She desires!


What if she asks you shoplift? Yes been there did that. thank god I didn’t get caught

Submission should be with in reason always (at least with me)  

As far as lesbian subs and Dommes go I have no clue and never will. Men need some chemistry to submit I believe. there Has to be some bait in the mouse trap for us males we are simple creatures that get bored easy and move on to the next thing

< Message edited by mantis65 -- 4/2/2006 9:56:55 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/3/2006 10:18:18 PM   
apb


Posts: 103
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65



As far as lesbian subs and Dommes go I have no clue and never will. Men need some chemistry to submit I believe. there Has to be some bait in the mouse trap for us males we are simple creatures that get bored easy and move on to the next thing


I haven't had to bait my mouse trap yet ... but maybe I should try it sometime?  Any suggestions as to suitable bait?


_____________________________

~ apb

"This is who I am - you can like it or not. You can love me or leave me 'cos I'm never gonna' stop."
~ Madonna

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/3/2006 10:22:05 PM   
lushusboobs


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline 		LOL.  Imagining a piece of cheese.  Just joking.  I'm sure you don' t need any bait.  

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You'd look pretty in my panties...

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/3/2006 10:34:54 PM   
MistressDidi


Posts: 61
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You!  I could not have said it better Myself!

Also, I just wanted to say what a lovely photo!  I wish more people would allow themselves to integrate their Fetish with their vanilla lives!  Good for You!

http://beam.to/MssDidi
http://beam.to/Partydom

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The Mistress Didi*

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/4/2006 12:27:43 AM   
FootQueen


Posts: 241
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

fucking spare me your thoughtless politically correct bullshit!  i happen to have "SHEMALE" friends who SELF identify as "SHEMALES" and you can see them in personal adds all over as SELF dentified SHEMALES.

A person can refer to themselves as a shemale, a he-she or a philodendron for all I care but *you* referring to people as shemales is offensive, no matter how many of "them" you claim to have as friends.  As a charged example, black people often call each other 'nigger' but if a white person does it, it's offensive.  It's the same thing.

Ok, stef- you were doing ok until you let black and nigger come out in the same thought. Why did you even go there? Could you have not found something better to use? Race is always a very touchy subject (especially when you don't know of what you speak). Folks will argue that it is not the same.

My two cents for the day...*giggling*

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/4/2006 12:29:25 AM   
slave4mzpatti


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		It is no wonder there is confusion. If you look at the ads most are dressed provocatively and/or exposing themselves. I was with a dominate woman that was surprised I wanted sex, yet in her ad it had photos of her breasts and vigina.

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/4/2006 9:56:21 PM   
apb


Posts: 103
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs

LOL.  Imagining a piece of cheese.  Just joking.  I'm sure you don' t need any bait.  


Why thank you ....haven't had to bait the trap yet - but ya' never know    I don't know what I would use as bait ... would depend on the trapee I guess.  Maybe chocolate, maybe ice cream .... myabe a nice pair of shoes or a piece of jewelry ... <grin>


_____________________________

~ apb

"This is who I am - you can like it or not. You can love me or leave me 'cos I'm never gonna' stop."
~ Madonna

(in reply to lushusboobs)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 4/5/2006 5:18:36 AM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		The question I originally introduced pertained to Mistresses who  were tired of  guys coming to them expecting  sex or selfishly expecting that the Mistress who they were suppose to be serving was expected to serve them.. Maybe the question should be asked this way...DO SUPERIORS FEEL SOMETHING IS MISSING IF THERE IS NO SEX IN THEIR PLAY? 

The comment made earlier from a confussed slave is a natural one .Mistresses , once they know our buttons to push, will  tease and taunt subs into  doing what they want.Sometimes it will involve sexuality which  is  powerful tool. Its all in the bat girl utility belt

(in reply to apb)
Profile   Post #: 60
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