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Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 8:24:23 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		What is the best approach to do this? My safeword doesnt work anymore and not sure I can actually talk to him about things anymore. First inclination is to leave/disappear but I think that is going to upset him even more then trying to talk to him. Advise please??
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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 8:33:43 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		So he's ignoring your safeword and not willing to discuss things? I would say that ending this relationship with respect is the least of your concerns! He's acting like an ass - and an unsafe one to boot.

Of course I don't know any more than you've written, but if that's the case then you need to remember that respect is a two-way street. He's not respecting you by ignoring your safeword and avoiding the issues by avoiding conversations, so why do you owe him any respect?

Your first thought is to just disappear - for me, that's what I'd do. But if you want to make it clear to him why you're kicking him to the kerb (and from the info you've given, you're 100% right to do this, if only for your own safety), then leave him a note, send him a text or email, or whatever, telling him why. Be honest, be truthful and direct, but don't worry about hurting his feelings. He's a big boy, he'll get over it.


Then walk away and don't look back. You can do better...don't settle for second-best.




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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 8:39:19 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what Myo said.

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 8:43:11 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		thanks...thats what I was thinking too ....

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 8:55:56 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		afterthought....any way I can get this post deleted?

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 8:56:55 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Nope........


cat's out of the bag now...:)

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 8:58:32 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		great....

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:02:32 AM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

What is the best approach to do this? My safeword doesnt work anymore and not sure I can actually talk to him about things anymore. First inclination is to leave/disappear but I think that is going to upset him even more then trying to talk to him. Advise please??

There can be no respect given where none exists.  If he will not respect you, it is not possible for you to respect him, even in leaving.

You can, however, respect yourself.  Advice?  Respect yourself--make your health and your safety and your well being a priority in your life, and make your choices accordingly.


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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:02:42 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I wouldn't worry so much - if he's a big a twat as he sounds, then he deserves the humiliation.

But that's the sadist in me coming out!

Oh shit...I'm supposed to be a masochist...oooops!!

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:05:35 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		lol yea....Im going to try to find out what the deal is and then do what I gotta do....

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:06:52 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		He doesnt get on here much anyhow....its all good

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:08:08 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

He doesnt get on here much anyhow....its all good


Who cares? It's over.  If he gets pissed off, so be it.


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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:09:07 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like he is gonna be pissed either way.


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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:10:16 AM   
erinroe


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/12/2010
Status: offline 		If he's ignoring the safeword, respect has gone out the window.  I, personally, would just go and stay gone, if at all possible.  If you feel talking to him would do some good, do it publicly, and  after having changed your locks and your telephone number. Because people who ignore safewords are generally dangerous, and don't know what safe, sane, and consensual even means.

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:14:08 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		im not going to drag it out of Him......if He doesnt want to talk about things the relationship is over anyway....i wont just be a wall flower I dont work like that....He knows this

Anyhow wish me luck :) I will come back with a new username lol

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:17:20 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Rendering an opinion on best approach requires my understanding your priorities.
Did you want to "leave" or did you want to not "upset" him? Those are contradictory between your "needs" and his "needs". I'm trying to grasp your priorities here and I'm a little foggy... Bes for you or best for him?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

What is the best approach to do this? My safeword doesnt work anymore and not sure I can actually talk to him about things anymore. First inclination is to leave/disappear but I think that is going to upset him even more then trying to talk to him. Advise please??



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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:24:53 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		His needs are important...very important but so are mine. And I need to feel safe and be able to talk about things....

I should go....ty all

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:46:46 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'm like you, I always like to end things in a way that leaves me feeling like I've taken the high road and done the right thing. However...there sound like there are safety issues here if he's ignoring your safewords and not communicating with you. I'd just disappear. My first thought was to write him a goodbye and explanation but that only gives him a reason to contact you again and I'm concerned that the safety issues are risky enough that you shouldn't have any further contact with him.

Things between you and he obviously aren't valuable enough to him if he treats you irresponsibly - you don't 'owe' him a thing at this point. It's always hard to tell with one side of the story present but with the information you've presented I honestly think it is best to just fade away. If he's upset oh well, he should have treated you with more respect in the first place and maybe you'd still be there.

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 9:54:46 AM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Read the book "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout. If you find it relates to you and your socalled "owner" get your running shoes on and don't look back.

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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 10:01:53 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

Read the book "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout. If you find it relates to you and your socalled "owner" get your running shoes on and don't look back.


That is a very good book, I think I dated half the men in there.

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