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LadyPact -> RE: Married - is this then cheating (2/10/2010 10:21:46 PM)
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I understand your position, Sthrn, but I have to say that I don't quite agree with it. I would be all there with you if the OP happened to be single and not involved with anyone else. The thing is, he's not. He's got another living, breathing human being in his life. One that doesn't deserve to be deceived, or at the very minimum not be having the person that she's living with be honest with her. What did she do to deserve that? She was/is <gasp> vanilla. What does she get? A husband who is searching for another woman on the internet.
Entirely too often, we're ready to jump on the side of the person in a marriage who has discovered they have a kinky side. We don't show the compassion for that non kinky partner. While we sing the chorus of 'be the kinky person that you are', we so quickly forget that there's another person in the picture who is being who they are, or hasn't even been given the option yet of sharing this path with their partner, because they never talked to them about it. We talk so much about consent, but we forget that the option of consent is being removed from that spouse at home. The very things that we would say would not be acceptable in a dynamic; dishonesty, non-consent, potential harm, etc shouldn't be acceptable in a marriage. The fact that we're talking about a non kinky person in the equation doesn't mean that they don't deserve to be treated just as honorably as we would a submissive.
Rather than making an account on a BDSM site, what happened to options such as honestly talking with the spouse? What about reading some articles, rather than trying to involve another living person (the Dominant he's searching for)? In the grand scheme of things, wouldn't spending $19.95 for a copy of "When Someone You Love Is Kinky" be a much better method than the deception that's trying to be played out?
Instead, people 'discover' kink and lose their minds. They become very selfish about their wants, their desires, their growth, and their, their, their, their. In pursuing them, they chose to forget that they have other people in their lives that have just as much right to what they want as the person who wants to explore kink. That other human being, the non kinky one, has just as much value as the person who has found the kinky part of themselves. That non kinky person isn't here to speak up for themselves. I think some of us in this community should.
Edited because I got so caught up in the wants, I missed the fact that one of the words was "what".
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