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stella41b -> RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? (2/10/2010 2:56:40 PM)
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I'm with LadyPact here and can't help thinking that you're living a terribly complicated life of your own making which isn't going to bring anything meaningful to anyone, not to you, not to your wife, not to any potential dom you are likely to meet.
I write here from my own experience. I'm transgendered, but I was also married. My wife knew all about my gender issues - as far as I was aware of them - before we got married. When the truth came out and changed my awareness I accepted that this changed my relationship with my wife, who like your wife knew but didn't want anything to do with it, and just like you, we shared (and still share) a good friendship, and I went for a no faults divorce. At the time I was getting to know a domme who waited, and kept me waiting - over a year - before developing our relationship.
What is the big issue here? Is it the fact that you are gay? Are you ashamed of being gay? Or is it more convenient being married?
You mention not hurting the kids, but I'm sorry, from what I can see you're either living in denial or deceiving yourself and others, and through that deceit hurting those around you not to mention yourself. Kids notice things, often much more than you realize and they're usually far better at noticing deception than most adults.
The way I see it there's no such thing as kumbaya here, not anywhere in this community, nor in the gay community, nor anywhere else whether it be offline or online. Yes there are kind souls out there, altruistic types who may appear much more understanding, kinder than the faces of the strangers you come across but these are people who are quite choosy over with whom they share their altruism.
Far more likely - because everyone else is going to perceive you a little differently than you perceive yourself, and much more so if you are in denial or deceiving yourself - is that your issues stick out like a sore thumb which is going to completely rule out any hopes you've got of any sort of meaningful or worthwhile relationship, because the only people you're going to come across are people who are either going to feed off your issues or exploit you and them for all that they're worth.
There's a French proverb here - 'It's easier to lie to others than to stop deceiving yourself.' I think this is quite apt in what you have presented.
Therefore what I suggest first and foremost is to cut the crap and the bullshit and start facing up to the reality of who you are and working to develop an honest, satisfactory relationship with yourself that you are happy with before you start involving or bringing anyone else into the drama.
Stop deceiving yourself and learn to accept you for who you are in reality. Accept that you are gay, embrace the fact and start living your life honestly. You don't have to come out, you don't have to make declarations and I certainly would advise you against coming out during the time when you are isolated and vulnerable - which you probably will be for some amount of time because the next thing I'm going to suggest is that you face facts and divorce your wife and embrace living honestly without deception with regard to her and the kids. Sort out the mess with your current relationship, i.e. your marriage and your relationship with your kids, and then - and only then - start thinking in terms of entering into another relationship.
Instead of relationships I'd stick to friendships for now until you get your life together.
Life is short, very short. With each passing day, week, month, year time passes quicker, life gets even shorter and some of the opportunities which come and go now are probably never going to come back. But you in your present circumstances are never going to get anywhere near those opportunities, for all you're doing is struggling to avoid getting yourself into an even more vulnerable situation where you can be exploited even further. And you realistically believe you're ever going to be happy in those circumstances? Are these going to be the memories you're going to enjoy one day lying on your death bed?
No? Well then sort yourself out, sort your life out, and start developing much more meaningful, satisfying and fulfilling relationships. Because at the end of the day, this is what life is really about.
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