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You went through something traumatic so you must be tra... - 2/11/2010 3:36:04 PM

lazarus1983

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So I just finished Widowmaker by Garth Ennis, and there's a dialogue in there between a therapist and a police officer, after an incident where the police officer stopped a high school shooting rampage by killing the teenager (yay!). Here's a little snippet of it:

"But you don't think you're traumatized, I suppose."

"I think I saw some bad things. But I don't think I made any mistakes. I'll have nightmares, I'll drink whiskey, I'll put it behind me a day at a time."

"Really? Is that your professional opinion?"

"You've been through something traumatic, therefore you must be traumatized. Ever wonder if telling people that might prevent them dealing with their problems?"

That last statement really got me thinking. Is there some truth in that? Now obviously everybody has different levels of coping skills when it comes to traumatic incidents. Some can suck it up and drive on, and others are scarred for the rest of their lives, unable to move beyond that incident.

But that notwithstanding, do you think telling someone that they're traumatized after an event, can sometimes put them in an, "Ok, I must be" mindframe?

< Message edited by lazarus1983 -- 2/11/2010 3:37:23 PM >

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/11/2010 3:43:19 PM

JohnWarren

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It's a circular argument. However, I have a translation. "You are a layman and I am a Professional so you don't really know what's going on, but if you (your union/the city) dumps piles of cash on me, I'll try to convince you that you need me to do what you are already doing."

Someday, psychology may be a science, but until it can accept field-wide paradigm change and the necessity of falsifiability, it's going to be stuck at the rock/fire/wind/water thought level.

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/11/2010 3:46:15 PM

AquaticSub

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~Fast Reply~

I agree with it... to a certain extent. Not everyone reacts the same way to the same situation. What will send one person to their knees, another can simply dust off. Then, at the same time, sometime people will bury their issues and ignore them completely. For me, it's something that depends too much on the specific circumstances to make a general statement about.

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/11/2010 3:49:06 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

do you think telling someone that they're traumatized after an event, can sometimes put them in an, "Ok, I must be" mindframe?

For some people, it can. Some people are more open to the power of suggestion than others. Also, it depends who is doing the suggesting. Is it someone with credibility to make such a "diagnosis"?

I went through a traumatic assault attack about a year and half ago. Everyone walked around me on eggshells. Yes, for a moment I was in shock, but the very next day, I just went about my life. I decided to not give my aggressor power. That doesn't mean I didn't deal with things, it simply means that I rationalized it so that I didn't let it handicap me.

Another factor that needs to be taken into account is someone's level of resistance to trauma. My last boyfriend grew up in a country where they randomly had school in underground parking lots because of bombings above ground. When he saw people freak out over the little things in the Western world, he had a tendency to roll his eyes. I often reminded him that we aren't all set up with the same coping skills, but he had a hard time relating to how traumatised Westerners got.

Not so black and white, is it?

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 2/11/2010 3:50:00 PM >

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/11/2010 4:00:10 PM

pahunkboy

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Own this moment for you. Own your day.

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/13/2010 10:20:51 PM

Termyn8or

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FR

Don't you just love those experts ? They always want to help. How did I feel when someone shot me in the face ? "They fucked up, and if I ever find them I'll return the favor and see if they are released from the hospital in FIVE DAYS" . Try that.

True emotional trauma is caused by the fact that the incident proved the "victim's" vulnerability. They do not understand that even a trained judo expert with a machine gun is also vulnerable. They see it as a personal shortcoming and the victim status is not unlike an inferiority complex in that regard, but now it is proven ! At least to them.

As hard as this may be to swallow, YOU CHOOSE THIS. Now they want to make that choice easier to do, to be a cryon, and emote, and probably go on Jerry Springer. I wonder what the appearance fee is. I got some crazy people in my midst.

At any rate, the whole idea of any professional is to help, for money. Therefore they will say whatever it takes to get a customer in the door. And if the money stops I bet you are cured very quickly. Of course the whole thing makes me sick, but that's the way it is.

T

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/13/2010 11:43:46 PM

KMsAngel

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some people never face their trauma fully. sometimes the professionals end up teaching them how to disguise the issue and they become "productive" members of society again. but they're never whole because they never face the darkness.

but the darkness, in my opinion has many shades and different personalities can see through at different rates. sometimes with help, sometimes not.

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/13/2010 11:54:57 PM

PrincessDonna

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Something VERY tramatic happened during my childhood and many years later I finally agreed to go to therapy,it worked ok although I did keep having reacurring nitemares and went on neds the worst part was at the end of the three months someone totally new was in the office one day when I went in and I was told the last person was an intern and did i mind telling my story again!Are they nuts??? I got off meds,prayed alot and realied that I could not change the past but that I could change my future by how I chose to relate to my past!I wont say i'm "fine" now but I can funtion without meds and can look at myself in the mirror and love who looks back.

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 12:19:23 AM

Termyn8or

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KMs, understood. But my clan goes about it a different way. It is like getting back on the horse after it kicks you off.

I don't know how to explain it fuilly, but if you get shot bring the guns out, if you got raped get the dicks out, if you got bit by a dog bring the dogs. You are not allowed to fear. Well yes you are, but required to overcome it. REQUIRED.

This policy works very well, and me and mine will never be victims, even if someone hits me in a driveby. Which brings up another thing, if I got robbed, I would start leaving the doors open. Just to overcome.

Victimism is a chosen status, and I got a bunch of kinfolk to support that. Women are given some time to regroup because they tend to be more emotional, but they are not allowed to become victims either. Time comes.

We are OK. When I got shot, I said "Dammit, this wrecked my whole weekend". I was so close to death it was not funny. Where that bullet hit me was perfect, one millimeter in any direction and I would likely be dead now.

My attitude ? SO WHAT. I mean it, it didn't happen, I lived and this was a long time ago. Maybe my perspective is completely off the wall, but when I got shot the olman said "This is serious, an inch higher you could've lost an eye". disregarding the brain behind it. Wreck a car and almost die ? "Now that you smashed the Olds MF, you have to drive the Ford".

But then I have to realize that some think thenselves powerless, and honestly, I have never dealt with that. Well here and there, when alone, but I am still alive now. (I myself find that hard to believe)

So take a lesson from one who has been on the other side. Life can be meaningless unless you embrace death. Threatening to kill me will do you no good. I have had such firpower as to able to keep the cops at bay, though I never used it. But I sure could've had my blaze of glory. I am really curious about death. Grampa did it, Pa did it, I will do it. Who cares when ?

That type of attitude sets you free, and I mean really free.

T

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 12:25:17 AM

KMsAngel

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wasn't' me that was the person concerned, though it did impact on my life very much.

and when it's a war/soldier situation, often the same options aren't available to you as a civvie.

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 1:04:59 AM

Termyn8or

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Not all that long ago a Woman was killed in a wreck. She was impaled by a tree branch and they cut the end of it off about at her chest/breast. They called her olman and told him to get down there for those last few times, moments, whatever because they knew that once they pulled her body off the rest of the limb she would die almost immediately from the bleeding. The paramedics gave them as much time alone as the could, and they said their goodbyes. Think of that. I would rather get shot.

Perspective. Is getting shot all that bad ? Is getting raped all that bad ? Is getting robbed all that bad ?

Here she is, stuck to a tree and never coming home. Can you imagine that experience ? Most people would rather die.

Once you get a pretty good list of things you would die rather than do, you see what I mean. Dying is not the end of the world, except for the one who dies. The world goes on.

Once you are not afraid to die, you are truly free.

T

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 5:34:03 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

Someday, psychology may be a science, but until it can accept field-wide paradigm change and the necessity of falsifiability, it's going to be stuck at the rock/fire/wind/water thought level.

oh please.....

As with ALL types of medicine, psychology is an inexact science.

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 6:30:42 AM

slaveluci

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Just speaking from my own personal experience, I can categorically state it is entirely possible to experience traumatic events without being "traumatized." As others have noted - specifically Lady Angelika - we don't all have the same type/amount of coping skills. Very well said. I have had conversations with people who were traumatized over things that I wouldn't blink twice at. I'm sure things have affected me more than they would some others. It's very unfair to judge another by your own abilities.

I will say, though, that I feel like we are encouraged to feel "traumatized" after difficult experiences. I don't think people should instantly repress their feelings and not work through them but I also don't think we should be encouraged to wallow in our miseries or self-pity either. Just my 2 cents.............luci

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 6:41:08 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

Once you are not afraid to die, you are truly free.

"Dying does not bother me...it's the shit leading up to it that really pisses me off".

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 7:10:05 AM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Once you are not afraid to die, you are truly free.

"Dying does not bother me...it's the shit leading up to it that really pisses me off".

and when folks fight over the money after it.

//

It is very important that when you do talk about your war stories- that you only do so on your terms. "can we change the subject" is a line I have used some to deflect going down nightmare lane- at a time not of 'my" choosing. "we can talk about this later- but not right now-OK?"

Be strategic in your disclosure, because it is YOU that must live with it.

ie- on YOUR terms only.

< Message edited by pahunkboy -- 2/14/2010 7:11:28 AM >

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 7:37:18 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lazarus1983

So I just finished Widowmaker by Garth Ennis, and there's a dialogue in there between a therapist and a police officer, after an incident where the police officer stopped a high school shooting rampage by killing the teenager (yay!). Here's a little snippet of it:

"But you don't think you're traumatized, I suppose."

"I think I saw some bad things. But I don't think I made any mistakes. I'll have nightmares, I'll drink whiskey, I'll put it behind me a day at a time."

"Really? Is that your professional opinion?"

"You've been through something traumatic, therefore you must be traumatized. Ever wonder if telling people that might prevent them dealing with their problems?"

That last statement really got me thinking. Is there some truth in that? Now obviously everybody has different levels of coping skills when it comes to traumatic incidents. Some can suck it up and drive on, and others are scarred for the rest of their lives, unable to move beyond that incident.

But that notwithstanding, do you think telling someone that they're traumatized after an event, can sometimes put them in an, "Ok, I must be" mindframe?

That Ennis, he's a sensitive sod, isn't he?

It can open the door for some to enter that frame of mind. Hard to say. I was molested when I was a kid, never told anyone except two people, and that was a good two decades down the road. We all have shit in our lives, and deal with it in our own ways.

Now, I don't know how I would have processed being told I was "traumatized" or a "victim" when I was little, but don't anyone tell me that now. Don't want to fucking hear it.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
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Let go it's harder holding on
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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 7:42:06 AM

pahunkboy

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Level- I hear that alot.

Many many - were. (sadly)

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 7:59:00 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Now, I don't know how I would have processed being told I was "traumatized" or a "victim" when I was little, but don't anyone tell me that now. Don't want to fucking hear it.

Amen to that, Level. I could not agree more............luci

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 8:21:24 AM

Level

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Agreed, pahunk. It is sad.

Hey luci *smooch*

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 8:26:46 AM

sexyred1

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As others have said, how you react to a trauma is individual. Someone telling you that you are or you are not traumatized is futile. It can be compassionate, as someone who cares for you is trying to help justify your behavior or mood by telling you that or someone could be attempting "tough love" and saying, hey get over it, people have it much worse than you.

To me, the only important thing is if I feel traumatized and how I process it. No one, no matter how much they love you and support you can ever know the depth of feelings YOU possess and how YOUR mind works.

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