RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not?

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[Poll]

Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not?

Yes it is Wrong

26% (13)

No it is Right

74% (37)

Only if your a dominant doing the background check.

0% (0)

Only if your a submissive doing the background check

0% (0)

Total Votes : 50

(last vote on : 3/11/2012 9:23:56 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:36:10 AM

MiLadyDiane

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I personally don't think a background check is bad idea. I would no more pack up my entire world to move to a semi-known situation than I would fling open my doors to just anyone that said " Here I am, Mistress ! I'm ALL yours ! " Sometimes situations are harder to get out of than it was to get into , once you are in deep, or stuck, or they won't leave!
I would probably ask stick to my guns, ask all the questions I wanted , and run a background check as well . Hell, check with the Better Business Bureau , who knows ? In this day and age , sometimes you just never can tell .

(in reply to MissSarahTS)

Post #: 21

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:39:05 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I was arrested once when I was 18........... how does that help anyone know who I am now?

I think the idea of a check is a great thing. I someone said they were doing one on me, it would clear them off my list, saving me precious time.

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to MiLadyDiane)

Post #: 22

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:42:15 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

OOOO badboy Jeff. You're looking good!

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 23

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:45:05 AM

MissSarahTS

Posts: 26
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline

The information that is required to do a background check is First and Last Name, Age, State. I'd hope to know these things by the first month of talking to ya let alone consider moving in with ya. SO if your skiddish about giving me these simple pieces of information after we been talking to each other awhile then we have issues.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 24

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:46:52 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I guess I wouldn't care if someone did a check on me. Whatever they found would be boring as hell. If anything they would find out about my exhusband's criminal connections but....that was him and it was over 20 years ago. Not really applicable. Just entertaining conversation IF it was believed.

Since then, even more boring stuff. Oh, my son managed to become a felon in his late teens and early twenties. But yanno, he wasn't living here, I wasn't in the know or participating. And his life has since become almost as boring as his mothers. So not sure how that might apply. Hell I managed to get government clearance of sorts so that GD could bring some documentation home and have some military equipment in the house.

I haven't murdered anyone....yet. Have a regular kinda job. No money laundering operation. No meth lab in the barn. Just work, bills, BORING!!!

But if a person feels they need to spend the time and money.........more power to them!

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/13/2010 11:48:01 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 25

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:48:45 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

That is a background check though...its the old fashion way of doing it XD. Sadly i'm part of the Now Generation where everything even peoples pasts must be accessible now. Not through years of talking and hunting down all there contacts.

The "Now Generation" my ass... do you really think it is the norm for people to run background checks just because they can? My son is 19, and I have never heard him nor his friends doing this. On the other hand, several years ago my friend had an online stalker in his 50s who ran her through a computer background checker.. really, Now Generation... geesh

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MissSarahTS)

Post #: 26

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:50:23 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I am 53 years old. I have been married and have dated numerous women. I have never been asked for a background check. All of those women are still alive and well to the best of my knowledge.

You are correct, we would have issues.

And incidentally, this points out why I have no desire to date someone who is 22...:)

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to MissSarahTS)

Post #: 27

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:51:06 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSarahTS

Missokyst I understand where your coming from and the last dominant couple i moved in with i spent half a year talking to them. And i'm nice i tell people first that i'm doing a background check on them. Depending on the reaction i get tells me alot about them. If they freak out that means they got something to hide. If they don't freak out that means they can be partially trusted. Instincts first and foremost but technology help out alot. Also i'm not as strict as a job, i'll let you pass if i see petty crimes on the background check. It also helps me to find the married men from the unmarried men.. Alot of jobs now requires a background check so why not one for those searching for a dominant or submissive.

Define "freak out" and how you tell them.

If we've arranged plane tickets, etc for a visit and you mention "Oh I'm going to do a background check on you", I'd probably pull out of the situation because that's something, in my opinion, if you were going to do you should have done very quickly. The person wanting to do the background check would, quite frankly, have to approach the topic well. For me, a negative response wouldn't be a freak out. It would be "Evidently I've given you reason not to believe me so no, I don't think we should be together".

They do leave a bad taste in my mouth. I'm not applying for a job and neither are you. Nobody is getting paid. If someone wants to treat it like a job, then I do charge very reasonable rates but then they don't get a relationship.

To me, it's trust. If you don't trust me enough to believe me, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with me and I shouldn't be in a relationship with you.

ETA - I personally find it amusing that this really comes down to trust to me when there are things BDSM-related that many others feel take a great deal of trust and for me they don't. Interesting.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/13/2010 11:55:36 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MissSarahTS)

Post #: 28

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:51:11 AM

wendydarling

Posts: 113
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I was arrested once when I was 18........... how does that help anyone know who I am now?

from the look of you I would have guessed more than once...

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 29

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:52:56 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSarahTS

The information that is required to do a background check is First and Last Name, Age, State. I'd hope to know these things by the first month of talking to ya let alone consider moving in with ya. SO if your skiddish about giving me these simple pieces of information after we been talking to each other awhile then we have issues.

That's it? Holy crap that doesn't strike me as effective. I have EXTREMELY common first and last names. Run the background check all you want. I'd be somewhat surprised if there wasn't another person my age with my name in my state!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MissSarahTS)

Post #: 30

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:55:15 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wendydarling

quote:

I was arrested once when I was 18........... how does that help anyone know who I am now?

from the look of you I would have guessed more than once...

Just imagine how many times I havn't been caught. Lovely to see you wendy..... darling.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to wendydarling)

Post #: 31

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:55:46 AM

MissSarahTS

Posts: 26
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I guess I wouldn't care if someone did a check on me. Whatever they found would be boring as hell. If anything they would find out about my exhusband's criminal connections but....that was him and it was over 20 years ago. Not really applicable. Just entertaining conversation IF it was believed.

Since then, even more boring stuff. Oh, my son managed to become a felon in his late teens and early twenties. But yanno, he wasn't living here, I wasn't in the know or participating. And his life has since become almost as boring as his mothers. So not sure how that might apply. Hell I managed to get government clearance of sorts so that GD could bring some documentation home and have some military equipment in the house.

I haven't murdered anyone....yet. Have a regular kinda job. No money laundering operation. No meth lab in the barn. Just work, bills, BORING!!!

But if a person feels they need to spend the time and money.........more power to them!

Darn .....i could of really helped you out with the money laundering. Eh oh well. I'm also available for Bank robberies and jewelery store heists. j/k j/k

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 32

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:56:46 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

I quite frankly couldn't care less. I follow my instincts and most of the time those work....

I hear sometimes "but you barely know him" when I meet guys from abroad...well, quite frankly, that can't change that well with the distance in between...

things in life can always go wrong with a partner does not matter since how long they know each other and how they met. Partner's who were fine for 30 years can all of a sudden develop mental health problems and kill family members, you don't have a guarantee with anyone, however hard you try.

Therefore i am quite pragmatic about that aspect.

_____________________________

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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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(in reply to wendydarling)

Post #: 33

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:57:11 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

You can bet your last bippy I'd run a background check on a new potential. If a potential refuses he's just saved Me a lot of time, energy and effort.

TM

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(in reply to MiLadyDiane)

Post #: 34

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 11:59:50 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower

things in life can always go wrong with a partner does not matter since how long they know each other and how they met. Partner's who were fine for 30 years can all of a sudden develop mental health problems and kill family members, you don't have a guarantee with anyone, however hard you try.

That's quite true, unfortantely. If you want to be really secure, you need their family's mental health history as things like schizophrenia, from my understanding, don't have a reliable "it shows up by X age".

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 35

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:00:00 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it assinine to move in with someone you haven't met, background check or not?
Background checks might tell you if the person has been arrested, but it does not tell you what sort of person they are.

Ding ding ding!

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 36

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:01:45 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I wouldn't care if someone ran a background check on me. Considering the law is the only consistent dominant force in my life, I guess I can say I've been pretty damn submissive to it. Although, if someone REALLY wants to waste money on me, I'd like the opportunity to offer them a better deal on their investment.

I wouldn't run one personally.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 2/13/2010 12:03:57 PM >

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 37

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:07:52 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

I've run bckground check on myself once... everything for the past about 15 years came up wrong, where it even had info. I mainly found out that I'm a "non-person" for the past decade or so. It also tells nothing of importance... nothing on my credit (I don't use any), no police records or other law/civil issues (have none), none of my last 6 addresses were there, didn't have my marriage on it, and it doesn't tell about any medical issues I have. A lot of lack of important stuff and no correct info on the important things it covered.

So short of it saying "THIS PERSON HAS A PAST 5 FELONIES, ALL VIOLENT", I can't see how doing background checks on anyone is helping anything other than appeasing a deep need to snoop and sneak. Which, if a person has that, they can't be in a relationship with me because I don't need someone who is going to go through my stuff when I'm not home and such. No need for dishonest, sneaky and distrustworhty people in my life, so no background-checkers for me.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 2/13/2010 12:11:53 PM >

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 38

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:10:01 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it assinine to move in with someone you haven't met, background check or not?
Background checks might tell you if the person has been arrested, but it does not tell you what sort of person they are.

Wasn't touching that one.

Background checks really only tell you what a person got caught doing.

Quoted for truth, which is why I repeat, take your time and use your instincts.

- LA

Bingo. If your gut is screaming "don't trust them", then don't do a background check... just end it.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 39

RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:11:22 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Not just you.. assinine is the right word -- a background check is not going to fix that stupidity.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it assinine to move in with someone you haven't met, background check or not?
Background checks might tell you if the person has been arrested, but it does not tell you what sort of person they are.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 40

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