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[Poll]

Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not?


Yes it is Wrong
  26% (13)
No it is Right
  74% (37)
Only if your a dominant doing the background check.
  0% (0)
Only if your a submissive doing the background check
  0% (0)


Total Votes : 50
(last vote on : 3/11/2012 9:23:56 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:11:32 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		When I went to buy my first car from a dealership I was 33 years old... they did not want to deal with me because I was... as they termed it "a ghost", meaning I did not exist in their systems... I guess ghosts are very scary, because I had over half the car price up front in cash and they only let me in under the highest interest payment structure that they had... Not all people "exist" in the system

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:16:39 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		A background check will tell Me whether they have any history of arrest for family violence, intoxication, DUI, drugs, theft, burglary, even simpler things like hot check writing or worse crimes such as sexual offenses or offenses against minors. I won't even meet someone with anything on their record more serious than a traffic ticket. End of story. From that point forward it depends on references, personal history, too many things to list here that can or will be dealbreakers. A background check is a must just to proceed to the point where we begin to communicate one on one. I don't care if that burglary, hot check, family violence, sexual predation or other violation was 20 years ago or not, it renders the potential a non contender for Me. If the potential is 'not in the system' then at least he doesn't have that background to start with.

A body can't get a job today without a background check. I would never meet someone real time who wouldn't give Me the same permissions he'd check off on a job application.

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 2/13/2010 12:19:10 PM >

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:19:17 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

A background check will tell Me whether they have any history of arrest for family violence, intoxication, DUI, drugs, theft, burglary, even simpler things like hot check writing or worse crimes such as sexual offenses or offenses against minors. I won't even meet someone with anything on their record more serious than a traffic ticket. End of story. From that point forward it depends on references, personal history, too many things to list here that can or will be dealbreakers. A background check is a must just to proceed to the point where we begin to communicate one on one. I don't care if that burglary, hot check, family violence, sexual predation or other violation was 20 years ago or not, it renders the potential a non contender for Me. TM


It boils down to that highlighted word.

History of arrest.

Not every wife calls the cops on the guys who beats her. Not every kid who is molested finds the guts to tell someone. Not every boozer is dumb enough to go out in public and disrupt the peace or drive drunk. Not every druggie gets caught. I, in fact, know quite a few with a perfectly clean record.

So all you know, is if they were caught or not. If you get a clean record, you still have no idea what they haven't been caught doing.

ETA - Anyone watch those unsolved crime shows? I wonder if the folks who married the then uncaught murderers ran background checks...

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/13/2010 12:21:15 PM >

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:19:34 PM   
SL4V3M4YB3


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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:20:06 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		I think background checks are pretty ineffective. What do they tell you anyway? They tell you if someone has been arrested/incarcerated/etc. But they don't tell you the whole story. I've been arrested...twice...incarcerated....twice. Does this mean I'm a violent felon? A career criminal? Someone you can't turn your back on? Hardly. It means I married a drug addict whose behavior I freely chose to emulate. It means I participated in some ways in his criminal lifestyle - again of my own free choice. I was an addict, I used very bad judgment, and I hurt some people. By people, I mean my own family and friends and people who lost monetarily due to my theft.

I am no longer a junkie. I wouldn't steal a nickel from the sidewalk. If Master had done a background check on me, he'd have gotten some (perhaps) factually correct information but he wouldn't have gotten diddly on what the real circumstances were. Oh He did get them but from me. He made the choice to believe me and trust that I'm not that thieving junkie anymore. He chose wisely. Not all of us are perfect and some of us have gotten caught and "paid" for our mistakes. Some haven't. Nothing's gonna show up in a background check on someone who's savvy enough to not get caught.............luci

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:28:50 PM   
MissSarahTS


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline 		minor drug offenses don't bother me nor do petty crimes especially if they are over years ago. I can understand why one could feel compelled to rob the quicky mart off of the interstate. Just needed a little extra cash so you could buy food. Times get tough and people commit crimes in tough times. If you told me all the crimes you've committed in the past then no i wouldn't have to do one. But most people don't like to talk ill of themselves when they are communicating online and by phone. If you tell me yea i've commited a couple of crimes but that was when i was young and dum i'd be cool. I'd still run the check with your permission because i'm cool like that. But if you told me no havn't been arrested in a day in my life and i do the check and it shows that you've been taken in multiple times for DUI then we have issues. You then lied to me. *file under no good, and move on to the next one* I have a hard time trusting people as alot of people do. Instinct is good but technology can help make it better.

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:29:18 PM   
Jeffff


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam



A body can't get a job today without a background check. I would never meet someone real time who wouldn't give Me the same permissions he'd check off on a job application.

TM


Not true. I have My present job without one.

You know how I got this job?.... we talked, for about an hour.... then I came back and we talked again. Then I was hired


Jeff

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:30:45 PM   
winterlight


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Status: offline 		congrats luci on your achievement.

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:31:37 PM   
thishereboi


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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:33:07 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSarahTS
Instinct is good but technology can help make it better.


I agree only that if someone doesn't believe and they run the check, it's saved me some time.

I understand wanting to be careful but, frankly, one of the reasons I'm so object to these checks is one of the reasons certain people object so strongly to safewords.

They create a false sense of security. Murders, beatings, rapes, molestations, the "big crap" go unsolved for years often enough that I can not regard these checks as effective tools to protect myself from the big worries.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:33:23 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		It boils down to the fact that I would not meet anyone with a criminal history.

Period.

Since I am at present deliriously happy with manthing, the point is moot. I'm just sayin', if I were talking to a new prospect today, the background check would be the first hurdle he'd have to jump over.

Having worked 14 years in law enforcement, I believe it's a pretty good indicator of past offenses. In My experience, it's just too easy to dial 911 today and if there's been a problem with alcohol or family violence someone will have dialed 911.

Neighbors hearing a fight and screaming next door will dial 911 at the drop of a hat today.

If there's evidence of violence when the law arrives at a mandatory response 911 call, then there's probably been an arrest whether the significant other reported anything or not.

First hurdle he has to jump over. I've always required a background check.

I don't care in the least whether you approve or not.

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 2/13/2010 12:37:19 PM >

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:33:44 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Who checks the checkers?

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:35:43 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		If you'll read, you'll find I never encouraged you to meet anyone with a criminal history.

I raised the point of not every criminal exists in the system and therefore I don't see the point. So you weed out the ones who got caught. I'm more worried about the ones who haven't been caught and haven't turned themselves in.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TexasMaam)
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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:37:08 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I am no longer a junkie. I wouldn't steal a nickel from the sidewalk. If Master had done a background check on me, he'd have gotten some (perhaps) factually correct information but he wouldn't have gotten diddly on what the real circumstances were. Oh He did get them but from me. He made the choice to believe me and trust that I'm not that thieving junkie anymore. He chose wisely. Not all of us are perfect and some of us have gotten caught and "paid" for our mistakes. Some haven't. Nothing's gonna show up in a background check on someone who's savvy enough to not get caught.............luci


I have used drugs in the past... I never hide it if asked, but it is so long ago I do not even think about it. I never received treatment, I just quit when asked to by my mother. I do not have a record, but I was bad off enough that it was apparent to all who loved me that something was terribly wrong in my life... my point is this would not come up in a records search. I worked full time and paid my bills, everything in my life on paper looked legit when on the inside it was crumbling. And even if it was on my record, what would it say about who I am today? Nothing


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(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:39:48 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

A background check will tell Me whether they have any history of arrest for family violence, intoxication, DUI, drugs, theft, burglary, even simpler things like hot check writing or worse crimes such as sexual offenses or offenses against minors. I won't even meet someone with anything on their record more serious than a traffic ticket. End of story. From that point forward it depends on references, personal history, too many things to list here that can or will be dealbreakers. A background check is a must just to proceed to the point where we begin to communicate one on one. I don't care if that burglary, hot check, family violence, sexual predation or other violation was 20 years ago or not, it renders the potential a non contender for Me. If the potential is 'not in the system' then at least he doesn't have that background to start with.

A body can't get a job today without a background check. I would never meet someone real time who wouldn't give Me the same permissions he'd check off on a job application.

TM


All unreliable if they've never been caught.  On the other hand you've shown you don't even trust your instincts and/or think you don't need to if the BGC is clean.  To me that puts you potentially in harm's way.  That little voice we all have is never wrong, imo it's the way to go.


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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:41:46 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

All unreliable if they've never been caught.


Exactly, which is why getting to know their friends and family... pretty telling! If they have none, that is even more of a red flag.


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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:42:39 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I trust My instincts. I also trust My judgement.

Ergo, if he tells me I can't run a BGC, I tell him thanks but no thanks.

That's part of using My instincts AND My judgement.

And I believe I made it clear that personal references and life history would come next.

After a background check.

That's My perogative.

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 2/13/2010 12:44:28 PM >

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:43:21 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

They create a false sense of security. Murders, beatings, rapes, molestations, the "big crap" go unsolved for years often enough that I can not regard these checks as effective tools to protect myself from the big worries.


Very true...if the guy who went on me as a kid would still be alive I am quite sure you would not find anything on his check...so you could happily date him and even move in with him, unaware of it that - if you would have kids - they are potentially in danger...

therefore I prefer my gut and my eyes and on top of that, people can change...and I prefer to do my own opinion about situations and about people and don't want others to do that for me.

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:44:31 PM   
MissSarahTS


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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Who checks the checkers?



The checkee

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 12:45:12 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I trust My instincts. I also trust My judgement.

Ergo, if he tells me I can't run a BGC, I tell him thanks but no thanks.

That's part of using My instincts AND My judgement.

It is My perogative.

TM


Agreed. However, surely you can agree that there is a difference between a potential going "You can't run it" and someone saying "You can, you have the information to do so but I think it's a red flag in our relationship that you feel you have to."

ETA - My point is that there are mutiple reasons a person would be disturbed by a romantic interest running a check and not all of them having anything to do with hiding their past.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/13/2010 12:46:09 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 60
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