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The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:08:17 PM

HisSweetElysium

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Joined: 11/12/2009
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I mentioned a while back I was considering going to the Fetish Flea in my area. Master took me yesterday and well, it was not really what I was expecting in some ways. I found people to be sort of standoffish and not very friendly. There wasn't much opportunity to actually socially interact with people; we went to one workshop on bondage and it was really just a few people showing off their skills, no practical how to at all.

At one point they asked for volunteers and Master sent me, and the girl doing the rigging would hardly look at me. I tried to make conversation with her, hell even introduce myself, and it was not received well. They mentioned running a separate event next month, and I went up to the organizer and asked if I could help in some way, and was pretty much rebuffed with "help by buying a ticket."

Master also got some nasty looks from ppl, I assume b/c of the way He was dressed (street clothes, jeans, button down and a blazer) there was no stated dress code though. Sort of weird to be judged at such an event.

The only people who were nice to us really were the vendors, and a few people I had arranged to meet there that I already knew which struck me as really odd. I go to the grocery store and people are more friendly to me. It felt very insular and clicky to me, which, honestly, seems a bit high school. Master said hello to a few people He had met at play parties before He and I met, and they looked at him strangely and acted really uncomfortable. It wasn't like He walked up and said "Hi I've seen you naked" or something rude, He's very polite.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I expected. My sense of community at events like this tends to be a jam band hippie thing, (my background) where people are friendly, kind and outgoing. I guess that's what I expected, and really was surprised to find different.

Or maybe I'm projecting? I don't know, I was nervous, but got there and felt pretty comfortable. Anyway, other people who have had experiences like this, I'd love to hear about it, even if it's just to say I'm projecting, LOL!

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

Post #: 1

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:11:42 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Nope, I've experinced clickish cold and unfriendly people at events too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

nyway, other people who have had experiences like this, I'd love to hear about it, even if it's just to say I'm projecting, LOL!

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 2

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:19:12 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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Wow, that sucks.

They probably hate you because you're beautiful. Small-minded people. That's too bad. I damn sure hate it for ya.

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RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:22:46 PM

Valyraen

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Joined: 2/14/2007
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Huh, that's really odd, in my experience. Every time that we've gone to events - play parties, munches, even a fetish faire in Charlotte - folks have been really friendly and welcoming. Of course, that could be because I'm going with Kitten, and it's nearly impossible to be standoffish around her.

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RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:23:50 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

The events i went to in NYC over the years were like this as well - with a couple of different organizations. And i'm a very outgoing and social person, i make friends easily everywhere - my ex Master called me his "Social Representative." So i too always wondered why people weren't more friendly, or at the least, interactive on a basic level.

What i came up with is that this is such an intimate and varied existence we all have in D/s, M/s, Owner/property, Top/Bottom, 24/7/Bedroom, etc. etc. etc. - it just puts people more on their guard. Add to that the fact that everyone tends to have different (often high) expectations, and that there are people out there who are judgmental and believe that they know "the one true way" and well, this sort of "icy" behavior seems to be what happens.

It is a bit sad. At one point during an event we were at my ex locked me in a cage in the public dungeon space that was supposed to make me available to all to touch, poke with sharp thingies, whatever, and i was completely ignored by everyone but him - i'm not unattractive or difficult on the eyes.....it seemed as if everyone was just there for their own scene, and nothing else. And it made us very uncomfortable about interacting with others in supposed public play spaces as well.....you just didn't know what to do.

Also, as a slave, there are many who won't talk with me, for a variety of reasons. There are so many opinions about how a slave should be treated by the "general public", i decided to just be happy and accept however someone chose to treat me at the time, whether it was as a "nothing" or as a friend, or anything in between. i'm ok with however others choose to view me and their perceived role for me, as i know my purpose, it is my Owner's pleasure, and as long as he's pleased with me then no other opinions matter.

So my ex Master and i, we stopped going, and i have not gone to any by myself since. My new Owner isn't much interested in them either, so i don't foresee him taking me, but you never know, whatever he wants.

i think it's just like anything else in life, be happy, true to yourself, and authentic, and follow the path that is right for you in which you are led, and the connections with others will just follow.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 5

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:28:06 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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NOTE TO SELF - I need to get out of the house and explore BDSM community events.

I'm afraid, I rather much treat most events I go to or have gone too like a Jam Band event. In fact much of my socialization skills with people in public developed as the result of playing in a band.

In regards to this, I have noticed certain coldness of attitudes with IT/computer/business events even. Where people are a little uptight. However, they generally tend to melt some when treated warmly like they are attending a hippie jam band event.

I've been to a few workshops, however they were rather small and the group of people were pretty social with one another. The atmosphere was rather a bit like a Kinky Boy/Girl Scout meeting.

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RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:28:34 PM

HisSweetElysium

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Joined: 11/12/2009
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Thanks to all who are chiming in. Valyraen maybe it's a southern thing? I heard you have great hospitality :) I had a similar experience to this actually at a goth festival I went to, a girl actually walked up and tried to pick a fight with me "nice tattoos want to fight?" I was absolutely speechless (which is no small feat with me) and ended up stammering "ummm no?" I didn't even look at her until she walked up to me, and then, like I usually do, smiled at her, at least until she said that!

As far as being beautiful, there were definitely people far more eye catching than me/us there. Though we are really happy and love each other a great deal, and that is always beautiful, seems sad to be nasty to ppl because of that though. :(

Just leaves me not in a huge rush to do this again unfortunately!

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to Valyraen)

Post #: 7

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:28:55 PM

DarkSteven

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Some places are like that. Some are a lot better.

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Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:36:52 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

What i came up with is that this is such an intimate and varied existence we all have in D/s, M/s, Owner/property, Top/Bottom, 24/7/Bedroom, etc. etc. etc. - it just puts people more on their guard. Add to that the fact that everyone tends to have different (often high) expectations, and that there are people out there who are judgmental and believe that they know "the one true way" and well, this sort of "icy" behavior seems to be what happens.

Also, as a slave, there are many who won't talk with me, for a variety of reasons. There are so many opinions about how a slave should be treated by the "general public", i decided to just be happy and accept however someone chose to treat me at the time, whether it was as a "nothing" or as a friend, or anything in between. i'm ok with however others choose to view me and their perceived role for me, as i know my purpose, it is my Owner's pleasure, and as long as he's pleased with me then no other opinions matter.

UniqueRaven these are AWESOME points and I'm so glad you responded. It casts things in a very different light for me. I am so used to operating as ME in these types of situations, and having ppl respond to me, it never occurred to me that it was inappropriate in this context for ppl to do so. I guess I'm like you, a complete social ambassador (Master loves this about me) happily chatting away with anyone and everyone, making friends really easily. I am apparently really dense, LOL.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
i think it's just like anything else in life, be happy, true to yourself, and authentic, and follow the path that is right for you in which you are led, and the connections with others will just follow.

the sagest advice of all, thank you!!

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 9

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:37:56 PM

Valyraen

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Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

Completely side-stepping that "southern hospitality" groaner... it could be, but I'm not so sure. I place the blame squarely at Kitten's feet - she'll bound right up to someone that neither of us have ever met before with this absolutely enormous, utterly infectious smile, wave so hard her whole upper body shakes, and go, "Hi!!!"

The girl's like a living, breathing ice-breaker.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 10

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:38:08 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

NOTE TO SELF - I need to get out of the house and explore BDSM community events.

I'm afraid, I rather much treat most events I go to or have gone too like a Jam Band event. In fact much of my socialization skills with people in public developed as the result of playing in a band.

In regards to this, I have noticed certain coldness of attitudes with IT/computer/business events even. Where people are a little uptight. However, they generally tend to melt some when treated warmly like they are attending a hippie jam band event.

I've been to a few workshops, however they were rather small and the group of people were pretty social with one another. The atmosphere was rather a bit like a Kinky Boy/Girl Scout meeting.

Maybe I should try something smaller, more like a munch rather than a convention, that might be easier. Either that or bring brownies to share

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 11

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:39:31 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

Kim and I have experienced a bit of that also, the sort of clannishness, or cool reserve of some there. And yes Raven makes a good point about how people tend to have their guard up, when exposing so intimate a part of their personality in public.

I had similar experiences in the swing scene years ago, where you would think men would be voraciously forward, but in most cases the men are timid, shy and reserved.
Mostly because (in my opinion) they were nervous about stepping out of line and being banished, or worse, having a girl reject them. Its tough when a girl says she will do every guy in the room....except you.

So even in a venue dedicated to free expression and liberty of kink, people tend to be a bit hesitant, guarded.

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 12

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:39:40 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

Thanks to all who are chiming in. Valyraen maybe it's a southern thing? I heard you have great hospitality :)

There could be some merit to this. While i really, really dislike labeling regions of the country - some of the nicest people i've ever met and some of my closest friends are in Brooklyn and Queens - i will say that my experiences with clubs in Austin have been much more friendly. Typically more of a bring-a-covered-dish-to-the-potluck-at-the-dungeon-to-share-with-friends-and-socialize kind of atmosphere. (Now there's a sentence!)

Really nice people here.

Hm, and why am i thinking of Paula Deen all of a sudden? Picturing her as a Domme in fetishwear......with a stick of butter. hee hee!

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

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RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:40:22 PM

HisSweetElysium

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Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Valyraen

Completely side-stepping that "southern hospitality" groaner... it could be, but I'm not so sure. I place the blame squarely at Kitten's feet - she'll bound right up to someone that neither of us have ever met before with this absolutely enormous, utterly infectious smile, wave so hard her whole upper body shakes, and go, "Hi!!!"

The girl's like a living, breathing ice-breaker.

aww I'm sorry, I messed with Texas once and found it to be a charming place. Then again, it was Austin...

I dunno people tend to enjoy chatting me up too, in fact, almost to a fault, something about me projects "come hang out and chat with me!" or something. Me and Aqua probably shouldn't hang out, LOL.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to Valyraen)

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RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:42:02 PM

HisSweetElysium

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Joined: 11/12/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i will say that my experiences with clubs in Austin have been much more friendly. Typically more of a bring-a-covered-dish-to-the-potluck-at-the-dungeon-to-share-with-friends-and-socialize kind of atmosphere. (Now there's a sentence!)

Really nice people here.

HA! and I just cited austin, I'd love to mess with your fine city again!!!

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 15

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:43:06 PM

HisSweetElysium

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Status: offline

maybe I should just bring my kinky self to more of my jam band music festivals, LOL everything seems to be "all good" there even the naked guy.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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Post #: 16

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:46:00 PM

Valyraen

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Are you kidding? People like you and her are half the reason I go to events - I'm a bit of an introvert, so I tend to withdraw a little in public when I don't know someone. The two of you would probably get along like a building on fire (I've never been able to understand where the hell that expression came from) - 'course, she'd probably be drooling over your tattoos, which are lovely, by the way.

_____________________________

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There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 17

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:47:40 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i will say that my experiences with clubs in Austin have been much more friendly. Typically more of a bring-a-covered-dish-to-the-potluck-at-the-dungeon-to-share-with-friends-and-socialize kind of atmosphere. (Now there's a sentence!)

Really nice people here.

HA! and I just cited austin, I'd love to mess with your fine city again!!!

And i'll be ultimately heading your direction - my new Owner is about an hour away from Boston.

Yay!

Edited to add** i just read your other response above - i'm glad my thoughts were helpful to you. Big hugs and your pictures really are gorgeous!! i hope we get to see more....

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 2/14/2010 3:50:44 PM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 18

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:48:44 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I'm sorry that was your experience. If you don't mind, I'd like to chime in here and say that not all events are like that. I've yet to go to any group or event that I haven't felt that I've received a good welcome, even in places that I've never been before.

Two things I do want to mention. One is, in the South, there is a great amount of hospitality. I've met some of the same people that Val has (not him personally, unfortunately) and I can absolutely vouch for the fact that they are very friendly people. I miss quite a few of them since I moved.

On the thing about cliques, yes, that happens sometimes, but you also have to see it from the other way around. Sometimes, there are folks who only get to see certain friends at an organized event. It may have been a month or more since they've had a chance to catch up with each other and enjoy each other's company. It's not so much that they are ignoring you. It's more the fact that they are anxious to talk with folks that they have known for some time.

Whoops. Make it three things. LOL. There are also folks out there like Me who happen to be high protocol people, even if it's not a high protocol event. As a Dominant woman, I'm not going to approach a collared s type unless I can speak with the s type's Dominant as well. Many people implement high protocol only at such events and I tend to take the safe road in those situations.

I would actually suggest that you try again. Give it more than one try to get to know people and let them get to know you. In most cases, people are more welcoming and friendly with those that they see on multiple occasions, rather than a singular occurance.

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Post #: 19

RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 2/14/2010 3:49:20 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

:) I mentioned to her a few days ago that I thought her profile pic of the two of you was an actual comic book image from viewing the thumbnail. I think we are friends for life now

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to Valyraen)

Post #: 20

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