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RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/15/2010 6:31:37 PM

kushiels

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

There are ways to find time to contact you. No matter how busy someone is you can't tell me that they do not have 2 min to jot an email, make a call, text, etc. If only to tell you that they are busy and will contact you soon. Being busy doesn't make your hands fall off so that you are unable to push buttons on a keyboard or phone or take away your voice. You've been very patient waiting for a month for him to become less busy and if he can't tell you anything specific as to why he's busy...just that he's busy...he just doesn't want to play any more and it's difficult for him to end it. Or he's seeing if the new thing is panning out first before letting you go. In my experience, I've rarely had a guy be up front to break things off with me...they just disappear.

So his non-response IS a response. He's telling you he doesn't want to engage with you or spend time with you anymore. A man will pursue something that he wants, if he doesn't make time for it anymore then he's not wanting it anymore. I'm sorry and I've been on the receiving end of this before and it sucks. All you can do is pick yourself up and move on. The good thing is that you are in the minority here on CM, female s types are in demand. There are a lot of men out there that would and will appreciate having you in their life. Take time to grieve, try to figure out what happened so if at all possible you can avoid being hurt again and then get out there and take an active role in looking around.

I'm sorry for his spinelessness...not very Masterly is it? If he were all he billed himself to be by calling himself a Master he'd own up to things and see that its not in your best interest to be strung along and tell you what was up here. Be grateful that you saw his true colors and left the situation before it went any longer.

QFT--especially the part about being busy doesn't make your hands fall off.

Kaiel has made a good point here, too--3 hours in 3 months? Not too much to miss, even. Time to move on, and find something actually worthwhile.

_____________________________

"Whose my domly dom? Huh? Whose my domly dom?"
~AquaticSub

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 21

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/15/2010 7:13:47 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: estilore
For about 3 months now...i may have talked with him a total of 3 hours in that time

estilore,

I have empathy for what you're going through, and you are not way off base. Communication time is important for any relationship regardless if it's long distance or real time. I wish to express another option you may have, and that's to simply step back and place more focus on your real time life. Stepping back does not mean you have to end things completely with him. However, it gives things some space for you and him to both put things into proper perspective. It's apparent he's stepped back for whatever reason(s).

At times, it's wise to put decisions on hold for a bit, and to step back and distance yourself a little. Give yourself a little more time to reflect, and simply wait and see what happens.

It's rather difficult for any of us to access what's he's become so wrapped up in with his real time life. However, it's apparent his actions are speaking louder and louder with each passing day.

You can step back (detaching yourself from the deeper aspects of D/s, and lowering your own expectations for while) and see what happens in the next month or so. You can simply move on with life and tell him it's over, which also involves detachment.

You can also choose to hang in there with your whole heart and dedication as well. I have a friend of mine which did just this, for a little over 6 months, she held onto things with hope. However, she focused a lot of time and energy upon self-improvement. Going to the Gym and doing things to improve herself. She made a number of significant life changes as well. However, this involved her stepping back and placing the focus upon herself, and less upon him. She waited things out and it turned out exceptionally well for her.

So, it's hard for anybody to fully give you the true advice you need. The only advice I sincerely know is good, is for you to step back. Place less emphasis and focus upon him. You may find yourself stepping back more and more, until things just simply fade. Again, it's rather hard to give good rock solid advice.

I'm just laying out some options that you have, things to think about.

Be Well, and I sincerely wish you luck

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to estilore)

Post #: 22

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/15/2010 8:05:21 PM

estilore

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: estilore
For about 3 months now...i may have talked with him a total of 3 hours in that time

estilore,

I have empathy for what you're going through, and you are not way off base. Communication time is important for any relationship regardless if it's long distance or real time. I wish to express another option you may have, and that's to simply step back and place more focus on your real time life. Stepping back does not mean you have to end things completely with him. However, it gives things some space for you and him to both put things into proper perspective. It's apparent he's stepped back for whatever reason(s).

At times, it's wise to put decisions on hold for a bit, and to step back and distance yourself a little. Give yourself a little more time to reflect, and simply wait and see what happens.

It's rather difficult for any of us to access what's he's become so wrapped up in with his real time life. However, it's apparent his actions are speaking louder and louder with each passing day.

You can step back (detaching yourself from the deeper aspects of D/s, and lowering your own expectations for while) and see what happens in the next month or so. You can simply move on with life and tell him it's over, which also involves detachment.

You can also choose to hang in there with your whole heart and dedication as well. I have a friend of mine which did just this, for a little over 6 months, she held onto things with hope. However, she focused a lot of time and energy upon self-improvement. Going to the Gym and doing things to improve herself. She made a number of significant life changes as well. However, this involved her stepping back and placing the focus upon herself, and less upon him. She waited things out and it turned out exceptionally well for her.

So, it's hard for anybody to fully give you the true advice you need. The only advice I sincerely know is good, is for you to step back. Place less emphasis and focus upon him. You may find yourself stepping back more and more, until things just simply fade. Again, it's rather hard to give good rock solid advice.

I'm just laying out some options that you have, things to think about.

Be Well, and I sincerely wish you luck

Thank You Whiplash. This is what i have decided to do at the moment. TO self improve myself and step back from the situation. thank you for the calmness in Your reply i appreciate it.

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 23

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/15/2010 8:18:38 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Since you are in California and he is in Kansas, I assume this relationship has been completely online? Honestly, it shouldn't be that difficult to get over given you haven't ever met and he has spoken to you for a whole 3 hours in 3 months. That isn't even enough time to get to know someone well enough for them to claim ownership or you to accept it. Add to that he doesn't even have you on his "friends" list and it all seems a little suspect to me. I honestly think that you should let it go. Stop contacting him (it doesn't sound as if he will even notice) and then find someone real to call yours. Someone who will meet you in person and that you can spend some quality time with. Don't you think enough of yourself to believe you deserve that?

(in reply to estilore)

Post #: 24

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/15/2010 8:56:59 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, I looked at your profile and you have a lot to offer. 'Tain't right that it not be used.

Believe me, you'll find another Dom easily when you're ready.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 25

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 12:10:44 AM

elleX

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline

Hello estilore,
it seem that the bunch of aswers you had says it all,
i can only also see that you and him are NOT on the same level,,, and there is no sign that it is going to change,,
good luck ,,
elleX

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 26

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 3:00:32 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

From a guys point of view on something another guy said let me make this as absolutely clear as I can for you.

Never in my life have I been to busy to make a 5 minute phone call to say good night or good morning.

Never in my life have I not made it a point to contact someone that I cared about.

Never in my life have I been in a relationship that could last for 3 months without there being some form of committed contact.

I would ask you if your Master asks of you anything from sexually explicit e-mails, pictures or web cam. If so and it did not happen I think it is clear why that is.

If you are as far away as you are and the contact is this minimal I would assume that this man has no intention of making it real time, I know from all the LD relationships that DIDN'T work there was no real commitment, and from every one that DID work there are massive ammounts of communication.

What does your relationship have too much of and what does it not have enough of and in the end how long are you willing to give this person who isn't willing to give yo more than an hour a month?

He's a sorry excuse for a Man let alone a Dominant. My thought is you could swing a cat in a barn and hit someone more willing and able to step up and do right by you.

That is unless you want to be treated like shit and in that case I think this catch is a dreamboat.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to elleX)

Post #: 27

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 6:07:55 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

i need a cup of coffee

< Message edited by osf -- 2/16/2010 6:23:32 AM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 28

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 6:21:25 AM

badlilthang

Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

My thought is you could swing a cat in a barn and hit someone more willing and able to step up and do right by you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

quickly gathering my 3 cats - chuckles - and agrees with what QSM said. 1 hour pr. month - no mentioning of owning You anywhere - but many other fem friends showing - how you can call him master, is a puzzle to me...but i think you knew a long time ago this was not what you hoped it to be. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

Also a thought - what would be a natural dealbreaker in any other relationship (vanilla - marriage) - seems to be "ok to accept" when one part slaps master in front of his name. Sad...

_____________________________

.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)

Post #: 29

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 6:24:29 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

From a guys point of view on something another guy said let me make this as absolutely clear as I can for you.

Never in my life have I been to busy to make a 5 minute phone call to say good night or good morning.

Never in my life have I not made it a point to contact someone that I cared about.

Never in my life have I been in a relationship that could last for 3 months without there being some form of committed contact.

I would ask you if your Master asks of you anything from sexually explicit e-mails, pictures or web cam. If so and it did not happen I think it is clear why that is.

If you are as far away as you are and the contact is this minimal I would assume that this man has no intention of making it real time, I know from all the LD relationships that DIDN'T work there was no real commitment, and from every one that DID work there are massive ammounts of communication.

What does your relationship have too much of and what does it not have enough of and in the end how long are you willing to give this person who isn't willing to give yo more than an hour a month?

He's a sorry excuse for a Man let alone a Dominant. My thought is you could swing a cat in a barn and hit someone more willing and able to step up and do right by you.

That is unless you want to be treated like shit and in that case I think this catch is a dreamboat.

QSM

Thank you QSM for this answer.

I posted earlier but also wanted to add that my partner and I live about 1 1/2 hrs away and don't get to see each other all that often for various reasons- maybe once a week or every other week. He is very busy with work and various family commitments but he always finds the time to contact me several times a day. A quick note on IM, an email, a call, etc. We both know it's important and it's a priority for us to make the contact even if it's just to say hello. We celebrated our one year anniversary of being together this last Sunday, it takes some commitment to make things work even if you live in the same state but like QSM said there is always time for a 5 min phone call.

It's been pointed out several times already that you have a lot to offer someone who will appreciate it and not neglect you. Don't settle for less. If an old woman such as myself can find several good prospects here on this site back when I was looking then so can you

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)

Post #: 30

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 10:46:51 AM

CelticNightmare

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2010
Status: offline

Um,this is why long distance is generally a bad idea.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 31

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 1:38:47 PM

redwoodgirl

Posts: 243
Joined: 1/10/2009
Status: offline

estilore,
You less than a half hour away from me, contact me on the other side
and we can get together sometime if youd like

Blessings!

_____________________________

The thing about music is, when it hits you, you feel no pain- Bob Marley

The treehugger formerly known as Domahpet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMnjF1O4eH0

''ahhhh you gonna take me home tonight....''

(in reply to CelticNightmare)

Post #: 32

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 1:44:07 PM

Luckbunny

Posts: 35
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

Op,

Ugh. I've gone through something similar and it was HELL. If you need to message me feel free. I know how much it can suck, but I was an idiot hard head and stuck with the bastard for near 2 years. The last straw was when he ignored me over Christmas. Yeeeeah. New year's resolution was to dump his ass. Magically he showed up after being "gone" for 2 weeks to block me on all messengers not an hour after I wrote him a "Dear John" email.

I gave myself -hell- for months afterward for letting myself get pulled into a situation like that where I felt like hell constantly, not good enough, not smart enough, after all everyone else's boyfriend wanted to spend time with them, but mine seemed to only want me when we broke up, or when he was feeling lonely. Then suddenly he loved me and couldn't live without me...then he ignored me for weeks again. I mean -really-, I was the dumbass not him. He gave me all the signals in the world that he was a loser and I ignored them because I loved him. I had to let that self-hatred go though, and let him go with it. It was WORLDS better afterward, and I found a much better man.

So, er. I'm a little bit bitter still. But the POINT was supposed to be that I've been through it and I empathize entirely. And such. Ahem. I'll shush now.

(in reply to redwoodgirl)

Post #: 33

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 2:10:53 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

I've also been there when I was younger,

keep your chin up hun, you are worth more

(in reply to Luckbunny)

Post #: 34

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 5:23:30 PM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: estilore

What do you do when you feel like you are not wanted anymore by Your Master...and every conversation You try having with Him he is always too busy to handle... when before he would? though i ask him this he says it is not true and that he is just buys with RT life ( Which i understand completely) But to me His actions speak louder then his words. am i right to think this way or am i totally off base?

Somewhere around, oh 10 years ago I ran across a delightful little submissive girl, ok she was 26, but hell, I was 40, so girl fits, who asked me the same question.

Said Dom had initially been quite attentive, seemed very domly and they enjoyed much online time. They finally met. Dom laid down rules, fucked her a few times, and declared himself her trainer. She accepted all of it because, hell, he was a dom and the first to strike those nerves in her. So she gladly consented.

Time goes by. 8, 9 months. Contact drops to a drivel then essentially disappears. He makes an appearance here and there when he wants something, mostly sex. Even then, he didn't want it much. Here and there means like once in three months. In the meantime, she has a set of rules to live by. She has to forego the one about not pissing until she has permission because, well, she can't reach him to get it. At the time she contacted me, she had almost no contact with him in 2-3 months. Maybe an occasional IM, a couple of one-liner responses to the daily emails she wrote.

Now get this, they lived in the same city. He was actively seeking submissives too. She said, I belong to him. I said, so does his dogs. In terms of feeding, they're alive and a part of you is dying. Figure out your place on the totem pole and decide if it is a place you want to inhabit. If not, move. He gave up whatever right and interest he had a long time ago.

_____________________________

--'Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform' - Mark Twain

(in reply to estilore)

Post #: 35

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 5:51:25 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

3 hours in 3 months? Yeah I would have been gone a looong time ago.

Sorry if he's that busy with his life he's too busy for a relationship. I would walk away and tell him then maybe someday when his life isn't so busy maybe look me up again and we'll see what happens.

Until then I suggest he figures out what's most important in his life right now and that you move on to someone who has time for you.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 36

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/16/2010 6:09:54 PM

sweetboundesire

Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline

personally, he seems like a piss poor Dom.

I really have no clue to what your attention level was that you got from him before this.
that info would be useful.

for me, it would be "say la ve!"

you have a beautiful ass and other nice attributes.
Why are you so wrapped up in this man who is very very very far away
and so terrible at communication?

What does he give you that keeps you hanging around?

Cocaine?

lol....just wondering

_____________________________

and every broken line seems to have a particular design~
and the universe can only expand.
gotta pocket full of dreams and cash in my hand.
and i know, money ain't real...

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 37

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/17/2010 8:09:16 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: estilore

What do you do when you feel like you are not wanted anymore by Your Master...and every conversation You try having with Him he is always too busy to handle... when before he would? though i ask him this he says it is not true and that he is just buys with RT life ( Which i understand completely) But to me His actions speak louder then his words. am i right to think this way or am i totally off base?

From where I sit, it looks like either he has lost interest in you, or he is just a piss poor dominant. The excuse that" life" gets in the way it total hogwash. Life with its issues will always be here and if he can't handle both, he needs to release you so that you have the opportunity to find someone who can

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to estilore)

Post #: 38

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/17/2010 3:58:40 PM

Falkenstein

Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Estilore,

The fact of the matter has nothing to do with being a "Master" but about being a gentleman and a gentle man. No good man shows so much carelessness to the woman of his heart, or to any woman for that matter. His behavior is unspeakably disgusting, both callous and cowardly.

Blame his mere existence to the fact that female humans preffered over millenia the mean bastards to the good guys and try to improve the gene pool by looking for a caring nice dominant man (sounds unsexy doesn'it?)

Not being on your continent I can only wish you good luck and not ask you for a date, but I am sure that you mailbox is no overflowing with invitations.

Have fun

Henry

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to estilore)

Post #: 39

RE: How does a girl handle this situation? - 2/17/2010 4:00:57 PM

Falkenstein

Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

I forgot to mention that you have one of the most beautiful voice I ever heard.

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to estilore)

Post #: 40

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