quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

 Does this mean I don't get a trophy?

quote:

ORIGINAL: BLoved

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

quote:

ORIGINAL: BLoved
Indeed. 500 posts to tell me how worthless a human I am.

You put yourself at risk to being judged just like every other person who posts on this message board.

Then I must be really worthless to warrant 500+ posts to declare me so.

And no one need read a word I've written. They need only take the word of those who posted the 500+ posts.

In fact, the less they read of me, the better.

Is that not so, Bear?

quote:

ORIGINAL: BLoved

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

quote:

ORIGINAL: BLoved
Indeed. 500 posts to tell me how worthless a human I am.

You put yourself at risk to being judged just like every other person who posts on this message board.

Then I must be really worthless to warrant 500+ posts to declare me so.

And no one need read a word I've written. They need only take the word of those who posted the 500+ posts.

In fact, the less they read of me, the better.

Is that not so, Bear?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

 Does this mean I don't get a trophy?

Winnie, Of course you get a trophy.  Everyone who posted ANYTHING here gets a trophy.  BLoved has done a crappy job of answering ANY post.  But he has especially ignored (can one do that?  I think not, but I hope you understand me, BLoved) those that are trying to help him gain a better understanding of the world we live in.  Many have invited him, cajoled him, tried to convince him, suggested therapy for him in a brave, but futile effort to help him join us in the much more realistic world most of us live in.

His hurt is obvious.  His grief is extensive.  I was in grief counseling to help me with my grief when my lover of 7+ years died in my arms of AIDS.  And then, within 5 weeks I lost 2 of my closest, nearest and dearest friends - car accident and a heart attack. (How's that for a triple play?) It took me more than four YEARS to complete my grieving process.  The wounds will never heal, and I don't want them to, but I have the pain to the point were it is not all consuming, crippling, and making me literally insane.

I will be the first to defend BLoved's right to grieve at his own pace and in his own way provided he does HAVE a pace.  He is obviously stuck and refuses (All therapists are bull) help.

I can only wish him peace and hope that our sometimes brutally delivered help will make some sort of impact so that he can move away from clinging to "TRUE Love."

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

 Does this mean I don't get a trophy?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

 Does this mean I don't get a trophy?

Winnie, Of course you get a trophy.  Everyone who posted ANYTHING here gets a trophy.

ETA:  I was suggesting trophies to everyone so they'd get OFF this frigging train (of thought.)

BLoved has done a crappy job of answering ANY post.  But he has especially ignored (can one do that?  I think not, but I hope you understand me, BLoved) those that are trying to help him gain a better understanding of the world we live in.  Many have invited him, cajoled him, tried to convince him, suggested therapy for him in a brave, but futile effort to help him join us in the much more realistic world most of us live in.

His hurt is obvious.  His grief is extensive.  I was in grief counseling to help me with my grief when my lover of 7+ years died in my arms of AIDS.  And then, within 5 weeks I lost 2 of my closest, nearest and dearest friends - car accident and a heart attack. (How's that for a triple play?) It took me more than four YEARS to complete my grieving process.  The wounds will never heal, and I don't want them to, but I have the pain to the point were it is not all consuming, crippling, and making me literally insane.

I will be the first to defend BLoved's right to grieve at his own pace and in his own way provided he does HAVE a pace.  He is obviously stuck and refuses (All therapists are bull) help.

I can only wish him peace and hope that our sometimes brutally delivered help will make some sort of impact so that he can move away from clinging to "TRUE Love."

BLoved, I know the comfort of clinging to the past.  I'm NOT suggesting you drop your memories or even your concept of "TRUE Love" (whatever that is....)  I'm suggesting you find a way to allow your loss to color your life, rather than using your loss and grief as a cave you hide in.

Please, please, please.  I beg you, join us in the present without forgetting your past.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: BLoved
It isn't just you, Win.

That's the point.

You joined the group-think, allowed those who don't know better to encourage you through their behaviour to join in.

And you've come to regret it.

I've been watching this all along, understanding exactly what was going on. I've no doubt any reasonably mature, intelligent and responsible adult would see it in a similar light.

That none of you did is a testament to your maturity.

Out of control. This is the issue.

Allowing yourself to lose control speaks to your "personal world view" where you feel entitled to lose control under these conditions.

Shall we compare where you lost control with how I've not lost control, and can we say I've been given far more reason in this thread than you?

Have any of you acknowledged this accomplishment? Should I hold my breath?

~smile~

I don't do this to impress anyone ... I do it because I respect myself too much to lose control of my behaviour, regardless of the provocation.

Nonetheless, to the mature mind, this feat cannot be overlooked, nor the fact that none of you have done as much.

If you cannot maintain control over yourselves in public, it is fair to wonder what are the odds you do better in private where no one can witness the abuse aside from the victim.

After all, your "personal world view" allows you to join in with the group-think to mock someone's sexual identity in public.

This is what you did, this is who you are.

First, I don't absolve myself of responsibility for my actions.  To agree with your statement that my behavior transpired because I was "encouraged" by group think, would be a cowardly way of fostering my responsibility for my own behavior onto others.

quote:


If it satisfies your sadistic pleasures to continue to chastise me for attention, you  have my consent.  Knock yourself out. 

quote:


However, address me, address my behaviors.  I'm not at liberty to speak for others.

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ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
Please, please, please.  I beg you, join us in the present without forgetting your past.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I'f I am what I do...does that make me a penis? .....

WinD
Enquiring mind

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
My best wishes for a healthy happy life, BLoved.

Lance, stop!  Just stop.....

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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
May you have all you desire and deserve, Bob.

WinD

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

 Does this mean I don't get a trophy?

Winnie, Of course you get a trophy.  Everyone who posted ANYTHING here gets a trophy.  BLoved has done a crappy job of answering ANY post.  But he has especially ignored (can one do that?  I think not, but I hope you understand me, BLoved) those that are trying to help him gain a better understanding of the world we live in.  Many have invited him, cajoled him, tried to convince him, suggested therapy for him in a brave, but futile effort to help him join us in the much more realistic world most of us live in.

His hurt is obvious.  His grief is extensive.  I was in grief counseling to help me with my grief when my lover of 7+ years died in my arms of AIDS.  And then, within 5 weeks I lost 2 of my closest, nearest and dearest friends - car accident and a heart attack. (How's that for a triple play?) It took me more than four YEARS to complete my grieving process.  The wounds will never heal, and I don't want them to, but I have the pain to the point were it is not all consuming, crippling, and making me literally insane.

I will be the first to defend BLoved's right to grieve at his own pace and in his own way provided he does HAVE a pace.  He is obviously stuck and refuses (All therapists are bull) help.

I can only wish him peace and hope that our sometimes brutally delivered help will make some sort of impact so that he can move away from clinging to "TRUE Love."

BLoved, I know the comfort of clinging to the past.  I'm NOT suggesting you drop your memories or even your concept of "TRUE Love" (whatever that is....)  I'm suggesting you find a way to allow your loss to color your life, rather than using your loss and grief as a cave you hide in.

Please, please, please.  I beg you, join us in the present without forgetting your past.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BLoved

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: BLoved
It isn't just you, Win.

That's the point.

You joined the group-think, allowed those who don't know better to encourage you through their behaviour to join in.

And you've come to regret it.

I've been watching this all along, understanding exactly what was going on. I've no doubt any reasonably mature, intelligent and responsible adult would see it in a similar light.

That none of you did is a testament to your maturity.

Out of control. This is the issue.

Allowing yourself to lose control speaks to your "personal world view" where you feel entitled to lose control under these conditions.

Shall we compare where you lost control with how I've not lost control, and can we say I've been given far more reason in this thread than you?

Have any of you acknowledged this accomplishment? Should I hold my breath?

~smile~

I don't do this to impress anyone ... I do it because I respect myself too much to lose control of my behaviour, regardless of the provocation.

Nonetheless, to the mature mind, this feat cannot be overlooked, nor the fact that none of you have done as much.

If you cannot maintain control over yourselves in public, it is fair to wonder what are the odds you do better in private where no one can witness the abuse aside from the victim.

After all, your "personal world view" allows you to join in with the group-think to mock someone's sexual identity in public.

This is what you did, this is who you are.

First, I don't absolve myself of responsibility for my actions.  To agree with your statement that my behavior transpired because I was "encouraged" by group think, would be a cowardly way of fostering my responsibility for my own behavior onto others.

I think we are all familiar enough with peer pressure and group-think to know it can influence decisions and behaviour.

I am not suggesting you absolve yourself from the decision to act. I agree you are culpable for that. Nonetheless, I would be remisce if I didn't point out the influences that contributed to that decision.

quote:


If it satisfies your sadistic pleasures to continue to chastise me for attention, you  have my consent.  Knock yourself out. 

You misunderstand. Your responses to my comments to you indicated you didn't fully understand my meaning and intent. I've been trying to clarify.

There was a time when we were on a friendlier basis than this. I was pleased and impressed that it was you to speak out about your own behaviour. But I see your behaviour as part of a larger pattern, the social bonds between posters here and the way in which mutual support and encouragement leads to some pretty disappointing behaviour.

There are many similarities between this and juvenile delinquency/gang mentality.

The limits get blurred as members of the gang try to fit in and achieve status with their peers. One-up-manship plays a role. Who will go the furthest, who dares the most?

Easy to get caught up in that kind of thinking and lose touch with a reality where we are all watching you do this. We don't matter any more. All that matters is the opinion of the gang.

And of course, no one backs down.

That's what makes your post so impressive.

But I think you do yourself a disservice by trying to believe this isn't who you are, what you believe.

You are what you do. Who you will become depends upon what choices you make in the future. Under similar circumstances, will you behave the same, or will you learn from this and behave better?

quote:


However, address me, address my behaviors.  I'm not at liberty to speak for others.

You needn't speak for anyone but yourself.

I, on the other hand, am free to point out how you fit into the larger pattern from my point of view.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
Let's just ALL give him hugs . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: alicenwondrland
The people are not actually there.