LanceHughes
Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BLoved
quote:
ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
Please, please, please. I beg you, join us in the present without forgetting your past.
Lance, I've no idea what you are talking about.
I suggest you put the crystal ball down now ... it's not working so well for you.
I'll try to be clear. First off, that sure is damn insulting, but I'm going to speak to your confusion and NOT rise to your bait. Oh yeah, it's insulting that you even think you can bait me.
"Please, please, please. I beg you,"
The first sentence and the first clause of the 2nd sentence are trying another approach. Up to this point, most approaches have been a little more logical and not so emotional and directly personal as this one tries to be.
"join us"
A clause meant to appeal to your (and our) shared humanity. Instead of singling out the various writers and debating them one by one, you might consider that ALL these posts (whether you realise it or not) have the same underlying theme. Namely:
1) You are perceived as an outcast.
2) especially in your own perception of your self.
And
3) we would welcome you to "join us" instead of clinging to the comfort of your self-imposed, not-very-REAListic world-view.
"in the present"
You are living in the past by most accounts. I have not read all of your profile. I have not read much of your journal. I certainly have not read ANY of your pre-exile posts. But, what I have read dwells almost exclusively in the past. There is no indication of hope for the future. There is not even a hint of where you "are" now. All I see is the past..... maybe I am working a crystal ball.... Nah, I just read the past.
"without forgetting your past."
I'm trying to get you to (as posted above) to understand that grieving can take a long time. BUT at the same time, if you move forward into the present you don't need to forget the past. You continue to dwell on "TRUE Love" which you did have, no doubt, with your wife (and son.) You cling to that Love (with a capital "L") as if you are the only one to discover/define/experience that so-very-deep Love and that the Love you had for her in a sense, allowed the extreme BDSM you enjoyed together. No doubt, your extreme BDSM deepened your relationship, just as "good" BDSM has the capability to do.
Got it?
Summary:
Please, please, please. I beg you, join us in the present without forgetting your past.
"means"
For your own sake, for which I am very concerned (as are others), get some grief counseling which willl help you move forward in your life. That counseling will not suggest/require/mandate that you leave the memories of your TRUE Love Life (with a capital "L") experiences behind.
===========================
I just realized: Men of your age were taught "All therapy is bullshit," and "If you're seeing a therapist you are a really, really mentally ill nutcase." Please look into the possiblity of therapy with an open mind. Things have come a long way, baby. Your fears about therapy (which were well-founded years ago) are now paranoia. Therapy comes in all kinds of flavors and colors. From the lightest "I'd like to talk to someone about what happened to my wife and son" to the most mentally, emotionally, and medically brain-damaged cases.
Gotta go, but I wish you (in those great words of the Episcopal blessing that I grew up hearing) .... I wish you peace and understanding [in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.]
Others have suggested a priest or minister. You might go across town or even down-the-road a piece and ask "to talk to someone about what happened to my wife and son."
Personal regards, Lance Hughes
< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 2/18/2010 1:02:16 PM >
_____________________________
"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong
10 fluffy points
50 nz points
Member: VAA's posse
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RE: A legend returns ... - 
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