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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 10:26:20 AM   
ownedkatt


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

On a side note... laughing at myself that the OP's obliviousness combined with her "you guys are right!" just makes me think the poster is a troll.



im not oblivious. i just dont know what to do. im 18 and confused.

(in reply to Lucienne)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 10:30:20 AM   
ownedkatt


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

My answer is Ya, in the Dungeon's and Dragon's version he still owns you, but if you roll a 17, you're free.


this is the first thing thats made me laugh all day. thanks

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 10:30:50 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		OP,

Just curious and off topic...is there a reason why you have no profile/have your profile hidden?



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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 10:30:56 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

i have asked how i can serve Him better, at which point He gets annoyed and says that i should already know. He knows saying goodbye, or bye, hurts me, but He doesnt leave. He will stop talking to me for a few days, but then He will come back. the time between though is getting longer and longer..



actually, sometimes I am wondering if that tactic is used from guys who want to draw an end but don't want to be "the bad guy", a la if I ignore or neglect her, then at some point she will leave me and so she can't blame me for having dumped her, as it was her who left. That way he would have achieved what he wanted, to end it, but also no need to feel any blame for it not having worked out as "he" did nothing wrong as it was you who walked away...

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 2/18/2010 10:31:49 AM >

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(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 10:31:22 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

My answer is Ya, in the Dungeon's and Dragon's version he still owns you, but if you roll a 17, you're free.

If my slave is even attempting a Will saving throw, there's already an indication of something being amiss...which probably means I need to recast Charm Person.


_____________________________

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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 10:32:18 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't really think you need our opinions.  What you are looking for is verification.  You already know,  You just want someone to verify what you already think.

Truthfully, I'd be out.  I wouldn't need someone to tell Me multiple times that I wasn't wanted.  It goes the same the other way around for Me.  I told My husband before I ever married him that, if I ever said I want a divorce, I absolutely mean it.  That's not the kind of thing that you say because of some bullshit, immature way of handling things in life.  If that's the kind of childish way that the communications in your dynamic are handled, you might be better off without it until one, or both of you, can grow up.


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(in reply to Phoenixpower)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 10:39:41 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

On a side note... laughing at myself that the OP's obliviousness combined with her "you guys are right!" just makes me think the poster is a troll.



im not oblivious. i just dont know what to do. im 18 and confused.



and so... I think several people have told you what to do... if you are going to listen to others...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 10:40:57 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

quote:

but if He doesnt release me.. isnt He still my Master in some way..?


See, this is exactly the kind of behavior that confuses me and  makes me ask if there is some kind of secret rule book out there floating around.

My answer is Ya, in the Dungeon's and Dragon's version he still owns you, but if you roll a 17, you're free.


very good!



_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 11:36:11 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sakone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt
'Just go away then. Stay in your little hell. Stay far away from Me.'



If a man said that to me, regardless of the power dynamic in the relationship, I'd take him at his word and get the fuck out. This is one of those "guys aren't that complicated" moments. If he's telling you to stay far away from him, stay the fuck far away from him and assume he isn't going to change his mind. It doesn't matter how he got to that place, but once he's communicated to you that he's in that place you're basically engaging in hand-to-buzzsaw combat if you continue relating to the guy.

\

What makes you say that? I have met a couple that the Domme has told this to her sub, and never left. Maybe her leaving like you said would make that buzzsaw combat actually happen. My advice ask him how to better serve him. He more then likely explained it but a refreasher shouldn't hurt to much.



i have asked how i can serve Him better, at which point He gets annoyed and says that i should already know. He knows saying goodbye, or bye, hurts me, but He doesnt leave. He will stop talking to me for a few days, but then He will come back. the time between though is getting longer and longer..



I haven't a clue how you both interact or have been interacting....especially as you've only been together for 6 months and have been having problems for a *few months*....but....

...you've just described, almost word for word a *best end it* relationship typical of one of my young sons. Nothing to do with D/s.

I usually ask ...

*Do you like this?*.
They say *No*.
I say * Okkkkkk then. Do you want to want to give it a bit more time?*
They mostly say * I don't know*
I say *Well, there'll come a point when you DO know*
They say *How will I know?*
I say * When the cost of ending it is worth the pain of not having them around*

Without fail, with each and every one of the 4 of them.......they *knew*. It just took a bit of time for them to get the bollocks to face the *painy* bit.

No advice here really.........but a bit of information: It can be, and is a LOT easier than this. None of this angst is necessary just because it's a D/s relationship.

agirl

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 12:55:05 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

On a side note... laughing at myself that the OP's obliviousness combined with her "you guys are right!" just makes me think the poster is a troll.



im not oblivious. i just dont know what to do. im 18 and confused.



Actually you are oblivious because you are 18. First of all you hook up with someone with Multiple Personalities? Is he in treatment or is this just something he told you? Because if he has this affliction and isn't in treatment, common sense should tell you not to become his slave.

Where did you learn that he must "release" you? In a novel? Did he tell you this? You consented, you remove consent, those are YOUR choices, and he can like it or dislike it, but he can't tell you "no." Even for the people who believe in this whole "release" type of protocol, when things are going as bad as you are describing, that shit no longer flies except for those who are too foolish to choose their own well being over the fantasy.

Look, you are 18 years old, and in all liklihood this is your first lifestyle relationship. Hell, it is probably the first relationship you have had as an adult. Stay away from him, step back and learn a little about yourself and what YOUR needs are in a relationship. Learn the REALITIES of BDSM, not the "Story of O" version. Get to know someone before you commit body and soul to them (which at 18, is meaningless more often than not).

And in the future if any dominant, master, or Dungeons and Dragons expert tells you while you are getting to know each other that he suffers from any type of mental illness and isn't getting treatment or being medicated for such, say "thanks but no thanks." Someone who is not mentally stable can not be counted on to consistently and safely control another.

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 1:05:20 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Katt, someone who cared about you wouldn't treat you that way. He's treating you badly. He's doing it because he can, because you let him. He's pushing you away, and you're not taking the hint. Hell, its not even a hint. He's flat out telling you he doesn't want you around, and you should leave. THAT'S A RELEASE.

He's all fucked up inside, and you won't be able to fix him. Sounds like you've got a rescuer complex. But not everyone can be saved, so you've got to learn to focus your efforts on those whom you can help. 

The first thing to do is save yourself. The point of diminishing returns has been passed. Its past time to be done with him, so that you can focus on yourself. Until you make a clean break, you won't be able to move forward and make progress on your own lack of self-esteem.



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(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 2:16:30 PM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		... but owned , you are on a emotional roller coster , that will drain all your vitality at then end,, this  is emotionnaly dangerous for you,,
some people are like that , they cannot not *endure* intimacy  and proximitiy on a long road  ,,
sad but true

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 2:23:10 PM   
OriginallyFromLA


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

this is the first thing thats made me laugh all day. thanks


Good!! I'm glad you have a sense of humor about it. That means like a lot of people are saying, you know what you need to do, you just don't know if it's "ok".

It's OK.

Remember, you give your Master his power over you. You can take that power back any time and and find someone better. And 18? consider it a learning experience and move on.



_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 2:31:55 PM   
OriginallyFromLA


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

If my slave is even attempting a Will saving throw, there's already an indication of something being amiss...which probably means I need to recast Charm Person.




You guys kill me!

_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 3:01:39 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
And in the future if any dominant, master, or Dungeons and Dragons expert tells you while you are getting to know each other that he suffers from any type of mental illness and isn't getting treatment or being medicated for such, say "thanks but no thanks." Someone who is not mentally stable can not be counted on to consistently and safely control another.


Yes exactly. To be a good Master one first has to Master one's self.

Do you know that Multiple Personality Disorder is no longer even considered a diagnosis?  Any professional therapist would have given him a different diagnosis, called dissociative identity disorder.  Not to say he doesn't have issues, but it reeks to me of something someone says to create a high drama reaction.  Here's some basic info about it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_identity_disorder
and I should add that people who truly suffer from this disorder are often on extremely serious drug regimens to allow them to function.  It is very difficult for someone to lead even a quasi normal life and suffer from this diagnosis. 

You are young and understandably confused.  My advice is to find someone stable, grounded and who you don't have to save or fix. 

PM me if you would like, I am happy to help. 
Best,
~A


_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 3:08:03 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He's found someone else and is too chicken to tell you so he's trying to get you to break up with him.

He doesn't want you talking to him, so don't. At all. Don't call, don't email, don't go places he hangs out.

Move on.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 3:11:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I haven't read all the responses but the first page and to be honest it sounds like you know what's wrong and why he's angry..you just refuse to listen to him.

You both had an argument..don't know what about but apparently bad enough that he became very angry at you for something, you told him to release you, he refused and now he's wishing you would just leave since you seemed to want to leave before.

So he's now telling you to leave and you won't.....so leave.

Fuck...just read you're only 18..how old is he? Around the same age? If so then yeah...at that age..tons of drama and chaos. You're both green around the collars.

Move on and experience life. There's lots out there to do and learn about. Stop acting like a child.

Is he older? If so then he's telling you to leave because at 18 there's again, lots of drama going on and to be honest he probably is tired of it and just feels you should leave so he doesn't have to hear it anymore....again, move on. Enjoy whatever it is you wanna do in life.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 2/18/2010 3:17:51 PM >

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 4:08:12 PM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

because i care about Him and i enjoy being His slave and serving Him, but the only way i can truly leave is if He releases me He said. so since He hasnt released me, i dont think that He is officially done.. 






Bullshit.
 
No one ever needs to be officially released. Myth, bullshit, crap.
 
Stop listening to people who have said you haven't been a proper slave.
 
Just leave. Stop admiring an image and face the reality.


Quoted for the honest truth.  OP....the only one making you stay in a bad situation is you.  Your choice.


but if He doesnt release me.. isnt He still my Master in some way..?



No. Your master/sub relation is based upon a consensual agreement, if one side walks away there is no relation left and therefore is no more your master than I, my cat or the next potted geranium are.

See your Master/slave relation as a bridge with one arch: If one side disappear, the remaining construct is not a bridge. it is a pile of debris. And it is obviously the best for you to cross that bridge and burn it afterwards. A painful end is always better and an endless pain


What is not tolerable in your relation is the tone and agressivity of your boy-friend. When you read the posts here, you will notice that a majority of dominants are gentlemen or thrive to be one. Yelling, losing self-control is a big no-no.

I wish you good luck and godspeed

Henry

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 5:45:26 PM   
frostbear


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		Hello ownedkatt.
First of all, and I seem to have to say this alot, being a sub doesn't mean being a doormat. Respect is impoortant from a Dom to their sub for trust to nuture. If your Dom has multiple personalities, then maybe its as simple as he is off his meds. But honestly you need to feel you can trust the one in charge and I feel you don't. I know you have a connection with your Dom, but currently he isn't being himself. Maybe a temporary time away might help, maybe some honest conversation is what's needed, but one thing is for sure, there are good centered Doms out there. Try a meditating and look into yourself. The answer on what to do is in there. Only you know the whole circumstance. Conversation or time away is about the best choices you have from an outsider's viewpoint I think. Good luck .

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 5:59:28 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein


because i care about Him and i enjoy being His slave and serving Him, but the only way i can truly leave is if He releases me He said. so since He hasnt released me, i dont think that He is officially done.. 


<SNIP>


but if He doesnt release me.. isnt He still my Master in some way..?



No. Your master/sub relation is based upon a consensual agreement, if one side walks away there is no relation left and therefore is no more your master than I, my cat or the next potted geranium are.

Henry


 
 
*perk*

Does this mean I can leave my potted geranium?



_____________________________

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(in reply to Falkenstein)
Profile   Post #: 60
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