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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 6:44:33 PM   
DarkSteven


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katt, I've had three subs with Multiple Personality Disorder.  If he genuinely had it, he would be very contrite about how he behaved when out of control.  He also would have a history of childhood abuse in his background.  (He'd also know that the current term is Dissociative Identity Disorder rather than MPD.) Nothing you've posted leads me to believe any of that.

As gently as possible... some men think if they call themselves a Master or Dom, it means that they get their cock sucked whenever they want, and that they never have to put up with any resistance or back talk.  I think you may have found one of those.






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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/18/2010 6:48:56 PM   
sleepingbeauty2


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I am not a Master, so I hope I don't offend anyone for answering.
Your situation, struck a chord with me. My former Master had all of sudden changed, become sullen, moody and distant. I didn't understand why. I assumed first it was me- I was not doing something right, or he had found someone else more intereting. He assured me repeatedly it wasn't that, just somethings he was dealing with. After months I couldn't accept the "there's nothing wrong" answer. I was miserable, and felt useless. Again he told me he still wanted me , that it wasn't my fault, had nothing to do with me, and there wasn't anything I could do. But the situation didn't change. I eventually asked to be released. I was quite sad for a LONG time, but I felt that's the path he lead us down (he was Master after all). After many more months after that, he came out of his funk and now wishes he had handled things differntly, maybe come closer for help with whatever was the problem instead pushing away. I, on the other hand, maybe could have been more patient and obedient and waited til whatever it was passed. I don't know how long wold have been enough ? ? But I waited months.

While I am sorry about what happened, I don't think it would have unfolded differently if it happened again. It's no fun to be with someone who doesn't seem to want you. My Master alwasy said he wanted me and never said get away. But just being so distant was hurtful to me to the point I couldn't take it. If someone said get away from me, I'd do it without a second thought. Gone. Period.

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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 6:22:24 AM   
Luckbunny


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No.  Listen...the person who truly has the power in an S&M relationship is the submissive. YOU are the one who decides to submit. YOU Are the one who has a safeword and can stop the play if it becomes too much. YOU are the one who gives your heart, your submission, and your time, and YOU can take it back. His little 'ONLY I CAN LET U GO OMG' bullshit is just that. Bullshit. You're your own person, even if you enjoy submitting. IT seems to me he's not a safe person, nor a STABLE person for you to take orders from. That's an unhealthy relationship and it's one you need to stay far far away from.  It sounds to me he wants ANYONE around when he's lonely but when he's not he could care less about you. I mean really that's what I'm getting from it. Back away, walk away, dont' look back, and find a dom who can respect you and treat you like the cherished sub you should be seen as.  Submission is a gift, and it's one you can take back at any time.

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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 6:27:39 AM   
domiguy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Luckbunny

No.  Listen...the person who truly has the power in an S&M relationship is the submissive. YOU are the one who decides to submit. YOU Are the one who has a safeword and can stop the play if it becomes too much. Submission is a gift, and it's one you can take back at any time.


What kind of a person takes back a gift? What if the gift was a grilled cheese sandwich? I guess you can have it back if you don't mind waiting a few hours.

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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 6:33:26 AM   
Luckbunny


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: Luckbunny

No.  Listen...the person who truly has the power in an S&M relationship is the submissive. YOU are the one who decides to submit. YOU Are the one who has a safeword and can stop the play if it becomes too much. Submission is a gift, and it's one you can take back at any time.


What kind of a person takes back a gift? What if the gift was a grilled cheese sandwich? I guess you can have it back if you don't mind waiting a few hours.
Pfft.  Still sore about me taking back that puppy I see.  Look, I already told you it is NOT okay to house train it via whips n chains. 

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 7:03:12 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

but the only way i can truly leave is if He releases me
Bullshit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

to EbonyWood - so who should i listen to... you or my Master?
How about yourself? Why did you get into D/s? Because it made you happy? Are you happy? If you're not happy and he's not willing to put in any effort....why stay?

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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 7:07:45 AM   
Luckbunny


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

to EbonyWood - so who should i listen to... you or my Master?
How about yourself? Why did you get into D/s? Because it made you happy? Are you happy? If you're not happy and he's not willing to put in any effort....why stay?


Agreed! Kudos!

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 11:16:23 AM   
ownedkatt


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okay.. so first i would like to say that im sorry i cant respond to each person individually, because i was trying to do that in the first place, and i feel bad that i cant.

1- CarrieO- to answer the question of my profile being blocked or hidden or what the exact phrase was.. i just made this account yesterday to be able to post on this forum. i used to have an account with CM, but my Master had me close it.

2- yes, we are both 18, and yes i know it is young, but we are trying to work through being so young in the Lifestyle. He has been in it a few years longer than i have; ive been learning alot from Him.

3- sleepingbeauty2 - i wanted to say thank you for your thoughts; i feel as you said, and im still trying to figure out what to do..

4- DarkSteven - my Master hasnt had abuse per say in his past, but He has hard rocky relationships with friends and family..

5- elleX - everytime He and i fight, i end up getting drained and passing out somewhere in my house when we stop talking..

6 - HisSweetElysium - yes, i did actually know that mpd isnt a disorder now technically, but i couldnt remember the proper term for it. thank you for correcting me, and thank you for the link, although i already have that bookmarked because of Him..

7- everyone else who i havent said something to, i have in fact read your thoughts and opinions and i just wanted to say thank you again for everything.. i am very grateful for all of you helping..

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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 12:00:45 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt



STOP... STOP... STOP... BREATHE!!!

Okay, you're getting all this supposed "advice" from people who know virtually NOTHING about you, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about him;  plus, real world lesson... that are those who are miserable (for a reason) and want others to share in THEIR misery (Misery loves company), and there are those that are interested in you dumping your Master so they can convince you that THEY should be YOUR NEW MASTER.  Not true of all people... but keep in mind this sort of thing DOES happen on boards such as these.

Okay... now, quite frankly, you've not given enough information for any reasonable assumption as to what might be going on.  As such, please answer the following:

1)  How long did you know each other prior to becoming his slave... and is this your FIRST power exchange relationship?

2)  Are you a 24/7 "live-in" slave or do you both live apart from each other?

3)  We know you're 18... How old is he?

4)  What is his current employment/financial status... and is it different from when you were first getting to know each other? (financial stress is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE deal for men)

5)  Have there been any major "life events" recently -- i.e., death of a family member, loss of job, or ???

6)  What is YOUR current employment/financial status... do you support yourself, or is he supporting you?

7)  What are each of your current emotional/mental states... are there any ongoing issues (such as depression, anxiety, etc.) that both of you are tending to, and were these issues (if any) addressed prior to your ownership? 

8)  You stated you'd gotten into a huge argument a few weeks ago... what was that "argument" about?

9)  You'd stated you asked to be "released" THREE TIMES... why did you feel compelled to take such a drastic position a "few weeks ago" when things were better then than they appear to be now?

10)  Since becoming involved with your Master, what things have you been "punished/disciplined" for (if any)... and can you honestly state that you've not REPEATED the things you were punished/disciplined for, or are these things (if any) ongoing and being repeated?

11)  Can you HONESTLY state that you don't "hound/badger" him... have you made him the center of your universe, and possibly become a "burden" of sorts at times possibly calling, IMing, emailing, talking or whatever excessively?

12)  MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION HERE:  if your Master was in this forum now... WHAT WOULD HE SAY ARE HIS ISSUES WITH YOU/YOUR CURRENT DYNAMIC?  And please don't state "I have no idea"... you're involved with him and he's likely not been a "mute" the entire time, so you absolutely have SOME IDEA of what he's stated/been dissatisfied with in the past.  Be honest or it's IMPOSSIBLE to help you... and it appears as if you'd genuinely like to make things work.

Awaiting your reply...



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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 12:18:09 PM   
ownedkatt


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Joined: 2/18/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt



STOP... STOP... STOP... BREATHE!!!

Okay, you're getting all this supposed "advice" from people who know virtually NOTHING about you, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about him;  plus, real world lesson... that are those who are miserable (for a reason) and want others to share in THEIR misery (Misery loves company), and there are those that are interested in you dumping your Master so they can convince you that THEY should be YOUR NEW MASTER.  Not true of all people... but keep in mind this sort of thing DOES happen on boards such as these.

Okay... now, quite frankly, you've not given enough information for any reasonable assumption as to what might be going on.  As such, please answer the following:

1)  How long did you know each other prior to becoming his slave... and is this your FIRST power exchange relationship?

a few weeks. and yes.

2)  Are you a 24/7 "live-in" slave or do you both live apart from each other?

online.offline.move in within the next few months

3)  We know you're 18... How old is he?

18

4)  What is his current employment/financial status... and is it different from when you were first getting to know each other? (financial stress is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE deal for men)

He has a job, nothing has changed in that aspect..

5)  Have there been any major "life events" recently -- i.e., death of a family member, loss of job, or ???

not with Him

6)  What is YOUR current employment/financial status... do you support yourself, or is he supporting you?

separate support systems

7)  What are each of your current emotional/mental states... are there any ongoing issues (such as depression, anxiety, etc.) that both of you are tending to, and were these issues (if any) addressed prior to your ownership?

i have mood swings, and He has DID

8)  You stated you'd gotten into a huge argument a few weeks ago... what was that "argument" about?

His sister said He was seeing an ex sub again; turns out it was miscommunication and confusion on her part -.-

9)  You'd stated you asked to be "released" THREE TIMES... why did you feel compelled to take such a drastic position a "few weeks ago" when things were better then than they appear to be now?

read number 8 please

10)  Since becoming involved with your Master, what things have you been "punished/disciplined" for (if any)... and can you honestly state that you've not REPEATED the things you were punished/disciplined for, or are these things (if any) ongoing and being repeated?

the only thing has really been forgetting my place by questioning Him at times and forgetting to call Him Sir or Master at times as well

11)  Can you HONESTLY state that you don't "hound/badger" him... have you made him the center of your universe, and possibly become a "burden" of sorts at times possibly calling, IMing, emailing, talking or whatever excessively?

i used to act like that, but i didnt wasnt to annoy Him, so ive cut back immensely

12)  MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION HERE:  if your Master was in this forum now... WHAT WOULD HE SAY ARE HIS ISSUES WITH YOU/YOUR CURRENT DYNAMIC?  And please don't state "I have no idea"... you're involved with him and he's likely not been a "mute" the entire time, so you absolutely have SOME IDEA of what he's stated/been dissatisfied with in the past.  Be honest or it's IMPOSSIBLE to help you... and it appears as if you'd genuinely like to make things work.

He would say that im worried too much, but its all about my future. i dont cling to Him as much as i used to because He said it was slightly bothersome

Awaiting your reply...



(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 12:41:38 PM   
domiguy


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Sounds like he is just kind of stringing you along because he has nothing better going on at the moment. After a few days he kind of forgets what a drag you can be. So you get back together and then after a thorough fucking he no longer has any use for you.

Sucks to be you. He doesn't sound too dreamy either.

We find ourselves in situations when we are young that we would never begin to tolerate at a more advanced age.

I Have no interest in getting together with someone that has some sort of mental illness or engages in destructive activities. It could be you, it might be him. Either way, this doesn't seem to be a relationship that is overly positive or going to be very long lasting.

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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 1:31:34 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:


1)  How long did you know each other prior to becoming his slave... and is this your FIRST power exchange relationship?

a few weeks. and yes.


To be blunt, you didn't know each other long enough, as exemplified by the problems you're having now.


quote:


2)  Are you a 24/7 "live-in" slave or do you both live apart from each other?

online. offline. move in within the next few months


Wouldn't suggest the move-in thing... BIG MISTAKE!!!

quote:

 
3)  We know you're 18... How old is he?

18


You're both young... nothing wrong with that, but I'd seriously doubt he has the experience he's led you to believe he has, and it's showing.

quote:


4)  What is his current employment/financial status... and is it different from when you were first getting to know each other? (financial stress is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE deal for men)

He has a job, nothing has changed in that aspect.


Okay... good to know... so no stress there.


quote:


5)  Have there been any major "life events" recently -- i.e., death of a family member, loss of job, or ???

not with Him


What happened with YOU, and did you notice any change in him because of this?


quote:


6)  What is YOUR current employment/financial status... do you support yourself, or is he supporting you?

separate support systems


Okay... also good to know.  Rules out any supposed "financial pressure".


quote:


7)  What are each of your current emotional/mental states... are there any ongoing issues (such as depression, anxiety, etc.) that both of you are tending to, and were these issues (if any) addressed prior to your ownership?

i have mood swings, and He has DID



Most people have a certain amount of "mood swings"... that's not too unusual.  However, if he has been diagnosed with DID, this may hold the bulk of the answer to what's been going on.  Knew nothing of DID, so found this online:

Dissociative Identity Disorder
(Multiple Personality Disorder)

 
Dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder) is a fairly common effect of severe trauma during early childhood, usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse.
 
What Is Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Most of us have experienced mild dissociation, which is like daydreaming or getting lost in the moment while working on a project. However, dissociative identity disorder is a severe form of dissociation, a mental process, which produces a lack of connection in a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity. Dissociative identity disorder is thought to stem from trauma experienced by the person with the disorder. The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping mechanism -- the person literally dissociates himself from a situation or experience that's too violent, traumatic, or painful to assimilate with his conscious self.

 
Is Dissociative Identity Disorder Real?
You may wonder if dissociative identity disorder is real. After all, understanding the development of multiple personalities is difficult, even for highly trained experts. But dissociative identity disorder does exist. It is the most severe and chronic manifestation of the dissociative disorders that cause multiple personalities.

 
Other types of dissociative disorders defined in the DSM-IV, the main psychiatry manual used to classify mental illnesses, include dissociative amnesia, dissociative fugue, and depersonalization disorder.
 
What Are the Symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior. With dissociative identity disorder, there's also an inability to recall key personal information that is too far-reaching to be explained as mere forgetfulness. With dissociative identity disorder, there are also highly distinct memory variations, which fluctuate with the person's split personality.

 
The "alters" or different identities have their own age, sex, or race. Each has his or her own postures, gestures, and distinct way of talking. Sometimes the alters are imaginary people; sometimes they are animals. As each personality reveals itself and controls the individuals' behavior and thoughts, it's called "switching." Switching can take seconds to minutes to days. When under hypnosis, the person's different "alters" or identities may be very responsive to the therapist's requests.
 
Along with the dissociation and multiple or split personalities, people with dissociative disorders may experience any of the following symptoms:
 
Depression
Mood swings
Suicidal tendencies
Sleep disorders ( insomnia, night terrors, and sleep walking)
Anxiety, panic attacks, and phobias (flashbacks, reactions to stimuli or "triggers")
Alcohol and drug abuse
Compulsions and rituals
Psychotic-like symptoms (including auditory and visual hallucinations)
Eating disorders

 
Other symptoms of dissociative identity disorder may include headache, amnesia, time loss, trances, and "out of body experiences." Some people with dissociative disorders have a tendency toward self-persecution, self-sabotage, and even violence (both self-inflicted and outwardly directed). As an example, someone with dissociative identity disorder may find themselves doing things they wouldn't normally do such as speeding, reckless driving, or stealing money from their employer or friend, yet they feel they are being compelled to do it. Some describe this feeling as being a passenger in their body rather than the driver. In other words, they truly believe they have no choice.

In short... lots to deal with, and may very well be the issue; and which has NOTHING to do with you.


quote:

 
8)  You stated you'd gotten into a huge argument a few weeks ago... what was that "argument" about?

His sister said He was seeing an ex sub again; turns out it was miscommunication and confusion on her part -.-


So you've got TRUST issues with him... and likely accused him instead of talking to him.  You've got some maturing to do as well.  And ask yourself this... why would his "sister" be trying to cause drama?


quote:

9) 
You'd stated you asked to be "released" THREE TIMES... why did you feel compelled to take such a drastic position a "few weeks ago" when things were better then than they appear to be now?

read number 8 please


No reason for your behavior... you should have gotten the FACTS prior to acting so immaturely/stupidly; you probably know that now.


quote:

10)  Since becoming involved with your Master, what things have you been "punished/disciplined" for (if any)... and can you honestly state that you've not REPEATED the things you were punished/disciplined for, or are these things (if any) ongoing and being repeated?

the only thing has really been forgetting my place by questioning Him at times and forgetting to call Him Sir or Master at times as well


Minor things... again, the DID thing may be the real issue; and again... that's NOT your fault, and he may need help in this arena prior to taking on responsibility for another/a slave.


quote:

11) 
Can you HONESTLY state that you don't "hound/badger" him... have you made him the center of your universe, and possibly become a "burden" of sorts at times possibly calling, IMing, emailing, talking or whatever excessively?

i used to act like that, but i didnt wasnt to annoy Him, so ive cut back immensely


Having "cut back immensely", this shows this was a problem (with you) and one possible reason for his not wanting to talk/communicate as you used to.


quote:


12)  MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION HERE:  if your Master was in this forum now... WHAT WOULD HE SAY ARE HIS ISSUES WITH YOU/YOUR CURRENT DYNAMIC?  And please don't state "I have no idea"... you're involved with him and he's likely not been a "mute" the entire time, so you absolutely have SOME IDEA of what he's stated/been dissatisfied with in the past.  Be honest or it's IMPOSSIBLE to help you... and it appears as if you'd genuinely like to make things work.

He would say that im worried too much, but its all about my future. i dont cling to Him as much as i used to because He said it was slightly bothersome


Don't know how much you "used to", but a certain amount of "clinging" is normal... happens when people are PARTNERS and need to rely on each other.  Excessively "clinging" is too much for anyone to handle.  Not stating you were, just stating.


My personal advice?

1)  Forget about moving in with each other for now... take that off the table.

2)  Stop calling, emailing, IMing, etc.  MEN CHASE THE WOMEN THEY WANT... if he's not chasing you, he doesn't want you beyond anything but play/sex.  If he comes around, then DATE for a while and see how things go.  It's a knee-jerk reaction to want someone back when they're not responsive... so keep that in mind should he suddenly change.  DON'T IGNORE RED FLAGS.

3)  I don't know if he's doing anything about his DID, but that's NOT, NOT, NOT something YOU are equipped to deal with.  If he doesn't deal with it (i.e., is actively seeking help/counseling), neither should you; this ain't going away and will ALWAYS be a "wall" of sorts between you.

Summary:  Neither of you are ready for a 24/7, "live in" dynamic.  He has some SERIOUS issues to deal with and you BOTH need some maturing.  Again... just take the pressure off by telling him you love him and would like to make things work, but not to worry about moving in together right now.  Tell him, if he wants to work things out, that you'd love to wipe the table clean and start over again, but WITHOUT making any long term plans till you BOTH are SURE you want to be with each other long-term and are BOTH prepared to be RESPONSIBLE TO, and ACCOUNTABLE FOR, each other.  And once more, if he's NOT actively getting help/counseling for his DID, it ain't NEVER gonna work... WITH ANYONE!!!  

So, give him the space he wants... and should he contact you, WATCH FOR RED FLAGS, while also telling him it's likely best for both of you to just to see how things go for a while before making any long-term plans and ensure he's seeking the help/counseling he may need.  TIME will resolve this for you... THERE'S NO URGENCY HERE... if you're as concerned about your "future" as you've stated you are, then take the TIME to ensure this is the right relationship for you.  You'll see... it'll NATURALLY go one way or the other; just like ANY relationship does.  When it comes to the "relationship" portion of BDSM Dynamics they are no different from Vanilla ones... always remember this.  If the "relationship" is not strong, the BDSM portion of it is DOOMED!!!  Forcus on the relationship first (treat it no differently from getting to know a Vanilla partner), and if that's good/strong... only THEN move on to the BDSM stuff.

Most couples ('nilla or of the BDSM sort) face challenges in their relationships, as NO relationship is without its problems... the issue is NOT whether you've been presented with challenges/problems, but HOW YOU ADDRESS THOSE CHALLENGES/OBSTACLES.  Where there's love and commitment, BOTH PEOPLE will work towards a resolve.  Where there isn't (and only one person is doing all the work), then it's ultimately doomed to failure... GUARANTEED!!!

My Best!!!




< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 2/19/2010 1:37:14 PM >


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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 3:10:42 PM   
OriginallyFromLA


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
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quote:

MEN CHASE THE WOMEN THEY WANT... if he's not chasing you, he doesn't want you beyond anything but play/sex. 


Ya, I don't want to cloud the issue here because in this case I think your statement stands, but I want to add my own qualifiers to it.

MEN CHASE THE WOMEN THEY WANT... UNTIL THEY CATCH THEM. Then they switch from hunter mode, to gatherer mode. At that point they may think the woman is on board with whatever plan (or lack of a plan) for the future they might have and is willing to "hang out" and be supportive by not complaining until a plan comes along or is developed.

I'm not saying that's every man's behaivior or that it's even desirable behavior, it's just an observation. As a  Dominant in the relationship its hard enough to come up with a plan beyond taking things day by day and trying to be happy that takes into account the Dom and sub's needs. I can't immagine having that kind of responsibillity at 18 years old and being able to cope unless you were independantly wealthy and had your life already planned out. I mean you are basically talking about getting married at 18 and I don't think that's a good idea for anyone.

< Message edited by OriginallyFromLA -- 2/19/2010 3:13:06 PM >


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Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 3:56:51 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

quote:

MEN CHASE THE WOMEN THEY WANT... if he's not chasing you, he doesn't want you beyond anything but play/sex. 


Ya, I don't want to cloud the issue here because in this case I think your statement stands, but I want to add my own qualifiers to it.

MEN CHASE THE WOMEN THEY WANT... UNTIL THEY CATCH THEM. Then they switch from hunter mode, to gatherer mode. At that point they may think the woman is on board with whatever plan (or lack of a plan) for the future they might have and is willing to "hang out" and be supportive by not complaining until a plan comes along or is developed.



I certainly can confirm that one

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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 4:57:49 PM   
DarkSteven


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MasterSlaveLA, that was a pretty good rundown of DID.  I'd just like to summarize by saying that someone who has it will have different selves inhabiting the same body  They have different voices and mannerisms and different memories.  So Frank could come into the body with no idea how he got slash marks on him (self injury is common among multiples).




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Phoenixpower)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 7:11:52 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
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op

D/s requires some pretty clear expectations, ground rules and behavioral abilites.

Including patience. Unfortunately,far too many emotionally unstable and insecure individuals seek this role to try and overcome thier shortcomings-and find a sense of empowerment.

But you need to have your own power-on both sides of the equation. A lack on either side always leads to mental issues. Never count on another person to do your thinking or feeling for you.

ESPECIALLY when they are clearly incapable of accomplishing it for themselves.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/19/2010 8:12:57 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

MasterSlaveLA, that was a pretty good rundown of DID.  I'd just like to summarize by saying that someone who has it will have different selves inhabiting the same body...



Yeah, but look at the bright side... you could have a "Poly" dynamic with the ONE person!!!   Hey, sometimes ya gotta make lemonade from lemons.   (BTW, that's just a joke people... don't get your undies in a bunch).





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It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/20/2010 9:09:43 AM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Summary:  Neither of you are ready for a 24/7, "live in" dynamic.  He has some SERIOUS issues to deal with and you BOTH need some maturing.  Again... just take the pressure off by telling him you love him and would like to make things work, but not to worry about moving in together right now.  Tell him, if he wants to work things out, that you'd love to wipe the table clean and start over again, but WITHOUT making any long term plans till you BOTH are SURE you want to be with each other long-term and are BOTH prepared to be RESPONSIBLE TO, and ACCOUNTABLE FOR, each other.  And once more, if he's NOT actively getting help/counseling for his DID, it ain't NEVER gonna work... WITH ANYONE!!!  

So, give him the space he wants... and should he contact you, WATCH FOR RED FLAGS, while also telling him it's likely best for both of you to just to see how things go for a while before making any long-term plans and ensure he's seeking the help/counseling he may need.  TIME will resolve this for you... THERE'S NO URGENCY HERE... if you're as concerned about your "future" as you've stated you are, then take the TIME to ensure this is the right relationship for you.  You'll see... it'll NATURALLY go one way or the other; just like ANY relationship does.  When it comes to the "relationship" portion of BDSM Dynamics they are no different from Vanilla ones... always remember this.  If the "relationship" is not strong, the BDSM portion of it is DOOMED!!!  Forcus on the relationship first (treat it no differently from getting to know a Vanilla partner), and if that's good/strong... only THEN move on to the BDSM stuff.

Most couples ('nilla or of the BDSM sort) face challenges in their relationships, as NO relationship is without its problems... the issue is NOT whether you've been presented with challenges/problems, but HOW YOU ADDRESS THOSE CHALLENGES/OBSTACLES.  Where there's love and commitment, BOTH PEOPLE will work towards a resolve.  Where there isn't (and only one person is doing all the work), then it's ultimately doomed to failure... GUARANTEED!!!

My Best!!!





All that would be lovely advice if they were trapped on a desert island and he was her only hope for companionship. But for fuck's sake.. we're talking about a couple of 18 year olds. Presumably living in a first world nation with significant opportunity and a sizeable population. If I were a person intent on encouraging misery in others, I'd encourage an 18 year old girl to waste a bunch of time and emotional energy on the sort of romantic relationship most fully formed adults lack the skills to handle.

OP, you're not tall enough to jump on that ride. The good news is that the park is full of other fun rides and activities. Go enjoy those. If you're interested in a big complicated challenge, start studying physics, or learn Mandarin. If you're thrill-seeking, go sky-diving. Any remotely healthy adventurous impulse that draws you to this guy can be dealt with in a more productive fashion. Life is full of challenges that carry more consistent rewards than what you'll get from continuing in a relationship with that guy.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/20/2010 9:12:07 AM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

my Master and i have been together for a little over 6 months now. we used to be extremely open talking for hours on end about everything. for the last few months we havent been talking as much and when we do, He always seems to get annoyed over the smallest things. for instance, i asked Him a question last night about going on a trip with Him and he changed the subject. so i asked Him again today and he started yelling about how i didnt act like His slave and how he just wants me away from Him. ive thought of every possible way that i could have done something wrong, but i cant come to any conclusion.

please.. any thoughts for what might be going on with Him? of course i know that everyone, and of course every Master, is different, but is there a common theme that could be happening with Him?

thank you..



I never liked him from the first minute I seen him.

His eyes are too close together.

(Sure sign of criminal intent if I ever saw one).

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: in need of an opinion please.. - 2/20/2010 12:27:39 PM   
sleepingbeauty2


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedkatt

okay.. so first i would like to say that im sorry i cant respond to each person individually, because i was trying to do that in the first place, and i feel bad that i cant.

1- CarrieO- to answer the question of my profile being blocked or hidden or what the exact phrase was.. i just made this account yesterday to be able to post on this forum. i used to have an account with CM, but my Master had me close it.

2- yes, we are both 18, and yes i know it is young, but we are trying to work through being so young in the Lifestyle. He has been in it a few years longer than i have; ive been learning alot from Him.

3- sleepingbeauty2 - i wanted to say thank you for your thoughts; i feel as you said, and im still trying to figure out what to do..

4- DarkSteven - my Master hasnt had abuse per say in his past, but He has hard rocky relationships with friends and family..

5- elleX - everytime He and i fight, i end up getting drained and passing out somewhere in my house when we stop talking..

6 - HisSweetElysium - yes, i did actually know that mpd isnt a disorder now technically, but i couldnt remember the proper term for it. thank you for correcting me, and thank you for the link, although i already have that bookmarked because of Him..

7- everyone else who i havent said something to, i have in fact read your thoughts and opinions and i just wanted to say thank you again for everything.. i am very grateful for all of you helping..



And one other thing Katt, I thought he was the best Master ever for me. While I know it takes a while to find a new Master, I now have my picks of wonderful ones and I am confident that if I'm patient I will find one who will be a better one for me. :) I am trying to have fun in the moment.

(in reply to ownedkatt)
Profile   Post #: 80
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