RE: separation pains.... normal?

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AquaticSub -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 7:43:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut I'm 22, he is 36, she is 51. The daughter that needs him around while she is at college is 16 and already in college. She is a rarity in their family in that she is a very sensitive soul. She does need him. I'm not deluded. And I'm sure the peaceful, loving relationship between Mommy and Daddy is so good for his daughter's sensitive soul. If he was doing this for her sake, he'd keep his dick in his pants and suck it up till she was out of college then get into a relationship with you.

xxblushesxx -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 7:43:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut I'm 22, he is 36, she is 51. The daughter that needs him around while she is at college is 16 and already in college. She is a rarity in their family in that she is a very sensitive soul. She does need him. I'm not deluded. Legally. She needs nothing more than what he said but in this city you will not find a judge anywhere that would take her word against ours. There would not be a divorce granted on her terms. Period. First of all, there is no "ours" if they go to court. There is only theirs. You are a legal stranger in this situation and need to keep that in mind. Secondly, you need to go to these forums: http://forum.freeadvice.com/divorce-separation-annulment-36/ and ask your questions there. They will tell you the ABSOLUTE truth regarding divorce. They will not be nice about it, but they will be honest. You have no idea how naive you are being. None.

juliaoceania -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 7:48:35 PM)
What our little friend in Tn needs is this site... not the one she is currently posting in... I believe she would find more support for her issues there... although she will also find a lot of bubble bursting too... I found this site for my best friend when she was going through an extramarital affair.. it helped her put her situation in perspective.... http://gloryb.com/ quote: Some of the words often associated with extramarital affairs are illicit, secretive, and immoral. And as the "other" women and men involved in these relationships know, they can be very lonely. Moral issues surrounding an extramarital affair make it difficult to find people to confide in, and the time constraints on the married person can leave the "other" spending much time alone, leading to a feeling of isolation most in romantic relationships never experience. If you are the "other" involved in an extramarital affair, considering getting involved in an affair or are in the process of ending an affair, this is a place for you to speak freely and honestly with others who experience the same highs and lows you do. We're here to offer each other empathy, support and encouragement by sharing our stories, posting messages, and chatting. We want you to feel that this is a "safe" place to share your thoughts, and that there is always someone here to listen and care...

tnpainslut -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 7:57:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut I'm 22, he is 36, she is 51. The daughter that needs him around while she is at college is 16 and already in college. She is a rarity in their family in that she is a very sensitive soul. She does need him. I'm not deluded. Legally. She needs nothing more than what he said but in this city you will not find a judge anywhere that would take her word against ours. There would not be a divorce granted on her terms. Period. First of all, there is no "ours" if they go to court. There is only theirs. You are a legal stranger in this situation and need to keep that in mind. Secondly, you need to go to these forums: http://forum.freeadvice.com/divorce-separation-annulment-36/ and ask your questions there. They will tell you the ABSOLUTE truth regarding divorce. They will not be nice about it, but they will be honest. You have no idea how naive you are being. None. Perhaps tn is different than ky but I doubt it. Here the accused "partner" has to testify. Making it "our" word against hers. And sure. If you like leave me out of the picture. No judge will take her word over his. Thanks for that link, Julia. I may very well have a look.

xxblushesxx -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 8:03:54 PM)
You're very welcome. I suggest you do. We only have no fault divorce in KY. Doesn't matter if someone is palaying around or not. You have both in TN. She can divorce him any time she wants, and the assetts will be divided equitably. Division of the assetts does not depend on whether it's a fault divorce or no fault. Those points are probably moot though. He's not going anywhere.

tnpainslut -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 10:05:04 PM)
I give up on discussing this topic with you guys. Whether or not he leaves his wife to be with me is irrelevant to my original question. He is, believe it or not, going to divorce his wife. But not so he can "be with me". I understood that from the beginning. I knew about his other affairs. He never denied they existed. I wanted to know if the way I felt about being transferred to another dom (yes I get to help choose but my say is certainly not final) and not wanting to serve a different person than my first would fade. Some people gave fabulous and helpful answers while others.... Not so much. If you feel you are one of those people then more power to you. Thanks again. Good night all.

juliaoceania -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 10:16:46 PM)
quote: I wanted to know if the way I felt about being transferred to another dom (yes I get to help choose but my say is certainly not final) and not wanting to serve a different person than my first would fade. Some people gave fabulous and helpful answers while others.... Not so much. If you feel you are one of those people then more power to you. I got over my first dom much more thoroughly and quickly than I dreamed would be possible when we finally went our separate ways. I thought that I would never get over him. I heard from him just a couple of months ago, he married a nice lady.... She isn't a submissive, which cracks me up because he insisted that he could only be with a submissive woman... I do sincerely hope he is very happy in his life... Since he and I split up I found a new dominant, a daddy dom, and he and I have had to part ways a few times over the last 4 years due to life circumstances, we recently decided to try to patch it up again and are dating... I love him very much. If he and I parted ways for good I do not know if I would be submissive to anyone new to be honest. It would depend on if another man brought that out in me. I hope I never have to find that out, but if I did, well lets just say that I am more than willing to let life be what it is and just be happy. If I were you I wouldn't look for someone else to submit to, I would look for someone to be happy with, and if that person that you click with is also someone that you feel submissive towards, well all the better for you.. if they aren't and you are happy despite that, well enjoy it for what it is... any way you slice it, just don't settle for being less than happy and satisfied....Before you even address finding a new dom I would do a little introspection and find out why you were willing to embroil yourself in this person's marital woes, because there really is no excuse for it. I do not mean that from a judgmental perspective, but from a perspective of you not feeling deserving on some level of being with someone who was worthy of you. Someone who is married to another doesn't have to give what a woman needs, why were you willing to settle for that? What made you able to transcend that boundary with him? Answer that before you find something new, it is an important question

LafayetteLady -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 10:18:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut I'm 22, he is 36, she is 51. The daughter that needs him around while she is at college is 16 and already in college. She is a rarity in their family in that she is a very sensitive soul. She does need him. I'm not deluded. Legally. She needs nothing more than what he said but in this city you will not find a judge anywhere that would take her word against ours. There would not be a divorce granted on her terms. Period. quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut Perhaps tn is different than ky but I doubt it. Here the accused "partner" has to testify. Making it "our" word against hers. And sure. If you like leave me out of the picture. No judge will take her word over his. Yep, you are 22 and deluded. So he has a very smart daughter who is 16. So at 20 years old, he got a 35 year old woman pregant, and then "did the right thing" and married her. Being divorced doesn't remove him from his daughter's life. She is in college, likely living there, so there isn't a problem. But it sure does make a nice story. Where do you think you are with this nonsense about "no judge taking her word against "ours"?" There is no "ours," the likelihood of it ever reaching a trial and you testifying is slim to none. Less than 1% of divorces go to trial, they settle long before that. The "accused partner" as you call it is asked to testify in the case of a trial as to the validity of the affair. So you would commit perjury to save things? Classy of you. So now let me explain to you the truth about divorce. "Grounds" is nothing more than a reason to get divorced. It doesn't change the outcome. It changes the time line for how long you have to wait for requesting a divorce, that's all. Divorce isn't granted on "her" terms or "his" terms, but somewhere in the middle. Each state has various calculations for determining equitable distribution based on the years of marriage. Since your wonderful partner knocked up someone so much older than him, and she isn't working, and they likely have been married for a good portion of the child's life, YES, he would be ordered to pay spousal support. Why? Because his spouse is past the age where she is likely to develop a career that will support her in the same style as the marriage did. He will pay child support. He won't get custody. Why won't he get custody? Because he won't want it and won't have time to continue fucking all the hot young things he works with if he has custody. She may file on grounds of divorce, but this isn't a criminal case, chickie. It's a preponderance of the evidence, not beyond all reasonable doubt. A judge would see right through any attempts you made at perjury. Just the fact that he allegedly drove 900 miles to get you when your car broke down would be evidence enough. But again, it wouldn't go to trial and the adultery doesn't change the outcome of who gets what. That is a convenient story that most men use to keep chickies like you in line. So you aren't even important enough for him to entertain the concept of divorce. His 16 year old is already in college? So do you think 3 years from now when she finishes (and is over 18), he will come running to you and telling you he got divorced? Three years from now, he will be telling the same story to some other young thing he works with and his daughter will still be as sensitive, and still be in college, and you will be forgotten. As blushes said though, none of this matters. You will believe whatever he tells you to be the gospel truth, and he will not get a divorce any time in the near future. You were young and foolish and you want to be forgiven for that, that's one thing. You want people around here who are older, wiser and more experienced to buy the same line of bullshit he gives you, you are shit out of luck. ETA: quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut I give up on discussing this topic with you guys. Whether or not he leaves his wife to be with me is irrelevant to my original question. He is, believe it or not, going to divorce his wife. But not so he can "be with me". I understood that from the beginning. I knew about his other affairs. He never denied they existed. I wanted to know if the way I felt about being transferred to another dom (yes I get to help choose but my say is certainly not final) and not wanting to serve a different person than my first would fade. Some people gave fabulous and helpful answers while others.... Not so much. If you feel you are one of those people then more power to you. Thanks again. Good night all. So you are going to let a man who has been having affairs not just with you, but with others as well decide who to pass you off to? And your only concern is will you ever stop feeling the same for the first guy? Yes, you will stop thinking about the first guy when the next married guy is ready to pass you off. I wish you well in a life where a bunch of married men use you for their giggles until THEIR wives catch on and pass you to the next one. My suggestion, stop doing the guys you work with. It isn't good for your career.

tnpainslut -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/19/2010 10:43:02 PM)
B quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: I wanted to know if the way I felt about being transferred to another dom (yes I get to help choose but my say is certainly not final) and not wanting to serve a different person than my first would fade. Some people gave fabulous and helpful answers while others.... Not so much. If you feel you are one of those people then more power to you. I got over my first dom much more thoroughly and quickly than I dreamed would be possible when we finally went our separate ways. I thought that I would never get over him. I heard from him just a couple of months ago, he married a nice lady.... She isn't a submissive, which cracks me up because he insisted that he could only be with a submissive woman... I do sincerely hope he is very happy in his life... Since he and I split up I found a new dominant, a daddy dom, and he and I have had to part ways a few times over the last 4 years due to life circumstances, we recently decided to try to patch it up again and are dating... I love him very much. If he and I parted ways for good I do not know if I would be submissive to anyone new to be honest. It would depend on if another man brought that out in me. I hope I never have to find that out, but if I did, well lets just say that I am more than willing to let life be what it is and just be happy. If I were you I wouldn't look for someone else to submit to, I would look for someone to be happy with, and if that person that you click with is also someone that you feel submissive towards, well all the better for you.. if they aren't and you are happy despite that, well enjoy it for what it is... any way you slice it, just don't settle for being less than happy and satisfied....Before you even address finding a new dom I would do a little introspection and find out why you were willing to embroil yourself in this person's marital woes, because there really is no excuse for it. I do not mean that from a judgmental perspective, but from a perspective of you not feeling deserving on some level of being with someone who was worthy of you. Someone who is married to another doesn't have to give what a woman needs, why were you willing to settle for that? What made you able to transcend that boundary with him? Answer that before you find something new, it is an important question Thank you. It is a good question because I never would have done anything with a married man before and still cringe at the thought of other married guys. Why I have no problem with him being married. I don't know.

wisdomtogive -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 4:00:23 AM)
quote: I wanted to know if the way I felt about being transferred to another dom (yes I get to help choose but my say is certainly not final) and not wanting to serve a different person than my first would fade. Some people gave fabulous and helpful answers while others.... Not so much. If you feel you are one of those people then more power to you. Personally I would be very concerned about having a present dom transfer me to another dom, without me having the final say. You might feel he honors you and cares about you, and I really do not want to start my morning off judging your opinion on that. Looking at the few broad generalities about him, being involved with others during his marriage would be a red light to me and make me nervous about the factor that he sees nothing wrong with it, so he might transfer you to another married or committed dom who is not poly. His reasons for staying in the marriage are a dime a dozen and as old as antiquity...hear them all the time from women who are seeing married men. Someday they might come up with more colorful excuses...but until that day. ..sigh. The reality for you though is he chooses who you submit too? Why? Maybe time you start making some choices for yourself and not through him. Sort of off the Op but not quite, this transfering a sub to another dom is it a norm? I haven't ever heard of it, though that doesn't mean anything. I don't know everything, thank goodness:). I can see exceptions, for instance if Dom owns a slave and Dom is critically ill and wants to make sure his/her slave will have a place to go to in the end, but not for such reasons that the OP's dom is suggesting. Would like some insight on this...and i thank you. wisdom

littlewonder -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 8:14:14 AM)
Young, naive, deluded, clueless. Married man, cheating on his wife, has many other affairs besides you, makes excuses as much as you do...yup, that's a real winner. Good luck to ya! You'll need it. I kinda hope they do get divorced for the sake of the wife and the child. They can do better imo.

lucylucy -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 9:03:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive I don't know everything, thank goodness:). I just read this entire thread and thought the same thing. How nice it is to be 40 and realize I don't know everything. It's the 22 year olds that know everything, and they have no idea how much they suffer for it. tnpainslut, don't worry. Someday you won't know everything and it will be a relief. You will learn to enjoy and appreciate what the late great Gilda Radner called "delicious ambiguity."

wisdomtogive -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 9:41:48 AM)
lucylucy oh yes, it is splendid to not know everything. Now at 58, soon to be 59 i cherished this as well. So much more for me to know and understand in this life. In my early 20's no one could talk to me either, I knew it all. The splendid part was waking up and seeing the fool i became:)

lexey -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 10:23:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut I didn't say she was cool with it... She would love to kill me I'm sure. So she's the one who wants the whole beer truck death scenario to happen. Now I get it. To your original question, there will probably come a time when you'll want to do another. As for whether you'll grow out of it or not, pray for growth. All the best of it to you.

DesFIP -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 12:10:57 PM)
He doesn't have anymore right to sell you off or hand you off to someone else then he did in insisting you got involved in him in the first place. Who you fuck is entirely up to you. He doesn't want you anymore, you're a free agent. If he tries to force you, call the police. But just as you chose to be with him, you get to decide who is the next dude or dudette you be with. Oh and as for evidence? She knows all about you. She's got your number off his cell phone. A couple hundred dollars and a detective would have the needed evidence. So please, you want to live in denial - go for it. But the rest of us aren't ever going to buy into it.

tnpainslut -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 3:03:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He doesn't have anymore right to sell you off or hand you off to someone else then he did in insisting you got involved in him in the first place. Who you fuck is entirely up to you. He doesn't want you anymore, you're a free agent. If he tries to force you, call the police. But just as you chose to be with him, you get to decide who is the next dude or dudette you be with. Oh and as for evidence? She knows all about you. She's got your number off his cell phone. A couple hundred dollars and a detective would have the needed evidence. So please, you want to live in denial - go for it. But the rest of us aren't ever going to buy into it. Your post.... Even though it has some of the better advice so far.... Made me giggle so I had to say something. It was a mutual decision that we discussed in advance to transfer me. We don't fuck. Just play. And lastly.... He IS the police.

LafayetteLady -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 8:08:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He doesn't have anymore right to sell you off or hand you off to someone else then he did in insisting you got involved in him in the first place. Who you fuck is entirely up to you. He doesn't want you anymore, you're a free agent. If he tries to force you, call the police. But just as you chose to be with him, you get to decide who is the next dude or dudette you be with. Oh and as for evidence? She knows all about you. She's got your number off his cell phone. A couple hundred dollars and a detective would have the needed evidence. So please, you want to live in denial - go for it. But the rest of us aren't ever going to buy into it. Your post.... Even though it has some of the better advice so far.... Made me giggle so I had to say something. It was a mutual decision that we discussed in advance to transfer me. We don't fuck. Just play. And lastly.... He IS the police. Which is more than likely why you make the statements about "no judge believing her over us." Guess what? More bullshit. It also indicates that there isn't enough money in that marriage for there to be any real fight over equitable distribution. The only thing I can say is that I'm glad I don't live where the police force is so untrustworthy. So you are in a relationship with a man where there is no sexual satisfaction for either of you? He just beats you and orders you around, and you are perfectly ok with the concept (at the ripe old age of 22) that he decides who the next guy is to beat you and order you about? I'm sure you find something completely comforting about not making your own decisions, but you need to grow up and figure out how to make grown up decisions.

RedMagic1 -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 8:11:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lexey So she's the one who wants the whole beer truck death scenario to happen. Now I get it. Woo hoo!!!!!!! Beer truck death fetish!!!!!

krazykatelyn -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 8:23:48 PM)
Ending any serious relationship is hard, especially a D/S one. If you are owned you give someone your everything and become a part of them. I don't doubt that it will be difficult but I couldn't begin comprehend how bad it would be. I think your thoughts of not being able to serve anybody else is very normal but as you cope it might go away. Maybe if he gives you some orders to carry out after the relationship is over it will ease the coping process. If he gives you permission to move on, love again etc that could also help

xxblushesxx -> RE: separation pains.... normal? (2/20/2010 8:58:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: tnpainslut quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He doesn't have anymore right to sell you off or hand you off to someone else then he did in insisting you got involved in him in the first place. Who you fuck is entirely up to you. He doesn't want you anymore, you're a free agent. If he tries to force you, call the police. But just as you chose to be with him, you get to decide who is the next dude or dudette you be with. Oh and as for evidence? She knows all about you. She's got your number off his cell phone. A couple hundred dollars and a detective would have the needed evidence. So please, you want to live in denial - go for it. But the rest of us aren't ever going to buy into it. Your post.... Even though it has some of the better advice so far.... Made me giggle so I had to say something. It was a mutual decision that we discussed in advance to transfer me. We don't fuck. Just play. And lastly.... He IS the police. Which is more than likely why you make the statements about "no judge believing her over us." Guess what? More bullshit. It also indicates that there isn't enough money in that marriage for there to be any real fight over equitable distribution. The only thing I can say is that I'm glad I don't live where the police force is so untrustworthy. So you are in a relationship with a man where there is no sexual satisfaction for either of you? He just beats you and orders you around, and you are perfectly ok with the concept (at the ripe old age of 22) that he decides who the next guy is to beat you and order you about? I'm sure you find something completely comforting about not making your own decisions, but you need to grow up and figure out how to make grown up decisions. First...the krazykaetlyn chick has good advice for you, you should listen to her. Secondly, don't think that just because someone is someone special in the police force that they are above the law or that they can protect you, or that a judge will give him more credence than his wife. He chose to stay with her for how many years? A judge will take that into consideration along with a lot of other things. Let me ask you something; can you count on him for anything? No matter what happens, can you count on him? Would he acknowledge his feelings for you in front of his boss, his mother and his wife? If not...he's not yours. I wish you the best though. (but I don't see it with him...)

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