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RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 12:35:58 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Looks have never been really that important to me. Who a person is it what gets me. I would go for the reationship everytime. I just happen to have the looks and personallity in my Master. He did not have a pic on the computer when we first started talking. I still liked him REALLY liked him after we moved to phone and when i saw him i said to myself all that and he is handsome too. So to have the looks is nice the personallity is the clincher for me. Not having a good personallity is a deal breaker for me.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 21

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 12:48:29 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Where do you come up with these silly questions?

If it is important for someone to have a partner with a certain body type, then they will limit their search to those body types. It is a preference. I see no choice involved in that. The seeker will not consider those who do not conform to the desire characteristics, so again, no choice involved.

I have never ever had a friend have to make a choice nor have I ever had to make a choice between two men....one with the desired looks who was an asshole...and one who had the desire personality but looked like a mule.

Now let's face reality. Have YOU ever had to make a choice between those two extremes?

And.......if I were faced with a choice like that I'd just stop dating, because I'd have the sense to realize I was not mature enough to date or involve another person in my life.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 22

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 1:28:31 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

if you had to choose between 2 people , one that looks like the person that you want and another that doesn't have the appearance you like but can provide the relationship you want, what do you do.

sure there's always the answer keep looking, but you've been on cm for a decade and the searching is getting old

I find a third person....

Attraction is important. A man does not have to be attractive to everyone else, but he has to be attractive to me. If I am not attracted to someone I can't be with them.. been there and tried that... it doesn't work

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 23

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 1:39:09 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

if you had to choose between 2 people , one that looks like the person that you want and another that doesn't have the appearance you like but can provide the relationship you want, what do you do.

sure there's always the answer keep looking, but you've been on cm for a decade and the searching is getting old

Actually I have just been there...

Mr. Adorable was the kind of guy I always wanted...but personality wise he was more an ass then anything else...

Now, my meeting I am gonna have I declined to meet 2 years ago as the pic he did send to me was far from the one he did put up now (well, was the same person but not a good pic)...and I had no interest in meeting him, apart from that I was already involved with someone else unfortunately...

To cut a long story short with emailing each other now since 2 years and more intensively the last 6 months I got more and more impressed about his personality he seems to have...

so quite frankly whilst looks do matter to be attracted or not...the personality from a person outweighs by far the looks. With my current involvement I can talk about whatever we want to talk at the time good stuff and not so good stuff...whereas Mr. Adorable was only interested in positive/fun topics...but well...the reason for that might simply be as thats all he ever wanted...."some fun..."

And therefore I prefer the one who is less attractive physically then the other (to interpret your words) but who is able to meet my emotional needs.

No point to waste your life with a shallow ass

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 24

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 3:27:39 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm confused.

Looks like the person I want? I don't have a picture in my head, never did of someone that I wanted. I just either find someone aesthetically pleasing or not.

I wanted the entire package..took me years upon years but I waited it out and I'm more than glad I did.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 25

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 3:56:50 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower

Actually I have just been there...

Mr. Adorable was the kind of guy I always wanted...but personality wise he was more an ass then anything else...

Now, my meeting I am gonna have I declined to meet 2 years ago as the pic he did send to me was far from the one he did put up now (well, was the same person but not a good pic)...and I had no interest in meeting him, apart from that I was already involved with someone else unfortunately...

To cut a long story short with emailing each other now since 2 years and more intensively the last 6 months I got more and more impressed about his personality he seems to have...

so quite frankly whilst looks do matter to be attracted or not...the personality from a person outweighs by far the looks. With my current involvement I can talk about whatever we want to talk at the time good stuff and not so good stuff...whereas Mr. Adorable was only interested in positive/fun topics...but well...the reason for that might simply be as thats all he ever wanted...."some fun..."

And therefore I prefer the one who is less attractive physically then the other (to interpret your words) but who is able to meet my emotional needs.

No point to waste your life with a shallow ass

Phoenix, this is a really great post, I appreciate how well you said this. All of this, but I really dig this bolded bit quite a lot. Thank you!

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 26

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 4:08:02 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

thanks heartcream, Mr Adorable (how I used to name him on the boards to have a name for him but to avoid using his profile name) appeared to be great in many aspects...but as mentioned on a different board right now where it was stated about men would only be serious if they would have to chase that girl...IMO he was only looking for some fun and never for anything real.

He was very good in finding the right words...but once he achieved many aspects of what he tried to achieve he changed his personality...and from then onwards personal not so great aspects in mails or chats he put down straight away with comments such as "once again drama"...a la "don't bother me with any personal struggle you might have had if you had one of the bad days."

And so I can only explain this with it that he simply was never interested anyway and only had a huge mouth like a bulldozer but nothing behind it...now...would I want to be with a guy where I can't say it when I am fed up or annoyed about something??? as he does not want to hear it (in case he would be real...unexpectedly???)

Certainly not, then quite frankly I prefer the guy where I can be how I am and have my rant when I need it and don't have to swallow everything just because he can't be bothered to talk about not so great stuff in life...

and therefore a I-look-so-good-only-other-people-have-problems-in-life-not-me...can stay faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from me....not my type...then I certainly prefer someone not quite as good looking but interested in me as the whole package....not just in the convenient good days

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to heartcream)

Post #: 27

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 6:18:58 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

Once again it takes the new guy with the out of the box approach to solve the riddle.

You take the girl that will satisfy the relationship and spring for augmentive sugurey and a health club membership.

Problem solved.

And how would you feel if she said this to you? "Come back after you get a chemical peel and develop a six pack!"

Because with the years, looks fade, weight can be gained and not lost or vice versa and we all want to loved unconditionally. We don't want to think the day we have a mastectomy we'll be kicked out.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)

Post #: 28

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:00:13 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

Once again it takes the new guy with the out of the box approach to solve the riddle.

You take the girl that will satisfy the relationship and spring for augmentive sugurey and a health club membership.

Problem solved.

And how would you feel if she said this to you? "Come back after you get a chemical peel and develop a six pack!"

Because with the years, looks fade, weight can be gained and not lost or vice versa and we all want to loved unconditionally. We don't want to think the day we have a mastectomy we'll be kicked out.

I'm pretty sure he was joking. And the two don't compare. He's saying "Work with her to change what you can" and your example is "Fuck off until you change on your own".

Those are drastically different things. I have had people that I was only interested in if they worked to improve their body type and I don't feel bad about it at all. They were great people but if they turn me off, they turn me off. If shit happens later on down the road, we'll deal with it. But I want to see the effort that they are going to continue to try and make themselves healthy and physically appealing to me. That's what I'm going to do for them, I want that in return.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/19/2010 7:02:50 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 29

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:07:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Perhaps it was a problem of compatibility... some people just do not like talking about unpleasant stuff. Some people just don't want to dwell on negative things... it doesn't necessarily mean he wasn't that into you... but I am sure you would know better than I would since you were involved with him...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 30

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:11:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I'm pretty sure he was joking. And the two don't compare. He's saying "Work with her to change what you can" and your example is "Fuck off until you change on your own".

I didn't get the feeling he was joking. His posts don't normally seem to be filled with humor.

I did get the feeling she was going to be on probation. If the surgery didn't make her good looking enough, if she couldn't get thin enough, then out she goes.

So I wanted to show him how the woman would feel by giving other scenarios that would result in the same emotions.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 31

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:13:32 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

Osf?

This is why porno was created.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 32

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:13:46 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I'm pretty sure he was joking. And the two don't compare. He's saying "Work with her to change what you can" and your example is "Fuck off until you change on your own".

I didn't get the feeling he was joking. His posts don't normally seem to be filled with humor.

I did get the feeling she was going to be on probation. If the surgery didn't make her good looking enough, if she couldn't get thin enough, then out she goes.

So I wanted to show him how the woman would feel by giving other scenarios that would result in the same emotions.

I completely disagree that your scenario would result in the same emotions. I would have a very different response to "Hey, I really like you and really want to be with you but could we work on your weight and maybe get breast implants" to "Yeah, talk to me when you wear a size six and have H cups again".

Personally, I probably wouldn't be interested in either one. But they are very different. As for him, I've had brief private contact with him that was quite polite and considerate. I see no reason to believe that he wasn't joking. I thought it was funny.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/19/2010 7:14:29 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 33

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:24:03 PM

OriginallyFromLA

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline

Hey come on everybody, it was just a joke.

I know I can be very serious and introspective, but I can also be pretty sarcastic and I'm the first person to laugh at myself.

Everyone else was being deady serious, I just figured I'd throw in something outrageous. Don't take it serious. It is Friday after all.

_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 34

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:30:11 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

Hey come on everybody, it was just a joke.

Hey... I got it was a joke! Sheesh...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)

Post #: 35

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:33:51 PM

OriginallyFromLA

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline

Hey come one everybody except AquaticSub, it was just a joke

_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 36

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 7:44:58 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

That's much better!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)

Post #: 37

RE: person v relationship - 2/19/2010 8:20:08 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Ten years on CM without finding someone you like? How about trying to meet people in, like, you know, real life? Go to a munch or a play party for gosh sakes!

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 38

RE: person v relationship - 2/20/2010 4:04:57 AM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

if you had to choose between 2 people , one that looks like the person that you want and another that doesn't have the appearance you like but can provide the relationship you want, what do you do.

sure there's always the answer keep looking, but you've been on cm for a decade and the searching is getting old

me, i would wait another week, perhaps a month...because when i get to the point of having to make a choice from 1 or 2 and neither is what i want, then i know i am going to screw up. It is the laws of my life, react from frustration= problems i made for myself.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 39

RE: person v relationship - 2/20/2010 6:06:34 AM

afkarr

Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

Hey come on everybody, it was just a joke.

I know I can be very serious and introspective, but I can also be pretty sarcastic and I'm the first person to laugh at myself.

Everyone else was being deady serious, I just figured I'd throw in something outrageous. Don't take it serious. It is Friday after all.

Might be a joke to you, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who have that attitude for real. Not only does it say "Change who you are for me", it can also be interpreted as "You'll do for now if you work on some things- and meanwhile I'll keep browsing for what I really want." It's kind of like a vanilla girl being hit on at closing time because Dude has struck out with everybody else- deep down she knows it's only for tongiht and next week he'll be out cruising for hot babes again.

Nobody wants to feel like they're in competition with some ideal that exists so far only in someone else's imagination. If you're not interested inthe whole package, wouldn"t it just be easier to say "I don't think we're real compatible, been nice meeting you"?

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)

Post #: 40

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