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RE: person v relationship - 2/20/2010 6:14:14 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: afkarr

Nobody wants to feel like they're in competition with some ideal that exists so far only in someone else's imagination. If you're not interested inthe whole package, wouldn"t it just be easier to say "I don't think we're real compatible, been nice meeting you"?

On the other hand, nobody is perfect and some people, in particular situations, would rather change something about their appearence than give up on the relationship. I learned the hard way that sometimes it is best to go "I'm sorry but this really turns me off. Is this really important to you?". Cause it turns out... it wasn't and they woulda changed it.

Keep in mind - I'm not saying that I would expect that to apply in most occasions, or even a significant amount. But ya know... sometimes it's worth finding out. There are certainly things about my physical appearance that I would no qualms about altering for the right partner.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/20/2010 6:16:16 AM >

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RE: person v relationship - 2/20/2010 6:33:07 AM

afkarr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: afkarr

Nobody wants to feel like they're in competition with some ideal that exists so far only in someone else's imagination. If you're not interested inthe whole package, wouldn"t it just be easier to say "I don't think we're real compatible, been nice meeting you"?

On the other hand, nobody is perfect and some people, in particular situations, would rather change something about their appearence than give up on the relationship. I learned the hard way that sometimes it is best to go "I'm sorry but this really turns me off. Is this really important to you?". Cause it turns out... it wasn't and they woulda changed it.

Keep in mind - I'm not saying that I would expect that to apply in most occasions, or even a significant amount. But ya know... sometimes it's worth finding out. There are certainly things about my physical appearance that I would no qualms about altering for the right partner.

Maybe it depends on the level and permanency of the desired change. ? He Likes redheads? Heck, I can be a redhead for a $10.00 box of dye, and if we don't work out, it's easily changed back. Now, getting GGG boobs and a Barbie doll waist would take much longer, be more expensive, more painful, and have no guarenteed results. Not willing to go there- dude just needs say I'm not his type.

And I don't think I could be green for anybody..........it's really not my color

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Post #: 42

RE: person v relationship - 2/20/2010 6:45:38 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: afkarr

Maybe it depends on the level and permanency of the desired change. ? He Likes redheads? Heck, I can be a redhead for a $10.00 box of dye, and if we don't work out, it's easily changed back. Now, getting GGG boobs and a Barbie doll waist would take much longer, be more expensive, more painful, and have no guarenteed results. Not willing to go there- dude just needs say I'm not his type.

And I don't think I could be green for anybody..........it's really not my color

I understand that. But, given that his saying "Sorry I'm not interested" has a zero percent chance of getting a relationship with the person and "Hey I think you are amazing but this is really important to me. Would you be willing to this?" at least has a chance that the other person might say yes, I don't really see the problem with politely telling someone that.

Personally, I don't get the butt-load of comestic surgery but some women are into that. So maybe they would jump at the chance. It doesn't hurt for him to ask since if she says no, it's the same result as if he didn't ask.

My issue would be how it's asked.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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Post #: 43

RE: person v relationship - 2/20/2010 7:09:46 AM

OriginallyFromLA

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Joined: 2/10/2010
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quote:

Nobody wants to feel like they're in competition with some ideal that exists so far only in someone else's imagination. If you're not interested inthe whole package, wouldn"t it just be easier to say "I don't think we're real compatible, been nice meeting you"?

Isn't that the reasonable attitude? I happen to share it.

I don't want to hijack, but since I opened this can of worms... *Sigh*....A few years ago I was miserable waiting around for the right woman to come along. I had this unrealistic ideal of what I wanted. Then one day I looked at myself and said why in the world would the type of woman you want have anything to do with you. So I started on a "self improvement" program.

While I was working on trying to be as physically attractive as I could be(hard work), I also took a long look at the way I thought. I made a list of what was really important to me and decided "this is what is important, and the rest is just noise". It was a very short list.

Well the problem was the list was SO short that I fell hard for the first woman I met that satisfied it. And when it ended it was devistating. And I take 100% responsibility for it. She was wrong for me plain and simple and I knew it but I just assumed we would grow towards each other because where things were right, they were how I always immagined it should be.

So in the end, I end up here, again working on trying to be as physically attractive as I can, while trying to identify and learn from my mistakes. And let me tell you, I made a lot of them.

So I'm re-writing my list, expanding it to include the things I learned. I came here to get a better handle on who I am, why I think the way I do, what it is about you submissive women that rings the bell in my brain and how I can muffle it. I work hard every day to try to make myself better phyisically, emotionally, menatlly and spiritually. I expect the same thing from my partner.

So me? I share the attitude that I would rather be alone and OK, than with the wrong person and miserable. I don't want to be responsible for someone's emotional pain.

But in the end each person has to make their own list and understand that life is all about learning and you may find that your list wasn't right. I really envy the people here who know who they are and are in these long term relationships. One of these days I hope be be one of them. Until then, I have plenty of work to keep me busy.

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RE: person v relationship - 2/20/2010 9:06:28 AM

lucylucy

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When I'm in a relationship that satisfies me, my partner is the most beautiful person in the world. It's never worked the other way around for me.

(ETA: physical fitness is very important to me and I have never been attracted to someone who wasn't fit, but to me that's more about a satisfying relationship than about appearance. I am very active and just wouldn't be satisfied in a relationship with a couch potato.)

< Message edited by lucylucy -- 2/20/2010 9:35:04 AM >

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RE: person v relationship - 2/20/2010 9:17:50 AM

sexyred1

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If someone asks you to physically change for them, they are the wrong person for you.

If I want to change something physically about myself, I will. If you ask me to, you are gone.

End of story.

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Post #: 46