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LadyNTrainer -> RE: Strong Alpha male subs v weak beta sissywimps (2/24/2010 10:48:07 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: softsissy
So what appeals more to a Mistress.
A strong alpha male who they can break,and becomes her submissive.
or an already beta male who they know they can easily Dominate and would not be a challenge at all.
See, it's just not that simple of a dichotomy. A "Manly-Man", uber domly, stoic, arrogant and stuck firmly in a socially acceptable male gender role, is not the least bit appealing. But neither is someone who buys into the same basic belief that you can only be strong f you adhere to socially conventional gender roles, and if you don't you're weak. Deciding that a) the socially prescribed rigid gender roles are an accurate indication of strength and dominance and b) because you're submissive you must reverse those roles is STILL buying into the bullshit that I consider toxic, unhealthy and not in the least bit attractive. Mostly because buying in means you agree that male/having balls = strong and dominant and female/being feminine = weak and submissive, lowly, degraded, inferior, etc.
Wanna know what I find seriously fucking hot? I play with a couple of pansexual boys who are big and strong (one of them is a semi-pro bodybuilder) but who can seriously ROCK the lingerie they like to wear. They're so totally beyond being hung up on gender roles that it's all fun and sexy to them. The power they can command when they bring both male and female charisma to bear is astonishing. They aren't at all sissy, or wimpy, or even very beta, though are wonderful at projecting "fuck me, I am ripe for the taking and I want to surrender my hot ass to you." The closest media model I could point to in describing that unique charisma is Frank N. Furter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, except they're a lot more mature and less drama prone.
I have no idea whether to describe those boys as being alpha or beta. They are primarily submissive, occasionally switchy, mostly with other boys and other genderbenders. They just don't fit into any conventional roles. They can be very femme at will or very male at will. When they're femme, they aren't necessarily submissive or weak, in fact a lot of powerful "I am woman, hear me roar" matriarchial energy seems to come forward when they femme out. When they are feeling more male, the maleness they put out is not the conventional manly-man energy. It's powerful, but it's not intrinsically connected with dominance. Some Native cultures called folks like this "two spirited" and considered them sacred. I'd have to agree.
I also know some very quiet and confident males who are strong, gracious, courteous, gentlemanly and totally submissive to the partner they love and respect. Their demeanor is "Gentleman knight in service to his Lady", and it works. Are they alpha or beta? Neither, really. They don't feel compelled to lord it over others, nor is it easy to lord it over them unless you have first earned their trust and respect.
My primary partner is one of the pansexual genderbenders I described earlier. He's quiet most of the time, but strong and confident. Neither alpha nor beta socially, really. He doesn't lead and he doesn't follow; he does his own thing. I really wouldn't advise pissing him off, though. He's seriously indestructible, and even though I am a very heavy player, I end up having to stop long before he safewords. He cannot be made to safeword through physical pain, as far as I can tell. He can endure pretty much anything, at least anything I can do without risking permanent damage. I am an experienced and savage sadist, so this is really saying something. He is perpetually graceful and dignified in his service to me, whether he is expressing a more male or more female gender feeling at the time. I suppose he'd qualify as an alpha, but it's really hard to say as he's mostly asocial and avoids relating to others in any kind of social power structure at all.
The other member of my poly family probably would qualify as beta, and a natural submissive. He's a lightweight in terms of our physical play, and I only have to look at him threateningly and raise my hand to make him shiver and go weak at the knees, barely able to stand. He's dead easy to intimidate and to push around. I get a genuine fear/intimidation response from him that I don't get from my primary partner. He's a brilliant scientist, same as my primary (different field though), but definitely more of an obvious geek/nerd type. I have to say that I enjoy his rapid responses of real fear and intimidation very much, as much as I enjoy being served by a strong, graceful and dignified transgender warrior. They're two different things and I'm very happy to have them both in my life. I doubt I could pick or choose one as being better than the other for me.
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