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LadyNTrainer -> RE: Strong Alpha male subs v weak beta sissywimps (3/3/2010 11:48:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: atUrMercy
Forgive me for saying it, but this just means that there are no super-super dominant women (or very,very few) for the doormats who are super-super submissives. Most dominant women want 50 % assertiveness and 50 % submissiveness. Too bad. Life is unfair.
Is a woman "super super dominant" if she prefers stronger men to own, or is she "super super dominant" if she prefers weaker men to own? I don't think that's a very clear equation, or such a simple one.
It really depends on the individual and their style. Some forms of strength are unattractive and some forms of weakness are unattractive. Some forms of strength are attractive, as are some forms of weakness and vulnerability. A man who is quiet, deferential, emotionally vulnerable, very submissive and noncompetitive, eager to be pleasing, and feminine or genderqueer can definitely be very, very hot. I have one of those in my poly family, and I value and cherish him. His extreme submission and the ease with which I can dominate and intimidate him is wonderful, and I appreciate it. I find his extreme submissiveness very attractive.
A man who is unable to set his own boundaries, is passive aggressive in his behavior, unable to care for himself in normal daily life, angry and repressed, ineffective, and fetishizing submission and feminization because he secretly hates women and thinks that to be a woman is the most degrading thing he can imagine, not attractive. That kind of personality is toxic, and unfortunately, I see a fair bit of it out there. I don't want this negativity in my life. It's definitely possible to be uber-submissive and femme and *not* be negative, passive aggressive, a useless burden, or hateful of women. But if you can't manage that, you aren't going to be desirable.
A man who is strong and courageous and competent, a natural leader and teacher, mature and responsible, yet totally submissive and deferential at all times to his lady, that's very attractive. I have one of those too, and he is an excellent primary partner and the solid anchor of my household. I trust him to manage most aspects of our daily lives because he's better at it than me. But when there's a decision to be made, my wishes are the primary consideration. He does have a top side and switches with other men, under my direction, but is always deferential to me. He is also genderqueer and can seriously rock some lingerie when he wants to femme out. I find his strength in submission very attractive.
A man who is stuck in a "me alpha" mindset but tries to be submissive because it's what gets him off, topping from the bottom, secretly thinking of himself as better than the domme he submits to because he's a big important business guy, NOT ATTRACTIVE. Do not want. And I see a lot of that in "submissives" also.
What the OP seems to be entirely missing is that most women don't look at just a single characteristic in a prospective partner, they look at the whole picture. If your extreme submissiveness or your strength in submission makes a pretty picture of you in total, you're likely to be seen as desirable. If it's part of a more negative picture, and it comes off in a way that is insulting to women or not really very submissive at all so much as whiny do-me entitlement and/or negativity towards being female, you've got problems whether you're a strong alpha or a fainting femme.
Submissives can be attractive *either way* if they are decent human beings first and foremost. But that's really the key. If you emphasize the positive aspects of what you are and avoid the potential negatives, you'll probably do very well.
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