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input please - 2/20/2010 5:31:57 PM   
tricianeeds


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/4/2009
Status: offline 		my Master and i have been together for 3 1/2 years. He went thru a horrible divorce four years ago and had a really hard time trusting people again, in fact He still does. we have talked about marriage but lately He seems to be pulling back from me.  lately when i mention coming to see Him he doesn't seem interested in talking about it or says we'll talk about it later.  i hate to push the issue but if He's losing interest in me i would rather know it now than later.  opinions?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 5:42:27 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tricianeeds

my Master and i have been together for 3 1/2 years. He went thru a horrible divorce four years ago and had a really hard time trusting people again, in fact He still does. we have talked about marriage but lately He seems to be pulling back from me.  lately when i mention coming to see Him he doesn't seem interested in talking about it or says we'll talk about it later.  i hate to push the issue but if He's losing interest in me i would rather know it now than later.  opinions?


I can understand your frustration, but any kind of pushing is only going to push him away.  Reassure him of your desire to be with him then back off and give him some space.  If he really wants you, he'll be back.

(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 5:48:20 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Yes, take the pressure off of the M/s relationship and focus for a while on whatever feeds your soul - learn a skill, play a sport, read a book, volunteer, paint, play an instrument, pet your cat/dog/hamster, organize your closet, write poetry, knit, go jogging, meditate, bake, garden.....whatever brings you joy and helps you re-center.

Put off the marriage conversations - they're never going to go anywhere unless he is engaged with you. And try to find peace with the thought that no matter what happens with the two of you as a couple, it is what is meant to be.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 6:05:08 PM   
Lorenzo19


Posts: 237
Joined: 2/8/2010
Status: offline 		You seem to think because you are pushing marriage so he is losing interest? just ask him.

I cant answer for your Master but I can tell you My feelings about marriage. I was divorced 25 years ago and the ex is still ruining My life 25 years later.

What I see about marriage is that it is a contract with the govenment that is about 25,000,000 pages long and is called "Family Law". and 99.9% of it deals with ending the marriage. SOME commitment. nobody reads all that crap except the laywers who get wealthy from divorcing you. Trust has nothing to do with it.

If you are commited and love this Man what does a 25 million page contract have to do with it? If you love me you'll sign this contract that would take Him a lifetime to read.

If I were Him... Well that's another story.

_____________________________

Daddy Dom & Romantic Sadist

Everything I needed to know about life I learned by killing smart people and eating thier brains.
Give Me your heart. Make it real. Or else forget about it.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 6:17:11 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		When you say "we" talked about marriage, did "you" bring the subject up or did he?

There are two possible scenarios (to me....there might be additional ones): He's feeling pressured to do something he's not ready to do or he's actually considering it and is taking time to get his head around it.

If it's the first one, you'll probably feel the distance grow as the days and weeks go by, until you stop hearing from him all together. Or, he might be one of the rare ones who actually contacts you to say it's not working for him anymore, he's decided to move on, and wishes you well.

If it's the second, well, lucky you. Pestering him for a commitment may just swing him towards the first scenario.

In either case, if you keep bugging him about the relationship, you're probably going to irritate him enough to make him run. He knows now how you feel, so let him have the time and space to decide what he wants to do. If there's been no one but you for the past 3-1/2 years, then the second scenario is a good possibility. The worst thing you could do is try to rush him or pressure him into making a decision.

As a wise woman recently told me: Patience is a vulture. (Thanks, J!)

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Lorenzo19)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 7:09:29 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		As many others have said, give it time, back off, and let him be...

If you push him at this point you will only seem clingy.. and clingy isn't attractive to most healthy emotionally well people. Reinvest yourself into your life with an open invitation for him to join in if he would like... go be with friends... etc...




_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 8:19:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You already know he's pulling back, no longer interested in you. Stop clinging and find your self respect.

He doesn't want you but there are many people who would love to be involved with you. Grieve the loss of this relationship and next time don't get involved with someone who is in the middle of such grief work as divorce. Pick someone who is already healthy and won't use you to get over a problem, and then dump you when they're ready to move on.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 9:16:45 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		You've gotten solid advice already about backing off and being patient. I just want to address something windchymes said about him maybe not "being ready" for marriage. I would be really careful about thinking about marriage as something he is or isn't "ready" for. As Lorenzo made clear, marriage isn't for everyone. It might make more sense to think of moving the relationship toward a commitment rather than toward marriage.

If you frame marriage as something he isn't "ready" for, you put yourself in the position of moving toward marriage as a goal and getting him "ready" for marriage. If he doesn't want to marry again it probably has nothing to do with you. It has to do with his feelings about involving the government in his personal life (like Lorenzo said--and I share those feelings personally) or about his bitter divorce or something else. Don't take it personally. Decide if a deep lifelong commitment is a more mutual goal and if so, work towards that.

And if he's not interested in the lifelong commitment and you are, well, then he's not the right man for you. No amount of wishing on your part will change that.

Good luck.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 10:43:10 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		That sucks, you should talk to him about it.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: input please - 2/20/2010 11:26:24 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tricianeeds

my Master and i have been together for 3 1/2 years. He went thru a horrible divorce four years ago and had a really hard time trusting people again, in fact He still does. we have talked about marriage but lately He seems to be pulling back from me.  lately when i mention coming to see Him he doesn't seem interested in talking about it or says we'll talk about it later.  i hate to push the issue but if He's losing interest in me i would rather know it now than later.  opinions?



If you like eachother, then marriage doesn't ad a thing.
Ask him why he doesn't want to marry. If he gives a good reason, do with out.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 12:00:17 AM   
MsHValentine


Posts: 80
Joined: 1/6/2010
Status: offline 		Carry on with your own life. If he's interested, he'll come to you.

(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 12:29:44 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		He's got intimacy issues, big time. He needs space. Give it to him. Go do your own thing, and have fun being YOU. He's just not that into you, but that's on him.

What were the major problems that caused his divorce? Whatever- this man is not your problem to fix, and he's not your project. Give him scads of space, and if you lose interest in someone who really doesn't seem very interested in you, then I'd say you have healthy self-esteem. I wouldn't cry too much over the loss of something that you might never have had, with someone so closed-off.


_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 12:50:07 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'd sincerely give you a big hug and tell you everything is going to be okay. Everything will eventually be okay regardless of whatever happens though. Taking a deep breath here. The best advice I have to offer you is, for you to step back and give him and yourself a little space. I'm not saying pack things in on it, or for you to not give a damn. Just step back a little. Whatever personal issues he's going through he may need a little space and time to sort through.

If his Ex from his last marriage pressured or pushed for marriage and he learned to regret it, you pushing things in this department, just might be triggering his own self defenses a little. Even more so, since as you expressed it was a very bad experience for him.

Just because he's become withdrawn does not automatically mean he's loosing interest, he may simply be taking a lot of things into deep consideration and thought.

One thing I know from all my past experiences, if a relationship reaches a point where everything becomes serious all the time, the beautiful and fun moments tend to slip away. Those times when you simply were alive and free and joking around or doing whatever else. Too much of a heavy heart can take away from being Light Hearted. The simple, easy going moments of enjoyment and relaxing together.

I'm sorry, I wish there was some rock solid advice I could give you.

Be well

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 6:45:11 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Call me crazy but if the OP can't talk to her dom after 3 1/2 years together, then what sort of relationship does she really have?
(in reply to the people telling her to leave him alone)

Op, if this situation was mine, I would push the issue, hunt him down and ask if there is a major problem in our relationship and if so, what? Like you, I would rather know sooner than later, and be able to go on. I'm assuming that the two of you aren't living together - which would be a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Asking for a bit of honesty isn't wrong, and even if the answer isn't the one she wants, at least it is an answer, not just a void that she projects her own concerns into.

If her dom needs a bit of time, then he needs to verbalise this to her so she isn't assuming the worst.

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 2/21/2010 6:46:07 AM >

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 6:53:08 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tricianeeds

my Master and i have been together for 3 1/2 years. He went thru a horrible divorce four years ago and had a really hard time trusting people again, in fact He still does. we have talked about marriage but lately He seems to be pulling back from me.  lately when i mention coming to see Him he doesn't seem interested in talking about it or says we'll talk about it later.  i hate to push the issue but if He's losing interest in me i would rather know it now than later.  opinions?


You've jumbled several issues into one. Trust.....after 3 1/2 years he still cannot trust you and you are okay with that? Why would you even entertain marrying someone that does not trust you?

You say the two of you have discussed marriage. Who brought the subject up, you or he? If he is retreating from you, it may be because you brought it up. OR he brought it up as some vague future possibility and you grabbed onto it like a starving dog onto a bone. Pushing a vague future possibility into a concrete, time specific probability. Which might explain why he does not want to see you. Desperation is not attractive.

Based upon the few sentences you wrote, that's all I've got.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 7:14:23 AM   
OriginallyFromLA


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline 		The soft vanilla coating on me says, the guy just may be going through a rough time trying to juggle things he doesn't want make you deal with, in his own mind he may even think he's protecting you so cut him some slack and be patient and supportive.......

But the crunchy, nutty chewy Dom flavored nougat in me says fuck him! I had to learn the hard way and nobody gave me a second chance, so kick his ass to the curb and let him figure out what he's missing after you're gone for good.

It's really your choice.

_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 7:19:32 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

The soft vanilla coating on me says, the guy just may be going through a rough time trying to juggle things he doesn't want make you deal with, in his own mind he may even think he's protecting you so cut him some slack and be patient and supportive.......

But the crunchy, nutty chewy Dom flavored nougat in me says fuck him! I had to learn the hard way and nobody gave me a second chance, so kick his ass to the curb and let him figure out what he's missing after you're gone for good.

It's really your choice.


Oh thanks. Now I want candy...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 8:50:19 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tricianeeds

my Master and i have been together for 3 1/2 years. He went thru a horrible divorce four years ago and had a really hard time trusting people again, in fact He still does. we have talked about marriage but lately He seems to be pulling back from me.  lately when i mention coming to see Him he doesn't seem interested in talking about it or says we'll talk about it later.  i hate to push the issue but if He's losing interest in me i would rather know it now than later.  opinions?


My immediate reaction is that he's probably done, for whatever reason -- you might ask why he's pulling back.  In my experience, its the tip of an iceburg.  It might not be all about you and your relationship but its clearly having an impact on you.  "coming to see him" ... does that mean there's distance and not too much time together?  If so, I'd suggest that talking about marriage probably isn't a good idea until you can spend significant time together.

Several other things are possible, including him finding someone closer, if you're far away.

As a general rule, pushing anyone usually doesn't get what you want.  You might just let him be and if he's interested in being with you, he'll let you know.

There isn't much here so that's my cut on it, but I'm making a ton of assumptions.  Ultimately, you should talk to him and find out what's going on and then TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to tricianeeds)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 8:56:26 AM   
OriginallyFromLA


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Oh thanks. Now I want candy...



Your wish is my command My Dear......No wait, that's backwards...








Attachment (1)

_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: input please - 2/21/2010 8:58:07 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		After reading the responses you've gotten since I posted last, I had two more thoughts that kind of compete with each other.

Thought #1:
The relationship may have run its course in 3 1/2 years. Perhaps you two have given each other all you can give each other. My definition of a good relationship is one in which each party brings out the best in the other. Are you two still bringing out the best in each other? Maybe not, and perhaps he's realized that before you have, which would account for his pulling away.

Women tend to think every serious relationship must lead toward marriage. I think this blinds us to some of the problems in our relationships. Think about why you want to be married. Is it because of the social approval? The financial benefits? A desire to start a family? Whatever it is, figure out how much of it has to do with HIM and how much of it has to do with a simple drive to be married. I think women often marry the "wrong" man because they want so badly to be married.

I think it makes more sense to make "a healthy fulfilling relationship" the goal to move towards rather than marriage. Marriage may or may not happen and if it does, it's no guarrantee of a healthy fulfilling relationship. At its most basic, it's simply a legal agreement. I personally have no need for that, but I do have a need for a healthy fulfilling relationship.

Thought #2:
quote:

ORIGINAL: tricianeeds
i hate to push the issue but if He's losing interest in me i would rather know it now than later. opinions?

You DO know it now. Move on.

< Message edited by lucylucy -- 2/21/2010 9:20:02 AM >

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 20
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