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RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/22/2010 11:58:22 PM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

If you write a profile to invite anger-that is what you will get. I see this all of the time-women angry over the wrong sort of attention. I respect this with my silence.

Perhaps a potential friend will have the same kindness with you?

How do you write a profile that invites anger?

OP its simple block and delete and if its to out of line report it to the Mods before doing so. Why give a perfect stranger control over you and when you "react" IMO that is what you are doing.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 21

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/22/2010 11:59:28 PM

MasterJC69

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline

Very good advice. The same that I have expressed to her myself. This for the most part just shows the shallow and ignorant person that they are and how much they have no clue about this lifestyle.

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Post #: 22

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 12:04:29 AM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

By making it seem like a challenge. There are a lot of terribly insecure men out there who think of themselves as "doms".
The kind with shit control of thier own lives-so they want to control someone else to feel better?
Maybe it's just one of ten thousand hen-pecked wanna cheat husbands overcompensating for the death grip the bitches they married have on thier financial gonads?

The answers are legion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

If you write a profile to invite anger-that is what you will get. I see this all of the time-women angry over the wrong sort of attention. I respect this with my silence.

Perhaps a potential friend will have the same kindness with you?

How do you write a profile that invites anger?

OP its simple block and delete and if its to out of line report it to the Mods before doing so. Why give a perfect stranger control over you and when you "react" IMO that is what you are doing.

(in reply to SweetNika)

Post #: 23

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 12:15:35 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Don't reply to them at all. Just block and delete. You can even send your CM email to your other email account (the one you registered on CM with) and open it there, so that the asshole/wanker etc. won't be able to see that you've opened it. All he'll know for sure is that he's blocked.

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(in reply to curiouskitten8)

Post #: 24

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 12:16:57 AM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

Ahhhh. Okay, here's my take. You may be a great person, but your profile doesn't say a damn thing about yourself. It says to me "Back off man, I know what I want, and you're probably not it. I'm 19 and I demand your respect. I'm going to get what I want." It provides no information and simply sets the reader on the defensive immediately. A good profile doesn't focus on what you DON'T want. It also should provide some info about you, and what you DO seek. Otherwise, you're just going to get comments on your photo (positive or negative), the odd spam, and some of the types of messages you're here to complain about. Maybe try to sound like the sweet, interesting, and desirable person you probably are?

I don't agree. I checked out her profile too. It sounds a bit defensive, but she's 19, and that's pretty damn young to be putting yourself out there on a kinky website. She should be defensive - it's a way of being safe. Also, I think the defensiveness isn't masking anger - it's masking confidence and a surety with what she believes she'll find. She's not saying "back off, asshole," she's saying, "don't mess with me just because I'm 19 and a sub. I know what I want and deserve."

Your advice is good - to add more personal information, and to add what she does want in a person - but I really don't think it's fair to say she's playing a part in the rudeness of the email she receives. God knows most of us get some rude emails, and most of them haven't read our profiles. And I don't want to talk down to a 19 year old (I was there myself 6 years ago) but she's young. I personally believe there should be some respectful caution in dealings with really young people trying out their kinks for the first time. I know there isn't any way to enforce it, and not every teen is the nicest person on earth, but starting out with treating young subs like they've just stepped out of a porn is just unfortunate, because it creates a lasting impression of what "Doms" can be like. I was 16 when I started posting submissive profiles, and I was treated with a good deal less respect than I'm treated now. You would think it would be the opposite.

Sorry, mini rant. Curiouskitten - just delete the emails without replying, as others have suggested. Over time, you'll get less angry about the rudeness. But personally, I don't blame you one bit for getting pissed.

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Post #: 25

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 12:17:27 AM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

Smutmonger

There are ALOT of insecure people online period, men dont have the monopoly there. Many people read profiles like mine that state a person is not looking and take that as a challenge or that they are looking for women online. That being said I still don't get how someone can write a profile that justifies someone being a rude ass clown. Perseved challenge or not.

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 2/23/2010 12:18:25 AM >

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Nika

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Post #: 26

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 12:22:50 AM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I never said anything about it being justified-only what provokes it.
It comes from an inflated sense of self entitlement. "I deserve to have______"

You see it everywhere-the welfare mentality.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Smutmonger

There are ALOT of insecure people online period, men dont have the monopoly there. Many people read profiles like mine that state a person is not looking and take that as a challenge or that they are looking for women online. That being said I still don't get how someone can write a profile that justifies someone being a rude ass clown. Perseved challenge or not.

< Message edited by Smutmonger -- 2/23/2010 12:23:07 AM >

(in reply to SweetNika)

Post #: 27

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 12:37:58 AM

CruelSpanker

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

I was chewed out by a sub once for being too polite, but I was glad to find out that's a pretty small minority here

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 28

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 12:38:08 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

it hits you in the eye a bit hard when you click in to youre cemails and get some crappy message from a total stranger. my first impulse is to send them a really smartarse response and on occasions ive let myself rip on one or two who are sarcastic or patronising. sometimes it just feels right to put those wankers in their place. but mostly i just take a deep breath and as Greedy says, consider the source, ie: (saddo wanker with a small life and no prospects) then i delete and ignore.

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(in reply to wittynamehere)

Post #: 29

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 3:01:39 AM

Lorenzo19

Posts: 237
Joined: 2/8/2010
Status: offline

What exactly is everyone getting in a huff about? OP? Can you give an example of the rudeness? And if the guy was drop dead gorgeous would you be swooning instead of complaining?

Like they used to say. How does a girl know it sexual harassment? If he's ugly its harassment. if He's gorgeous she gets laid.

_____________________________

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Everything I needed to know about life I learned by killing smart people and eating thier brains.
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(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 30

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 3:08:08 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

i suppose your right....some people really know how to push your buttons though

you can't control the behavior of others. The only thing you can control is your reaction to them.

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Post #: 31

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 3:35:34 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I'm so glad I don't have an active profile anymore. Rude emails are common.
The only control you have is how you react. If you allow them to annoy you then that's your issue.
Personally...the only reaction those kinds of emails got from me was amusement and if I was in one of "those" moods where I didn't just delete and not give it a second thought then I would egg them on by continually laughing at them. They hated that...

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Post #: 32

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 3:58:56 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

My first reaction to the title of this thread was .... "with a cane!"

*sigh* a subbie can dream, can't she?

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 33

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 4:14:14 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorenzo19

What exactly is everyone getting in a huff about? OP? Can you give an example of the rudeness? And if the guy was drop dead gorgeous would you be swooning instead of complaining?

Like they used to say. How does a girl know it sexual harassment? If he's ugly its harassment. if He's gorgeous she gets laid.

I find your attitude highly unpleasant.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Lorenzo19)

Post #: 34

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 5:16:57 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorenzo19

What exactly is everyone getting in a huff about? OP? Can you give an example of the rudeness? And if the guy was drop dead gorgeous would you be swooning instead of complaining?

Like they used to say. How does a girl know it sexual harassment? If he's ugly its harassment. if He's gorgeous she gets laid.

I find your attitude highly unpleasant.

And you're not the only one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelSpanker

I was chewed out by a sub once for being too polite, but I was glad to find out that's a pretty small minority here

Just think of what fun you'd have with her when she kept making demands on you if you were actually involved with her. You got off easy.

Back on topic... OP, picture what it would be like if a major focus of your life were bothering strangers on a website, none of whom you'll ever meet. That's a pretty sad, small individual. Not worth any of your consideration more than block and delete.

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Post #: 35

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 5:18:29 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

This....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorenzo19

What exactly is everyone getting in a huff about? OP? Can you give an example of the rudeness? And if the guy was drop dead gorgeous would you be swooning instead of complaining?

Like they used to say. How does a girl know it sexual harassment? If he's ugly its harassment. if He's gorgeous she gets laid.

Would be a good example of this....

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8
And why do these "Doms", who are supposed to understand women, treat us with such disrespect when they don't know us?

What has led to your assumption that people who are dominant all "understand" females? Why only that gender?

In any event, your assumption is wrong. Being dominant has zero correlation with understanding females (or males, or any other gender). Some dominants understand people, and some don't.

If you're going to make baseless assumptions like "all dominant people understand everybody else", you can probably understand that perhaps some of those dominant people made the assumption about you that "all submissive people want to be spoken down to in messages". Some do, and some don't. If YOU don't, don't reply.

Or, get angry, and make a thread about it, to add to the other 6000 threads on the exact same topic.

I love the "delete" and "block" button....they're the buttons that are fun to press!
OP, it's best not to assume that just because someone slaps a title on in front of their name that they're all-knowing and respecting of every living creatures. You're just dealing with plain old humans....full of quirks, weaknesses and everything else that makes us the gloriously imperfect beings that we are.

Besides, you know what they say about assuming....

_____________________________

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(in reply to Lorenzo19)

Post #: 36

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 6:57:20 AM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

i suppose your right....some people really know how to push your buttons though

you can't control the behavior of others. The only thing you can control is your reaction to them.

sirsholly is absolutely correct. No one on this site can control who chooses to email them. However, you can control your reaction to the emails you receive. Getting emotional, defensive, and having the "why me" attitude isn't productive. Stop giving strangers so much control and emotional power over you. Remember you don't know the people on the other end of the email, why let it affect you so much? It's simply a waste of energy. As many others said, block or simply delete the emails.

Good luck!

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I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 37

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 7:18:20 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

Everybody is much too nice with block, delete, ignore or report even. RedMagic1 concept of taking horrid pictures to send back to them (priceless). Just squick them the hell out with the most hideous revolting pictures you can find on the internet. Instead of cussing them out, instead take a moment to mind fuck them. (WICKED EVIL LAUGH)

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Post #: 38

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 7:29:43 AM

sblady

Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

I rarely use block, hide, delete. In fact, I've only used block twice on this site and not at all on others. The reason; If someone is stupid enough to send dumb ass e-mails, they fully deserve to see my other side which ain't purty. At times, the same people send additional e-mails and depending on how sadistic I feel, I'll go along for a while. But, I'm easily bored and will eventually start deleting their messages without opening them.

However, if the e-mails are upsetting, by all means, use the block feature.

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(in reply to curiouskitten8)

Post #: 39

RE: Handeling Rude Doms - 2/23/2010 7:43:22 AM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

Rude and disrespectful emails from random "Doms" seem to be quite common on this site. They never fail to light my short fuse. So I ask, how do you keep a level head? Do you just block them?
And why do these "Doms", who are supposed to understand women, treat us with such disrespect when they don't know us? Don't they realize they will never own anyone of any worth acting in such a manner.

let me add......... there are lots of wonderful and respectful Doms on this site.

I am not a submissive BUT, I do occasionaly get messages from men who claim to be Dominants. They are rude and demanding and believe this site is the answer to all their sexual needs. (Again, to much internet porn) Sometimes they have viewed my profile but most times thay have not. These men, like the ones who write to you, are not real Dominants. They are not real men either IMO. I used to send them a "helpful" little note telling them to be very cautious that a real lifestyle Domme such as myself does not get a hold of them or even one of the real lifestyle submissives because they will be in way over their heads. I stopped doing that because it's just a waste of my time to put these wankers in their place.

As an add: I found almost all the unwanted mail stopped when I deleted my original profile and took off my picture. I assume they look at the age and think I'm some old lady. I'm good with that if it keeps the idiots off me :-)

(in reply to curiouskitten8)

Post #: 40

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