quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

In regards to the establishment of Doormat syndrome(Is it a sickness now?)

Psychology believes its a severe problem, yes.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200805/field-guide-the-people-pleaser-may-i-serve-your-doormat

So how does a people-pleaser end the cycle? While perpetual pushovers often lack self-worth and clear direction in their lives, breaking the cycle is complicated. The cure is not abstinence—neglecting others' needs entirely means crossing the border into narcissism. Rather, the key is a well-thought-out policy of temperance. Retain positive people-pleasing traits like friendliness and sensitivity, but clarify your own needs and assert them more. If someone asks you for something, ask yourself if it's feasible and consider your own needs, too. You might say, "I can help you later in the day, but first I need to meet my own deadlines. If it's urgent, maybe we can find someone else to help you right away."

And this is what i believe, and its just my opinion, is the role of the dominant to such a person... breaking that cycle... revealing the submissive within.

a doormat appears to be submissive

a submissive doesnt have to be a doormat

As stated in the article...

•Examine your motivations. People-pleasing seems like the epitome of niceness, but pleasers may assume their submissive postures because of what they expect in return. If you grant someone a favor, do it because it fulfills you—not to get something back.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It's this simple. A doormat is an inanimate object incapable of doing shit for itself. If you don't posses the vocabulary or the intelligence to articulate a description about yourself and you then to choose to use the terminology of "doormat" to describe yourself, don't be surprised when people look at you like you are an idiot.

You and your Dom are morons and you should not be allowed to mingle with anyone. You are dummying down the entire world by interacting with it andyou should be locked up and not allowed to breed.

I hate all of you.

quote:

It's not a matter of worst possible out comes, it's the increased probability of worse out comes that's involved and their implications.(Redirecting and deflecting)

quote:

It's not a matter of worst possible out comes, it's the increased probability of worse out comes that's involved and their implications.(Redirecting and deflecting)

Whenever we dehumanize somebody, the probability for bad things to happen to them increases. In fact, other people may join in on the additional dehumanization and literally the person becomes a true doormat for being bullied or misused and abused. Again, as much as you or I would like to believe people are logical rational critical thinkers, history has proved time and time again, the perfect flaws that human being have.

It's not my sincere intention to deflect or redirect anything, but rather state that there is a factor of probability here. If somebody at the place you work at is labeled a Doormat and many people come to adapt that view of that person as such, they will be treated like a doormat. That person may even be discriminated from advancement in job position. That person may become the first to go when there is a layoff. Labels change and establish a certain amount of perception with meaning. Labels and their meaning do tend to carry weight and meaning. It does effect the probabilities of both positive and negative outcomes.

Again, I sincerely do not view nor look at this as a deflection tactic, nor a redirection. It is something I sincerely believe carry's merit. You simply shooting it down in the fashion you did, is rather dimissing it altogether which avoids addressing it or acknowledgment that it exists. Sort of like the monkeys that See no Evil or Hear No Evil.. I sorry this how I sincerely feel and think upon the matter without the injection of deflection or redirecting anything.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

It's not a matter of worst possible out comes, it's the increased probability of worse out comes that's involved and their implications.(Redirecting and deflecting)

quote:

It's not a matter of worst possible out comes, it's the increased probability of worse out comes that's involved and their implications.(Redirecting and deflecting)

Whenever we dehumanize somebody, the probability for bad things to happen to them increases. In fact, other people may join in on the additional dehumanization and literally the person becomes a true doormat for being bullied or misused and abused. Again, as much as you or I would like to believe people are logical rational critical thinkers, history has proved time and time again, the perfect flaws that human being have.

It's not my sincere intention to deflect or redirect anything, but rather state that there is a factor of probability here. If somebody at the place you work at is labeled a Doormat and many people come to adapt that view of that person as such, they will be treated like a doormat. That person may even be discriminated from advancement in job position. That person may become the first to go when there is a layoff. Labels change and establish a certain amount of perception with meaning. Labels and their meaning do tend to carry weight and meaning. It does effect the probabilities of both positive and negative outcomes.

Again, I sincerely do not view nor look at this as a deflection tactic, nor a redirection. It is something I sincerely believe carry's merit. You simply shooting it down in the fashion you did, is rather dimissing it altogether which avoids addressing it or acknowledgment that it exists. Sort of like the monkeys that See no Evil or Hear No Evil.. I sorry this how I sincerely feel and think upon the matter without the injection of deflection or redirecting anything.

The issue here for me is that we all know the possibilities or at least I would hope we do..so why go on about it when it's obvious that some do know and except the consequences of being it and obviously are happy with it.

Also the possibility for bad outcomes should be considered but they aren't the end all..If that was the case most of us wouldn't take the chances we do with what we do.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 2/28/2010 3:58:20 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Severe on a personal basis. And just because you have not seen it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

Overcoming the "Disease to Please"

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Domiguy, I said already that I *don't* use the label of doormat, and don't think it applies to me. I was defending other people's choice to use that word, or any other, that they bloody well feel like.

If someone calls a woman a "hot chick," do you think they literally mean a chicken they're roasting in the oven? Thanks for the chuckle about "dummying down" the world, btw.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Severe on a personal basis. And just because you have not seen it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

Overcoming the "Disease to Please"

Oh I know people are out there..but one "bad apple" a ruined orchard does not make.

How many do you know?

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Severe on a personal basis. And just because you have not seen it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

Overcoming the "Disease to Please"

Oh I know people are out there..but one "bad apple" a ruined orchard does not make.

How many do you know?

Clinically, i met quite a few. The terms are used to describe specific things. Rapist has a set definition. So does doormat. As much as people may wish to doll up the term, make it pretty, ect, it does have a set definition, especially within the psychological field.

You questioned if it was a sickness. I proved it is considered as such. I am not calling anyone who self identifies as a doormat sick. What i am saying is they do not fit the clinical definition, which is the yardstick that term will be measured by, and, as a result, so will the person utilizing it. There can be real consequences as a result.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

lol.. besides myself? i meant clinically... as in working with them. Some people here actually do work in the medical field. i dont think anyone could ever mistake me for a doormat.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Severe on a personal basis. And just because you have not seen it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

Overcoming the "Disease to Please"

Oh I know people are out there..but one "bad apple" a ruined orchard does not make.

How many do you know?

Clinically, i met quite a few. The terms are used to describe specific things. Rapist has a set definition. So does doormat. As much as people may wish to doll up the term, make it pretty, ect, it does have a set definition, especially within the psychological field.

You questioned if it was a sickness. I proved it is considered as such. I am not calling anyone who self identifies as a doormat sick. What i am saying is they do not fit the clinical definition, which is the yardstick that term will be measured by, and, as a result, so will the person utilizing it. There can be real consequences as a result.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Tequilla is good.. lol... the worm bites back though!

And that is the core to my point. So very few are clinical. Yet, they do exist. If the term becomes mainstream, something we banter about and take for granted, something we apply a lazy feel too, something we simply smile about when we hear it, then we are doing these few women a huge diservice by belittling a condition that really do have (and men can have that condition too)

As far as specific examples, i rarely give one about my patients. while i dont believe they would be on these boards, you can never know or be certain. discussing specifics is a breach of patient confidentiality, and psychological details can be very specific, enough to cause problems.