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RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 6:44:47 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive

I think alot will rest on your own interpertation of the word serve.

From my own personal view point I would say yes; though I would not use the word serve in the capacity that I believe you are using it.

I would look at it more in the context that 'he helps out when the need arises". I was on bed rest for three months of my pregnancy; he took care of me; so in a sense, he served me during that time.

/shrug

Just depends on how you want to define the word serve.

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Post #: 41

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 8:24:56 AM

vampchick88

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Joined: 4/10/2007
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As to doing what the sub tells a Dominant to do...no. However my sub just so happens to have diabetes and his job requires long hours standing and walking with little relief. His legs and feet ache at the end of the day, when he comes home and he's in pain am I to just stand by and say "well too bad serve me" sorry I am a Domme but I'm in health care so health comes first in my eyes. I would massage his legs and feet. Does this make me any less of a Domme? Not in my eyes, its me keeping him healthy, and out of pain. After all what service can he provide to me if he's in agony in bed? Not much. Its a two way street, upkeep, love, compassion, health, whatever you may view it as there is ususally a little 'maintinence' to keep your subs/slaves up to par. Its a relationship of sorts, and with every relationship it takes work from both parts, without the teamwork it would crumble and fall.

M. Lorelei

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Post #: 42

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 9:21:50 AM

Archer

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There is a little semantic acrobatics I do that helps keep both sides of this argument/debate happy.
My slave serves me, I serve the relationship.
Good for me but bad for the relationship I generally choose not to do it.
Bad for me but good for the relationship I will very often choose to do it (OK I'm not perfect in my benevolence)
Good for the slvae bad for the relationship generally denied
Good for the relationship bad for the slave often choose to do it
Good for the slave good for me Good for the relationship definately the best option/situation.

I hold the relationship as primary because it is generally true that doing so keeps me focused on the longer view of what's good for me.

(in reply to vampchick88)

Post #: 43

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 9:44:09 AM

MistressDolly

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: draxxe

Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive,,, This is a current topic we have in the chat room in Old Guard and wanted to share it with you!

I personnely say yes so bring on the bashing and after you do I will tell you why!

Draxxe

I believe an Owner "fulfills" the needs of a slave but does not serve the needs of a slave.

A slave has a need to serve, protect, be guided, nurtured, disciplined, etc., and he gets those needs met through the act of serving.

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Post #: 44

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 9:57:15 AM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

There is a little semantic acrobatics I do that helps keep both sides of this argument/debate happy.
My slave serves me, I serve the relationship.
Good for me but bad for the relationship I generally choose not to do it.
Bad for me but good for the relationship I will very often choose to do it (OK I'm not perfect in my benevolence)
Good for the slvae bad for the relationship generally denied
Good for the relationship bad for the slave often choose to do it
Good for the slave good for me Good for the relationship definately the best option/situation.

I hold the relationship as primary because it is generally true that doing so keeps me focused on the longer view of what's good for me.

Archer, I LIKE that...very elegant.

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 45

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 10:15:44 AM

Rastimmipitwax

Posts: 69
Joined: 6/25/2007
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Both are serving one anothers' needs, but only one is actually serving the other.

Sometimes, however, it is hard to tell which is which :)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 46

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 12:13:53 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

There is a little semantic acrobatics I do that helps keep both sides of this argument/debate happy.
My slave serves me, I serve the relationship.
Good for me but bad for the relationship I generally choose not to do it.
Bad for me but good for the relationship I will very often choose to do it (OK I'm not perfect in my benevolence)
Good for the slvae bad for the relationship generally denied
Good for the relationship bad for the slave often choose to do it
Good for the slave good for me Good for the relationship definately the best option/situation.

I hold the relationship as primary because it is generally true that doing so keeps me focused on the longer view of what's good for me.

Great post Archer and I think that might be the key for me. Both parties serve the relationship in a sense. Maintaining it's health, viability and longeivity is the real work.

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(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 47

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 2:25:02 PM

masterlink65

Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
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dominant and submissive co-exist. without a sub, how can you dominate?

oldguard ways from what i have seen and learned tend to focus more on protocols and appearance than the issues of compatibility and longterm service. in a family setting i feel compatibility is major concern, for part time slaves, the situation may be different. does meeting a slaves needs equal serving a slave, it seem that way, but that doesnt make the dom a bottom or a sub, it makes the dom/domme responsible for slaves well being.

(in reply to draxxe)

Post #: 48

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 2:35:55 PM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
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Isn't a BDSM relationship supposed to be a symbiotic one-each feeding off the other? Everyone should get what each needs and if that doesn't happen, then something has to change.

I have always believed that BDSM should be safe, sane, consensual AND MUTUAL. This does NOT diminsh My dominant capacity at all, but rather enhances it. A happy slave is a good, caring, loyal and fun pet and will strive to make sure that I am satisfied. To make someone miserable is only, in the end, is going to make the Dominant nuts.

I don't think that means the Dominant is "serving" a slave but rather Her/His own self by taking care of the owned one, no matter what the care is.

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Post #: 49

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 2:39:51 PM

sexyred1

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I agree with those who said it is symbiotic, or should be. Both serve the other's needs and desires in whatever way their particular dynamic defines the relationship.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 50

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 2:40:35 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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A submissive gets something out of his or her dominant. In that context, yes.

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Post #: 51

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 2:50:09 PM

MistressAinCT

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Joined: 2/21/2004
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There more I think about this topic, the more I think its a question of semantics. What the OP wants to know is: is it service? I am not sure there needs to be a word for it, but if you want to get down to it, a Dominant IS providing "a" service in some way to the submissive/slave by being the TOP to their bottom. In the same vein, the submissive is providing the Dominant with her/his service as well. So it is service? Sure.

But to Me at least, that sounds very, very technical and cold and I don't consider what I do for My slave as "a" service, but rather a benefit: the benefit of My wisdom, My power, My love, My guidance. That's what I'm here for. In return, they provide Me with the service of, well, serving Me as a, well-servant.

I hope this makes sense to some people!

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So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 52

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/23/2007 2:58:41 PM

BlackKnight

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Serve , serve, serve, it's all about serving, can't we just get along! ;>
speaking of, could you get me that... yeah thank you!, of and one of those..
great, thanks! :* and could you...:::::zzzziiiipppp:::::::::: oh yeah, oh thank, ugh, you, yeah! :>

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(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 53

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/24/2007 1:33:17 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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In a sense both serve one another, both fill a role for each others needs and wants.

(in reply to draxxe)

Post #: 54

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/24/2007 3:27:00 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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Since both Dom and sub are required to create the desired dynamic, then it seems reasonable that they both serve that dynamic for mutual and complementing benefit.

But Dom serve a submissive - as in being held to ransom for her unique qualities? That'd be the day (as far as this Dom's concerned)!

Focus.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 55

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/24/2007 4:32:55 AM

shootingstar67

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come on guys let's not get too far into fantasy here. Do doms serve a sub? In your dreams maybe not. In reality yes. Just as in reality we are equals

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Post #: 56

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/28/2007 7:45:55 PM

Darkhaven80

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Everyone's right in their opinions on this to a degree, but just seeing a phrase like that bugs me

(in reply to NoCalOwner)

Post #: 57

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/30/2007 1:21:58 PM

SensibleSam

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Joined: 11/17/2007
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The hit TV series CSI dispenses wisdom (Ha!) on these matters. According to Grissom the submissive is always in control. As I remember, he says that this is so because she has a safe word. I suspect this is just an attempt to make BDSM more palatable to mainstream America. It also doesn't address the issue of couples who don't use safe words. It is bunk.

Similarly the issue is here posed as a trick question - "Does the Dom serve the submissive". If it were cast as, "Does the submissive receive a service from the Dominant?" - there would be not much in dispute. Obviously submissives get something from Dominants. Look at all the ads on this and similar sites from submissives seeking a Dominant.

In fact in America any submissive can turn in her Dom to the cops if she wants a revenge for some real or imagined offense. He can't do likewise, so it's an unequal relationship in the eyes of the law with the submissive the favored party.

The real issue is - who is in control? The answer can be none, either one, or both.

There is a subcortical reflex in Doms and subs such that they become aroused in a BDSM scene or situation. If the subbie understands this and she uses a man as a Dom she can be said to be in control. She is "using" him. Of course if he is not really a Dom he won't do all that much for her.

Similarly a Dom may understand how to induce subbie reactions in a woman. In which case he is in control. Optimally both the Dom and the subbie know what they want and how to get it.. In this case both are in control - not of one another but of their own neurology.

I believe this language exorcises a lot of confusion about BDSM service. Without this perspective it seems paradoxical that so many women feel liberated when they embrace their need to be a slave.

A significant proportion of all human women behave in the presense of male dominance just the way all the Great Ape females behave - sexually excited. We call these women submissives. If a human women understands that on any level, she can control her sexual response by finding a dominant male.

Control is a phenomenon that arises out of the neocortex. We can be said to choose alternatives in daily life. Our neocortex plans and chooses. But we have no free will about lower brain stem functions. No one can choose to stop breathing (at least for very long). Sex and Dominance/submission are mediated in the lymbic system. The mid brain produces what are called drives. Our neocortex allows us to ignore our drives (at least for awhile) but they are not subject to "free will" in any meaningful sense. For example, gay men can't just choose to no longer be gay. Similarly submissive women and Dominant men inherit their orientations they don't choose them. If a person (the neocortical person) learns to live with the predilictions of their limbic system - that person is in control of themselves. This is by far the most important control issue in BDSM.

(in reply to draxxe)

Post #: 58

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/30/2007 2:18:03 PM

Dcatsmeow

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I am new to this lifestyle (2/2007) and new to living (10/31/07) as a 24/7 sub/slave....So this is coming from someone new all of this But I believe that there is still a service of sorts going on from the Master to the slave.....from the Dom/Domme to the sub. If the s/s needs are not being met, whatever those needs are, most will eventually get tired of giving all of themselves to the other person. It could be emotional needs, sexual needs, basic needs (food, clothing, shelter), it could be that they need more pain and arent getting it....not enough attention or praise or whatever .....

When I say "serve/service of sorts" I am simply talking of the M/D meeting the s/s NEEDS....whatever that need is. Just as if the s/s doesn't meet the M/D's needs they will be let go......the s/s will let go/leave the M/D if their needs are not met. So the way I see that each SERVES the other is meeting the other persons needs.

That is in all relationships be it vanilla or BDSM. If that most important need is not met, then they will evenually move on.

(in reply to NoCalOwner)

Post #: 59

RE: Does a Dominant Serve a Submissive - 11/30/2007 10:35:29 PM

Machts

Posts: 96
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I do enough service in my day job. If I feel I have to serve or be served in a more personal relationship-it's not for me.

< Message edited by Machts -- 11/30/2007 10:41:06 PM >

(in reply to Dcatsmeow)

Post #: 60

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