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RE: Dressing a male - 3/9/2010 1:32:39 PM

OttersSwim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

So, Otters, why has it worked out for you? Why are you so different?

I'm asking you to explain - and try not to be frigging modest about it, like you usually are. If you can manage that.

I don't know that I am any different and if so, then it is because I have a knack for thinking beyond the box...

I am with a dominant female who loves and honors me now because:

1. She was open to a girlie boy in the first place and it was luck/synchronicity/destiny that she found me. As I said earlier, dominant women who are into girlie boys ARE out there, but they are a minority of the total number.

2. We FIRST established a D/s relationship based on compatible needs - service, dedication, honor, integrity, and love. I didn't know much about D/s when we met, but I knew I really liked this person and wanted to make Her happy. I express love through service and as such it was a short trip for me to submission. Especially with Her.

3. My being girlie was a part of the equation of our compatibility, but not all of it. I was smart enough to not lead with my kink and I knew enough about it and myself to have my desires and needs well in hand and present it as the positive thing I was trying to make it in my life. I am not looking for someone to force me into it, it is not very sexual for me. I want it for myself and am happy to take complete charge of it! She is remarkable in that She loves me - in jeans or in a dress and seemingly has no preference. Again, compatible needs.

4. Our relationship ongoing has aspects of me expressing my feminine side. But day to day, it is about the D/s dynamic we have established. Her needs are important to me as mine are to Her. Together we create a safe space for the other to be their authentic self. She, the Dominant Lady, me the girlie-boy submissive. Yes, I am often wearing girl clothes and while that makes -me- feel "right" inside, it is not what is really important about our relationship.

I knew that, and expressed it to her in word and in deed from day one.

So that is how i/we are different, and how I have been the happiest I have ever been in my whole life for the past year and a half.

No one has forced me to do anything, no one has made me wear a single item of clothing...I have not served as a maid, not been made to dress as a sissy...I am not taking hormones, not mincing, not speaking with an affected female voice...

I have instead realized the truth of my soul which is that I am both male and female. And I have been given a very safe place to be my authentic self. I wear girl clothes every day even when I am in "boy-mode" out in the world. I have beautiful sexy dresses, skirts, lingerie, heels and boots, and wonderful places to wear them, and I have someone who loves me in them, or out of them - someone who I serve and love so much in turn - and that is the truth of all this for me.

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 3/9/2010 1:37:24 PM >

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/9/2010 1:56:56 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
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From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

Most of the time, with the boys who come on here talking about dressing, it's degrading how they want to be dressed - they want to be turned into a mockery of femininity. That's offensive to me.

Quoted for truth.

This is the reason I am unlikely ever to consider a cross-dresser or someone who wants "forced" feminization. I've have several friends who are either transgender, meaning they have gender dysphoria, or who are intersexed, meaning they have a biological condition that gives them both male and female sex organs. I've watched them struggle with their identities and the bigotry directed toward them because these conditions. To me, a boy who wants to cross-dress because he finds it humiliating is an insult to me, as a natural woman, and to my friends. I won't stand for that.

If someone wants to cross-dress because he's bringing himself closer to an authentic expression of his indentity, then I'm all for it. If I find someone who is good relationship material on other levels, so much the better. I'm attracted to both women and men, so I could potentially develop a relationship with a gender-fluid person at some point and be quite happy. However, the vast majority of submissive males who come on this site, and to this forum in particular, are as far from authentic gender expression as it's possible to get. I refuse to be party to such blatant disrespect of natural women and transfolk everywhere.

I think if more of the guys who come here asking about feminization had an attitude like Otters or somethingXclever, then they'd get a much more positive reception. They'd probably get just as many people saying "nope, not into that, sorry" but it would be presented in a more encouraging and supportive fashion. Unfortunately, they are too self-absorbed to envision a world where they are not the center of attention. Gods forbid they actually have to put the dominant woman's needs and desires first! They are not here to serve us, they are here to serve themselves. Is it any wonder they get such a negative reception?

The saddest part is that, through their own egocentrism, they are alienating the women who might be willing to consider them. Their only option is to pay a professional to entertain their fetish fantasies and most of them refuse to do so. Thus, they doom themselves to a lifetime of solitude when a simple adjustment of their focus could be the key to finding exactly what they were looking for in the first place.

Now if only we could manage to beat that into their heads. Maybe then we'd all be happy.

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Post #: 42

RE: Dressing a male - 3/9/2010 2:14:58 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
(Why do women so often compare boys and men to dogs?)

It's really simple, Peon. It's because you both drool all over us, your bark is worse than your bite, and you are deliriously happy with cheap food on plastic dishes, and a cuddle in bed.

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Post #: 43

RE: Dressing a male - 3/9/2010 2:17:40 PM

OttersSwim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
(Why do women so often compare boys and men to dogs?)

It's really simple, Peon. It's because you both drool all over us, your bark is worse than your bite, and you are deliriously happy with cheap food on plastic dishes, and a cuddle in bed.

Woof!

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/9/2010 4:49:39 PM

QueenRah

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Mini-jack:

I was wracking my noggin trying to figure out what original mantra your sig line *ahem* parodies. I felt, strongly, it was a Dune-ism. Then, I remembered (well, I cheated - I looked it up) - Piter DeVries, the mantra of the mentat. Funny.

quote:

"It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/9/2010 6:43:49 PM

Andalusite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
It does look very contradictory when it's put that way, doesn't it? But I think that this goes to something even more fundamental about the way men see women. What's seen as a desirable quality in the one sex is seen as the lack of a quality in the other - and much of that remains true even when we're talking about malesubs and femdoms rather than vanillas. Few malesubs, I'd expect, would ask for a domme who's physically stronger than he is, for instance. But it goes further. I'd be surprised if many malesubs mind that a woman can't walk far in those wonderful, sexy strappy high heels (my favourite women's footwear ) or that her long nails might hamper her ability to roll a fist properly.

Even if that's the case, I personally still find it rather offensive. For that matter, I'm very feminine, but I'm very strong relative to my size (pretty darn close to my Master, and he doesn't feel threatened by it at all), I prefer strappy flats or low heels that I can actually move comfortably in, and I've trained in several forms of martial arts. If his view of "femininity" is so limited that he can't wrap his mind around women being strong, able to fight, and still being sexy even when we're in our jammies with no makeup on, he wasn't submissive *or* boyfriend material, back when I was looking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
understand and appreciate all the objections women have used on this forum to those men who've wanted 'forced feminisation' (etc, etc) - but I still have this lingering suspicion that many, perhaps most, women just find it somewhat disturbing to see men 'feminised'. If I'm right - then, I freely admit I have no real clue as to why.

You're correct that a lot of women aren't interested, no matter what mindset the man has. For those of us who are open to it or are actively interested, a *LOT* of us have expressed that we aren't interested in it as humiliation play, only if it is positive, supportive, and as an occasional treat.

The crossdressers who contacted me, or posted on the forums, back when I was looking, seemed to be almost universally clueless about women's sexuality, and female dominance. They had some fantasy view that we'd be aroused to the point of orgasm just by *looking* at him wearing panties or a dress. Some clothes make for better eyecandy than others, but in general, it doesn't matter as much whether he's wearing a dress, lingerie, a tuxedo, or jeans and a t-shirt. The way he looks at me, the way he reacts to my doing sadistic or sexual or dominant things to him are what I react off of. There were a couple of wonderful exceptions - Otters, somethingXclever, and SolangeRichards, and one person who contacted me on the other side but who doesn't post to the forums.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 3/9/2010 6:45:02 PM >

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/9/2010 7:46:55 PM

AlexandraLynch

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It's like this, fellas.

You want me to spend money buying clothes, buying makeup, buying a wig, take time to put you in the clothes, make you up, and then what? Sit around and tell you how pretty you are? If I want to buy clothes and makeup for a woman, I will buy them for me. If I want to style hair, I've got hip-length hair to play with. I don't need to make a male into a "girlfriend", I've got girlfriends.

If you want to wear panties because they feel good, fine, we can negotiate that, since guys in panties don't do anything for me. If you want to wear panties because wearing women's underwear is demeaning, then what does that make me, who wears it every day? Nope, I'm not participating in THAT nasty game.

But understand, my roommate is transitioning to female. Tomorrow, zie will be off work and I am going to heat up the sugar and we're going to deal with each other's various hairy bits below the neckline. I have no problem telling hir what I think of hir clothes choices, et cetera. I've got nothing against the genderqueer or the transgendered. But I don't get where being a female and dominant means that I MUST like to dress up guys, any more than I get that it means I can't get an orgasm in any other way than oral sex without it being "demeaning."

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/10/2010 6:38:47 PM

iwearpanties

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Wow i make one coment and seems you all got very denseive about it?

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/10/2010 8:42:07 PM

SweetDommes

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Actually, response wasn't directed towards or inspired by you ... I can't speak for the others, but please don't feel too special - I doubt that anyone got "defensive" because of you and you alone.

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/10/2010 9:01:41 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I don't recall reading anything written by iwearpanties. To be upset by something I don't recall reading...nah.

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/14/2010 4:28:53 AM

iwearpanties

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Ok its never been about nor was it ever about me . All i sated was when every this topic or subject has come up or been asked or written about theres always a negative feel from those that post weather its for them or not for them.!!!!!!!!!!!!

As far as forced femminization gose i fully agree how can it be if you wanted it? How ever if you notice or look around the web and find and read sites of So -Called Pro-Doms you see forced femming , crossdressing , humilaiation all rolled up together in some ways ... All i was trying too sat was when this topice come up and around every few weeks or months theres lots of negtive replys .....and that fine casue where all free to chose .well maybe not so much more with the way some things are gong in some counrtys

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RE: Dressing a male - 3/14/2010 5:16:37 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I didn't see nearly as much negativity in this thread as I've seen in threads past.

You seem to be the one getting your panties in a wad here. Thongs bunch up less, try them.

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