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Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:26:47 PM   
greg2serve


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		i am a submissive male who is new to collarme. No disrespect intended, but is it worth my time to search for an online D/s relationship? i have been in the chat room (lobby) and it seems like E/everyone knows E/everyone and when a newbie comes in, it seems like there are cold shoulders everywhere.i realize the fact that the BDSM crowd is tough, but there are some of us who have a sincere desire to learn.
i see so many double standards and i am never sure as to how to approach things in a chat rom. Sit there bored to no end? Chance saying something that may be misunderstood? Honestly, i wish i was a Dom. i watch the female subs banter with the Doms and T/they really have those nice D/s relationships. Sub females love to be loved and i really enjoy hanging around with them. Naturally, shortly after i am attracted to one, i find out she is already involved with someone.

There is just so much i do not understand and am afraid to ask. i think i can safely say that i never understood Dommes and never will. One time a Domme in a chat room told me "Don't even try to understand us because we don't even understand ourselves". i just thought i would toss this out there in case anyone has advice, opinions and suggestions. Many thanks.
~greg~
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:33:48 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I for One am not enamoured with the chat rooms, no disrespect to those that are, but I do feel that having a good profile, making yourself known at the boards and searching is a great way to find one--just be careful, there can be things in the water that bite! Welcome to the boards!

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 3/30/2006 2:34:04 PM >

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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:37:36 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		i've been here for quite a while now and i have made a few friends and even more enemies with my opinions and comments so, any advice i could give you would be ripped apart like a shark frenzy by alot of people here...so i digress.

< Message edited by michaelGA -- 3/30/2006 2:40:28 PM >

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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:40:15 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Honestly? Your time would be better spent here in the forums, than in chat rooms.  You'll get to know people much better actually from reading their thoughts and opinions on various issues in the various threads, than the personal chat and banter that goes on in a chat room.



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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:40:58 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		The best advice I can give you is to just be yourself.  I would stop loking at the chat room here as a place to "hook up" but more as a place to meet people, watch, and learn.  Male subs are a buyers market, with the Dommes being the buyer.  That is going to make it tough for yoiu to begin with, add the fact that your looking for an online relatinship and things suddenly became difficult.  When you search try selecting the option which says on line romance that will at least give you a heads up on who is interested in an on line relationship. 

Work on your profile,  remember you are selling yourself.

K 

and as noted come into the forums, post, read, meet
and work on that profile

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 3/30/2006 2:42:36 PM >

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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:42:18 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		Hi greg,
 
Welcome to the site.  We were all new at one point, so don't be afraid to ask questions here.  Many of us are willing to help.
 
I think the first thing you need to figure out is what you want out of your role as a submissive.  Why do you only seek an online relationship?  I personally think that online relationships can be successful to a point, but only if both people are on the same page as far as what you desire in the long term.  If you only seek online and never intend to seek anything in real life, then the other person needs to know that and you need to be aware that online can be limiting in many ways.
 
I would encourage you to be aware that you get back what you put into a relationship.  I don't think that the ability to have a nice relationship and banter with one another is role specific.  I also don't believe that Dommes are that difficult to understand.  Many of us have a definite idea of who we are.  The ones who can't figure themselves out will probably make that quite evident in their interactions with you.  I wouldn't let your chatroom experiences color your ideas of how the majority of those serious about the lifestyle behave.
 
Be well,
Julie

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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:45:20 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Enemies is a little strong, don't you think?  I remember having agreed with your opinions (or at least, not disagreed to the point where you stood out in my mind.... that's a GOOD thing, LOL!) many times over the past months.  I disagree with your lumping all Pro Domme's into a tidy group, but that's the first time I remember butting heads with you over anything.  Of course, I've been under a lot of stress lately and my memory may be faulty, but I'm pretty sure I'm right about this ;) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i've been here for quite a while now and i have made a few friends and even more enemies with my opinions and comments so, any advice i could give you would be ripped apart like a shark frenzy by alot of people here...so i digress.


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Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:45:22 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i am a submissive male who is new to collarme. No disrespect intended, but is it worth my time to search for an online D/s relationship?


Honestly?  No.  Online has too much capacity for lies, and chatrooms are probably the WORST place to go to look for any kind of meaningful relationship.  If you really want online only, and no face-to-face, sites like this one are still your better bet, because you've got an opportunity here to get to "know" people through their comments and discussions.  Just make sure in your profile that you specify you're seeking online only.  But if you want to eventually make it a real life situation, you'd be better off going to munches and demos and such, and making friends. 

quote:

There is just so much i do not understand and am afraid to ask. i think i can safely say that i never understood Dommes and never will. One time a Domme in a chat room told me "Don't even try to understand us because we don't even understand ourselves".   


I'm sure she's only speaking for herself, in which case she needs to step away from BDSM and figure herself out, because if we don't understand who we are and what makes us tick, what good are we as dominants?   Although there are a few dominants who need to buy a clue, most of them know who and what they are, and are quite clear in their expectations.

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Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:45:58 PM   
la90066


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

I for One am not enamoured with the chat rooms, no disrespect to those that are, but I do feel that having a good profile, making yourself known at the boards and searching is a great way to find one--just be careful, there can be things in the water that bite! Welcome to the boards!

 
Ditto what the MUFFIN THIEF said... And yes, since you're a newbie, you won't know what I'm talking about.   hee hee hee
 

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 2:46:27 PM   
dave1212


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/2/2006
From: Lancashire UK
Status: offline 		Well greg2serve i am of the same opinion as MHOO314 about the chatrooms i haven't even bothered with them for the simple reason i am of the two fingered typing brigade
So by the time i have typed a reply the initial question is "old hat" if you know what i mean

I would agree with what has already been said and get yourself on the board's and post on the subject's thst interest you ..
And never be afraid to ask a question.. they are a good bunch of people on here and i have personally found them all to be helpfull and informative ..
Good luck and Welcome  

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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 3:01:11 PM   
enslavegirl


Posts: 111
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		iv been in CM for a lil while now and im still a wallflower........

but my Master did find me here....

so even wallflowers are worthy enough to be owned

have heart and dont give up...They will find you when you least expect it, if it can happen to me , it can happen to you too

(in reply to dave1212)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 3:27:28 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Honestly? Your time would be better spent here in the forums, than in chat rooms. 


I couldn't agree more. If you look through some of the old threads you can learn a lot here and be entertained at the same time. You can click "search" at the top and search the topics you are interested in.

Welcome to the forums!!



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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 3:30:43 PM   
LKP79


Posts: 34
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		Don't look at the chatrooms as anything more than a place to have fun. i don't know about newbies getting cold shoulders, i've been going there since Monday and i already feel like part of the group.

(in reply to enslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 3:34:07 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i've been here for quite a while now and i have made a few friends and even more enemies with my opinions and comments so, any advice i could give you would be ripped apart like a shark frenzy by alot of people here...so i digress.


/stands beside Michael and hands him my extra can of shark repellant

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quote:


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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 3:58:10 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		LKP, I can agree with OP about the chatrooms. I really never cared for them anyways though. It's just easier to argue and bicker with someone than witing for replies on the forums... lol

But with me, the forum allows for most openness, and after someone does enough posting, you start to see them for who and what they really are. Their post come out about them and their experiances. Others learn from them, and others support them from already being there. The group here can get hostile.<actualy hostile is to harsh  word... I would prefer to think of it more as ... being serverly out spoken... and defensive about their beliefs... nothing wrong with that either... actually gets funny sometimes... .. but they still wuv each other...just let an honest open attack happen.. you'll see what I mean... <that's if you see before the moderators do... lol>


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RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 4:05:54 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

Enemies is a little strong, don't you think?  I remember having agreed with your opinions (or at least, not disagreed to the point where you stood out in my mind.... that's a GOOD thing, LOL!) many times over the past months.  I disagree with your lumping all Pro Domme's into a tidy group, but that's the first time I remember butting heads with you over anything.  Of course, I've been under a lot of stress lately and my memory may be faulty, but I'm pretty sure I'm right about this ;) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i've been here for quite a while now and i have made a few friends and even more enemies with my opinions and comments so, any advice i could give you would be ripped apart like a shark frenzy by alot of people here...so i digress.



i wasn't refering to You, Ma'am. at least You've been civil about Your oppositions. there are some on here that are overly brutal and cruel to the poiunt of being more annoying than me.


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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 4:08:23 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

LKP, I can agree with OP about the chatrooms. I really never cared for them anyways though. It's just easier to argue and bicker with someone than witing for replies on the forums... lol

But with me, the forum allows for most openness, and after someone does enough posting, you start to see them for who and what they really are. Their post come out about them and their experiances. Others learn from them, and others support them from already being there. The group here can get hostile.<actualy hostile is to harsh  word... I would prefer to think of it more as ... being serverly out spoken... and defensive about their beliefs... nothing wrong with that either... actually gets funny sometimes... .. but they still wuv each other...just let an honest open attack happen.. you'll see what I mean... <that's if you see before the moderators do... lol>



LOL, true Jessica. Hey, hope you're feeling better.
 
Level

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 4:10:20 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Yes, but why should you care about the opinions of those kinds of persons anyway?  They're not worth wasting one moment of your thoughts on... even less should you care what they think!

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA
i wasn't refering to You, Ma'am. at least You've been civil about Your oppositions. there are some on here that are overly brutal and cruel to the poiunt of being more annoying than me.


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Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 4:13:09 PM   
SimplyV


Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with the others on the chatrooms... they're for fun only.. you can make a few good friends there and get to know people, but as a place to "hook up" its sorely lacking in substance.

There are a few things about the board though that I would like to caution you on.
1. Use punctuation.
2. If you have an opinion, and want to state it. Be prepared to have it challenged.
3. Anything and everything you say, can and will be used against you. 

You will be challenged. You will be expected to not contradict yourself. Anything personal you put on the boards, will no longer be personal and be open to attack, ridicule, and debate.

And I see the forums as a good thing.  It helps you hone yourself and really figure out what is true to you and what is just someone elses fetish. 

If you decide to continue on the forums.. be prepared to develope character, strength, and broaden your mind.

Nothing worth doing was ever easy.

(in reply to greg2serve)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Some advice please. Please. - 3/30/2006 4:13:37 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		some are overly persistant in making me feel like i should not exist due to my strong opinions. yes, i may be a little passionate about my opinions, but, shouldn't i be allowed to express them without someone berating me for them?

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