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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/9/2010 10:36:13 PM   
LafayetteLady


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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

Any child born without the protection of their parents is abysmal in my eyes.

I am really glad you ended up with superior parents, that is the only thing that would help it make it better.

There are really great parents out there bringing up other peoples kids and I think that is really great, really perfect. I am happy you had a happy home, I wish it for all earthlings.


While I honestly don't wish to derail your thread heartcream, I think that you really don't understand the concept of infant adoption at all. Certainly, all the older children in foster care who are available for adoption can make a person's heart ache for them not having parents to love and cherish them. However, with infant adoptions, the biological parent, for whatever reason, is making a heart wrenching decision. They aren't born without the protection or even love of their biological parents. It is actually the greatest act of love and selflessness they could give to those babies to recognize that they will not be able to provide for them and instead are willing to let them go to parents who will love and care for them and provide for them.

I am pro-choice, always have been and always will be. When a woman has an abortion, it is final. Yes, there can and often will be grief and a sense of loss and wondering all about the what ifs. But when a woman makes the decision to place her baby up for adoption, she spends 40 weeks carrying that child, feeling it grow inside of them. She then goes through the traumatic experience of giving birth (which, regardless of how much one wants a child, childbirth is no walk in the park), and then letting that little person go. They let go knowing that someday that child will be grown and may come to them asking questions. They let go knowing that every time they see a child who might bear some resemblance to them they will wonder whether or not that child is the little person they gave up.

I'm grateful to the woman who gave birth to me and made the decision to give me up. My mother was my best friend and I was definately "daddy's little girl." I never wanted for anything growing up and I never doubted that I was wanted or protected. That was my biological parent's gift to me. I find absolutely nothing abysmal about it.

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/9/2010 10:48:46 PM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		Never mind, mnotter aleady beat me to it. I posted Mr. Big Stuff, but then scrolled back. Oh, well, you win some, you lose some.

< Message edited by DarlingSavage -- 3/9/2010 10:50:29 PM >

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 11:20:33 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		People who make the decision to give their children away for the best interest of the child is not hard to understand for anyone with a heart I would say. People who try to do the best by their kids and whatever that entails is admirable of course it is.

Like I said some kids who get brought up by non blood folks can often get a far better upbringing, more love and all the things a young human needs.

You were lucky LL good for you! Many kids are not nearly as blessed as you were.

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 11:27:07 AM   
sappatoti


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Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
Status: offline 		~ fast reply ~

I am Sappatoti.

I don't need to trace through historical accounts to know this. I am the first and when I move on there will be no more.

If others do show up, they are phonies and fakes. Obviously.

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 3:41:09 PM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		My father's family tree is pretty much blown to the wind, with several adoptions throughout the generations. The little I could paste together I come from Africa and France, and that is about all i know on his side.


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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 4:33:59 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Sometimes finding out who your relatives are can be disappointing... I found I was related to Strom Thurmond.

Imagine that…lol

Butch


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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 4:50:21 PM   
Mercnbeth


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quote:

...I think this is an amazing gift to find this out...


would you think it an "amazing gift" for an adoptee to find out their birth mother was kicked out of the family home by her husband (and father of three half-siblings) because she got pregnant by someone else while he was deployed...and then she went on to commit suicide when they were only three weeks old?

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 5:07:44 PM   
heartcream


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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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Posted twice on accident!

< Message edited by heartcream -- 3/10/2010 5:10:38 PM >

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 5:09:27 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

would you think it an "amazing gift" for an adoptee to find out their birth mother was kicked out of the family home by her husband (and father of three half-siblings) because she got pregnant by someone else while he was deployed...and then she went on to commit suicide when they were only three weeks old?


Sometimes when the truth is not known behavior can occur with no real understanding. It has happened where something traumatic that has been hidden comes to the light and even though it is almost impossibly overwhelmingly painful coming out the other end of it is better than still being in the dark.

I dont think this is an amazing gift to bear a legacy such as this atrociously horrid childhood for this child. If there were no effects of this reality I would say yes better not to know. But knowing what I do about how these early childhood experiences shape a person then I personally would want and need to know.

I am not sure how I would handle it if it were my child. If like LL, they expressed not wanting to move toward the true birth mother and what went on I would definitely respect that, and likely feel quite relieved. If the child showed a fierce need to know I would let them know with as much love around it as I could. If someone threw this out at the young child as a cruel power play I would say that was really wrong.

Do you think it is better to not know?

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Every single line means something.
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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 5:49:17 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		Who do I think I am ? well, the answer to that is; me, I am unique, there is not another like me, ( as the world sighs in relief). Where I came from, and I do know my geneaology is tin miners, mariners, farmers, ship builders and general builders with links to both mid and  south Ireland, England, Cornwall, Oz, NewZealand, Canada, and the US, the family as it is now is scattered across the world, but what was found that is of interest, is that many who took the family names were not necessarily born of that family, there were few true bloods and I suspect this could very well be the same for many.

But this idea of via DNA, linking back to the ancient past, I feel is a good idea, for it will dispel this current notion of identity with a past ancestry of choosing and there the angers of that ancestry brought into the modern. If we all linked to ancient wherever via DNA, perhaps we night all realise where we are now and those who surround us, are our current ethnicity and there live in peace.


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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 7:30:11 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

would you think it an "amazing gift" for an adoptee to find out their birth mother was kicked out of the family home by her husband (and father of three half-siblings) because she got pregnant by someone else while he was deployed...and then she went on to commit suicide when they were only three weeks old?


Sometimes when the truth is not known behavior can occur with no real understanding. It has happened where something traumatic that has been hidden comes to the light and even though it is almost impossibly overwhelmingly painful coming out the other end of it is better than still being in the dark.

I dont think this is an amazing gift to bear a legacy such as this atrociously horrid childhood for this child. If there were no effects of this reality I would say yes better not to know. But knowing what I do about how these early childhood experiences shape a person then I personally would want and need to know.

I am not sure how I would handle it if it were my child. If like LL, they expressed not wanting to move toward the true birth mother and what went on I would definitely respect that, and likely feel quite relieved. If the child showed a fierce need to know I would let them know with as much love around it as I could. If someone threw this out at the young child as a cruel power play I would say that was really wrong.

Do you think it is better to not know?


yes, under the circumstances, this slave does think it is better if the person referenced does not know...ever.

every time the question was asked, as a child...am i adopted?...they were emphatically told NO!!! and after a few times, talk of it was forbidden.

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 7:41:40 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		This song always spoke to me.... Don't really know why, it's nothing like my life. Maybe a fantasy or something? ,

As someone recreating relationships with family, choosing who will be my family after all this time and a number of heartbreaking realities about my bio family, I would like to remind people that this is a very sensitive subject, complex, and filled with mines at every turn. Life is not a hallmark card - neither is finding a bio family.

I am reminded of the book Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.... her husband does research about his family, finding an Englishman who is a hero of some sort. In the book, Claire is a time traveler and meets the ancestor who turns out to be a sociopath. While this is dramatic, even melodramatic, it is certainly not unheard of.

Who am I? This much I know - I nearly changed my last name to my bio mother's maiden name years ago. But then I realized... this is MY name. No one else I know has it. I like it. It is pretty. It rhymes with my first name. It is mine. There is not much I know to be ME, but this name, my name is. The rest? Ohhh well... that's private.

Best to you all,
sunshine

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 7:47:19 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		I once knew a wise old man who told me not to shake the family tree too hard; you never know what might fall out.

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/10/2010 8:51:13 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

yes, under the circumstances, this slave does think it is better if the person referenced does not know...ever.

every time the question was asked, as a child...am i adopted?...they were emphatically told NO!!! and after a few times, talk of it was forbidden.


This child does not know? Why does the child ask if it is adopted? That may be a natural question for any child but perhaps this child does not favor the parents appearance.

It is a very tragic story, a very sad and heavy one. I hope the adoptive parents were able to lay the bricks for this child in such a way to protect and make the child safe. It is unjust to the wee infant. I would agree if the parents were able to keep this from the child it might be the best thing ever. Unless of course the child/person is of the essence that somehow intuitively can tell something is amiss, is insistent for the truth, and is exhibiting behavior that would root from this trauma and then if decided to tell them, I would be sure to feel the right way/time/place to tell that person (are they grown now?) Otherwise I dont think I would even know how to tell the child.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/11/2010 11:34:21 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

It is a very tragic story, a very sad and heavy one. I hope the adoptive parents were able to lay the bricks for this child in such a way to protect and make the child safe.


yes it is...and perhaps not one that folks might expect to encounter should they go off in search of the folks who gave birth to them, that they know absolutely nothing about. which is why this slave posted it---to offer another perspective.

in the particular case this slave is speaking of, the adoptive parents number one priority was making sure she was safe & protected, sheltered from tragedy...and that included keeping the truth from her and her siblings...who weren't adopted, protecting her from them as well. they were isolated away from anyone who had knowledge of "the truth".

quote:

Unless of course the child/person is of the essence that somehow intuitively can tell something is amiss, is insistent for the truth, and is exhibiting behavior that would root from this trauma and then if decided to tell them, I would be sure to feel the right way/time/place to tell that person (are they grown now?) Otherwise I dont think I would even know how to tell the child.


she is not intuitive in the least...and not a child anymore, either.

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/11/2010 11:59:14 AM   
popeye1250


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From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I remember my parents talking about funny nicknames that people had in their youth. One of the funniest was "Gooseshit Mc Hugh."

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/11/2010 12:04:26 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Well beth this is a case of a horrible thing turning round right I would say.

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I'd Rather Be With You

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/11/2010 4:59:20 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		There are fascinating and intrigueing stories littering my ancestry....a grandfather who would talk about playing on a royal estate in his youth, a grandmother whose father may have been a siamese prince, and who fled the country in the footwell of a car headed for the airport as there was a coup...a great aunt whose family was a big name in salt production, a family which has a town named after them...

We found a lady on ancestry.com who'd traced one branch back through 500 years of Shetland fishermen and farmers, to Bonnie Prince Charlie

Fascinating...


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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/11/2010 5:09:13 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

Well beth this is a case of a horrible thing turning round right I would say.


This thread is not about finding your biological parents but about learning about your authentic past. I can always find out who the biological parents are without contacting them.

The two have nothing to do with each other.



< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/11/2010 5:10:18 PM >

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RE: Who Do You Think You Are? - 3/11/2010 5:19:43 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		My roots are mostly Spanish, and while not noble they were landed gentry, second son (actually 3rd) who was shipped off to North America to have a chance of property of their own. Added to that is some sort of navel wayfaring Frenchman blood and a touch of Russian, dashed into north American native. No real show stoppers in my family but plenty of arrogance and an underlying sense of entitlement.

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