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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 3/31/2006 6:33:36 PM

slaveladyj

Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
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Thanks everyone, I did agree to address him as requested, it just feels wrong to me though.

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 3/31/2006 6:42:32 PM

billyb1957

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

Hi,
I always thought what They wanted was approiate hehe

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 3/31/2006 6:57:54 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj

Thanks everyone, I did agree to address him as requested, it just feels wrong to me though.

Did you tell him that you feel uncomfortable addressing him by his first name? If you haven't let him know and I'm assuming he's not a mind reader, you are doing something that feels 'wrong' for no reason.

Let's say his first name is Brad. Ask him if you can call him Mister Brad. I've often gone that route with those whom don't like to be called Sir and who I won't call Master. Mister is a nice compromise for both .. and, after all, he is 'not' your owner, so what you want is no less valid than what he wants at this point.

Celeste

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 3/31/2006 8:46:03 PM

BLKSIRESwench

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline

i guess the issue is dead, since you've made your decision. But i can't resist adding my own 2 cents. i call my Master "Sire" because He is a bit of an anglophile and when i did it the first time in jest, i saw how He "took" to the title. Initially i used that title only in private, but eventually it became more natural for me to say that then use His given name. i asked Him at one point if i could use that title all the time, even in public, and that pleased Him. my point (and i do have one

) is that sometimes these issues have to evolve as your relationship deepens. So give it time.

BLKSIRESwench

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 3/31/2006 8:50:26 PM

SalemWiK

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/31/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj

What do you feel is the proper way to address the dominate person in your relationship? Sir, Master, Mistress, Ma'am, or by their first names. I'm speaking with a dominate male, and I address him as sir, a sign of respect in my mind. He tells me to call him by his first name. To me, I don't know him that well, so that's disrespectful. I'm just wondering how others on the bottom feel about this.

I know someone has possibly already brought this up, but to me whatever the Master desires to be called is their right much like how they do not pass any barriers that have been established in earlier talks with the submissive. I personally loathe to be reffered to as Sir and preffer Mr. Christopher, Sire or Daddy depending on the type of Submissive I am with.

< Message edited by SalemWiK -- 3/31/2006 8:51:03 PM >

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 12:50:47 AM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
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I call my Dragon either Dragon or Master. I will call other Doms Sir. But, if they say to call them by their first name, then I will do that.

1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 2:37:20 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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By all means, call Him what He prefers to be called.

I have a real "thing" about names since my given name is one that people tend to shorten to a very irritating nick-name that rubs me the wrong way and I hate it when people assume that this is what I prefer, just b/c they like it better.

Master and I were friends long before He was anything else to me. Therefore, I called Him by his given name. Now, it's so funny, I rarely call him by His given name, but rather I call Him "Daddy" or "Papa Bear" even with our vanilla friends because He just has that "presence." To me now, calling Him by His real name is awkward and makes me feel kind of "formal" and weird.

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 5:58:41 AM

SparklyAltoGirl

Posts: 69
Joined: 11/17/2005
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I also call him Daddy, and have since the moment we started together. In public, I call him the English version of his given name, since the Irish version is hard to pronounce.

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 6:15:25 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I usually start off the relationship with "Yo baby, Yo baby!"
After I regain consciousness, I usually ask her what she'd RATHER prefer.

ROFLMAO!!!! i love it.......

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 6:28:00 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I usually start off the relationship with "Yo baby, Yo baby!"

After I regain consciousness, I usually ask her what she'd RATHER prefer.

OMG... I swear to you, I just got an email on the other side last night from someone that did damn near exactly that!! Well, not the "ask what she'd RATHER prefer" part, but he had the "on baby" down pat!! I'm pretty sure he isn't gonna like the reply... as close to a cyber right cross as one can get.

That's a good one sarbonn!

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 7:54:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj
Thanks everyone, I did agree to address him as requested, it just feels wrong to me though.

Just remember that dominance isn't an act, a word, an order- it's simply an inner orientation.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 5:23:39 PM

slutsusan

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2004
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one thing you can do is call Him Sir and what ever His name is. i am a clooared slave and have been since 1998 and very few times have i addressed a Dom or Domme by their name. i think it would please Him and be proper if you use Sir and name or Master and name if that is what He wants

slut susna

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 11:33:17 PM

texguy98

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj

What do you feel is the proper way to address the dominate person in your relationship? Sir, Master, Mistress, Ma'am, or by their first names. I'm speaking with a dominate male, and I address him as sir, a sign of respect in my mind. He tells me to call him by his first name. To me, I don't know him that well, so that's disrespectful. I'm just wondering how others on the bottom feel about this.

If it's my Dom/me, I address them as they want to be addressed. If it's someone I don't know, I go back to being polite :) "Sir", "Ma'am", etc. I stick with that unless told otherwise. I try not to use terms like "Mistress" or "Master" unless I'm told to by someone who is Dominant to me.

Tex

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/1/2006 11:52:47 PM

elsie

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/21/2004
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i agree with Tex, i address Dominates as Sir or Ma'am out of respect, i will not call them Master or Mistress if i am not collared to them (with all due respect to those who believe all Doms should be addressed as such). Unless i've known them for a long time i wouldn't think of calling them by name unless it was something they insisted on.

my Mistress allows me the freedom to interchange Mistress or Ma'am with her depending on the situation.

elsie

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/2/2006 6:27:26 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
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I call ScooterTrash Master and ShiftedJewel Mistress. Or i call them Sir or Ma'am.
Even in public. This is their desire.

A short while after i was collared we were shopping in an antique mall and i had to call one of them so i used their 1st name. Lol, i felt like i was doing something wrong, worse yet Master said it just did not sound right at all.
Since almost everyone we associate with is either aware or smart enough not to ask (they just KNOW that they will get a truthful answer), the decision was made that i would simply address them as i do, Master and Mistress.

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/2/2006 6:49:53 AM

MistressDiane

Posts: 334
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We don't have a D/s dynamic in our relationship because we're a Dominant couple but.....I've been calling him "baby" so long that it feels weird to call him his first name. Even when we're in a store or somewhere and I call him from down the isle to get his attention (he's usually wandering around looking for me!) I yell out "Baby!" I can't hardly bring myself to call his name.

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/2/2006 6:53:54 AM

Halcyone

Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
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I found that, early on, certain titles were more likely to have me giggling than others. Master was one, and My Lord another. I just felt so silly using them, and his given name felt too informal. Ceyx and I settled on Sir and miss because they felt natural to us both, and were least likely to inspire a snicker-fit at an inconvenient moment.

Now, after so much time together, I can use his name and it has the sound of a title. The other titles don't make me laugh anymore; if I'm in a particularly humble mood, using them is a sign that I'm about three seconds away from finding my place at his feet and curling up there until he decides to move me.

After you get used to it, anything can feel right. It becomes less about the words used and more the feeling or tone behind them.

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/2/2006 9:35:39 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj

What do you feel is the proper way to address the dominate person in your relationship? Sir, Master, Mistress, Ma'am, or by their first names. I'm speaking with a dominate male, and I address him as sir, a sign of respect in my mind. He tells me to call him by his first name. To me, I don't know him that well, so that's disrespectful. I'm just wondering how others on the bottom feel about this.

j I could reiterate what others have said and say the answer is not in what you want but what he wants but I have a feeling there is more at play here than a simple matter of honourifics. It's a psychological thing, a headspace... when bottoming many moons ago I remember in a scene, my b/f and I were playing... it was an intensely erotic...where he was saying things like "you're my slut" etc ... and I had an overwhelming urged to call him 'Sir'. Our relationship was not d/s so I asked mid scene did he mind if for the scene I addressed him that way... thankfully he said yes ... from that moment I was able to 'let go' and ride the role so to speak. It was the "you're mine...", "you're my..." statements that got me...that whole claiming ownership, surrendering to his 'master' that was hot... I wanted to crawl under his skin, I wanted him to crawl under my skin... prior to using the honourific the whole "you're my slut" thing seemed one sided ...like whose slut was I? (if that makes sense) and the psychology behind been 'his' and him in control and I been subservient (in this scene) to him...were driving the urge to call him 'Sir' ... to feel small and protected and safe and secure in his 'authority'...

Words are intensely powerful things and in d/s 'master/mistress' & 'sub/slave' aren't just labels we apply to ourselves ... you want/need to show respect by calling a 'master' 'Sir' ...you are not alone... a great deal of people adore the feeling that comes with addressing someone respectfully ...to feel subservient ...to feel submissive ...

But I can understand where this dom might be coming from, he might reserve 'Sir' for those who he has actually engaged in a d/s relationship with...and if that is the case you must respect his position on it ...or he may just want you to be you so he gets to know 'you' ...not 'sub' you ... or acting out how you think a sub should be ...if that makes sense ... my only suggestion is to speak to him and find out whether calling him 'Sir' is a never go there thing ... and if it isn't re-evaluate whether or not this can fit with the schema you have for an engaging d/s interaction.

Secondly, just on a personal level...noting that you are in a vanilla relationship...the desire to address doms as 'Sir' is understandable ..the polar opposite of the non-ownership vanilla mode.

Anyway...just wanted to comment a bit more indepth on the subject ... good luck on your journey

< Message edited by Jasmyn -- 4/2/2006 9:41:15 AM >

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/2/2006 10:14:40 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

He tells me to call him by his first name. To me, I don't know him that well, so that's disrespectful. I'm just wondering how others on the bottom feel about this.

I'm going to echo most everyone else on this thread: If he's telling you to call him by his first name, and you refuse and continue calling him "Sir," that's disrespectful.

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RE: Question for subs/slaves - 4/2/2006 7:46:30 PM

cutelinygurl84

Posts: 84
Joined: 3/29/2006
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I would call him whatever he told me to call him. My dom likes to be adressed as sir when we are in the house or bedroom . But when we are out in public he tells me to call him by his first name.

Cutelinygurl84

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