CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: teacher21deq
Good Evening All,
I am learning about BDSM and myself as a submissive woman....I have a few questions and am hoping someone can give me some useful advice...
At this time, I am corresponding with someone via email, Yahoo IM, and phone....he seems perfect for me in many ways...and I hope he will eventually be my Master...
He already refers to me as slave, but says I must earn the right to call him Master...i thought the two were connected....am I wrong?
Also, i listed on my profile (at his request and with great pleasure!) that we were corresponding and he was training me, but he says he will list nothing about me on his....is this the usual?
As a Master/Slave relationship develops, should I expect some rights...are all of the rights his? I hope I am asking these questions in the proper manner and with clarity....
Any advice would be appreciated!
Sure, master and slave are connected, but logic's not the point here. The point in a master/slave relationship, from my perspective, is to learn to obey your master however irrational or unfair you think the commands are. This looks like standard training to me, nothing to be worried about at this point... Except maybe your attitude--and by this I don't mean your attitude is "bad", I mean it may be telling you something: keep watching it closely, as you clearly have been. It may mean you're not ready for or desiring of a master/slave relationship, which is fine, you do experimenting like this so you can find out what you like and dislike, and if your are lucky, find out what you need. If feelings of resentment or thoughts of "where does he get off, having me do this but not doing it himself?" get to be too much, discuss it with the dominant. The way he handles this will give you additional useful info. about him.
The two examples you gave illustrate him establishing an unequal relationship between the two of you. Does that bother you? And why do you equate these two things with "all rights?" They're just two prefereneces of his. In a full master/slave relationship, you have whatever rights the master gives you; no more, no less. At an early stage in a relationship, as this seems to be, these things aren't that cut and dried, however. If I were you I'd ask him for the "right" to communicate with him when things bother you or you feel lost. :)
I want to add something else.
Not to make you self-conscious or anything, but another common purpose of such actions is to feel a potential slave out, find the places where she's still got invested ego, find out where she's likely to balk, that sort of thing. It doesn't mean he's going to do anything about these things (that depends on his goals for you and for the relationship, which none of us are privy to) but it usually means he wants to know where the sensitive or potential trouble spots lie. These spots are different from person to person, but the things you've described, are typical of standard ego/pride insults designed to probe where your ego investments are: the things things you hang onto, the things you insist are "yours," or "your rights." As smutmonger said, dominance is an investment. Mastery is even more so, and intelligent capable doms and master who have been burned in the past by submissive pride or hysteria/drama masking the pride, are careful. A person such as that wants to know the psychological makeup of the potential slave, both because that ultimately gives him more control over her and because it tells him, in the early stages, whether the investment is worth it, whether the work he puts into this slave will bear fruit, or whether she'll just jump off the wagon when things get "a bit hard."
The worst thing you could do at this juncture would be to turn to deception, i.e. try to give him the response you think is best, or that he expects or that you think "passes the test." Your responsibility here is to respond naturally, show him honestly where you have difficulties with things he does or does not do, and let him decide what to do about it.
< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 3/14/2010 12:34:29 PM >
_____________________________
"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
|
RE: Newbie Questions - 
Profile
) 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread