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Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:06:08 PM   
discreetsubnyc


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		I have been checking out collarme from time to time, occasionally emailing dominant women who strike my fancy. Time and again, I find out that these people are pros or else expect "tribute." I am really looking for someone who enjoys dominating men as a casual bedroom activity, not as a source of livelihood. Collarme seems to be an inappropriate resource for this. Does anyone have any suggestions as the where I might look? Craigslist would have been a natural choice, but I think what I'm looking for is a bit left of mainstream. For what it's worth, I really am interested in learning about the dynamics of the domme/sub relationship (and exploring fetish in that context)- so my interest is genuine, in a sense. Any thoughts?
TYIA

< Message edited by discreetsubnyc -- 3/15/2010 3:08:14 PM >
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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:10:11 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		Have you tried the personals section of your local newspaper?

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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:13:03 PM   
discreetsubnyc


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ding a bedroom domm

Thank you for the suggestion. I haven't, although I'm in NYC- there has to be an online resource where people with BDSM interests congregate

< Message edited by discreetsubnyc -- 3/15/2010 3:14:10 PM >

(in reply to MsLadySue)
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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:22:54 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		You're here, no need to seek elsewhere. But, being your age you are running into a lot of younger women who think that being a dominant means extra spending money for calling a man online a worm or something like that.

Many real life domina's are here and not asking for a dime. However, not being able to host and your nickname would lead many of us to think you are married. And many of us want more than to dominate in the bedroom, but there are those who are into that.


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(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:28:13 PM   
discreetsubnyc


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		I appreciate your observations.
I am actually specifically looking for an older woman; and it is those of you "who are into that" that I am trying to find (and the nickname and hosting limitations are meant to put all the cards on the table, as it were). I suppose I will keep looking on collarme then.
Thank you

< Message edited by discreetsubnyc -- 3/15/2010 3:30:21 PM >

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:37:29 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		It is much better to just come out and say you are married in your profile than to hint at it.

I just had two situations with married men. One I have talked to for some time and one I got involved with. Right on my profile it says no married men. Both presented as single. One says I never asked if he was married and the other said he had never been married and had been married twice and was still married.

I always ask in some way. What is your living situation, who do you live with, what relationships have you been in and when were they. I ask what they are seeking and always, they say they are seeking the same thing I am seeking. lol

So be upfront and forthright with everyone involved, including your spouse. Why cause trouble for any dominant you do find that will be only a bedroom dominant to you, when the spouse finds out and goes on the warpath? Hinting at cards on the table isn't enough.


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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:46:47 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		So let me get this straight...

You want some woman to meet your sexual desires without being able to give her anything in return?

Do you know Kevin yet?


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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:53:37 PM   
discreetsubnyc


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		I agree that honesty is the best policy. And to be clear, I am always up-front and volunteer information about by "vanilla" relationship. I may not do it in my profile, but I do so almost immediately after exchanging cursory emails. I have had no problem finding women with whom to have vanilla "affairs"- and there is no reason to think that there aren't women (maybe even married ones) who would be interested in exploring BDSM in a similar manner. I have just had a little trouble finding them. Hence, my post.

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:55:31 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah, but what your spouse doesn't know won't hurt her right?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:56:23 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You have a couple of issues on your plate.  The first is that you are at least hinting that you are married/have a significant other.  Kinky women aren't more likely to find that an acceptable arrangement any more than what you run into with non kinky women.  For many, a male involved with someone else at home means that you are automatically not someone they would have interest in.  Add to that if you are not being honest with the woman at home, they aren't going to expect any honesty from you for themselves.

The other issue is that you are basically looking for a kinky friends with benefits where most of the lifestyle Dommes on this site are looking for D/s that exists outside the bedroom as well.  They don't want to just be somebody's booty call.  As a Dominant woman, I can promise you that isn't hard to find and I could get that any day of the week.  Sexual submissives just aren't that hard to come by, and even if I was just looking for that, it would certainly be with someone who doesn't have the complications that you seem to have attached to you.

You may be interested in trying alt or aff.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:56:48 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		AshleyMadison.com and OnlineBootyCall.com seem like the obvious choices. 

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(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 3:59:13 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Everyplace. This site, fetish events, work, school, etc. They are out there, but you have to do your homework.

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(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 4:00:43 PM   
discreetsubnyc


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying. I'm just looking for a kinky FWB- while I've successfully used Craigslist to find vanilla FWBs (again, being perfectly honest and up front about my situation), the kink factor eludes me.
What is alt?
Thanks

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 4:04:29 PM   
MsHValentine


Posts: 80
Joined: 1/6/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: discreetsubnyc

I have been checking out collarme from time to time, occasionally emailing dominant women who strike my fancy. Time and again, I find out that these people are pros or else expect "tribute." I am really looking for someone who enjoys dominating men as a casual bedroom activity, not as a source of livelihood. Collarme seems to be an inappropriate resource for this. Does anyone have any suggestions as the where I might look? Craigslist would have been a natural choice, but I think what I'm looking for is a bit left of mainstream. For what it's worth, I really am interested in learning about the dynamics of the domme/sub relationship (and exploring fetish in that context)- so my interest is genuine, in a sense. Any thoughts?
TYIA


First she must be dominant. Second, she has to be attracted to you. It's just as hard as finding a match on places like match.com, ectera.

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 4:06:45 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL Dude, you just aren't going to budge. What happens when your spouse finds out about your activities? Typically, they always do at some point. Do you have children that could be harmed by daddy's play time outside of their mother?

It took months of long talks, every night to try to get the one wife through the pain that I unknowingly helped cause. That woman lived a lie, was lied to, deceived and harmed! So your mistress/affairs of the cock women might know and not care, but what about your spouse?

And you want us to help you find someone? LOL


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 4:15:25 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: discreetsubnyc

Yes, I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying. I'm just looking for a kinky FWB- while I've successfully used Craigslist to find vanilla FWBs (again, being perfectly honest and up front about my situation), the kink factor eludes me.
What is alt?
Thanks


Are you being perfectly honest and up front with your wife/significant other? 

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 4:17:52 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: discreetsubnyc

Yes, I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying. I'm just looking for a kinky FWB- while I've successfully used Craigslist to find vanilla FWBs (again, being perfectly honest and up front about my situation), the kink factor eludes me.
What is alt?
Thanks


Well, the number of kinkily dominant women out there is quite small.  The number of men out there looking for kinkily dominant women is quite large, in comparison.  Leaving aside for the moment that you are married, any man looking for a dominant woman is going to have to bring something to the table to get her attention.  What, exactly, do you have to offer that would set you apart from the hordes of men clamouring for our attention?  

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 4:18:30 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		If I were interested in being a bedroom Domme, I wouldn't have a married bedroom submissive and one who plays around as much as you appear to do is scarey in and of itself. I hope for your spouse's sake as well as the other women you've messed around with, you've ALWAYS practiced safe sex.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 4:22:00 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: discreetsubnyc

Yes, I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying. I'm just looking for a kinky FWB- while I've successfully used Craigslist to find vanilla FWBs (again, being perfectly honest and up front about my situation), the kink factor eludes me.
What is alt?
Thanks

Does that include your wife or just the women you're using to cheat on her with?

Alt is alt.com.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 4:37:26 PM   
discreetsubnyc


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		I don't really understand why everyone is rushing to judgment here. I was not asking for your ethical commentary, nor do I understand why you feel entitled to give it. I was simply asking if anyone knows of any resources that I might use to find what I am looking for. Thank you to those of you who answered this question conscientiously.

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 20
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