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The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 1:53:27 PM   
lostdippysub


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/5/2010
Status: offline 		i was told last night that the word 'no' doesnt exist in this life style. Now i know i'm new to this, (i was collared for a year but i was His first sub and He my first Dom) but i'm fairly sure that if i'm not collared, in fact if i've only been talking to someone a few hours then if i say i dont want something to happen then i'm allowed to, arent i? i would really appreciate some guidance on this, thank you.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 1:56:02 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Who ever told you that was a putz. Or 14 yrs old playing around and trying to get some gullible desperate person to strip and play for them.

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 1:56:41 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		You used the word no in your question so i guess it does exist

and you you can say no when not in a relationship

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 2:03:15 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		In simplistic terms, within a D/s or M/s relationship most choices belong to the Dom/Master so, yeah, the sub/slave denying what's been asked/commanded etc is generally not on....

But the key is *relationship* - as in one that's agreed to and committed to by BOTH Dom and sub or Master and slave. You don't owe anything to anyone you're not committed to, most esp some wanka giving themself a title...!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 2:12:51 PM   
lostdippysub


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/5/2010
Status: offline 		See this is what i thought and if it was just this one guy then ok, HNG alert, but there's been 3 or 4 guys now who have all ignored me when i've said no to something and i was beginning to wonder if it was me being wussy about things, mainly pain.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 2:23:23 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostdippysub

See this is what i thought and if it was just this one guy then ok, HNG alert, but there's been 3 or 4 guys now who have all ignored me when i've said no to something and i was beginning to wonder if it was me being wussy about things, mainly pain.

Lol, I'm sure many of the fem/subs reading your comment will roll their eyes and ponder "only 3 or 4 guys???".

Welcome to internet bdsm.... :-) You don't owe the rude and obnoxious a damned thing - feel free to treat them with the same respect as they treat you.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 2:27:10 PM   
Heulwen


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/18/2008
Status: offline 		The only person who has the right to tell you to do anything is the person you have submitted to.  That person has exactly the amount of power in your decisions that YOU have given them.  And no is always an option.  If your welfare is at stake, no is an obligation you have to yourself.

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 2:35:49 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostdippysub

i was told last night that the word 'no' doesnt exist in this life style. Now i know i'm new to this, (i was collared for a year but i was His first sub and He my first Dom) but i'm fairly sure that if i'm not collared, in fact if i've only been talking to someone a few hours then if i say i dont want something to happen then i'm allowed to, arent i? i would really appreciate some guidance on this, thank you.



I use the word "no" all the time. "No, I don't want to send you pictures of me naked, Mister Random Internet Guy", "No, I won't have sex with you just because you are a dom and we're poly", "No, I really don't care what you think of me/Valyraen/our relationship". I also *GASP* use it sometimes when talking to Val!

"No Sir, your shoes aren't under the bed. I know because I tripped over them in the living room... ".

But as we all know, I'm completely fake and made of candy!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 2:43:26 PM   
lostdippysub


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/5/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you all, that helps me a lot. 

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 3:16:16 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Absolutely, even for slaves - as hard as it is for me sometimes, i have to be able to use the word "No" to keep myself safe while i'm unowned.

i said "NO" to a Dom friend today and it really caught him off guard, ha ha! So it is rare for me. But you need to be able to do it.

Once Owned, the dynamic is totally different. But until then absolutely, and don't feel bad about it, you are protecting your future Dom's interest in you.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 3:53:04 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostdippysub

i was told last night that the word 'no' doesnt exist in this life style.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostdippysub

...i'm fairly sure that if i'm not collared, in fact if i've only been talking to someone a few hours then if i say i dont want something to happen then i'm allowed to, arent i?

NO!

Shit...wait...


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 3:55:58 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostdippysub

i was told last night that the word 'no' doesnt exist in this life style. Now i know i'm new to this, (i was collared for a year but i was His first sub and He my first Dom) but i'm fairly sure that if i'm not collared, in fact if i've only been talking to someone a few hours then if i say i dont want something to happen then i'm allowed to, arent i? i would really appreciate some guidance on this, thank you.



Whoever told you that NO is not an option regardless of your label is full of bullshit. Saying no is a legitimate right for all humans.Kinksters and non kinkster alike.


< Message edited by Wolf2Bear -- 3/18/2010 3:56:47 PM >

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 4:01:27 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Here is a quick reality check.

Some men are rude.  They will ignore your desires, and need to be forcibly told that No means No.  They fail to understand the concept of law.

Oh, and just to be fair...

Some women are rude.  They will ignore polite men, without even responding "No thank you."   They fail to understand the concept of positive feedback vs negative feedback

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 4:06:52 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		The word "no" does indeed exist in this "lifestyle" (argh).

The word "cattle prod" exists as well... usually immediately following the word "no".

Okay. Technically "cattle prod" is two words. Sue me.




_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 5:08:07 PM   
dragon200070


Posts: 93
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline 		Hi,
If you are not collared, no one can demand anything of you. You are correct. If you choose to accept a collar, you must discuss hard and soft limits with that Dom. You seem to have found a predator who has no idea what's required. Un uncollared sub answers to no one.

Jeff


(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 5:14:00 PM   
capthook55


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline 		It does exist, however, once you agree to something you should not say 'no' when you are called upon to do it

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 5:23:35 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostdippysub

i was told last night that the word 'no' doesnt exist in this life style. Now i know i'm new to this, (i was collared for a year but i was His first sub and He my first Dom) but i'm fairly sure that if i'm not collared, in fact if i've only been talking to someone a few hours then if i say i dont want something to happen then i'm allowed to, arent i? i would really appreciate some guidance on this, thank you.



I'm going to go out on a limb and say they perhaps took your screen name a bit too literally. You want to say no, then say it. If they ignored you, then be glad you have been spared having to talk anymore to them. If they tell you that the word doesn't exist, then you can point out to them that since you just used it, it obviously does exist!

If they keep going, then you can also feel free to let them know a few other choice words that exist in your vocabulary.

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 5:26:25 PM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostdippysub

i was told last night that the word 'no' doesnt exist in this life style. Now i know i'm new to this, (i was collared for a year but i was His first sub and He my first Dom) but i'm fairly sure that if i'm not collared, in fact if i've only been talking to someone a few hours then if i say i dont want something to happen then i'm allowed to, arent i? i would really appreciate some guidance on this, thank you.



Remember, you are a submissive by choice. If you absolutly do not want to do something you have every right to say no. If someone tells you otherwise they are wrong. you would have less right to refuse if you were properly owned but even then you would have the right to respectfully say no and open a line of communication with your owner.

(in reply to lostdippysub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 7:14:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The phrase you need to memorize is this "I am (or will be) submissive to one and you aren't him". And then block the idiot who tells you that you have to spread your legs for anyone who asks.

This is a relationship and that means both of you need to be happy, both of you need to have good communication skills and both of you need to negotiate what does and doesn't work for you.

Now with that said, some subs don't say no after they've known their dominants quite a while. And others are supposed to say no if they feel that's the appropriate response. You decide what works for you and find someone compatible.

But if a strange guy in a bar came up to you and said women aren't supposed to ever say no, how would you respond? It's the same here. If you don't consent, it's illegal.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to GraciousLady)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The word 'no' - 3/18/2010 7:17:53 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		nuts..say no if you have too! simply,easy, and it keeps you safe.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
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