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My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:05:30 PM

MasterK13

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

I keep finding profiles of Doms and Dommes who seek a relationship with a sub/slave while at the same time appear to have no regard for the safety and mental health of there prospective partner and use the excuse of belonging to the oposite gender as justification. One instance is a profile where a dominate wanted to castrate the prospective sub the moment he first submitted and another dominate that wanted to make the prospective sub beg for everything even food I dont want to stir up any trouble I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me.

Post #: 1

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:14:33 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I'm hoping that the profiles you're seeing are fakers or inexperienced wannabe's.

as far as my own experiences go, a disregard for safety or common sense is rare, not unknown, but also far from the norm.

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Post #: 2

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:16:58 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Those are wankers. Block and delete.

D/s is has its share of assholes and fools, of course. Use your good sense.

Welcome to the fray!

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(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 3

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:19:46 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

FR

Get out from behind your computer, go to a munch and have a pint with some sane kinky people.

1) Collarme is not representative of kinksters as a whole. Neither are munches but the normal:nutcase ratio is much higher in a RL scene, as far as I can tell.
2) I often suspect that the writers of the castration profiles aren't entirely serious; don't believe everything you read on the internet-people big themselves up.

For these two reasons you shouldn't allow CM to overly influence your lifestyle...

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Post #: 4

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:25:27 PM

DWCskitten

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline

i have never been with a Dominant Who did not care about my safety or mental health. i'm not saying They aren't out there, because i did say "No" to a relationship with more than One like that & run in the opposite direction. However, i am inclined to feel that P/people who are like that are whack jobs and wannabe's living in their own fantasy world. That's just one more reason for getting to know S/someone first before putting oneself in a compromising position with them.

There will always be some people who are unsafe whack jobs (in my opinion), but please don't judge the rest of us by them. There are lots of people involved in BDSM who totally believe in SSC.

~kitten~

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New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

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Post #: 5

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:30:55 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer.

i'm a little confused about why other people's behavior has any impact on You.
It's a bit like saying "I'm wondering if the level of infidelity is as high as it seems in heterosexual relationships. If so, I don't know how i feel about pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle."

Do you see how silly that sounds?

You have complete freedom to choose what you want to be a part of your BDSM dynamic. If you don't want to be castrated, then don't allow anyone to castrate you.

See how easy that was?

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 6

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:44:04 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

For every dom/me who posts such things there is a sub/slave out there who wants that to happen to them.

It's not your kink so just read it and move on to the next one.

(in reply to DWCskitten)

Post #: 7

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:50:15 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

It's a bit like saying "I'm wondering if the level of infidelity is as high as it seems in heterosexual relationships. If so, I don't know how i feel about pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle."

Do you see how silly that sounds?

What, you've never come across someone saying 'I'm tired of [insert appropriate gender] always cheating on me so I'm taking a break from actively pursuing anyone'?

It's not so silly.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

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Post #: 8

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:55:11 PM

naughtysubK

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline

dominate is a verb. Dominant is a noun

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 9

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 4:57:51 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Just saying, if people are always cheating on you (not you VC, the generic you) or you are always getting duped by fakes, then you need to look at your screening process.

I've been cheated on once to my knowledge in 37 years and almost duped once by a fake. I can usually smell both of those a mile away and in hindsight, I had high doubts about each case in the beginning.

To the OP, you have given yourself the monicker of Master. One doesn't become a Master overnight which would lead me to presume that you've been around BDSM for longer than just this site, right? If not, I would consider rethinking your moniker as it presupposes many things, such as a Mastery of this lifestyle. Then again (and this is not a jab at you), we have learned to not take a self named Master here so seriously. This is, after all, the InterWeb ;-)

- LA

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(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 10

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 6:04:51 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Those profiles belong either to trolls or to people with no experience except for porn.

Real and sensible people care about their partner's well being. If for no other reason than a broken toy isn't any fun to play with.

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Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 11

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 6:24:07 PM

beej

Posts: 145
Joined: 1/24/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It's not your kink so just read it and move on to the next one.

word. it's like moving to a region. there are gangs in LA but that doesn't mean that you should walk out your door expecting everyone you meet to be a G. you wouldn't cheat yourself of California because there could be gangsters in South Central, would you? just maybe be careful where you hang out at night. :)

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 6:38:35 PM

MstrDark1

Posts: 33
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline

If you stay away from the garbage, you'll be fine. A Dominant has enough wisdom and know-how to pursue what is good for him. If he or she is wrong for your dynamic then you can kick them to the curb. You don't have to humble your self or say your sorry. As they say the "Dominant is always right" and who is going to go against his wishes??..When you find the journey that your looking for ...you will know what to do and how to present your self. You have to be the man with the plan. Understanding and listening to people and not judging them is the key to longevity. I know this because I spent 21 years with a submissive and the only thing that stopped our Dynamic was her death......now new horizons....and i wouldn't give up this lifestyle for anything. You have good and bad in everything. And you also make your own way. I wouldn't worry about the other people you here about. I'd worry about myself and make sure that i got out of this life style exactly what i wanted!!

MstrDark1 owner of Wisdomtogive

(in reply to beej)

Post #: 13

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/21/2010 7:45:03 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13
I dont want to stir up any trouble...

Yes...yes you do. But since the only people you're looking to stir up are those who have no concern for the wellbeing of their partners, have fun. Can somebody pass the popcorn?

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 14

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 12:22:23 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Oh noes... you don't want to be part of the "chop a titty/slice off a sack" crowd? What will they do without you and all your deep, personal, polically correct conflicts?

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Post #: 15

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 12:32:03 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrDark1

If you stay away from the garbage, you'll be fine. A Dominant has enough wisdom and know-how to pursue what is good for him. If he or she is wrong for your dynamic then you can kick them to the curb. You don't have to humble your self or say your sorry. As they say the "Dominant is always right" and who is going to go against his wishes??..When you find the journey that your looking for ...you will know what to do and how to present your self. You have to be the man with the plan. Understanding and listening to people and not judging them is the key to longevity. I know this because I spent 21 years with a submissive and the only thing that stopped our Dynamic was her death......now new horizons....and i wouldn't give up this lifestyle for anything. You have good and bad in everything. And you also make your own way. I wouldn't worry about the other people you here about. I'd worry about myself and make sure that i got out of this life style exactly what i wanted!!

MstrDark1 owner of Wisdomtogive

Welcome to the boards, MstrDark1! Great post!

You must be something really special, to snag oceanwynds.

_____________________________

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Post #: 16

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 12:32:55 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13
I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me.

Whose "lifestyle" is it that you are pursuing exactly? If it's your own lifestyle, then I'd say you have no need to worry about what others do. If you're seeking to emulate others, then I'd strongly suggesting choosing your role models carefully.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 17

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 1:46:27 AM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrDark1

If you stay away from the garbage, you'll be fine. A Dominant has enough wisdom and know-how to pursue what is good for him. If he or she is wrong for your dynamic then you can kick them to the curb. You don't have to humble your self or say your sorry. As they say the "Dominant is always right" and who is going to go against his wishes??..When you find the journey that your looking for ...you will know what to do and how to present your self. You have to be the man with the plan. Understanding and listening to people and not judging them is the key to longevity. I know this because I spent 21 years with a submissive and the only thing that stopped our Dynamic was her death......now new horizons....and i wouldn't give up this lifestyle for anything. You have good and bad in everything. And you also make your own way. I wouldn't worry about the other people you here about. I'd worry about myself and make sure that i got out of this life style exactly what i wanted!!

MstrDark1 owner of Wisdomtogive

Welcome to the boards, MstrDark1! Great post!

You must be something really special, to snag oceanwynds.

dreamerdreaming,
Thank You for your very kind words. He is very special and i am honor to serve Him.

wisdom
aka oceanwynds

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 18

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 7:43:20 AM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I keep finding profiles of Doms and Dommes who seek a relationship with a sub/slave while at the same time appear to have no regard for the safety and mental health of there prospective partner and use the excuse of belonging to the opposite gender as justification. One instance is a profile where a dominate wanted to castrate the prospective sub the moment he first submitted and another dominate that wanted to make the prospective sub beg for everything even food I don't want to stir up any trouble I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I don't know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me.

To you seeing a sub/slave having to beg to be allowed to eat a meal or having to beg to be allowed to go tot he bathroom may not be the way you work your D/s dynamic yet they are many who thrive being that micromanaged by their owners. I had an owner who expected me to beg for a hug or ask permission if I could watch 30 minutes of television. I found that was not an environment which I thrived in, I need a certain level of autonomy and being micromanaged wasn't it.
Yes you will find there are some who are only concerned about their own gratification at the expense of the one who serves them. Yet that is also true in non kink relationships...it is a fact of human nature. As adults, we should have the tools and the common sense by now to weed through the ones who do not fit what we seek for ourselves. Realize the fact that being a kinkster does not mean we have to fit ourselves to a strict one way of doing things. We find what suits us the best and work with that. Though in the end, the final decision is yours so do whatever you wish.

< Message edited by Wolf2Bear -- 3/22/2010 7:45:48 AM >

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 19

RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 7:57:11 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

It's a bit like saying "I'm wondering if the level of infidelity is as high as it seems in heterosexual relationships. If so, I don't know how i feel about pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle."

Do you see how silly that sounds?

What, you've never come across someone saying 'I'm tired of [insert appropriate gender] always cheating on me so I'm taking a break from actively pursuing anyone'?

It's not so silly.

"Taking a break" is very different from writing it off completely. That's what the OP sounded like he was going to do with BDSM.

Besides, that was the first example that popped into my head. Don't take it too literally.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 20

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