ishyB
Posts: 555
Joined: 9/2/2008 Status: offline
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Greetings Master, I understand why somebody would feel the need for such a dynamic, the same I would understand why somebody would absolutely enforce monogamy, but for me -just like monogamy wouldn't- such a dynamic wouldn't leave enough flexibility. I first and foremost expect the man in my life to stand by his words, which means that if he would tell me: "one instant of willful disobedience and you are out" I would actually expect him to stick by his words, as rigidly as he has said them, which wouldn't leave room for circumstances (and I'm not talking about can'ts or accidents here, but even willful disobedience can have circumstances.) My Master and I are in a dynamic where he put forward from the beginning: "you WILL obey me or suffer the consequences." While in this statement, he has the room and prerogative to decide that the consequence for my disobedience is release; it also leaves him the room to just punish disobedience, or deal with it any other way that he likes. Should he have a "one strike you are out" rule, I wouldn't be here today, seeing that there are at least a few times in our relationship where I have actively chosen to disobey him on something. Every time I did so, he evaluated the situation, fixed it and kept me, because he felt that, because of the circumstances, my disobedience was understandable, though not permissible. It's very hard to give an example of this, without splattering too much personal information on the boards, but for the sake of this discussion, I will try. My apology if this remains too vague to make sense of. The first time I ever disobeyed him, it’s because I had gotten the idea, for a number of reasons, that his wife no longer wanted me here. Not only did I feel she wanted me gone, but I also felt like I was driving them apart, which was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. Because of circumstances, I was unable to talk to him for quite a while when this was going on, and by the time I did get a chance to express my feelings to him, my mind was made up: there was no way this situation could be mended, and the only possible result I could imagine coming from it was that I would have to leave them. I didn't want to do this, but saw no other way. Furthermore I had gotten the idea into my head that if I would fully express my feelings to him, he would get angry and upset at me, and our break-up would be on bad terms. I still loved him, and couldn't bear the thought that I would have to leave him while he hated me, so I ended up going to him and told him that I wanted to leave. When he asked me why, I absolutely, categorically refused to tell him about my feelings and just maintained a mantra of "I want to leave but I won't tell you why". He was very angry at my refusal to tell me what was wrong, and refused to let me go until I did and we ended up in a situation where I actively, over the course of a day, tried to pit my will against him, and refused to obey the command to talk to him. Meanwhile, my obedience in all other things was still the same as it always had been, and he took advantage of that by forcing me to kneel at his feet while he tried to question me. It took him the better part of a day to finally break through the wall I had put up, trying to shut him out, and when he did; it turned out to all just be a misunderstanding. He fixed the situation, and continues to keep me this very day. The problem with a "one strike you're out" rule in such a situation would have been that it left him nothing to work with. He would have been honor bound by his own word, at that point, to kick me out, because he absolutely categorically told me that would happen in such a situation. Instead, because his rule has always been that disobedience WILL have consequences (which may or may not include release) he had the option of dealing with the situations another way. I was punished terrible for my refusal to obey him, but in the end, it all worked out for the better this way, for all parties involved. I wish you well, ishy
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I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road Someone's gotta go and I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better But I wanted to move on So I'm already gone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJFn_RIdkg
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