RE: Do you think my master is being fair?

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

lally2 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/27/2010 9:38:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mastersslut69 Hi thanks to you all for taking the time to reply. Your posts actually helped - you've made me feel bad for questioning him and even asking the question is it fair? It was asked 'is my master a fair person - the answer is yes he is incredibly fair so I don't know why I questioned this. I think I'm testing boundaries and master says that I'm used to getting my own way but he won't tolerate that kind of behaviour from me. I guess i was just trying it on trying to get out of this. I shouldn't have done that. I trust his guidance on everything in my life so there's no reason to question this is there? I'm just not looking forward to it. I think when I know I'm getting punished I get anxious as it's not exactly pleasant is it and was hoping for some sympathy maybe. Thanks for your time. I will ask him to help me organise myself so that I don't keep repeating the behaviour though. I don't want to be black and blue again on my ass in another 6 months. Thanks sigh))) - yes you do, on some level or you wouldnt be there - nor would you keep ellucidating on something youre dreading. as for asking if it was being fair of him. you already knew it was being fair because you furnished us with enough information about youre repeatedly appalling track record on losing things - so that we would see the fairness of it all and not think he was some sort of schmuck. as for seeking out an alternative approach to the punsihment - youve not acknowledged the guys whove suggested that beating you isnt working (and is more than likely more playing into youre funishment needs) maybe its just that im not getting any at the moment! - but damn i find these threads annoying. you really need to take responsibility for the relationship youre in, the dynamic youve agreed upon and youre apparent inability to get organised. from me thats rich because i am about as disorganised as they get but if i screw up on something i try damn hard not to screw up again. you should try it sometime.

DesFIP -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/27/2010 9:40:11 AM)
We don't have a punishment dynamic. However if you habitually lose things, I would wonder if perhaps you are ADD/ADHD. If so, then being punished for having a disease is inappropriate. Are you careless or are you disorganized? If the latter, then ask him to help you become better organized. For instance do you use one purse only or several? If several, then get one multipurpose one and don't take your wallet out of it. Always put your cards back into the wallet directly after using them and put the wallet back into the purse. I myself don't see much purpose in punishing you and not helping you solve the problem. You decide if you need help from your dominant in such cases and if so, then next time look for a dominant willing to help you problem solve. It's a lot easier for him to wail on you than it is to help you think of solutions. Probably he isn't able to help you think of solutions and that's why he's resorting to this.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/27/2010 8:14:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: mastersslut69 Hi thanks to you all for taking the time to reply. Your posts actually helped - you've made me feel bad for questioning him and even asking the question is it fair? It was asked 'is my master a fair person - the answer is yes he is incredibly fair so I don't know why I questioned this. I think I'm testing boundaries and master says that I'm used to getting my own way but he won't tolerate that kind of behaviour from me. I guess i was just trying it on trying to get out of this. I shouldn't have done that. I trust his guidance on everything in my life so there's no reason to question this is there? I'm just not looking forward to it. I think when I know I'm getting punished I get anxious as it's not exactly pleasant is it and was hoping for some sympathy maybe. Thanks for your time. I will ask him to help me organise myself so that I don't keep repeating the behaviour though. I don't want to be black and blue again on my ass in another 6 months. Thanks sigh))) - yes you do, on some level or you wouldnt be there - nor would you keep ellucidating on something youre dreading. as for asking if it was being fair of him. you already knew it was being fair because you furnished us with enough information about youre repeatedly appalling track record on losing things - so that we would see the fairness of it all and not think he was some sort of schmuck. as for seeking out an alternative approach to the punsihment - youve not acknowledged the guys whove suggested that beating you isnt working (and is more than likely more playing into youre funishment needs) maybe its just that im not getting any at the moment! - but damn i find these threads annoying. you really need to take responsibility for the relationship youre in, the dynamic youve agreed upon and youre apparent inability to get organised. from me thats rich because i am about as disorganised as they get but if i screw up on something i try damn hard not to screw up again. you should try it sometime. That's my point. I won't comment on the fairness/unfairness of the punishment because I have no knowledge of their relationship. The fact that it would seem the same method of punishment has been used in the past to no avail makes me question the logic of it, not the fairness. My understanding (warped or otherwise) is that punishment is used as a method of attempting to prevent the same behavior from happening again in the future. Now, I understand someone using that method of punishment the first time it happens. Maybe even the second. But when you are reaching third and fourth punishments identical to the first that is showing not to change the behavior, I can't help but wonder if the punishment is really being given for the transgression or because on or the other enjoys it to a point. So while I can say that for me, in my relationship, this type of thing would not be a productive act and wouldn't happen anyway, if the goal for the OP and her partner is to get her to stop losing anything not glued to her forehead (perhaps that might be a better solution, lol), the spankings aren't doing the job and an alternative punishment should be devised.

DWCskitten -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/27/2010 9:48:06 PM)
Hmmm. Well, i've read all three pages of this thread so far, and i'm thinking if the OP thinks her Master might not be fair, maybe rather than a spanking, it would be more fair to take away her bank cards and train card for awhile, say a month or two at least? Just an idea. It would make the punishment fit the behavior more.......... Of course, the bottom line is it's not for us to say whether it's fair or not. ~kitten~

fadedshadow -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/27/2010 10:31:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mastersslut69 Hi Does anyone still wonder if the punishment is proportionate to the crime or do you never question even to yourself masters discipline? Basically I lost something, just a train travel pass, and I told master. He's hit the roof as he's says I'm careless and even though it's now turned up I'm told I'm getting punished for it. I know this will involve me bent over, spanked with his hand and then belt until I can't sit down for days. He says that if I can't sit down maybe it'll remind me to be careful with stuff. I guess I know I deserve punishment because he's told me enough times to be careful as I've lost about 3 bank cards and my train pass already this past 6 months but I just don't want my spanking? I've tried talking him round and he asked me to suggest an alternative discipline but I can't???? Do others try and negotiate out of disciplines or do you just take it without question. My spanking will be thursday night as he's away till then and I'm sure I'll cry. i think it's very fair and perhaps this punishment will teach you to be more responsible. accept it and learn from it

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 3:55:38 AM)
fast reply: Fair? [8\|] Yes, but the better question would be: will such a punishment be effective? If he's already tried it, and you've still: quote: ORIGINAL: mastersslut69 lost about 3 bank cards and my train pass already this past 6 months .... then it seems to me that such a punishment has not produced his desired result. So then, it would be foolish of him to expect any difference this time. A far better punishment would be no punishment at all, except to extend the natural consequence of losing these cards- namely that once lost, you are unable to use them- for a long enough time period that you are motivated to learn to change your behavior. Natural consequences: a staple of good child-rearing. A black and blue ass never hurt anybody [:D] but it isn't helping you change your behavior. If I were him I would insist that you adopt new behaviors to replace the careless ones that are causing the problem, too. Like making sure that you always keep things in the same place, and that they're put away immediately after use. If you're a grown woman things like that should be rather obvious, but apparently they've escaped you, up to now. You've got a lot of growing up to do, OP.

lally2 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 4:20:58 AM)
wouldnt it be refreshing just once if one of these 'vanilla posters' actually came here and said how it really is, instead of slating their Master publicly simply because they want to share to anyone who will listen, that theyre going to be punished something like: im to be punished on thursday and i am so grateful that my Master cares enough about me and our relationship that he chooses to correct me when i get it wrong. im truely fortunate to have found a man who values me enough to do this rather than show me the door. i deeply regret what i have done and i shall do better. thank you for letting me share. because that is what this is about, dressed up in a way to make it sound like 'poor little me' -

barelynangel -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 5:19:06 AM)
OP, You are 33 years old. While i get that you like losing things and making chaos, it appears your Master doesn't appreciate the chaos and panic this causes IN HIS LIFE. His choice is to punish you, however, YOU as an adult should then work on how to keep yourself from losing everything as a separate and distinct concept not as a punishment concept. I think personally, you are enjoying the drama you have caused. The losing the ticket, the worry about having to tell him, the telling him, initial irritation from him that you once again this, the threat of a spanking, the finding of the ticket like a good girl, the now weeks wait and you biting your nails and telling everyone so they can keep the drama alive for you -- cause what fun is biting your nails and worrying if no one knows, i bet you and he talk about it when you talk, which i am sure will all continue through the actual beating and the aftercare, the i will never do it agains etc. SO i think the real question is -- is this punishment or scenerio as a whole feeding some need for you that you keep unconsciously doing this in hopes he gives you this attention? As i said, you are 33 years old, you could get organized if you wanted too.and simply have him for that extra support concept. But it sounds like to me that you don't want too because it will end all this delicious drama. Harsh yes, but your initial post and subsequent posts just seem way to i am such a helpless little girl concept. But if that floats your boat... TO ME, he should beat you for putting this on a message board and publically making an idiot of him because you have virtual strangers attempting to judge him. If you are that uncomfortable with his decisions that you need to come ask strangers about his integrity and decision making fairness then its time to get out. angel

Focus50 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 5:26:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mastersslut69 Hi Does anyone still wonder if the punishment is proportionate to the crime or do you never question even to yourself masters discipline? Basically I lost something, just a train travel pass, and I told master. He's hit the roof as he's says I'm careless and even though it's now turned up I'm told I'm getting punished for it. I know this will involve me bent over, spanked with his hand and then belt until I can't sit down for days. He says that if I can't sit down maybe it'll remind me to be careful with stuff. I guess I know I deserve punishment because he's told me enough times to be careful as I've lost about 3 bank cards and my train pass already this past 6 months but I just don't want my spanking? I've tried talking him round and he asked me to suggest an alternative discipline but I can't???? Do others try and negotiate out of disciplines or do you just take it without question. My spanking will be thursday night as he's away till then and I'm sure I'll cry. For mine, this is borderline abusive.... I'm just not convinced that belting someone so they can't sit for days will help sloppy habits such as losing things. But it sounds like a good way to promote fear and encourage you to keep secrets from him in the hope the lost whatever turns up. You're losing too many things - you need a better method. That's where he should get involved; it's called positive reinforcement. Any mindless arsewipe can beat a girl up, esp if she's a "willing" punching bag.... Focus.

thishereboi -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 7:17:31 AM)
quote: The fact that it would seem the same method of punishment has been used in the past to no avail makes me question the logic of it, not the fairness. I thought the same thing when I read the OP. Then I remembered this thread http://www.collarchat.com/m_3113012/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3113012 and according to that, her first punishment was only a couple weeks ago and she didn't mention losing things in it. Maybe he has never punished her for losing cards before. Personally, I am curious as to how long they have actually been together.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 8:27:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 For mine, this is borderline abusive.... I'm just not convinced that belting someone so they can't sit for days will help sloppy habits such as losing things. But it sounds like a good way to promote fear and encourage you to keep secrets from him in the hope the lost whatever turns up. Indeed. This to me sounds like the way a weak man with no mental abilities deals with a situation. A smart man would approach this situation psychologically first and then, might incorporate physical punishment play for emphasis. Not sure that no being able to sit for days is necessary but on that one, YMMV. quote: You're losing too many things - you need a better method. That's where he should get involved; it's called positive reinforcement. Which is what justme suggested, I suggested as well as dreamerdreaming (apologies if I missed any other similar posts). quote: Any mindless arsewipe can beat a girl up, esp if she's a "willing" punching bag.... Indeed. It never ceases to amaze me how people veil their abusive personalities with BDSM. But even more, I am floored when people who I find seemingly intelligent and on the ball about all this don't see it for what it is worth. - LA

lally2 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 8:37:15 AM)
its a punishment dynamic, they both get off on it - angel is bang on in my view. master is away for a few days, theres all this drama and build up and wheres the fun if she cant share it with someone, anyone, so long as she gets the attention and extra fun while she can milk it. what gets on my nerves is that 'subs' like her come on here, attempt to maniupulate us into her games of 'big bad wolf is coming to get me' bullshite so that she can get extra mileage for something she isnt in the least bit dreading but likes to believe she is. we are all being duped yet again by the 'vanilla posting' punishment whohaas.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 8:41:02 AM)
quote: its a punishment dynamic, they both get off on it Well her OP did not come across that way. And if she is playing a game, she is surely losing things only to get what she wants. Either way, this all screams total dysfunction to me. Perhaps they are best suited for one another. - LA

lally2 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 8:59:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika . quote: Any mindless arsewipe can beat a girl up, esp if she's a "willing" punching bag.... Indeed. It never ceases to amaze me how people veil their abusive personalities with BDSM. But even more, I am floored when people who I find seemingly intelligent and on the ball about all this don't see it for what it is worth. - LA i cant believe Dominants buy into this crap sign of a 'do me' masso - *repeatedly phucks up and makes no attempt to improve for the sake of her Master or relationship.* maybe he buys into this too - but he did ask her to come up with a different punishment - she's had some suggestions too, but i rather doubt she'll be passing them on to her M - no prizes for guessing why.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 9:35:40 AM)
quote: i cant believe Dominants buy into this crap lally2, I'm sure you've noticed that on these boards, and to a lesser degree in real life, dominant is not necessarily synonymous with smart, clever, wise, clued-in or mastering any high order cognitive skills whatsoever ;-) - LA

lally2 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 10:37:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: i cant believe Dominants buy into this crap lally2, I'm sure you've noticed that on these boards, and to a lesser degree in real life, dominant is not necessarily synonymous with smart, clever, wise, clued-in or mastering any high order cognitive skills whatsoever ;-) - LA [:D] - oh boy have i ever!

lally2 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 11:11:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mastersslut69 Hi Does anyone still wonder if the punishment is proportionate to the crime or do you never question even to yourself masters discipline? Basically I lost something, just a train travel pass, and I told master. He's hit the roof as he's says I'm careless and even though it's now turned up I'm told I'm getting punished for it. I know this will involve me bent over, spanked with his hand and then belt until I can't sit down for days. He says that if I can't sit down maybe it'll remind me to be careful with stuff. I guess I know I deserve punishment because he's told me enough times to be careful as I've lost about 3 bank cards and my train pass already this past 6 months but I just don't want my spanking? I've tried talking him round and he asked me to suggest an alternative discipline but I can't???? Do others try and negotiate out of disciplines or do you just take it without question. My spanking will be thursday night as he's away till then and I'm sure I'll cry. because im feeling particularly snarky ill point out the glaringly obvious punishme dynamics at work. 'i know this is going to involve me bent over - blah blah - ' 'i just dont want my spanking' 'he asked me to suggest an alternative discipline but i cant' 'my spanking will be thursday night - blah blah - and im sure ill cry' what we have here is a glorifying of her woeful fate - a disengenuous pity party manipulating us into thinking that shes genuinly miserable about the whole prospect - and yet she cant come up with a single alternative - i could, plenty of people on here have - she asks if he's being fair and yet he offers her the opportunity to come up with an alternative (how is that not being fair, and how is he being an abusive beater) she already knew he was being fair, and yet she posts this question - why - because as angel says, her attention seeking and needing to share the negative attention she seeks has spilled over onto these boards. i was trying to work out why this sort of crappola gets on my wick and i think ive worked it out. i hate being manipulated, i hate being lied to and i wont be sucked into some mini drama thats all about a punishme dynamic they have actively sought and choose to stay in. dragging her Dominant down, i wont call him Master, since she hasnt afforded him the the capital M that would suggest she really does think of him in those terms - is the final assault.

ChainedExistence -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 12:07:10 PM)
I can't tell you how many times I've lost my keys, my shoes, my ATM card, etc. so I do understand how hard this problem can be to overcome, but what are you actively doing to "remediate" this issue? Most people think organization is some sort of inherited gene and you are powerless to change for the better; however you CAN learn to be more organized. Maybe you'll never go so far as alphabetizing your spices, but you will be able to find your keys on a regular basis. There are some great self-help books, and one I'd HIGHLY recommend is "Organizing from the Inside Out." It really gets into the reasons why people have problems with organization, and how they can work around their particular issues to solve common organizational problems. I can understand punishment if you are continuing to do things the same way and aren't actively looking for a way to better yourself. Pick up a book, look for organizational web sites (flylady.net is a good one ), DO something to help yourself, and other than avoiding a spanking, you'll actually find your life less chaotic, and stressful.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 12:35:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: mastersslut69 Hi Does anyone still wonder if the punishment is proportionate to the crime or do you never question even to yourself masters discipline? Basically I lost something, just a train travel pass, and I told master. He's hit the roof as he's says I'm careless and even though it's now turned up I'm told I'm getting punished for it. I know this will involve me bent over, spanked with his hand and then belt until I can't sit down for days. He says that if I can't sit down maybe it'll remind me to be careful with stuff. I guess I know I deserve punishment because he's told me enough times to be careful as I've lost about 3 bank cards and my train pass already this past 6 months but I just don't want my spanking? I've tried talking him round and he asked me to suggest an alternative discipline but I can't???? Do others try and negotiate out of disciplines or do you just take it without question. My spanking will be thursday night as he's away till then and I'm sure I'll cry. because im feeling particularly snarky ill point out the glaringly obvious punishme dynamics at work. 'i know this is going to involve me bent over - blah blah - ' 'i just dont want my spanking' 'he asked me to suggest an alternative discipline but i cant' 'my spanking will be thursday night - blah blah - and im sure ill cry' what we have here is a glorifying of her woeful fate - a disengenuous pity party manipulating us into thinking that shes genuinly miserable about the whole prospect - and yet she cant come up with a single alternative - i could, plenty of people on here have - she asks if he's being fair and yet he offers her the opportunity to come up with an alternative (how is that not being fair, and how is he being an abusive beater) she already knew he was being fair, and yet she posts this question - why - because as angel says, her attention seeking and needing to share the negative attention she seeks has spilled over onto these boards. i was trying to work out why this sort of crappola gets on my wick and i think ive worked it out. i hate being manipulated, i hate being lied to and i wont be sucked into some mini drama thats all about a punishme dynamic they have actively sought and choose to stay in. dragging her Dominant down, i wont call him Master, since she hasnt afforded him the the capital M that would suggest she really does think of him in those terms - is the final assault. Once again life shows that no-one is harder on a woman than another woman. At the risk of showing myself to being one of those dummy doms who's readily manipulated, I just don't see the malice in the same OP you've highlighted. Mind you, your "snarky" demeanour suggests you're determined to focus toward the half empty side regardless, so there might be some hope for my pride and reputation yet.... lol About the only thing I agree with is that I hate being manipulated, too. Which is why I NEVER punish with anything affording the girl my attention, such as spankings etc... If the tail feels inclined to wag this dog, the tail discovers I can function just fine while ignoring it altogether. The "crappola" I don't buy into is that it's not up to a submissive to devise alternative disiplines/punishments. That's entirely my realm and I'll decide what's fair, what annoys me and what pisses me right off the edge of the world. If fairness is a relationship issue, she can certainly decide to leave altogether. My "glass half full" view of the OP is that she's careless, not malicious. 'Careless' can be helped by a thoughtful Dominant. Showing I'm disappointmented (rather than angry) usually has the desired positive affect to do better on a sub's mindset. And 'careless' really would disappoint me as I feel it reflects on my leadership - just as 'malicious' would seriously anger me.... Focus.

lally2 -> RE: Do you think my master is being fair? (3/28/2010 12:47:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 . Once again life shows that no-one is harder on a woman than another woman. At the risk of showing myself to being one of those dummy doms who's readily manipulated, I just don't see the malice in the same OP you've highlighted. Mind you, your "snarky" demeanour suggests you're determined to focus toward the half empty side regardless, so there might be some hope for my pride and reputation yet.... lol About the only thing I agree with is that I hate being manipulated, too. Which is why I NEVER punish with anything affording the girl my attention, such as spankings etc... If the tail feels inclined to wag this dog, the tail discovers I can function just fine while ignoring it altogether. The "crappola" I don't buy into is that it's not up to a submissive to devise alternative disiplines/punishments. That's entirely my realm and I'll decide what's fair, what annoys me and what pisses me right off the edge of the world. If fairness is a relationship issue, she can certainly decide to leave altogether. My "glass half full" view of the OP is that she's careless, not malicious. 'Careless' can be helped by a thoughtful Dominant. Showing I'm disappointmented (rather than angry) usually has the desired positive affect to do better on a sub's mindset. And 'careless' really would disappoint me as I feel it reflects on my leadership - just as 'malicious' would seriously anger me.... Focus. as usual you make perfect sense - but it isnt just the Dom who is being manipulated here - we are, or at least its an attempt to manipulate us into buying her whole pity party drama. im calling her on it, thats all - snarky but there you go. and just to add, but didnt she write another thread about punishment a while ago - she has punishment on the brain - if that isnt an indicator of what this dynamic is all about then i really dont know what is - its her kink, so good, fine - just stop wrapping it up in such a way that youre manipulating people into spending time and energy with thoughtful responses over something she really has no problem with - whatsoever.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875