quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

I read a lot of comments regarding boundries, limits and pushing them.

If a sub completly submits to you to the point of doing anything you demand, how do you know what's too far for them?

quote:

...and if you take it too far do you think they're justified in thinking you've broken the trust between you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Using fast reply.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

I read a lot of comments regarding boundries, limits and pushing them.

If a sub completly submits to you to the point of doing anything you demand, how do you know what's too far for them?

It's real simple.  You talk to them.

quote:

...and if you take it too far do you think they're justified in thinking you've broken the trust between you?

If I did it intentionally, yes.  If not, and I've made a mistake in some way or something was misunderstood, no.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
And at a later date, in a situation that the sub may seem compliant about pushing past that limit, do you stick to what you talked about or go with what's happening?

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Using fast reply.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

I read a lot of comments regarding boundries, limits and pushing them.

If a sub completly submits to you to the point of doing anything you demand, how do you know what's too far for them?

It's real simple.  You talk to them.

quote:

...and if you take it too far do you think they're justified in thinking you've broken the trust between you?

If I did it intentionally, yes.  If not, and I've made a mistake in some way or something was misunderstood, no.

And at a later date, in a situation that the sub may seem compliant about pushing past that limit, do you stick to what you talked about or go with what's happening?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Everybody has limits. You aren't going to strip in a public park where there's a school outing going on. You won't be willing to go to jail for that.

However, if you agree to stuff, then any bad results that come from you agreeing to it even when you know you can't handle it are things you've asked for.

With that said, he's tried some stuff that's blown up in our faces. I didn't know I would freak out as a result. His responsibility was to read my body language and realize that I wasn't handling it. His actions were to stop what he was doing, and calm me down. To apologize for scaring me and then to start again the next time at a level of much lower intensity and go on basically from the beginning until I had regained all lost ground.

As far as being justified, that doesn't enter into it. If I believe trust is broken between us, then it is. If he thinks me chatting to someone else is cheating, even if I've never met the person I'm having cybersex with, then it's cheating. He can tell me he didn't break my trust all he wants, if I no longer trust him that's the reality of the situation.

We bear equal responsibility here. It's my responsibility to tell him I can't go down a certain road. It's his responsibility to monitor me and see how I'm doing. There have been times he's undone bondage while I complained I didn't want to be undone. The fact that I couldn't tell that my arm was cold and going blue didn't mean he would be exonerated if I had a medical problem as a result. His job was to watch it, touch it, and decide when I needed out. Had he not been able to see a cramp, and I didn't tell him I had one and needed it untied, it would be my fault. It takes both of us.

If you don't know the person you are playing with well enough to trust to abide by your limits and to care for you, then I suggest you play in public only where the DMs will be a secondary line of defence.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

And often he does understand - even better than myself - just he doesn't show it in the same way, or the way that i might expect. People are different, and they don't always act in the way that you think that they should. So the reality is, placing so much importance on being understood, and feeling understood, is a waste of energy.

Trusting him is much more important than trying to make him understand you. You're going to find that a losing enterprise everytime. You're seeking a feeling to alleviate your fear, and that's not the solution. You have to face the fear, and trust anyway.

quote:

As one of the very few godlike dominants left in the world, I never make those sort of mistakes mortals make. Not only can I read the mind of my slaves, I can read past their minds and see into their subconscious and so I can always tell when they say no and mean yes or say yes but really mean no. I to doesn't hurt that I can also see the future so I can see how the things I choose to do will affect her so that I can avoid things that might become problematic as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

there is no magic solution to the issue you raise... but I have found if you focus on knowing the character of the person... it goes a long ways in developing a constructive and thriving relationship. It' particular useful when the road gets alittle rough and your with a person you admire in character and in deed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
I read a lot of comments regarding boundries, limits and pushing them.

If a sub completly submits to you to the point of doing anything you demand, how do you know what's too far for them?

quote:


...and if you take it too far do you think they're justified in thinking you've broken the trust between you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

As one of the very few godlike dominants left in the world, I never make those sort of mistakes mortals make. Not only can I read the mind of my slaves, I can read past their minds and see into their subconscious and so I can always tell when they say no and mean yes or say yes but really mean no. I to doesn't hurt that I can also see the future so I can see how the things I choose to do will affect her so that I can avoid things that might become problematic as well.

Otherwise I might be forced to act as a mortal, crawling around near blind, dependant on her vastly imperfect understanding of her motives and subconscious desires. I can't imagine how difficult it would be not to be able to see into the future to avoid mistakes, how terrifying that must be.

All kidding aside, as a few sane posters have said, we ALL have limits, sometimes we know them in advance, sometimes we find out about them only after tripping over them accidentally. I LOVE to push limits and I also at times don't do the things they think they want to do. Took me years to get good at knowing which is which and by good I mean I don't screw up TOO often and yes, that also means I DO screw up.

People often say yes to things they shouldn't and no to things they should embrace. Knowing which is which is a nice talent in anyone, top or bottom.

As for those seeking to give up all limits or find someone who will do that for you...down that path lies danger. I LOVE to push limits but I also have no problem respecting them and that isn't as odd as it sounds. "I hate mushrooms" may be because they become violently ill or because they never developed the taste for them. Forcing the first person to eat mushrooms could be fatal, pushing the later could be a welcome bit of epicurean growth. Same goes with bdsm stuff, know the WHY behind the limit is vital, being there to help someone work through and past those things is a serious commitment that must be in place.

For the submisive, if someone is pushing your limits, step back and ask yourself why? Is it because the person has something to prove, that it is about "testing" your submission/devotion or is it out of a mutual joy of exploring new ground? It is about feeding some insecurity on the part of the top/dom/whatever or is it about creating a safe place (PROVEN safe by not fucking up, or at least not doing it too often) where you can expand your horizons?

And lastly, if you are pushing limits, shit will happen, things that may seem hot will turn out to be NOT HOT, or you may find something goes from "I may not like that" to FUCK NO..or even FUCK YEAH! IF your partner is trustworthy...then allow him/her to make mistakes...knowing that you are doing so as a couple, otherwise kick the fucker to the curb and find someone worthy of you!

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
I read a lot of comments regarding boundries, limits and pushing them. If a sub completly submits to you to the point of doing anything you demand, how do you know what's too far for them? And if you take it too far do you think they're justified in thinking you've broken the trust between you?