quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

If something is being pushed, then it really isn't a boundary, is it?

One goes too far when either: (1) an established boundary/limit is crossed; (2) a safeword is used and ignored; (3) consent is explicitly withdrawn.

The consent aspect of SSC, RACK, SSICK is a fundamental tenet of BDSM.
Surrender is by ongoing free choice from self will. Only YOU are ultimately responsible for the outcome of your choices. Make healthy choices.

The question is being aware of what is actually being voluntarily shared, not abusively taken.
It is only confusing for a narcissist who thinks that they are entitled to everything they want.

quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

Are we talking play here, or day-to-day life?

For either, I think communication and taking it gradually is key. And sometimes pushing boundaries can turn out to go to a bad place - but sometimes things that you don't expect to be a boundary at all go to a bad place, too. These things happen. The question is, can you talk about them afterwards and figure out where you go from there?

Hopefully, your dominant wants you to ultimately be happy and have a good time, and will work with you if something he or she does turns out to be a really bad experience for you.

quote:

but I'm new and have no idea what SSC, RACK or SSICK are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

but I'm new and have no idea what SSC, RACK or SSICK are.

Safe Sane Consenual

Risk Accepted Consenual Kink

Not sure about the SSICK one...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


Oh SURE summarize seven paragraphs in a single line, BE that way! Hey, got offered to teach in timbucktoo...how far is Sudbery from you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

If something is being pushed, then it really isn't a boundary, is it?

One goes too far when either: (1) an established boundary/limit is crossed; (2) a safeword is used and ignored; (3) consent is explicitly withdrawn.

The consent aspect of SSC, RACK, SSICK is a fundamental tenet of BDSM.
Surrender is by ongoing free choice from self will. Only YOU are ultimately responsible for the outcome of your choices. Make healthy choices.

The question is being aware of what is actually being voluntarily shared, not abusively taken.
It is only confusing for a narcissist who thinks that they are entitled to everything they want.

If a sub is in "sub space" as Dark Stephen so aptly phrased it... is it still considered voluntarily shared?

...and sorry but I'm new and have no idea what SSC, RACK or SSICK are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shyla

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

And often he does understand - even better than myself - just he doesn't show it in the same way, or the way that i might expect. People are different, and they don't always act in the way that you think that they should. So the reality is, placing so much importance on being understood, and feeling understood, is a waste of energy.

Trusting him is much more important than trying to make him understand you. You're going to find that a losing enterprise everytime. You're seeking a feeling to alleviate your fear, and that's not the solution. You have to face the fear, and trust anyway.

(first, quote edited, pieces snipped to only portray the parts relevant to the tangent I'm about to indulge in)

Raven,

Thank you.  Thank you SO much.  I am writing this statement, made by  you, on my forehead.  I will reapply it every day for the next three weeks.  Perhaps I should get it tattoo'd somewhere (not my forehead, that might be unbecoming).  Wow did you just shed a huge spotlight on a stumbling block I've been banging in to for the last 4 or 5 days.  It wasn't a pretty spotlight, by the way, neither was the revelation.  but you are.  so.  freaking.  right.

Thank you for being you and saying this.  I'm gonna go get my tattoo gun now.  Yup, it's that important. (ok, maybe not the tattoo gun, but I am writing this down and carrying it with me)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

As soon as people place more value on an activity, than on the person involved, you are fucked.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Thank You, I'm extremly reassured by what I'm hearing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The subspace question, no it isn't ethical to do something when they're in subspace when they made it clear beforehand they didn't want to do. You discuss it the next day, and see if they really have changed their mind.

However lots of guys will claim they won't have sex with you, just s & m, and the moment you are spacing, they'll do it anyway claiming you changed your mind.

Just like in real life, lots of liars and con artists around. Which is why you have two choices to be sure you're safe. Either you take time to develop a friendship and a knowledge of their character, or you play in public where the DMs can enforce your limits for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Thank You, I'm extremly reassured by what I'm hearing.

You are now invincible!


Invincible

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEzyib-jDJk

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
As soon as people place more value on an activity, than on the person involved, you are fucked.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

So my question should have been...

If a Dom puts a sub into subspace and takes them past their limits, is it correct?