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Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 12:10:28 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

Myself and other female submissives have found lately that the Dominants we are seeing seldom take the initiative when it comes to spending time together with the sub. It is left to the sub to say, "May i see you this weekend," etc.
It's akin to the female having to ask for the date, rather than the male.
Why is this?
Is this common among male Dominants? or is it just these guys.
Why don't the Dominants step up to the plate.
It's left some of us feeling as if they just don't give a damn.
But makes me wonder if it's some mind game... Leaving us hanging until we're aching to spend some time with them.

Post #: 1

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 12:30:25 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

I personally wouldn't see the need for mind games if I was with someone I really wanted to be with.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 12:31:07 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I tend to make the women pursue me. It shows me those that really are looking for a Dominant from those that are looking for a boyfriend. It's my own twisted view, I know, but it is my preference. Just like I prefer a slave over a submissive.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 12:43:23 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Myself and other female submissives have found lately that the Dominants we are seeing seldom take the initiative when it comes to spending time together with the sub. It is left to the sub to say, "May i see you this weekend," etc.

Sounds like a difference of opinion on what the courting ritual should be. Any reason it should be the man doing the asking rather than the woman or is it because he's a dominant and that's supposed to be their job? To me, anticipation would be the watchword to use and asking if he wanted me for that weekend would be the approach I'd use.

quote:

It's akin to the female having to ask for the date, rather than the male.
Why is this?

Because that's what society is used to doing? Doesn't mean you have to buy in to it though. I'm not sure why you are having trouble here.

quote:

Is this common among male Dominants? or is it just these guys.

I don't think it's uncommon.

quote:

Why don't the Dominants step up to the plate.

You can always ask them if this is a part of the service they require, then make a choice if it's part of the service you wish to provide.

quote:

It's left some of us feeling as if they just don't give a damn.

Why? Because things aren't the way you 'think' they should be? Who's in charge anyway?

quote:

But makes me wonder if it's some mind game... Leaving us hanging until we're aching to spend some time with them.

If it is a mind game, it sure sounds like it's working.

You know what you all need to do, right? You need to 'talk' but not here.. you all need to talk to the Masters in question.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 12:57:29 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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Any girl of mine knows exactly when and where I expect to see her.... I communicate that quite unequivicaly. If she wants to see me outside of that then of course she can ask. Also if she finds herself with extra time that I was not expecting then I expect to be told ASAP ater she finds out so I can decide wether I require her company.

She is mine, her time is mine and I will manage it to my satisfaction

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 1:14:42 PM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

my Dominant and i have one night a week that we definitely spend together EVERY week, and then if we both happen to have time in between we communicate that to each other and spend that time together. this usually results in us seeing each other 2-4 times a week. every now and then i worry that i am "nagging" Him for time, but i usually try to make it clear to Him that i want Him to have time to Himself (because that is really important for His physical/emotional health) and that when i let Him know i am free, it is just to keep Him abreast of what i am doing and my schedule.

i like RavenMuse's method; that is what works best for us (me and my Dom). in my past vanilla dating experiences, i HAVE noticed a rather annoying trend of guys wanting the chase. personally, if i like/love/am infatuated with you, i am pretty clear about that. i don't play games, and it makes me extremely happy that He doesn't like those kinds of games either. if you are made uncomfortable by these situations, i would just seek out people with other dating styles.

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 1:16:04 PM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

i tell her when to be available

but it's often enough to satisfy her

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 1:22:06 PM

Angeni

Posts: 88
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Greetings :)

In my past relationships, it was my responsibility to let Him know what my schedule was. If He wanted to see me, then He would make it known. There were times that weeks would go by before He set a date to see each other. It was hard, yes, but it was His choice to make, not my own. Just my humble opinion based on my own experiences though.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 3:14:15 PM

Darke

Posts: 33
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline

Every relationship is different...rt vs vt, live-in vs occassional, so as ever, there is no platonic, global answer. With that in mind, a few idle musing--

I.) Freeedom from the stress of planning, logistics, etc. is what many submissive are looking for--they want to be taken care of, have thier needs met. If a Dom is using a period of withdrawl as an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" type strategy--sometime powerful, but always dangerous--he should articulate up front what He is doing and why.

II.) Initiative is a sexy--perhaps the sexiest trait in a Dom. If the OP feels that the only time something happens in her relationship is what she makes happen, that should give her pause, and seom things to consider.

III.) Almost al relationships inevitably go from an initial blaze to a warm, comfortable, reliable smoulder. Is the time she is spending with her Master drastically changed, and suddenly, or has it stayed consistent? A sharp change could mean several things. If it is consistent, is she sure her question is not one bourne out of frustration or pique. At what point to subs get to decide how much a Dom should be giving them versus how much they are entitled to? But there's enough to that questions to make it a whole other post....

(in reply to Angeni)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 4:00:24 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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Just like an audience, you leave the crowd always wanting more.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 4:21:05 PM

BrianSenior

Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I tend to make the women pursue me. It shows me those that really are looking for a Dominant from those that are looking for a boyfriend. It's my own twisted view, I know, but it is my preference. Just like I prefer a slave over a submissive.

I agree ~BK~

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 4:50:46 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

I just recently cut off contact with a guy because of his sudden utter indifference to my presence. It's such a turn off for me. We were going to meet, he seemed quite keen, I really liked him, its such a shame and to be honest I'm still quite hurt about it. He said he was feeling ill, but didn;t cancel the meet although I gave him the opportunity to, and then he just stopped contacting me altogether, so obviously I didn't go because of the risk of being stood up, which was lucky because he was going to stand me up in the end but just couldnt be arsed to tell me. What a catch. And yet he still asks me how I am and doesn't understand why I'm unhappy about it.
It's not the fact he couldn't/wouldn;t meet me - I mean, we all have the right to change our mind, its just that had I not chased him up I would never have found out he wasn't planning to turn up. He basically left it to me to say "so you can't see me then". I really don't get why he couldn't just say the meeting was off for whatever reason.
For me part of my submission is about feeling desired. How can I feel desired if the sod makes me do all the running? I won't be chasing anyone sorry, this isn't the first time I've been made a fool of. I do understand that its important to give a sub choices, but to me expecting a sub to do all the running smacks of selfishness.

< Message edited by PenelopePitstop -- 4/2/2006 5:03:13 PM >

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 8:38:18 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Sounds like a difference of opinion on what the courting ritual should be. Any reason it should be the man doing the asking rather than the woman or is it because he's a dominant and that's supposed to be their job? To me, anticipation would be the watchword to use and asking if he wanted me for that weekend would be the approach I'd use.

It's a matter of the Doms NEVER saying they want to see the subs anymore.
In once case, they talk daily, live in the same area, He is completely aware of her schedule and her activites well in advance.
Yet since New Year's Eve, He has never once made the arrangements for the two of them to spend time together. Every single time, it's been at the initiative of the sub (BTW they are not in a committed relationship, they are "dating" -- His words).

< Message edited by cravinspankin -- 4/2/2006 8:40:59 PM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 8:57:27 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Any girl of mine knows exactly when and where I expect to see her.... I communicate that quite unequivicaly. If she wants to see me outside of that then of course she can ask. Also if she finds herself with extra time that I was not expecting then I expect to be told ASAP ater she finds out so I can decide wether I require her company.

She is mine, her time is mine and I will manage it to my satisfaction

Again we are in agreement.(Must be the Scots blood).

If she is not resident I want her here at the House when not otherwise occupied with work and family, all of which will be discussed and I will be kept up to date verbally and in her journal.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/2/2006 8:58:57 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 10:40:41 PM

Takethiswaltz

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Any girl of mine knows exactly when and where I expect to see her.... I communicate that quite unequivicaly. If she wants to see me outside of that then of course she can ask. Also if she finds herself with extra time that I was not expecting then I expect to be told ASAP ater she finds out so I can decide wether I require her company.

She is mine, her time is mine and I will manage it to my satisfaction

I would expect this particular approach from a dominant.
If I were required to give chase continuously, I'd lose my interest and patience quickly. I would be highly suspicious of the authenticity of a dominant who is unable to express what he wants and take measures to ensure that he gets it.

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 10:51:38 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

It's a matter of the Doms NEVER saying they want to see the subs anymore.
In once case, they talk daily, live in the same area, He is completely aware of her schedule and her activites well in advance.
Yet since New Year's Eve, He has never once made the arrangements for the two of them to spend time together. Every single time, it's been at the initiative of the sub (BTW they are not in a committed relationship, they are "dating" -- His words).

I still say it's time for a heart to heart. If the ladies in question do not contact the gentlemen in question, what happens? Is there then no relationship? That seems pretty telling to me.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 10:56:05 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Any girl of mine knows exactly when and where I expect to see her.... I communicate that quite unequivicaly. If she wants to see me outside of that then of course she can ask. Also if she finds herself with extra time that I was not expecting then I expect to be told ASAP ater she finds out so I can decide wether I require her company.

She is mine, her time is mine and I will manage it to my satisfaction

Without reading any other post in this thread.... Raven... I really liked yours. To me it hit just as it should. Knowing when exctly I will see him again and letting him know I got extra time when it comes available all of a sudden... even if he doesn't use that time... he knows it there should he choose too.

If I feel I have to seek him out each and every time... I got better things to do with my time as well.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/2/2006 11:03:10 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

In my case, Master approves my schedule every week. He then decides what days i should come visit. If i see a possibility where an additional visit might work, i offer it, and he decides if it will work or not.

The doms you speak of sound suspect, however. Four months after New Years and they are still "dating?" i would sense a lack of interest if it were me.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/3/2006 12:12:37 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

The tactic of playing coy or the "pretty princess to chase" has never worked well in stirring my deeper interest. I may find a girl passingly pretty, but the glamour of surface appeal is ineffectual and forgettable without a belly buzzing wanton and total. If she loves me she will find me, and when she does, I will know it. Craving, obsession, humility and a certain darkness; these are the qualities I recognize in a girl who may be mine. If I don't sense them, I loose interest quite quickly.

Once a girl has accomplished being mine, however, she will be showered with plenty of interest and structure, I assure.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/3/2006 2:34:27 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Again we are in agreement.(Must be the Scots blood).
If she is not resident I want her here at the House when not otherwise occupied with work and family, all of which will be discussed and I will be kept up to date verbally and in her journal.

Absolutely old friend. The way I see it is that from the moment she has given herself to me that time is no longer hers, it is mine. If she is sufficiently interesting for me to want her as mine then indiffrence isn't going to be an issue and I will control what is mine, it is what I do!

The case with the girl who has came closest so far, from the point she has fullfilled my conditions for accepting her as mine and has submitted then the default weekly schedule is already known. She will travel to me after her work on the Friday and will leave either late on Sunday if she is on an early the day after or Monday morning should she be on a late. There is one weekend a month where I have something regular planned on the Saturday which will need looking at to see if I want to involve her in that or give her a free weekend.

There will be the occassional evening where there is something on in central London (just about reasonable commute distance half way between us) and if I decide to attend then unless she is on a late shift she will come in and accompany me. There is also a regular munch up around where she is that I will see if it is to my tastes which will mean me traveling up to her, going to the munch with her and comming back the next day.

The only time she needs to take initiative, is when items come up that I am not aware of... extra time available, events I maybe interested in that she hears of before I do..... but even then it is less 'initiative' as these are things where she is expected to keep me informed.

She will also 'touch base' with me daily either via the net or if either of us are not around the computer that day, via text. As well as keep me informed of where she is going to be when so I might decide if I wish to exert any kind of 'at a distance' control *g*

That is only the default, there is room for her to ask for time to do other things, for instance I consider it important that she doesn't loose track of her friends. Now a number of those can be handled during weekday evenings when I don't require her presence (Accepting of the real life commitment of work in the main) but should she have some looking to visit her on an occassional weekend due to distance and their own commitments then I am unlikely to refuse permission unless I am given good reason to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
Without reading any other post in this thread.... Raven... I really liked yours. To me it hit just as it should. Knowing when exctly I will see him again and letting him know I got extra time when it comes available all of a sudden... even if he doesn't use that time... he knows it there should he choose too.

If I feel I have to seek him out each and every time... I got better things to do with my time as well.

without meaning to sweetheart you have just pointed out one of the reasons I am doubious of taking the other approach (Assided from the fact that it simply doesn't fit with who I am!).... It lends the girl to thinking of it as HER time.... once she has given herself to me it is MY time not hers.

Even if she is off doing something she wants to do, it is still my time as she has sought permission (Which whilst mostly will be granted, will sometimes NOT be if I am given reason OR have other plans for that time) and is required to keep me fully informed.

Bottom line... is it TPE or not? If it is then the Dom better step on up and use that power.... use it or loose it!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 20

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