RE: wondering about Dominant personalities...

RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (Full Version)

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Kana -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (3/29/2010 9:54:27 PM)
Of course I support her. It's an exchange. She gives to me. I give back.She gives me all that she is. In return I provide structure, a heart that she trusts absolutely, shoulders that are always available to cry on, ears that are willing to listen and arms where she can always feel safe. I encourage, push, prod, and always remain her biggest fan. I also hold her when she's down, wipe away tears, brush her face clean and help her back to her feet again. I tell her the hard truths. I keep her accountable. At times, I hold her feet to the fire. Others I demand more, and expect more, of her, than she thinks herself capable of. But I do none of it with malice and always, always have her best interest in mind. I do crazy stuff like have slaves read Plato (and quiz em too!), seek outside of their safety zones, explore new ideas, try new things. I've taught women to iron, change tires and write papers. I like to push their boundaries and help them grow. Heck, half the time, we are both discovering new things together-that's half the fun of being involved with someone isn't it? Maybe it's a bit arrogant on my part, but frankly I would like to believe that every woman I have been in an extended relationship with is better for having known me. Now all that said, Caveat Emptor time: I have extensive experience and training in mentoring and leadership, both professionally and personally, so I am working within a field that I have some abilities in and not just talking out my ass here.

realtime62 -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (3/30/2010 12:44:18 PM)
Although I'm a newcomer to the dom world, one of the things that brought me here is the intense fulfillment I receive from nurturing a partner, and providing them the structure in which they can grow. I'm not looking for damaged partners to fix, but I love giving someone that shoulder to lean on and firm hand to guide. It's definitely not just about the fun of having a slave. As was said previously, as a dom I'm also inspired and influenced by my sub. I'm at my best when I have that relationship, and although it might not be as overt, I lean on my sub a great deal for support, strength, and even guidance.

DesFIP -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (3/30/2010 2:33:41 PM)
They're all different. Some are control freaks who try to control everything outside themselves because they feel out of control inside. Others just make truly excellent decisions and hate to see things be fucked up by less qualified types. So they prefer to make the decision themselves or delegate it to someone they know can do it right. What most of us subs prefer in a dominant is confidence though. An insecure dominant has trouble getting anyone to feel their dominance. As far as play goes, he views it as him being the artist and me being the canvas. He pulls out of me the results he wants and finds that satisfying. But basically I've given up trying to understand why he would want to do all the stuff that to me seems so onerous. I accept his statement that it fulfills him. Just as he doesn't understand why I would want to submit instead of be in control, but he's damn glad I do.

NorthernGent -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (4/4/2010 4:47:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsuta Is that what Dom(me)s want, too? Do people with a Dominant personality have this desire to have this positive influence on someone's life, like us subs have the desire of being controlled ect? I mean, wanting to be a good influence on others and particularly the ones you love is pretty normal, whatever your personality type might be, right? I want to help others too. But is it a strong trait for Dominants? I think it's safe to assume that most people want to have a positive influence on other people's lives. That's how we build a family/a career/a relationship. All fairly straightforward. So I would say - no - it's far from a peculiarly dominant trait. I think the trait is that I'm at my best when in charge and have the confidence to accept the responsibilities/risks/rewards that come with it. But I certainly am influenced by any woman with whom I have a relationship. I mean - that's why she's there - to bring me the things that are important to me and which I can't provide for myself. And that extends to humour/warmth/knowledge etc.

Smutmonger -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (4/4/2010 3:11:00 PM)
FR Some dominant personalities are even stubborn enough to refuse to be cubbyholed into "community expectations and protcols of thought control by online groups who think they can." So much for Castle Realm politics! [:D]

Phoenix73Sir -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (4/4/2010 7:52:21 PM)
I have found that this line of thinking works wether it is a vanilla or a chocolate (well why not? lol) relationship. ANY relationship is about learning your partners flaws and then deciding wether or not you can easily overlook those flaws and live with them. It just seems to me that in a Ds/Ms relationship any flaws that are unacceptable to the Dom are more easily rectified and the Sub is more open to the change than a vanilla partner would be.

dragon200070 -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (4/27/2010 2:18:01 PM)
Wow! Being a Dom, I get to exercise my dominance (high on my list), enjoy being catered to, get the pleasure of perfecting my sub (helping them clear up problems like poor self-esteem). My personality may just be really dominant but I love the life-style. Domming also creates a really tight and close relationship. That his it's own benefits. I've also benefitted by my subs constant attention and striving to help me. Jeff

Difahrint -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/15/2010 11:41:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven It is important to remember that there is a difference between a Dominant man and a therapist. Many submissive women seek out the latter, which is a mistake. i often say that a Dominant man is on his own life's journey, just like a submissive woman is on hers. And his Dominance -and his development as a Dominant man - is his journey, he owns it and becomes whatever man he wants to be in that process. Many Dominant men are Dominant because they actually are very sensitive (shh, don't tell anyone) and they feel the emotions from their submissive very strongly - and they want to take her into themselves, in a way....it is called empathic intuition, they want to know everything about her, care about her, nurture her, and even protect her from the world...but most importantly, they want her to be happy. These are yummy things - but not therapy. There are other reasons to be Dominant, of course, the need for power and control is a strong one, as well as other more sadistic tendencies - and there are those who just want the relationship to be "easy" and see this as the way to accomplish it. But regardless of each Dominant's individual needs, there is a compliment in a submissive woman "out there" somewhere, and vice versa. i just always encourage submissive women to remember, you're in a relationship, and you are responsible for one half of that relationship - it's not all about your needs and whatever "therapy" you can get from a Dominant man. Save that for real therapy, or do yoga, or meditate, or something else - whatever works - but own that yourself, don't make it all his responsibility....because there is no way one human being can "fix" another. Therapists go to school for many years and get paid well for a reason - and they still can't "fix" everyone! So don't put that pressure on someone else. Just have fun and enjoy the ride together on your life's journey, while he gets to enjoy his - with you. Thusly here I stand, a dominant personality on a quest to explore his sexuality as a dominant. That's my premise conceptually and conceptually speaking from my perspective what makes me tick and motivates me to be a dom is that prospect of taking control over someone through training and obedience. To have them obey every whim not just even sexually but through all manners taken in, what I intend to do when I have that, I've yet to figure out. I know I'll end up toying with them and teasing with them for the most part since most of my own pleasure comes from simply just that along with whatever their own desires reflect.

IronBear -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 3:34:38 AM)
One thing the Dominant Personality isn't is a Dominant doesn't need to larger than life taking control of everything and everybody. That is often the personality is a pain in the arse. Some of the most Dominant people I have and still know are often very quiet, rarely raising their voices but all have something like an aura about them which may attract people and certainly will attract those who they want near them. Like a few other Dominants, I tend to become a therapist to those in my immidiate circle, but if they are family, and things indicate a professional is needed, I can usually find the right therapist to refer them to (A matter of professional ethics about not treating your own family or lovers).

jbcurious -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 4:03:09 AM)
Your words struck a chord with me. I have a tendency to measure men against my father. He's only 5'7", he treats everyone with courtesy and respect and is a very pleasant man to be around but he does have an air about him that people automaticly respect...my 6' 5" high school boyfriend always made sure I was home by or before my curfew in fear of crossing my father and I've found this to be the case in the majority of people who interact with him in both a personal and proffesional level. I find that most people who have a need to "flex" their power usually have a lack confidence rather then a Dominant personality.

DesFIP -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 4:51:31 AM)
OP, some dominants want to inspire their subs and others don't want to. Some want to be a positive influence on their lives and others don't give a damn as long as their needs are taken care of. Oddly enough, you get this same thing in vanilla relationships - some people care about the well being of their partners and others are totally selfish caring about nothing but their own needs and wants. The more important question is what do you need in a partner? If you need one who cares about you, who wants you to turn to him when you're down, then that's fine. Just make sure your partner is that kind of person. It isn't dominant/submissive or female/male. I've known selfish men and selfish women. Read the boards enough and you'll be able to pick out the selfish dominants and the selfish submissives. Just remember that it isn't a one way street. If he's struggling, then he'll need you to support him, you to be the place he turns when down. And if you aren't willing to do that, the relationship is unlikely to last.

sunshinemiss -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 4:55:17 AM)
quote: Read the boards enough and you'll be able to pick out the selfish dominants and the selfish submissives. Hello Celeste, Could you expound on this a bit? I think I agree but I'm wondering about how that works. THanks, sunshine

leadership527 -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 7:26:56 AM)
What I want is to lead. But for me, leadership in and of itself is a pointless and empty exercise unless it is turned to some useful purpose. The whole idea that I would own a human for no other reason than to get lots of blowjobs would be a waste of my time. I read this line in some BDSM fiction book somewhere, but it sums me up pretty nicely. Those who's need is to control and improve.

IronBear -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 9:17:05 AM)
I even only want to Dominate and control only those who desire someone and especially me in particular to Dominate and control them. As a Master and as a teacher, if I can help some one positively along their chosen path I have served my purpose for being alive. If I can help more than one, with a clear heart and mind and focus entirely upon their well being and needs, then perhaps I accumulate more brownie points to cancel my debts incurred by both actions and inactions which at the times seemed the right thing to say or do.

lobodomslavery -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 9:19:36 AM)
What ive learned is that appearances can be deceptive. Just because a Woman wears killer heels and latex gloves does not make Her a Domme. Some submissive Women wear stilletto boots too kevin

LadyPact -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 12:02:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsuta Sorry for the vague title :( im bad at briefly summarizing my ideas... Last night's topic on the first chatroom, about being positive, got me thinking and asking myself a lot of questions... often i find myself not really understanding why is it that Dom(me)s are what they are. I mean, i can sort of understand why i have submissive desires, but the other side, altho i'm very happy and grateful they exist, is still a mystery to me in many ways. We hear a lot about subs (or at least, i think so, because i feel that way sometime) wanting to be in a D/s relationship in part (not JUST for that) to have a role model, motivator, guide, someone who will, basically, push them to improve themselves, provide a structure, safety, who will make you (altho you have to want it, in no way i think its up to the Dom/Master to do the work for the sub, just mostly provide the structure and push needed) stop being negative and unproductive (to make the link as to why last night's chat triggered all those questions in me)... I don't mean people with huge problems that should be dealed with by therapy... take me for exemple. I dont have that high a degree of psychological problems.... but i do have some difficulty with self esteem, being motivated and active in life, ect. Which doesnt mean that i'm an.. emo couch potatoe or something. I've gone a loooon way and improved a lot mostly all by myself. But i feel like the context of a D/s relationship would help me unlock my true potential, which i want to get to, and probably would be able to by myself, altho with great difficulty and lots of time. Not that i think it would be easier with a Master but it would help me stay more focused and become more regular about it, most likely. And yeah, feeling that someone is proud of me is a huge motivator. Is that a crime? Humans are social creatures, why do we keep the belief that we should be able to do everything alone before being "worthy" of a relationship, and then people like me get pointed at and called emotional addicts/dependant/afraid to be alone ect ERM but i'm straying from my topic, which is already getting too long by now... D: So, we see subs wanting this BUT Is that what Dom(me)s want, too? Do people with a Dominant personality have this desire to have this positive influence on someone's life, like us subs have the desire of being controlled ect? I mean, wanting to be a good influence on others and particularly the ones you love is pretty normal, whatever your personality type might be, right? I want to help others too. But is it a strong trait for Dominants? Or is it something you deal with but would rather do without and just get the slave (not saying that in "negative" way, i would guess that if this is the case there would still be other areas that would need training and all, and you might be interrested in that, but not the strenuous stuff that i was talking about) ... Or would most Doms do this for their own advantage (getting a better slave), but not out of a craving to be a guide ect? Or all of the above, mixed in different amount depending on who the Dom is... ...basically i would like answers to that question but in the end, i would mostly like to figure out what being a Dom is about (at least the different point of views from the Doms that will respond to this, i know everyone is different...) .. i mean, is it mostly just getting off on being Dom sexually but then as the relationship grows it extend to those things too.. or is doing those thing a pre existing desire... and why.. people ask so often what being a sub is about, whats the difference between a sub and a slave and blah blah blah... i want to know and understand the other side! Cheers :) and sorry for the novel The short and quick of it, D types want you to show up. It's that simple/

reynardfox -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 4:53:01 PM)
I am a dominant and I do have a strong desire to have a positive effect on the lives of those I play with. I provide them with a sexual release and a holiday from responsibility. It's time out from the grind. I have close relationships with some subs and not so close with others, people are people and they are all different. You need to get out there and get some experience.

porcelaine -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 6:36:53 PM)
tsuta, quote: Is that what Dom(me)s want, too? Do people with a Dominant personality have this desire to have this positive influence on someone's life, like us subs have the desire of being controlled ect? I will speak from the perspective of the men that dominate me. Mature - he isn't babysitting Accountable - Own your junk Obedient - repetition doesn't exist Surrendered - mud wrestling power struggle types need not apply Intelligent - they bore quickly Personality - classy with a bit of moxie thrown in for good measure Levelheaded - knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it Changeable - if she's unwilling to bend there's the door Supportive - a constant even when it means you aren't getting what you want Loyal - they're not the type to trust without a good hunch you're worthy Committed - pancakes aren't unwelcome Risk taker - fear is understandable. timidity and overt weakness... uhh no. Not overly emotional - they cut to the chase and their brand of truth can be hard to take if you're very sensitive Knows when to shut up - this alone can save a girl a lot of grief Most of all she must have a resounding desire to follow his lead. They don't waste time on people trying to figure out certain things. What I've noticed is a commonality in desiring a girl that has direction and is prepared to live out the role she's agreed upon. Everyone has challenges but they aren't the coddling sort. Supportive yes. Loving indeed. You'll get a hug when warranted and a boot when necessary. When you pair this with the things you've said a lot can be accomplished. But I'm expected to get my buns in gear regardless if he's in the picture or not. I'd have to give a real account for why I didn't do x,y,z before he arrived. Sometimes they're willing to assist and on other occasions he won't consider anything more until it's done. I don't deny some people are driven for altruistic purposes and may aspire to assist in my actualization, but for the most part that isn't the sole purpose behind their desire for ownership. Their personal wants are usually much larger. ~porcelaine

porcelaine -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/16/2010 6:40:04 PM)
LadyPact, quote: The short and quick of it, D types want you to show up. It's that simple Wow. Can I clone you? [;)] ~porcelaine

VaguelyCurious -> RE: wondering about Dominant personalities... (5/17/2010 1:52:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine LadyPact, quote: The short and quick of it, D types want you to show up. It's that simple Wow. Can I clone you? [;)] ~porcelaine Promise to share the recipe if you discover it! :P

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