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Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 12:22:43 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I wonder at times about people accepting reasonable realities. In rare instances,I do see people with wide age differences getting along in bdsm. And I am very interested to see a younger generation getting involved these days-it wasn't like that back in the mid ninties when I started exploring this.

But I do wonder at the arrogance and lack of connection to reality I see in my own generation in this field. I'm older, overwieght-balding. I wear glasses. The wieght I can do something about-the rest-no.

Even then,I dated a 25 year old when I was 35. It was a bit like this song...frustrating.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WIYnHYHd7E

This thread was prompted by seeing certain individuals here dissing and attempting to marginalize a young newcomer. And I really DO understand a hot young lady not being attracted to some guy who looks like a hot dog with a mid section embolism-who seems to want to make up for the lack of fuzz on top,by getting fuzzier everywhere else.

Wearing leather clothing that makes him look even MORE ridiculous-and copping a really really bad attitude over it all.

I'm just going to say this much. If you want to consider yourself an "Elder" in this sort of a community-try first to get over yourselves. There is no competition to be had for chicks with whom you are not going to have a firecracker's chance in hell anyhow. So be kind and show a little compassion to people who are going to follow you-or face rejection. This is why we have seperate groups and polarization now-selfish asshats.

I look back over time at being a new Top-and it was freaking hard. No one wants to do anything to help.

Except whine about the lack of experience-that they won't allow you to have. I remember-and I am HAPPY to give back.

Consider the possibility of having friends-even if they don't fuck you. It'll help you in a lot of ways that have nothing to do with your dicks.

Like respect.

< Message edited by Smutmonger -- 3/31/2010 12:25:48 PM >

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

Post #: 1

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:02:45 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Smutmonger,

I dissed a 19 year old who wanted to "be a better dominant"...because I think that 99% of 19 years can't even manage ANY relationship, let alone be a responsible dominant.

As for doing it so I can fuck little girls..ldon't make me laugh, they bore the fuck out of me. I don't even start getting interested till they are in their 30s and most of my recent partners have been my age or older. Now I realize I am probably not the norm but kids doing this I all too often find hysterical.

We have a bunch of TNG kids running around Sacramento right now and most can't keep a relationship together for more than a few months, let alone years, the level of drama they, as a group, produce could keep your average fat middle age bdsm group running for years.

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 2

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:09:24 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I see a hell of a lot of fifty year olds that can't do any better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Smutmonger,

I dissed a 19 year old who wanted to "be a better dominant"...because I think that 99% of 19 years can't even manage ANY relationship, let alone be a responsible dominant.

As for doing it so I can fuck little girls..ldon't make me laugh, they bore the fuck out of me. I don't even start getting interested till they are in their 30s and most of my recent partners have been my age or older. Now I realize I am probably not the norm but kids doing this I all too often find hysterical.

We have a bunch of TNG kids running around Sacramento right now and most can't keep a relationship together for more than a few months, let alone years, the level of drama they, as a group, produce could keep your average fat middle age bdsm group running for years.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 3

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:13:31 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I guess the main thing that bothers me is this. The lack of positive role models to be objectively mentored by people who SHOULD know better. Ten years from now these people will be your peers-should they suck too?

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 4

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:22:51 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Smutmonger,

I only know about my local community and San Francisco. Locally we have 20 somethings mentoring other 20 somethings with combined experience of at least a couple of months. There are experienced dominants in the bay area mentoring women who are brand new, in the middle of divorces, who are then mentoring other people.

There are two interelated issues here:

Those who shouldn't be mentoring are most eager to do so and those who should most be mentoring are the least eager to do

AND

Those who most need mentoring are the least likely to seek it out and those who are most open to being mentored are the ones who often have the least need for it.

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 5

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:27:25 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

So why are you dismissing someone who is ASKING for it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Smutmonger,

I only know about my local community and San Francisco. Locally we have 20 somethings mentoring other 20 somethings with combined experience of at least a couple of months. There are experienced dominants in the bay area mentoring women who are brand new, in the middle of divorces, who are then mentoring other people.

There are two interelated issues here:

Those who shouldn't be mentoring are most eager to do so and those who should most be mentoring are the least eager to do

AND

Those who most need mentoring are the least likely to seek it out and those who are most open to being mentored are the ones who often have the least need for it.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 6

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:33:14 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I see a hell of a lot of fifty year olds that can't do any better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Smutmonger,

I dissed a 19 year old who wanted to "be a better dominant"...because I think that 99% of 19 years can't even manage ANY relationship, let alone be a responsible dominant.

As for doing it so I can fuck little girls..ldon't make me laugh, they bore the fuck out of me. I don't even start getting interested till they are in their 30s and most of my recent partners have been my age or older. Now I realize I am probably not the norm but kids doing this I all too often find hysterical.

We have a bunch of TNG kids running around Sacramento right now and most can't keep a relationship together for more than a few months, let alone years, the level of drama they, as a group, produce could keep your average fat middle age bdsm group running for years.

Yeah, way to move a discussion forward, very profound....!

To summarise, the average teenager is just as able, responsible and competent as the average 50yo - agreed?

Now that I've popped a pressure valve, I guess I'll hafta return later and respond to the actual topic.... lol

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 7

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:35:10 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

Age is not always coupled with maturity. It has to be learned-do you have anything of value you'd like to teach? Or are you just here to be patronizing?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I see a hell of a lot of fifty year olds that can't do any better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Smutmonger,

I dissed a 19 year old who wanted to "be a better dominant"...because I think that 99% of 19 years can't even manage ANY relationship, let alone be a responsible dominant.

As for doing it so I can fuck little girls..ldon't make me laugh, they bore the fuck out of me. I don't even start getting interested till they are in their 30s and most of my recent partners have been my age or older. Now I realize I am probably not the norm but kids doing this I all too often find hysterical.

We have a bunch of TNG kids running around Sacramento right now and most can't keep a relationship together for more than a few months, let alone years, the level of drama they, as a group, produce could keep your average fat middle age bdsm group running for years.

Yeah, way to move a discussion forward, very profound....!

To summarise, the average teenager is just as able, responsible and competent as the average 50yo - agreed?

Now that I've popped a pressure valve, I guess I'll hafta return later and respond to the actual topic.... lol

Focus.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 8

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:47:12 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Here we go with the 'Elder' thing again. I don't know why people want to fling that word about like it's some kind of insult. I'm sure it's largely due to the fact that I don't pay as much attention to other people's conversations as I do My own, but I've seen the word used in My direction more than I think it's been used toward anyone else in particular. While I don't care for it, I don't see it as a negative. In most cases, it really is someone else who has an insecurity over those who have more experience letting that show through. Not big news.

Actually, I'm going to disagree with you. It's NOT hard being a new top. Not for everyone. I've stated this on other threads before. The difference is that it's harder to be a new male top. Unless I'm mistaken, that's where the issue you are trying to raise lies. I'll absolutely grant you that, but you don't get to lay it on the difference in age alone.

Also, you don't particularly get to blame it all on the "Elders". How many of those new male tops are taking the initiative in what they want to learn? Are they doing research by reading? Are they attending demos or events? Are they specifically seeking out those who have the experience they want to obtain and going to them with questions that aren't related to sex? Are they taking an active part in their learning or do they want to be spoon fed?

Just two days ago, I wrote a post in another section because I didn't know anything about it and had a question. I read the FAQ section, but couldn't find My answer. I typed up an original and was polite. Not every regular of that forum answered Me, but those that did, I took the time to thank them (as well as those who wrote Me on the other side) for putting in the effort. I got a pretty good response. This is the very same method that I've used for years acquiring new topping skills in the real world. It seems to work pretty good.

Oh, and that 'nobody willing to help' bit...... That's not true either. Some are more willing than others but there are a good number of folks out there who have had their questions answered about one kind of topping skill or another. Sometimes, it's going to depend on who you ask.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 9

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 1:51:37 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

Look,new female subs get snatched up like there is no tomorrow.

The men are the ones who have it hard. But you don't get an inkling of the insecurity being expressed by older doms when a new handsome young guy wanders in?

And the subs are looking at HIM? OMG,unfair competition-but he doesn't KNOW ANYTHING-play with ME-I DO!!!!!!

It's actually sort of funny-mixed with a degree of pathetic.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:01:16 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

SMUT,

I am all too familiar with being the fresh young hot meat. I was in my early 30s when I entered the scene and the old women who were bitching about how the old men wanted younger women...all wanted to play with me despite my having no idea what I was doing.

Teaching someone to top isn't a big deal, most topping frankly doesn't require all that much skill to bring yourself up to the level usually on display.

Being a healthy dominant however isn't something you just "teach". It requires an ability to form healthy relationships, a skill MOST people lack, 19 OR 50.

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 11

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:05:20 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

I must be a little confused about what you're actually trying to ask or talk about. Are you ragging on older people for being douche bags? Because if you are, I got news for ya - anyone can be a douche, regardless of age, as long as they refuse to pull their head out of their ass.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 12

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:07:01 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I agree. Something we all have to learn. Things like compasion, humility-being responsible others besides ourselves. I'm happy to point out things I learned the hard way. Pain is a good teacher.

Have you ever wished you had someone to take you aside and relate thier story to you? And say "I really used to look at this stuff from a bad place-but I changed this and that-and it seems to work better for me now"?

Would it have made any difference?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

SMUT,

I am all too familiar with being the fresh young hot meat. I was in my early 30s when I entered the scene and the old women who were bitching about how the old men wanted younger women...all wanted to play with me despite my having no idea what I was doing.

Teaching someone to top isn't a big deal, most topping frankly doesn't require all that much skill to bring yourself up to the level usually on display.

Being a healthy dominant however isn't something you just "teach". It requires an ability to form healthy relationships, a skill MOST people lack, 19 OR 50.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 13

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:08:08 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I see it at any age.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I must be a little confused about what you're actually trying to ask or talk about. Are you ragging on older people for being douche bags? Because if you are, I got news for ya - anyone can be a douche, regardless of age, as long as they refuse to pull their head out of their ass.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 14

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:15:56 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Since you are talking about how people are treated here at CM, I will address what I see at CM. Throughout the years I have been here, I have seen many younger people come here and get dissed. However, I have seen many more come and get advice, information and lots of people offering to assist. I think that presentation accounts for a lot of how things go once the younger person or less experienced have made themselves known.

I cannot count how many have helped me in things of a kink nature that I didn't know or how many I have sent off an email to, with what I hoped would be a suggestion on how to manage being on the boards and getting to where they wanted to go. I've met some really wonderful younger people around here and still call them friend.

It's not all in the hands of the elder's... but how the younger's take things in hand. As far as I know, they are adults and will make their way based on their social skills and personal-emotional makeup. It isn't always that the elder's are not acting properly or have something against the younger's and wish to hinder them.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 15

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:18:07 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

Best reply yet-thank you!

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 16

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:40:10 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Since you are talking about how people are treated here at CM, I will address what I see at CM. Throughout the years I have been here, I have seen many younger people come here and get dissed. However, I have seen many more come and get advice, information and lots of people offering to assist. I think that presentation accounts for a lot of how things go once the younger person or less experienced have made themselves known.

I'd agree with this-I'm around the same age as the Dom in question, and so far I can only think of one vague comment someone on the boards has made about my age. I've asked questions and received great advice and feedback (including from SimplyMichael, so while he might feel that my age stops me from being able to sustain a relationship, he's still perfectly capable of answering my questions courteously and taking me seriously).

I may be wrong, but I feel like I've come away from the majority of the interactions I've had with other posters with their respect, and I'm putting that mainly down to my ability to think logically and string a sentence together clearly-the fact that I'm young doesn't seem to be an issue.

Now if only they'd stop calling me cute...

quote:

I've met some really wonderful younger people around here and still call them friend.

Here's to friendship, lovely lady! :-D

Edited because in my sleepy state I mistyped the gender of the guy I was talking about.

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 3/31/2010 3:25:37 PM >

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Post #: 17

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:42:54 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

Look,new female subs get snatched up like there is no tomorrow.

The men are the ones who have it hard. But you don't get an inkling of the insecurity being expressed by older doms when a new handsome young guy wanders in?

And the subs are looking at HIM? OMG,unfair competition-but he doesn't KNOW ANYTHING-play with ME-I DO!!!!!!

It's actually sort of funny-mixed with a degree of pathetic.

Being straight, I have to say that I don't take much notice of how quickly female subs are snatched up. Being Myself, I don't worry about such competitive issues, either. That might have something to do with it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 18

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:44:47 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

Female tops hardly have to worry about competition-with the huge oversupply of male subs out there. FINDING an actual male sub-rather than "bottom" seems the real issue with them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

Look,new female subs get snatched up like there is no tomorrow.

The men are the ones who have it hard. But you don't get an inkling of the insecurity being expressed by older doms when a new handsome young guy wanders in?

And the subs are looking at HIM? OMG,unfair competition-but he doesn't KNOW ANYTHING-play with ME-I DO!!!!!!

It's actually sort of funny-mixed with a degree of pathetic.

Being straight, I have to say that I don't take much notice of how quickly female subs are snatched up. Being Myself, I don't worry about such competitive issues, either. That might have something to do with it.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: Generational differences. - 3/31/2010 2:52:07 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

God! (Yes, that is said with all sorts of frustrated attitude! lol) I am so sick of hearing how many male submissive's there are compared to the dominant woman! Where the hell are they I want to know?!

The majority of male's that claim to be submissive's, aren't in my opinion. I see more kinkster's or bottoms than anything else. Cool beans for them, but darn it, I want a submissive and a relationship. I can find a different submissive of whatever type for every night of the week, but where is the one I want to do every night of the week?

Just because there are numbers doesn't mean there are a great number who are actually into being a submissive outside getting their tail end whacked for a weekend.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 20

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