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ORIGINAL: tightropes

It appears that a substantial number of dommes on CM who seek a male submissive want someone to make their lives "easier" and more "comfortable." They indicate a desire for a "service" submissive and state their expectation that he will cook, clean, run errands and otherwise perform tasks. As well, many tend to impugn the motives and bona fides of male submissives whose own profiles focus on sexual submission, bdsm or other activities they wish to share with a domme, and these males are often described as false, "do me" subs.

I’m curious how widespread this sentiment is among dommes. It seems to me that there are a good number of males who honestly consider themselves submissive who nonetheless aren’t seeking to be houseboys or errand boys to a woman. Many of these men work full time, manage their own households, and are seeking a relationship with a dominant woman who exercises control over them but who isn’t looking for a manservant to pick up after them. Rather, these men may seek a relationship not entirely unlike a vanilla relationship except authority is concentrated in the hands of the woman who makes the decisions, controls the man’s behavior, sets the course, and, depending on her predilections, enjoys imposing discipline for her pleasure, not as punishment. They may both work and, when it comes to errands and cleaning, they may even share the burdens.

Do you believe a man isn’t really submissive if he isn’t interested in performing menial tasks as a central part of his role vis-a-vis a domme? Is there room on CM or elsewhere for a male submissive to find a domme who isn’t interested in him mainly as a means to make her life easier?

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Rather, these men may seek a relationship not entirely unlike a vanilla relationship except authority is concentrated in the hands of the woman who makes the decisions, controls the man’s behavior, sets the course,

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ORIGINAL: tightropes
... authority is concentrated in the hands of the woman who makes the decisions, controls the man’s behavior, sets the course

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

  Unless, you've figured out a way that I can practice accuracy with a whip while I am simultaneously picking up the dry cleaning. 

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ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

I expect my submissive partners to be willing to serve, and also to trust that I am not interested in pushing them past healthy boundaries that actually work in real life.  Within those boundaries, yes, you WILL at times be doing my dishes and serving me dinner, naked and on your knees.  But if you've just worked a 12 hour day and your mom's in the hospital, then I'll be bringing dinner for both of you to the hospital and don't worry about the dishes.  That's how it works in real life BDSM relationships, at least for me and mine.

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ORIGINAL: tightropes

It appears that a substantial number of dommes on CM who seek a male submissive want someone to make their lives "easier" and more "comfortable."

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ORIGINAL: tightropes

Do you believe a man isn’t really submissive if he isn’t interested in performing menial tasks as a central part of his role vis-a-vis a domme?

I would question a man's desire to be part of a power exchange dynamic if he's unwilling to do what the dominant person in such a dynamic asks him to do.  Being a submissive isn't the same as being a bottom, in my opinion. 
 
There are tasks my employer requires of me that may seem "menial" but still part of the job description. I do these tasks because my employer plays a dominant role in our little work dynamic...she signs the paychecks.  This was all discussed prior to me accepting the position.  Much like a Domme and sub's need for talk before action.

Is there room on CM or elsewhere for a male submissive to find a domme who isn’t interested in him mainly as a means to make her life easier?

Are you saying you aren't interested in helping your partner in order to please her?  Who defines "menial"?  Wouldn't your domme/partner be making your life easier and more pleasurable by fulfilling certain desires you have?  What if she chose to do your laundry (I know...shocking!) because you were busy with work...wouldn't that make your life easier?  Every relationship (oh god...I said the "R" word) requires a bit of give and take in order for it to work.  When you choose to become part of a D/s dynamic, that comes with give and takes that may be more amplified. 
 
If you want to be a reciever of pleasure and sensation and only explore sexual submission then make it clear that's all you're interested in. 

Personally, I like a well-rounded man who can make my life easier, be sexually submissive and enjoy the little things that make a relationship prosper.  That will be different for each woman, you know.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha


One of the biggest setbacks of the whole "service" submissive thing is that now many subs (or bottoms, whatever) see "service" as a currency they can use for barter. In other words, submissives/slaves/bottoms/kinksters - whoever - sometimes view anything labeled as "service" as equity they can use to barter, trade or expect kink.  They don't "do nice things" because they are a gentleman.  They do it because they believe that by being a submissive and doing errands, cleaning, whatever, they have moved into a category called "service sub" and can therefore expect kink in return. Or, at least a domineering sneer and barked orders.

Newflash for subs:  Totally vanilla guys often are VERY generous of spirit and time, and actually enjoy washing a lady's car, running her errands, helping her clean up or cooking a meal - and they DON'T expect to have to do it naked, to wear panties at the same time or that by doing so they have "earned" kink time.

Akasha