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Changing Moods/Emotions - 3/31/2010 7:25:06 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Most of the regular posters on here are familiar with my relationship through our postings on the board. One of the aspects of our relationship is that he has the authority to tell me when he wants me to change my mood, emotions or my mental state and I am required to make every effort to meet his expectations. He has worked with me quite a bit to make sure I have the tools and the skill to do what he wants.

For clarification sake, he does allow me to get angry, upset, grumpy and all other ranges of emotions. He wants me to change them when he thinks the emotions are taking me in a direction he doesn't want to go, meaning he thinks it is unhealthy or destructive. As long as the emotionsn and my expression of them are done constructively and in a healthy way, he allows me to decide when to change them.

I wonder who else has this aspect in their relationship and what tools do you use to change your mood, emotions or mental state?

Knight's Kyra


_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus
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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 3/31/2010 7:32:58 PM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline 		i know i am not allowed to have thoughts He disapproves of, AND i am not allowed to complain in ANY way about a punishment i might receive (i haven't gotten one yet). As far as what tools i use to facilitate that, i'm still learning how to avoid "bad thoughts."

~kitten~

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formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 3/31/2010 8:55:47 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Flashbacks of my childhood are hitting every area of my brain. I had a closet to sit in so I could readjust. I hope your tools are good ones.

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 3/31/2010 9:01:04 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		In general, my Master restricts how I *act upon* my emotions and thoughts, but I do deliberately change my mood in various ways. Physical exercise, yoga, cleaning the house, taking a nice soak in the tub, reading a book, getting a hug, and so forth can all be helpful. Occasionally, having the opportunity for a cathartic response during S/M activity can really do good things for my headspace. In general, I find that focusing on positive things to do, rather than on "don't do x" works better for me.

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 3/31/2010 9:17:28 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		He doesn't expect me to change my moods I don't think but he does expect me to act upon them differently. If I'm angry over something and I begin to take it out on him, smart mouth, act in a less than obedient way he'll remind me and I'm expected to change what I'm doing.

I don't think I could just stop being angry or sad or whatever just because someone tells me to. My emotions are usually something I have to work out on my own. Sometimes changing the action helps to change my mood. Sometimes it just suppresses it for awhile or I find another way to act upon them that is not detrimental to him, me or our lives.

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 3/31/2010 9:47:03 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		with my adhd im usualay not in any state to long evcept for happy but there are times i get worried or upset and when it interferes with my service to my Mistress She will discussit with me or redirect me to regain balance. W/we are polly and im just back from a deployment so theres some readjustment of course but the best tool that W/we use is comunication.

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 3/31/2010 9:56:49 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Yoga, and meditation, help working through my moods a great deal.

You are fabulous to recognize that most emotions are just a physical response, and not necessarily a sign of something "wrong." Processing the emotion and being present with it, and then perhaps discussing it, is a great way to go.

Good luck to you,
julie

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 12:21:45 AM   
Witches3rdEye


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/26/2010
Status: offline 		For me, I find that meditation, whether is be in a dark lit room, or outside on a sunny pleasant day, helps me to control and change my mood of the day. I allow myself to go to a place that I have created for myself, where I interact with my spirit guide and other beings to "talk" about my stresses of the day. Much like the avatar and other role-playing online communities. In the end, I am in control.




Attachment (1)

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 12:34:44 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		It always amazes me how S is so tuned into my moods and if I am not happy about something he is very quick to notice, even though I don't think I am showing it outwardly.
Where as my previous partner would either not notice or tell me to get over it, S will always insist on getting to the bottom of it and sorting it out immediately. This way nothing ever festers and Im sure this is partly why our relationship is such a healthy one.
He never tells me to go off and do something to take my mind of it or insists I change my mood but he does insist I talk and tell him whats wrong before asking me to tell him what my solution to the problem is. His remedy always changes my mood.

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 2:27:44 AM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		... hi,
there is no unique way to manage your thoughts ,, only one things is to be active about it ,, and to be proactive whenever you can,,  but we should not forget that negatives thouths have to be indentified and adress properly,, just ingnoring them wont work either

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 4:52:55 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

He has worked with me quite a bit to make sure I have the tools and the skill to do what he wants.


Would you mind discussing what kind of work he did with you and what kind of tools and skills you have to do this? I'd greatly appreciate better understanding this part.

In general, I've been good at helping people change their moods but I'm not so sure I have never attempted at insisting that someone changes their mood.

- LA

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 5:18:51 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

what tools do you use to change your mood, emotions or mental state?



Serenity is not my default state. Life sometimes is like a steam roller and I get anxious, frustrated, angry or sad about things.
I have a tendency to dwell on events and that can certainly have a negative impact on me as well as those around me. Ignoring them is not effective, so what I do is allow myself to feel it intensely within a limited time frame.
Letting it out and then letting it go is not a one step process. Those feelings don't magically disappear. It works for me because it relieves the pressure in manageable increments. I also have a knack for turning frustrations into very funny stories, so while I am venting, whoever is listening is entertained!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 7:06:22 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

i'm still learning how to avoid "bad thoughts."


Not to be snarky, but that is impossible! No one can control what pops into their brain. The control centers on what we do about any specific thought. We can question the validity of a thought, dismiss it, examine it, laugh at it, embrace it, decide whether we can or should act on it or voice it.
Forbidding bad thoughts is a very bad thought!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 7:25:23 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I wonder who else has this aspect in their relationship and what tools do you use to change your mood, emotions or mental state?


sometimes this slave goes into her closet and has a nice cry...but for the most part, this slave will ACT "happy & having a great time" until she is. according to Master, this slave is a terrible actress, however, she gets props for the attempt.

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 7:31:37 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

i'm still learning how to avoid "bad thoughts."


Not to be snarky, but that is impossible! No one can control what pops into their brain. The control centers on what we do about any specific thought. We can question the validity of a thought, dismiss it, examine it, laugh at it, embrace it, decide whether we can or should act on it or voice it.
Forbidding bad thoughts is a very bad thought!
i have to struggle with avoiding bad thoughts as well. Catize, it is not avoiding having a negative thought enter my mind, for as you stated, it is impossible. Rather, it is where that thought goes. I have a tendency to let negativity in, dwell on it, harbor it and not work to let it go.


_____________________________

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TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 7:36:47 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

i'm still learning how to avoid "bad thoughts."


Not to be snarky, but that is impossible! No one can control what pops into their brain. The control centers on what we do about any specific thought. We can question the validity of a thought, dismiss it, examine it, laugh at it, embrace it, decide whether we can or should act on it or voice it.
Forbidding bad thoughts is a very bad thought!
i have to struggle with avoiding bad thoughts as well. Catize, it is not avoiding having a negative thought enter my mind, for as you stated, it is impossible. Rather, it is where that thought goes. I have a tendency to let negativity in, dwell on it, harbor it and not work to let it go.



And letting go of judgment of the thoughts - thoughts aren't "bad" or "good" - it is how you act on the thoughts that can be "bad" or "good", or whatever.

Thoughts are just like emotions - they're just thoughts. Consider them, feel them, and decide to act, or let them go.

For me, after i let go of judging what i think, i realized that after a period of time i stopped having "bad" thoughts at all. Now i just - think.

My sigline is my favorite thing to say right now: "i've never claimed sanity - only happiness."

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 7:36:53 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

I wonder who else has this aspect in their relationship and what tools do you use to change your mood, emotions or mental state?


sometimes this slave goes into her closet and has a nice cry...but for the most part, this slave will ACT "happy & having a great time" until she is. according to Master, this slave is a terrible actress, however, she gets props for the attempt.


In my line of work we call this 'fake it 'til you make it'! It can be a very effective tool to change one's emotional state, keeping in mind that it is a process that takes time and effort.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 7:38:15 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

I wonder who else has this aspect in their relationship and what tools do you use to change your mood, emotions or mental state?
the first one is honesty.

If i am in a negative state of mind, Jim expects me to be honest about it and discuss it with him. This is very very difficult for me to do, as i always try to isolate when i am in a negative frame of mind. Talking to him may not do a damn thing for me, but it does clue him in to what is going on.

Then, i have to listen to him. He sees things that are going on that i miss. When i say i tend to isolate i do not mean i hide in a closet. Sometimes the isolation is in the form of going deep inside myself. It is amazing that he sees this occurring even when i do not. He points it out, i hear what he is saying, and thus begins the healing.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 7:48:45 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		I'm learning to discuss my feelings. Before him I'd always clam up & let the pressure build until I finally exploded & said/did stuff I'd either have to apolgoize for or ruin another relationship.
With him I have to communicate because "exploding" is not an option. He tolerated it in the very beginning but no more. He encourages me to talk w/him when something bothers me but I also have to be mindful of what it is that's exactly bothering me and adjust my tone accordingly if I approach him at all. Ex....if I'm feeling "neglected" I have to think of the cause (family, work etc) so if it's life getting in the way I say nothing because that just adds to his stress.
Thankfully I workout alot so am able to relieve alot of tension that way
Much like Beth I'll act happy when I'm really not because I think that w/all the stress in his life right now the last thing he needs is to come to another negative environment whether it's in real life or online.

To respond to this post...
quote:

Not to be snarky, but that is impossible! No one can control what pops into their brain. The control centers on what we do about any specific thought. We can question the validity of a thought, dismiss it, examine it, laugh at it, embrace it, decide whether we can or should act on it or voice it.
Forbidding bad thoughts is a very bad thought!


No you can't control your thoughts but you can control how long you entertain such thoughts.

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

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RE: Changing Moods/Emotions - 4/1/2010 7:49:07 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

For me, after i let go of judging what i think, i realized that after a period of time i stopped having "bad" thoughts at all. Now i just - think.



I like this! It underscores that if we accept the premise that 'feelings are facts' we are less likely to waste time worrying whether we should be feeling this way and get on with the business of coping effectively with those emotions.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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