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feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 8:44:25 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		 This is a very small thing in the larger picture, but I am really struggling with it and looking for some insight, suggestions, advice.

Not long ago, I met a person of interest. We clicked an many levels and had a lot of commonalities in what we were looking for in a D/s relationship. After a few weeks we set up a date and met. We had a lovely afternoon at the Boston Art Museum, getting to know each other and seeing if the " click" was there in person. On both parts, I think it was/is. After a great *date* he asked if I would join him for dinner, which I jumped at. He mesmerized me all day, and I was thrilled to spend more time with him.

We went to the resturant and as the food and drink were served and we began eating. Here is the glitch. I was mortified at his table manners. He smacked and chewed his food with his mouth open, talked while chewing so that I could see the food in his mouth. Made slurping noises when he drank. He literally lifted his fork above the food and stabbed it like it was going to escape him.
I am kind of funky about table manners. When I am with some one who eats like that I cannot eat, my stomach churns and I get gaggy. I don't expect perfection, but the simple basics of eating with your mouth closed and not making noise are things I can't get past.

So, here is the problem: Barring this one little glitch, I would like to explore this further. I have no idea how to tactfully tell some one that when they eat, they make me ill. I can tell a child, I can tell a friend, but some one I have just met and don't have that familiarity level with is different. He has recently called and asked for a second * date*, and I am trying to figure out how to address this. I feel absolutely foolish at my age to not have any idea of how to deal with something as trite as this.. but as trite as it is, it has affected how I would feel about pursuing things deeper unless I can resolve this. Any ideas would be welcome.

                 mbmbn

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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 8:54:18 PM   
DelightMachine


Posts: 652
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline 		When my cousins moved in with us, I used to like to tell them during dinner that we should go to the zoo again at feeding time so they could learn some table manners, but somehow I don't think that would go over well with a potential dom.

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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 8:54:21 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		Laughing...not at your situation but not what I was originally thinking your post was going...damn, I love surprises...
Though this is a small thing, if you will; obviously it is a point which is important to you; is it important enough to continue looking? I admit, not being submissive, I would just train her...and pausing to read your profile (BTW 'kitties' wasn't spelled correctly) obviously you are a strong, passionate individual...look at this as a learning experience if you are interested in Him; why is table manners so important to you, what does it mean and then speak with Him about it...or perhaps just look down and don't make eye contact when you eat :-)

Good Luck,
C

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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:00:45 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		This would be a definate turn off for Me, too.

For now, perhaps you could suggest serving him, including feeding him, instead of letting him feed himself?

TexasMaam

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:01:48 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I know that this doesn't excuse all of his table manners, but does he have sinus trouble?  Honestly, I CAN'T eat with my mouth closed.  I don't talk with my mouth full (often ... everyone slips up once in awhile), but keeping my mouth shut while chewing means I end up gasping for breath because I can't breathe through my nose at all ... and gasping for air is not only more hazardous, but more likely to cause 'food-projectiles' than just chewing with my mouth open.  This means that anyone who eats around me is going to be subjected to the potential of seeing my food while I eat, along with the unattractive sounds that come with having to eat with my mouth open.  I try to take antihistamines and decongestants before eating in public, but even those don't always work.  Some people have commented on it, and I explain the problem - usually with a brief demonstration of how clogged my sinuses are at all times - and then they either choose not to eat with me ever again, or find ways to deal.

The other things, well ... you'll have to do one of three things:
write him off
get the courage to talk to him about it
learn to deal with it

(in reply to CERCKL)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:02:10 PM   
DelightMachine


Posts: 652
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe you could suggest a date at the zoo and mention that you hate watching the monkeys eat because they're so disgusting (or, at a restaurant, point out some gruesome little rugrat and mention how you can't stand watching that kid eat). Then say something like, "I really can't stand eating with people who are so disgusting when they eat. Can you? Oh, by the way, you've got some food on your nose ..."

If his reply is, "Mmmph, nyank you." I'd drop the slob.

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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:07:43 PM   
lushusboobs


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline 		Some people are really oblivious to their table manners or lack thereof.  Perhaps he has allergies and cannot chew with his mouth closed? Perhaps he just wasn't taught.   Some people are just really out of touch with their emotions too and they have bad table manners because they kind of eat obsessively to hide emotions. It's easy to make guesses but hard to know unless you know him a little better.  Take your time in getting to know him before leaping.

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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:09:54 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		maybenot.........you are a stupid cunt........and a woman, cant you come to an agreement on table manners?
Really? as a woman you can't say what you want and he cant say what he wants?............

But, absolutely, if you say picking your teeth at Durgin Park is outta my league and he is doing an inter-dentalia thing, you can flif, it seems reasonable..............

LOL,
Ron
(got milk?)


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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:11:05 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

. Any ideas would be welcome.

                mbmbn


It's not going to get better. It's not going to grow on you. It's not going to be cute. Speak up and say something, tactfully, and realize that may or may not take, then decide if it's something with which you can live if it doesn't. 

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:12:22 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightMachine

Maybe you could suggest a date at the zoo and mention that you hate watching the monkeys eat because they're so disgusting (or, at a restaurant, point out some gruesome little rugrat and mention how you can't stand watching that kid eat). Then say something like, "I really can't stand eating with people who are so disgusting when they eat. Can you? Oh, by the way, you've got some food on your nose ..."

If his reply is, "Mmmph, nyank you." I'd drop the slob.


  1. Crude? Yes.
  2. Efficient? Hell Yes!
  3. Effective? Unless he is an animal, Hell Yes!
  4. To The Point? Bloody Hell Yes!
Enjoyable post except for one thing........ I lost a mouth full of coffee roaring with laughter...Thanks mate appreciated..




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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DelightMachine)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:15:09 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Was 'stupid cunt' really necessary here? She's honestly asking for a few sentient suggestions.

I don't think flaming is helpful.

TexasMaam

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:16:37 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		OMG RON.... damn!




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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:16:37 PM   
SimplyV


Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL
why is table manners so important to you, what does it mean and then speak with Him about it...or perhaps just look down and don't make eye contact when you eat :-)


Aren't table manners important to everyone??  Seriously, its a HUGE thing with me.  Even as a sub, I would let any potential Dom know that it might be an issue.

For me its not only the sight of bad manners, but the sounds.. usually if someone is eating with the mouth open I can hear that chip turn from crispy into mushy as its being digested in their mouth.  Thats enough to set off my gag reflex.  Smacking sounds while eating.. will set me off.  I've been known to turn up the music or put sounds on so I didn't have to hear every little sound someone made while eating.  And while I might be a little more anal than most.. I totally get her discomfort. 

There isn't a real polite or politically correct way to address bad eating manners.  If you do want to continue a relationship with him, you need to be honest with him and upfront.  Let him know that you really liked him, but you have expectations or needs in that area.  Let him know what bugged you.

No Dominant likes to admit they are inept in areas or that they have obvious lack of skills in an important area, but a real Dominant will want to better themselves and will take good constructive criticism and apply it.

From what you said, this trough eating behavior is not something you could endure long term, nor do I think you'd be willing to invite him to dinner with friends/family.  So address it.  He may just not know the extent of his lack of ettiquette.

Either way, its better to know now if its something he's willing to work on or if you should just cut your losses.

(in reply to CERCKL)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:21:52 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm, well i grew up with two older brothers who basically snorted while they ate, so i guess i was conditioned to not let sound and such bother me so much lol. You have to decide if it's a deal breaker or if it's something you can work around.  It probably isn't going to change much.

(in reply to SimplyV)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:23:27 PM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I'm notoriously cynical, and teaching an old dog new tricks is not something I would put a lot of faith in.
I know this seems shallow, but I would pass on a second date. 

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Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:23:27 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL
why is table manners so important to you, what does it mean and then speak with Him about it...or perhaps just look down and don't make eye contact when you eat :-)



Aren't table manners important to everyone??  Seriously, its a HUGE thing with me.  Even as a sub, I would let any potential Dom know that it might be an issue.

I was just asking her to consider 'why' it was such an issue; sometimes little things are symbolic of something more...another aspect which she may or not be aware of...Yes, I prefer one to eat with a certain, repsectful manner but I don't demand 'dainty' when eating pizza for example...just as I expect one to either like, have certain similarities in My own interests or at least tolerate them...then again, I have those who react poorly when I go to the symphony wearing jeans and Cons...
So again, I ask 'why'?
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to SimplyV)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:24:06 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		and she comes to a house where kids play rough; Ya, I see it TexasMaaM but why not take hurt from a nice guy like me rather than think that there is some fundemental meetings of the mind here? Like this is some soiree in which absent of reality, there is a reality in front of our faces?

So, if anybody comes out here looking for something, is that some reason why they shouldn't be lacking that which they seek?

Somebody came out here to see a reed shaken by the wind? Is that the gimmick?

Ron 



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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:27:09 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry, your intent is totally obscured by your lament, Ron.

TexasMaam

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:28:23 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well as many have said..in D/s honesty is a must for a relationship..So be honest..See if he can handle honest with this situation..if he does great!shows he listens and respects you for your honesty, if he doesnt great!shows he probably would not appreciate listening to you in the long haul ,either way you still come out ahead...Tempting

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RE: feeling sort of snobby - 4/2/2006 9:29:42 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

and she comes to a house where kids play rough; Ya, I see it TexasMaaM but why not take hurt from a nice guy like me rather than think that there is some fundemental meetings of the mind here? Like this is some soiree in which absent of reality, there is a reality in front of our faces?

So, if anybody comes out here looking for something, is that some reason why they shouldn't be lacking that which they seek?

Somebody came out here to see a reed shaken by the wind? Is that the gimmick?

Ron 


quote:

  Sorry, your intent is totally obscured by your lament, Ron.

TexasMaam



FIGHT!!!
truesub, bring Me My coffee!!!
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to TexasMaam)
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