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The number one thing - 4/2/2010 2:11:01 PM

thewashingtonian

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Joined: 3/30/2010
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Hello all you wonderful subs.

I have a pretty straight forward question for you guys, though it may not be that easy for some of you to answer.

What is the number one, end all be all trait that you look for in a dom/domme. It can be physical, mental, or emotional; but you can only choose one and why.

I'm curious to read some of your answers because not every sub is made the same. :-)

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RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 2:14:56 PM

Jeffff

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They dig a long tongue

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RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 2:22:17 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
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not sure of the right word, but its to do with a level of humanity tied into that is the whole people watching, tuned into how people tick, think and feel. right there you have someone who is interested in understanding who you are and what methods/approach works best. they think about the people theyre with and treat each person as an individual. usually that personality type is easy company and owns a certain amount of self confidence because in watching other people and how they tick, theyve worked out how they tick too.

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RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 2:22:42 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

What is the number one, end all be all trait that you look for in a dom/domme. It can be physical, mental, or emotional; but you can only choose one and why.

i cannot answer that. It is not JUST one thing, but rather the entire package

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Post #: 4

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 2:25:25 PM

aphrodite5

Posts: 71
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I'm not looking, but if Hubby were to leave my life for some reason...

I would look for someone who understands me. Not just the words I say, but the ones I don't say. Why? Because (especially with me) He cannot control what he does not understand.

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Post #: 5

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 3:31:52 PM

bondmaid123

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
i cannot answer that. It is not JUST one thing, but rather the entire package

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Post #: 6

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 3:41:21 PM

OrpheusAgonistes

Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
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A sense of humour even sicker and crueler than God's. Oh, if She's well read enough to know that Chateaubriand isn't just a particularly thick cut of steak and that when I talk about Joyce I don't mean a college girlfriend, that would help too.

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RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 3:55:06 PM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
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Respect.

but is allways the all package of course...

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Post #: 8

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 4:06:28 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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dominant personality

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Post #: 9

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 4:35:53 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
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From: Montana
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He's got to have a great sense of humor. The reason being that laughter really is the best medicine.

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RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 5:11:09 PM

delicatelydirty

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pheromones

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Post #: 11

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 6:01:08 PM

keteward

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Trust :)

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Post #: 12

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 6:30:45 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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Big feet.

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Post #: 13

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 6:33:26 PM

DWCskitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thewashingtonian
What is the number one, end all be all trait that you look for in a dom/domme. It can be physical, mental, or emotional; but you can only choose one and why.

i can't choose just one. It's the whooooole package. i'm going to be bad, and list more than one.

A Dominant personality, caring & understanding, respect, trust in both directions, a sense of humor, intelligence, and lots of other things. Being cuddle-icious is nice too.

~kitten~

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Post #: 14

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 6:53:15 PM

ishyB

Posts: 555
Joined: 9/2/2008
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He must have a strong male desire, and gain satisfaction from providing for me.

Providing in this context being sorta all inclusive.
Things like:
Provide me with the structure I need.
Provide me with the discipline I need.
Provide the intellectual stimulation I need.
Provide the stable environment I need.
Provide the emotional connection I need.
And so on, would all fall under "provide".

Obviously, the type of man who would have this drive to provide his woman with such things would also derive personal satisfaction from doing so, so while this list may sound a little "me, me, me" in reality it would really be "us, us, us" because my nature would provide him with the nurturing he needs.

I do honestly believe that there is something to be said for the biological concepts of men=providers, women=nurturers.

I wish you well,

ishy

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Post #: 15

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 8:36:15 PM

itsmeinLV

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It's impossible to just name one trait because it's a combination of different things that makes me attracted to someone, be him a Dom or not. I guess it's collectively called 'chemistry', yes?

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Post #: 16

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 8:58:15 PM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thewashingtonian
What is the number one, end all be all trait that you look for in a dom/domme. It can be physical, mental, or emotional; but you can only choose one and why.

If only it were that easy. There isn't one end-all-be-all trait. Even if I tried to name one, say trustworthiness, which is incredibly important to me, I don't think it would be very helpful to you because of all the trustworthy men I've met, and I do think I've met quite a few, only ONE has been able to completely possess me as my Owner does. So it's not the trait of trustworthiness that does it for me, it's HIS trustworthiness--how that trait manifests itself in HIM--that does it for me.

Sorry to be difficult.

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Post #: 17

RE: The number one thing - 4/2/2010 10:57:49 PM

catize

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Joined: 3/7/2006
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First there is the regular relationship qualities of compatibility, honesty, mutual respect, a mutually appreciated humor, conversation that never lags.
Then of course is the fact that our definitions and views of what make a D/s relationship work is the same for both of us.
But what you are asking I think, is why do I submit to a certain man and not to others. The 3 men in my life have been clear about their expectations of me, They have been honest about how much of my life they are willing to dominate, and have allowed me to draw my own parameters, I will submit up to here, but no farther. They take their responsibilities as a dominant seriously, which includes what RavenMuse refers to as their 'duty of care'. They have taken the time to get to know me well enough that when I am in subspace and not very verbal, they have paid attention to my responses that they know when an adjustment is needed or change the activity. Because of all this, because they trust me as much as I trust them, because we are on the same page about how far we are wiling to go, submitting to them brings me joy. There is no way this can be explained with one word. Additionally, I will add a most unhelpful thing---there is an unidentified ~~something~~ about them that simply declares itself as the kind of dominance that I can submit to. I cannot articulate what that something is; I knows it when I sees it, and I felt its absence when it wasn't been present in others.

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Post #: 18

RE: The number one thing - 4/3/2010 1:58:40 AM

myotherself

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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~FR~

I always ask myself "can I see myself being a good friend with this person in 5 years' time?". If the answer is yes, then that's a great start

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Post #: 19

RE: The number one thing - 4/3/2010 3:01:28 AM

MadeiraDarling

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/16/2010
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Kindness in their treatment of me and others, of course kindness takes many forms. My own domme is very kind to me, she takes care of me when I am ill, and holds me when I am sad, and often grabs me by the hair and leaves me delightfully bruised, but to me that is kindness.

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Post #: 20

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