Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (Full Version)

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MissAsylum -> Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 9:27:23 AM)

degrade people all the time? just curious.



VirginPotty -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 9:29:20 AM)

People?? Does that mean ALL people or just his sub/slave?



OttersSwim -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 9:37:13 AM)

Oh goodness no.  Not in our dynamic.  We are in a love relationship with a D/s foundation.  There is no ebul, no degrading.  Just love and BDSM - Female Dominant / male submissive.  



bondmaid123 -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 9:40:49 AM)

Uh.... no.

And since this is Earth, and I'm not in a 3rd world country, if I were in a relationship like that I'd be exiting, post haste.



MissAsylum -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 9:41:55 AM)

i didnt think so- we are still people.



LadyPact -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 9:42:20 AM)

I'm not cruel and evil.  I'm sadistic.  I happen to think most Dominants know the difference.



usefulidiot -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 9:45:10 AM)

Sounds exhaustive, doesn't it?



MissAsylum -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 9:56:38 AM)

eh, it can be. i' naturally dominant, but fitting into the mistress role every second- that would be tiresome and it would make life and sex stale for me. and i think it would serious damage my day to day relationships.



MissAsylum -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 10:04:31 AM)

and usefulidiot- this is the wrong forum for that post. good luck in your search



DWCskitten -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 10:07:52 AM)

~Fast Reply~
Oh heck no. i've been in, and am in, a dynamic with a very loving Master. If a Master was NOT loving, hey, i'd be OUTTA THERE. i'm not into degradation & cruelty.

~kitten~



Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 10:12:30 AM)

Wouldnt constant cruelty and evilness be counter productive?  for it to be effective it would have to be (over)balanced with understanding and compassion (and perhapse love) and in my mind they would be the foundations of a good Ds Ms relationship.



littleone35 -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 10:23:28 AM)

Nope, i am with a very loving Master. If he was cruel and evil i would not be his anymore. Just because we love wach other does not make his dominance and less if anthing it makes it more powerful. Not only do i want to please him as his sub, i want to as his sweetheart.

Matt' s littleone



WestBaySlave -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 10:24:22 AM)

I think I'd generally flee that type of dominant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not cruel and evil.  I'm sadistic.  I happen to think most Dominants know the difference.


I hope some subs do, too! I personally enjoy the company of sadists, but tend to think of genuine cruelty as a character flaw.



MissAsylum -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 10:38:29 AM)

i had a conversation today with somebody who was supposed to meet me. he asked for me to dominate him over the phone(not my thing- it strikes me as "i'll degrade and humilate you while you jerk off") and when i said no- he said "i'm looking for a dominant mistress and good luck in your search". so because i wont vocally jerk you off, I'm not dominant? pssh. whatever.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 10:46:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
i had a conversation today with somebody who was supposed to meet me. he asked for me to dominate him over the phone(not my thing- it strikes me as "i'll degrade and humilate you while you jerk off") and when i said no- he said "i'm looking for a dominant mistress and good luck in your search".

I can't think of a good search phrase to find relevant posts, but it comes up again and again that a large percentage of sub men don't show for first meets.  This is true both for lifestyle "first dates" and also for first appointments with prodommes.  There are of course the "obvious" explanations of guys not being serious, already having a relationship, etc.  Beyond that, though, I've seen posts from several sub men, who have explained their fear of moving from fantasy to reality, how much they are worried about rejection in real life, and so on.

You know that old saying: 99% of life is just showing up.  If you liked this guy, and wanted to meet him, maybe there was something, somewhere along the line, that you could have done differently.  Just looking at the piece you described, I think you handled things correctly.  Why get things all sexy before meeting in real life?  You've always struck me as compassionate and intelligent.  If he's not interested in those aspects of you, then why is he worth your time?



AlexandraLynch -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 10:46:58 AM)

I'm not. There's a difference between being firm and being cruel. I happen, as my sig file notes, to be the sort of person who doesn't like operating in a bitch mentality. However, this does not mean I am not in charge, and my people know that it is just much simpler and happier for them all around if they just do what I say and seek to make me happy. Part of this may involve small rituals that remind my slave of his position; some people are happier with such ritual statements in their life, while others find these degrading. 

It's rather like dogs. I had two dogs at one point. One of them really was not that fond of the great outdoors. He would go out, do his business, and come back in the house without any problem, no matter what. The other dog had to be put on a tie-out even for the five minutes he was out to do his business because he loved outdoors and felt a deep desire to explore all of it all over again every time the weather changed. What each of them needed from me differed; the one needed me to stay in sight. The other needed me to keep him on leash or chain. I give my dogs.....and my people....what they need for security.




lizi -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 11:15:56 AM)

No...I don't think a D type has to be cruel and evil all the time- they're humans after all. It sounds like that person had an image of you in his mind as being more of a Domme caricature or cartoon. I think a lot of people with strong fetishes want a vending machine fetish supplier not a person, and that's their perogative but they'll likely be disappointed in the end.



fadedshadow -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 11:16:37 AM)

my mistress isn't evil or cruel, and she never degrades me or anyone else



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 12:48:45 PM)

IMO, it would take a sick, twisted individual to be cruel "all the time".

A potential sub who expects you to be in cruel, sadistic mode 24/7 has probably never been in a real D/s relationship, and he is getting his ideas from porn.  Of course, if you are a pro Domme, then it may be okay for a potential client to expect you to be cruel throughout the session.  But in  a real relationship, it is very hard to maintain that persona all the time.  After all, if you are in a relationship (even a D/s relationship), doesn't your partner make you happy sometimes and deserve something other than cruelty?



lally2 -> RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and evil ALL the time? (4/5/2010 1:20:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

i had a conversation today with somebody who was supposed to meet me. he asked for me to dominate him over the phone(not my thing- it strikes me as "i'll degrade and humilate you while you jerk off") and when i said no- he said "i'm looking for a dominant mistress and good luck in your search". so because i wont vocally jerk you off, I'm not dominant? pssh. whatever.


welcome to our world - we've got a thread going at the moment about a woman being accused of being a man because she wouldnt cam.

as for youre original question:  how could anyone thrive well under a regimin of cruelty and how would you ever get the best out of someone by being a bitch all day long.



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