RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner?

RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (Full Version)

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OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 4:38:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: But does it tweak you to find that, every now and then, you're a little afraid of your partner? no. but then, rollercoasters hold absolutely no appeal, either. Ha ha, fair enough. Same here, actually. When anyone asks why, I explain "Because getting killed on at am amusement park would be the stupidest way in the world to die." I realize this was just an off-handed bit of snark, but for the record, I think the difference is that something (vanity?) in me requires that someone to whom I attracted take a personal interest in, and be in control of, the spectacle before it's thrilling. The adrenaline isn't nearly enough (which is probably also why I've never been much of a "kinky checklist" guy), there also has to be an interesting and volatile sort of chemistry.

petmonkey -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 5:01:09 PM)
i don't enjoy fearing ZX, exactly. i enjoy being in awe of ZX. ETA: meant as reply to original OP.

leadership527 -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 5:19:33 PM)
I asked Carol. She is not afraid of me personally although she is periodically afraid of things I may ask her to do when such things are going beyond her boundaries. She doesn't find any part of her fear "hot"... it's just fearful.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 9:48:41 PM)
Hello, i was going to wait until morning, to make sure this was something i wanted to post. But i decided not ... so here goes ... You are talking about fear here .., but ... i am having a hard time relating. To me, it is clear BDSM, if your not jack the ripper, cannot provoke fear. Fear, is when ... you are lying in ambush ... and the North Vietnamese kill Your buddy, four feet away, in a dense jungle, at night. (see Platoon) Fear is when you are part of the first wave mounting the attack on Guadalcanal ... and as an old man ... you break out into tears ... telling your sons ... about all your buddies who were killed. (see the HBO special ... Pacific) Fear is when you are on patrol in Afghanistan, and you are a British, Canadian or American trooper, ordered into the first wave of a Major NATO Attack, on an Al Qaeda held town, simultaneous to the start of the recent Olympic parade. (Now that was news, barely reported ... and I'll bet you don't even know it happened) my point is, if you qualify the Dom or Domme and know them to be a honorable, respectable, trustworthy person, who believe's in SSC or RAC ... you really don't need fear. Or feel it. Yes, you might be ... disconcerted ... but that is not fear. And while i am sure this will not sit well with some Dom's and Domme's, it is the truth.

hermione83 -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 10:09:18 PM)
Yes, absolutely. It might actually be the only thing that really does turn me on. >.> Or up there with a very few, anyway.. though I too think it's the wrong word.. I can think of many types of fear I've experienced in relationships, and I'm not all that experienced so.. and some of them are permanent turn-offs. I would never want to be afraid of being abandoned, not loved, in serious harm, that they are a psycho, and many more.. but with the what are you going to do to me.. kind of fear... is he going to make me whether i want him to or not.... etc.. oohhhh yeah. hehe

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 10:12:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious Well you definitely scare the crap out of me... and not in a good way. I've noticed that response in a lot of people when I'm honest about what goes on behind my eyes. I don't know why I'm wired this way, but I am, and it's actually quite a comfortable place to live. Not having civilized inhibitions is much handier than having them, from my perspective. I always behave myself in a strictly law abiding and ethical manner because that makes the most logical sense. In reality, no one who isn't actively trying to rape, rob or kill me should have anything to fear from me. Granted, if someone is trying to rape, rob or kill me, they will be in for a bit more trouble than they might have bargained for, but that's generally a good thing. So it's the potential for savagery that is scary, even if it is strictly controlled under normal circumstances?

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 11:11:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious Well you definitely scare the crap out of me... and not in a good way. I've noticed that response in a lot of people when I'm honest about what goes on behind my eyes. I don't know why I'm wired this way, but I am, and it's actually quite a comfortable place to live. Not having civilized inhibitions is much handier than having them, from my perspective. I always behave myself in a strictly law abiding and ethical manner because that makes the most logical sense. In reality, no one who isn't actively trying to rape, rob or kill me should have anything to fear from me. Granted, if someone is trying to rape, rob or kill me, they will be in for a bit more trouble than they might have bargained for, but that's generally a good thing. So it's the potential for savagery that is scary, even if it is strictly controlled under normal circumstance? So you know, i have run into LadyNTrainer on other posts, and She is a tough opponent. One with whom ... it is always difficult to see ... eye to eye ... ;-) But i have never seen a word from Her, that would indicate She was anything other than a Very Honorable Person ... one worth of listening to and respecting ... That is my two cents on your .... shall i say .... fear.

Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 11:21:08 PM)
Everybody has their dark side and checks and balances in place to keep it in place. Some have their balances in the wrong places but know this and controll themselves. that is a positive knowing you have some urges that are potentialy dangerous and being able to walk away is something to be admired.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/6/2010 11:52:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir Everybody has their dark side and checks and balances in place to keep it in place. Some have their balances in the wrong places but know this and controll themselves. that is a positive knowing you have some urges that are potentialy dangerous and being able to walk away is something to be admired. Thank you for your thoughts. But i hardly feel that disagreements between people of integrity and class can be described .... as dangerous ... in any way. There used to be dignity and class in a debate. But apparently, modern media sells ratings, by stirring up emotions and hatred. i am not selling that ... i am saying exactly what i said before .... LadyNTrainer and i have had disagreements on other threads and posts (okay i added threads) ... but ... i have never seen a reason to think ... She is NOT a Lady of Intergity and Class. And that Ladies and Gentlemen ... is the true essence of Democratic Debate. If You feel the debate is dangerous ... well ... get rid of your TV ....

Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 12:16:50 AM)
I wasn't commenting toward anyone, merely in general but for some reason the post reply button seems to like adding an "in reply to...." tag That was intended to be a general comment not targeted as a rebuttal to anyone. I recognise the feelings LadyNTrainer described I have those kind of thoughts that flash very briefly through my mind. I know I would never ever act on them with the only exception being self defence. Some people simply know that sometimes their particular thoughts are very compelling and have learned to kill that compulsion dead. and that is what makes them a better person in my opinion than say for example the person on the street who would come over to you and punch you simply because they thought you looked at them funny. Sometimes the thought gets muddles between brain and fingers with me and i apologise for my lack of clarity.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 12:41:55 AM)
quote: I wasn't commenting toward anyone, merely in general but for some reason the post reply button seems to like adding an "in reply to...." tag That was intended to be a general comment not targeted as a rebuttal to anyone. I recognise the feelings LadyNTrainer described I have those kind of thoughts that flash very briefly through my mind. I know I would never ever act on them with the only exception being self defence. Some people simply know that sometimes their particular thoughts are very compelling and have learned to kill that compulsion dead. and that is what makes them a better person in my opinion than say for example the person on the street who would come over to you and punch you simply because they thought you looked at them funny. Sometimes the thought gets muddles between brain and fingers with me and i apologise for my lack of clarity. Then ... i am thinking ... you are a gentleman of class and intelligence ... and i appreciate the opportunity to meet you. And i apologize for my confusion.

lally2 -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 1:22:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir I wasn't commenting toward anyone, merely in general but for some reason the post reply button seems to like adding an "in reply to...." tag . it does that automatically. if you want to reply to anyone in particular you can tap on the 'reply' top right hand of page, if you want to quote them, tap quote and if you want to edit, the same. otherwise whenever you post it will automatically just say in response to (whoever the last post was) , i rarely take any notice of that, usually threads just run with people responding generally, occasionally quoting or specifically replying to someone.

Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 2:05:48 AM)
yeah that's what I would usually do as well is quote what i wanted to respond to. I have run and administered dozens of forum boards in my time but this is the first one I have ever seen with that "in response to" flag on it. I can easily see where the confusion comes into play and take no offence.

jbcurious -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 3:46:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious Well you definitely scare the crap out of me... and not in a good way. I've noticed that response in a lot of people when I'm honest about what goes on behind my eyes. I don't know why I'm wired this way, but I am, and it's actually quite a comfortable place to live. Not having civilized inhibitions is much handier than having them, from my perspective. I always behave myself in a strictly law abiding and ethical manner because that makes the most logical sense. In reality, no one who isn't actively trying to rape, rob or kill me should have anything to fear from me. Granted, if someone is trying to rape, rob or kill me, they will be in for a bit more trouble than they might have bargained for, but that's generally a good thing. So it's the potential for savagery that is scary, even if it is strictly controlled under normal circumstances? No...I believe we all have the potential for savagery within us... If someone I loved were threatened I know I have the ability to kill to protect. What scares me is the pleasure in such acts...and the possibility of becoming caught up in that pleasure...and not walking away when the lines begin to blur.

Kana -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 7:33:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious Well you definitely scare the crap out of me... and not in a good way. I've noticed that response in a lot of people when I'm honest about what goes on behind my eyes. I don't know why I'm wired this way, but I am, and it's actually quite a comfortable place to live. Not having civilized inhibitions is much handier than having them, from my perspective. I always behave myself in a strictly law abiding and ethical manner because that makes the most logical sense. In reality, no one who isn't actively trying to rape, rob or kill me should have anything to fear from me. Granted, if someone is trying to rape, rob or kill me, they will be in for a bit more trouble than they might have bargained for, but that's generally a good thing. So it's the potential for savagery that is scary, even if it is strictly controlled under normal circumstances? ~Laffs~ LnT Every once in a while I will actually share what goes on behind my eyes. When that happens there's usually silence, followed by the sound of scraping chairs as folks pull away from me so you are not alone here.

jbcurious -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 8:06:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious Well you definitely scare the crap out of me... and not in a good way. I've noticed that response in a lot of people when I'm honest about what goes on behind my eyes. I don't know why I'm wired this way, but I am, and it's actually quite a comfortable place to live. Not having civilized inhibitions is much handier than having them, from my perspective. I always behave myself in a strictly law abiding and ethical manner because that makes the most logical sense. In reality, no one who isn't actively trying to rape, rob or kill me should have anything to fear from me. Granted, if someone is trying to rape, rob or kill me, they will be in for a bit more trouble than they might have bargained for, but that's generally a good thing. So it's the potential for savagery that is scary, even if it is strictly controlled under normal circumstance? So you know, i have run into LadyNTrainer on other posts, and She is a tough opponent. One with whom ... it is always difficult to see ... eye to eye ... ;-) But i have never seen a word from Her, that would indicate She was anything other than a Very Honorable Person ... one worth of listening to and respecting ... That is my two cents on your .... shall i say .... fear. I believe that LNT saw no disrespect in my reaction judging by her reply to me. I stated an honest reaction to reading her post. Because her words instilled an uncomfortable fear in me does not mean that I think she is a bad person or wrong. I admire her honesty... and I don't think I am the only person she has encountered who has had this reaction.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 9:45:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir Some people simply know that sometimes their particular thoughts are very compelling and have learned to kill that compulsion dead. and that is what makes them a better person in my opinion than say for example the person on the street who would come over to you and punch you simply because they thought you looked at them funny. That tends to be my view as well. I don't know about it making me a better person, as I'm not particularly good at making normative value judgments, but it does make me a stronger and more self-controlled person. I am very good at impulse control because I have to be. And no, I take no offense to jbcurious' reaction. It's normal, as best as I understand normal, and is simple honesty in turn. I have no interest in committing antisocial acts, even when I may have powerful impulses to do so. What holds me in check is not a conscience, guilt or remorse, since I suspect I don't actually have any of those things. Mostly it's that the cost-benefit ratio is poor, and that most antisocial acts are strongly incongruent with my own self-image. I don't lie, steal, cheat or engage in unplanned violence because those things are beneath me. They are the acts of weaklings who lack self restraint and coping ability. They are dishonorable. I am better than that, and stronger than that, ergo I do not do those things. I'm arguably a better citizen than the average person who is "normally" wired, though if you were to put me in a situation where the rules of civilization didn't apply, I would doubtless be a very scary motherfucker. One of my partners accepts this equitably and stands beside me, as his wiring is complementary enough that we work well together. The other one describes a sort of ecstatic awe, admiration and respect liberally tinged with fear. Basically I'm exactly what he's fantasized about for years and didn't think was actually possible to find in the real world. He likes fear a lot, and normally if you run into someone who is genuinely scary, it's not likely to be healthy to submit to them. I don't think I'm alone in being wired this way, but it does seem rare. Which is probably a good thing, as someone with my wiring whose arrogance was channeled in a direction other than having a strong sense of personal dignity and honor would very likely be extremely bad news.

switch2please -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (4/7/2010 10:58:20 AM)
I have respect for what B is capable of, both physically and psychologically. It makes those warm cuddly moments that much better :) When indulging in violent roleplay I feel safe and secure knowing that he won't hurt me, but a little afraid sometimes because he could, very easily. It's the best mind-fuck there is.

startoverslave -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (5/11/2010 11:45:10 AM)
What an exquisite thread this has been to read!! What drew me out of the wood work to post was LadyNTrainer. It is important for people such as her to exsist for people that need partners like me :) I identify with the partner she has that lives in awe and fear of her. There are others like him that seek that. One of the comments I have made over and over is that I want to attribute every breath I take as a gift from my Sir. I often get the same reactions from people. I have an unhealthy need and I seek to gift an unreasonable amount of control in my relationships to "that" person. That being said THANK YOU for exsisting LadyNTrainer and reinstilling hope others like you exsist. Be well BTW in regards to the original matter in question I thrive and need that fear, it is a gift I love to recieve. I love the out of control ways it consumes my mind, body, and soul. Additionaly, fear is utter respect.

simply4You -> RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? (5/11/2010 12:12:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes My own answer is probably predictable. Fear is hot. Uncertainty is sexy. Once I like someone and trust them at a very basic level (about core values and whatnot) then the knowledge that they might, at any time, do something within the (fairly broad) limits of our relationship that might make me suffer through something I really don't want to suffer is exhilarating. i would definately have to agree with the above. i don't 'fear' Sir or Ma'am, but i do fear my reaction(s) to whatever They may throw at me next ... the will i be able to handle it type of fear, screwing up, disappointing, etc. that is more of a mental issue with 'me' than Them. Can They say/do things that make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end, or give me goosebumps instantly or make me shake uncontrollably? Absolutely ... but what i've found, personally? The things i can think up have been far worse than what They have done lol ... in a former life, i swear i was one hell of a sadistic bitch ;) Besides, that place i go ... when i am 'suffering for Them'? Pretty damn exhilarating :)

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