LadyNTrainer
Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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Thank you for the kind comments. As far as I can tell, I do actually have at least half the wiring of a serial killer. I am completely capable of seeing humans as prey, I have a very limited capacity for guilt or remorse, I think that killing and chopping things up is particularly fun and tasty, I am feral and animalistic by nature with a near total lack of "normal" human social inhibitions, and I am a sadist. Fortunately I also value rationality, self-control, discipline and ethics, and I am basically a calm and happy person who is not often angry or in pain. My childhood was not bad or traumatic. Take a couple tweaks to the left in my psychological makeup, add some childhood trauma, and there would be nothing at all separating how my mind works from that of historical serial killers. Actually some of the serial killer profiles I've looked at appear to show more inhibition and capacity for abstract guilt than I would assess in myself. All the ingredients are present, but fortunately my environmental recipe produced something a lot more stable.
Obviously this kind of brain wiring does exist in people to various degrees. If you take somebody born with this brain wiring and traumatize them, you have a good chance of getting a sociopathic killer. But there are probably a lot more people born with this kind of brain wiring who aren't angry or traumatized and who are functioning as productive and completely law abiding citizens, because breaking the law has a poor cost-benefit ratio and they have insufficient motivation to do any antisocial acts. You might not even know who they are or recognize them unless they're willing to be honest about what really goes on behind their eyes. But put us in a situation where the normal cost-benefit ratios don't apply, or hurt us and back us into a corner hard enough, and you might see something seriously scary that you will probably think of as inhuman. The fact is, it's very human, and possibly innate in some percentage of the species. The capacity to commit brutal antisocial acts without remorse certainly exists in some people, and it is not necessarily connected to a need or a drive to do it for no good reason, or to any lack of impuse control. I don't know how many people are wired this way to some extent, but I suspect the numbers may be greater than many people imagine.
Do you really want a dominant who is wired this way? Most people with a healthy sense of self preservation don't, and I don't blame them in the least. But if you do, you need to understand how this wiring works, and how their particular set of wiring works. I am personally capable of love and attachment, though at times it can completely turn off and leave me with nothing but cost-benefit ratio calculating and the knowledge that I must continue to behave myself properly even when I am not aware of having any feelings. But not everyone with this type of wiring is capable of feeling love at all. I'm not quite sure what the fine distinctions are between what I am and what a true sociopath is, but I suspect they are fine indeed.
If you ever meet another dominant who thinks like me, you had better make damn sure you know where their lines are drawn. Sociopaths can be good at mimicking emotionally correct responses even when they don't feel a thing, so you also need to know that your partner has a good reason *other* than "but he/she loves me" not to lie to you. I have a deep respect for rational truth and information seeking and a distaste for half-truths and untruths. I dislike holding up a socially correct mask and pretending I am something I am not. It is a pain in the ass. Being brutally honest and engaging in full disclosure is something I strongly prefer. If I have to hide something, that implies that I am powerless or afraid to confidently show it. Ergo you can generally trust that what you're seeing is real, unless you see me making polite social noises. Then you can assume I'm just doing the ritual monkey dance to avoid upsetting the monkeys, and that I'll be escaping from it as soon as possible.
If you don't see reasons like this to believe the responses of someone whose brain seems to be wired like mine, you might want to do some fact checking periodically. Obviously they may not be the same reasons, but the motivations should come from outside the relationship itself. People who are wired like this are not always safe. But I suppose that's part of the thrill of submitting to us.
My partners are not entirely safe from me, but they are safe with me. I would kill or die, unhesitatingly and without inhibition, to protect either of them. My fear mechanism is particularly badly broken, so there is no physical threat that can get an emotional response from me other than a cost-benefit ratio calculation. I can be triggered to aggression if startled, but not fear. I don't know why. I only know that it's broken in a very odd way. Apparently my body is capable of feeling fear and exhibiting fear symptoms in extremis, but it never reaches my conscious awareness. There were a number of times early on when I mistook this response for allergic reaction or illness because there was no emotional component at all. No clue what's broken in there, but one of these days it would be really fascinating to get an MRI.
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Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.
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RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? - 
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RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? - 
RE: Do you want to be (a little) afraid of your partner? - 
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