RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom

RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:07:47 AM)
I prefer sacred cows, the entertainment provided while you scewer them is just so damn entertaining.

jbcurious -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:09:26 AM)
I think that was one of my concerns signing up on this site... being labeled as something that I´m not. It seems strange to "label" myself as submissive, because I´m not. I just want a relationship with a man who takes control, and accepts my submission to him... that and kinky sex [:)]

Smutmonger -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:19:24 AM)
Sort of like doing Dolcett scene-with Jon Jacobs as the sow? quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I prefer sacred cows, the entertainment provided while you scewer them is just so damn entertaining.

SimplyMichael -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:28:59 AM)
LOL, you HAVE been around!

Smutmonger -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:31:43 AM)
You don't generally end up this twisted in a couple of years. It's like wine.[;)]

LadyPact -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:39:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Inform the top/dom that in order for you to top from the bottom...they have to...DRUMROLL PLEASE...they have to be bottoming from the top. Wow, this thread got wierd. It was more of a sarcastic one liner than deep philosophy. I was mocking those who call it topping from the bottom if their submissive so much as utters an opinion. As for what is topping/bottoming, in the old days...everyone called themselves tops and bottoms for the most part, dominant and submissive are reletively recent additions to the bdsm lexicon. Just glance at any of the leather books, such as The LeatherMan's Handbook, they call everyone S or Ms...Sadists or Masochists. In Dossie's books which came out later, it was all about Tops and Bottoms. And my cat sits politely at my feet till I give a hand gesture and only then does he jump in my lap. Two things to keep in mind, Michael. One is that sadist and masochists isn't the best terminology, either. The terms top and bottom really are more universal. The other is sarcasm doesn't always come across when someone throws out a one liner. When people use the terms of topping and bottoming, even though there's a broad correct use, I take the meaning very literally. I don't confuse this with Dominance and submission. In simplest terms, it boils down to do-er and do-ee. That's it. Control isn't a necessary element. Neither is authority. All that's really required is some conjugation of the verb 'to do'. None of this has a thing to do with listening to input, hearing ideas, or a bottom communicating what kind of play works for them. Without those things, a top isn't necessarily going to be able to take the bottom in the direction that they want them to go during a scene. Sure, you might get lucky and just happen to stumble across the thing that really does it for the bottom and the endorphins start rushing. Then again, you might not and the person you're playing with might be so bored out of their skull that the only thing going on in their head is what to put on the grocery list for next week. I'm sure some people see it differently, but I want to know that information from the person I'm playing with. It doesn't automatically mean that is what is going to happen during play, but I have it for use at My disposal.

Smutmonger -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:45:59 AM)
I'd rather have a mutual conspiracy thing going on.

SimplyMichael -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:53:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger I'd rather have a mutual conspiracy thing going on. I like that!

Smutmonger -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 10:55:24 AM)
Two twisted puppies doing fun things together that they get off on...what's not to like? I should have 220 pages of made up ritualistic bullshit to justify this? NOT! [:D]

SimplyMichael -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 12:22:38 PM)
Oh but there is where we differ, I can enjoy ritual but I don't let it become a prison either.

lally2 -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 12:22:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz . If a submissive has ideas about how she wishes to be dominated and lets face it, of course she does, she needs to find a compatible partner that wants to dominate a woman the way she fantasizes about it. If he doesn't meet those very basic requirements then what the hell is she doing submitting to him? people hang in there for the darndest reasons i guess - and certainly true for the people im thinking about. id say in a situation like that its down to the Dom to sort it out or ditch and he did in the end i believe. I'm sure you will agree that the early stages in a relationship are the crucial times for gathering that deep understanding of minds. He has to work out if he can press those triggers or even if he wants to press those triggers and she has to feel a need and desire to submit to his words. If that isn't in place from the early stages then its unlikely to fall into place somewhere down the line. False expectations are a result of lots of fantasy and little communication. i agree completely - ive been in a recent situation like that myself, but it wasnt his fault, im in a wierd place right now. but i didnt top from the bottom Believing you can submit is a desire to submit. Fighting against that submission is not topping from the bottom but fighting with yourself. Perhaps its being overly fussy but I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with that. There will be a man out there that can bring out her submission. Weather she will ever meet him is another question! In the mean time she will have to put up with mismatches and again and again she will probably be wrongly accused of topping from the bottom. [:)] she really was - but i agree he wasnt the right one for her. people here are discussing players amongst this and i wonder if at times a person who wants the play and a relationship doesnt get a bit caught out by the Ds premis of handing over the control. if a player who tends not to submit themselves intoto, but just for the physical moment believes that they also want the Ds couldnt you have a potential situation of tftb.

Smutmonger -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 12:26:28 PM)
"Players" who don't really get off on D/s power rituals can also have rich and meaningful relationships. Not everyone wants to be a kink trekkie.[;)] quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Oh but there is where we differ, I can enjoy ritual but I don't let it become a prison either.

sirsholly -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 12:29:49 PM)
quote: And my cat sits politely at my feet till I give a hand gesture Michaels cat receives hand gestures. My cat gives them (then tells me to take a number) [8\|]

QuirkyAnne -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 12:42:37 PM)
I've heard people slam "topping from the bottom" and complain about how the Dom needs to take his/her sub in hand, but... ...If they know what's going on and keep allowing it to happen, then they either need the learning experience to know what to look for and in the future will be able to correct the behavior when they see it, OR, they don't mind it once in awhile or all the time. One of the first kinky couple I knew appeared to be a standard Dom/sub relationship but when I attended a play party with them, she was obviously topping from the bottom and they were both happy with it and are one of the few couples I've met over the years who are still together. If both partners are fine with it, then who the hell cares? [;)]

SimplyMichael -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 1:03:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger "Players" who don't really get off on D/s power rituals can also have rich and meaningful relationships. Not everyone wants to be a kink trekkie.[;)] quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Oh but there is where we differ, I can enjoy ritual but I don't let it become a prison either. So you wouldn't want to have Klingon sex with Jadzia Dax? Sort of my roll model in some ways, amazingly hot intelligent warrior woman, would crush most men but chose a Klingon as a lover....oh yeah baby. But I just can't manage to get into it past using it as a metaphor...and as for having rich and meaningful relationships, well only those who can do it have them, those who can't don't. Those who can vary from vanilla to I would imagine perhaps even a gorean couple or two...its about the people, not the structure.

SimplyMichael -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 1:05:03 PM)
Woman, you look all hot hanging out up there...but you should be off doing something better for a nooner....

afkarr -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 1:05:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger "Players" who don't really get off on D/s power rituals can also have rich and meaningful relationships. Not everyone wants to be a kink trekkie.[;)] [sm=agree.gif] You just became my new fav "online" Dom....or Top....or whatever kind of freak you are, lol [sm=cute.gif] ssshhhh.....don't tell any body you think it's Ok for 2 freaks to kink together without all the associated trappings, they'll kick you out of the brotherhood of weal twue Doms.

Smutmonger -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 1:08:00 PM)
I'm a freak, sans "validation fetish" [:D] Seriously-why would I want to be identified as a "brother" by a bunch of silly asshats who live in a fantasy world?

Focus50 -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 2:33:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i think many (not all) submissives "top from the bottom" when they're struggling with not being effectively led, or utilized. A submissive just left to her own devices is often not a pretty sight - the mental spinning she goes through just trying to figure out what will make her Dom happy and just lead and use her again can become a pretty fabulous mess in short often. That's why when a Dom pulls out the whole "you're topping from the bottom" statement on her it actually hurts so much - because all she wants to figure out is how to have him be happy and control her and lead her in the way that she so needs. She's in a situation where she's being forced to find her own solution, and it's tough. i'm not discussing here being bratty for attention. That's a whole different thread. What i am discussing are the subs who have their heart firmly wrapped around their Dom and don't know anything else to do. I know what I know (as a Dom) but I love getting submissive insight into all things D/s regardless, most esp the female variety. And this is one of the best examples I've ever read. How "Unique" of you...! :-) It helps to know that it's not just hurting myself to allow an environment where the tftb seed establishes.... So all I've gotta do is find a balance between not allowing tftb and not being an abusive, overbearing tyrant who doesn't let anything worthwhile establish. Piece of cake.... Errrrm, maybe we'll need to work together...? lol Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/6/2010 2:41:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael And my cat sits politely at my feet till I give a hand gesture and only then does he jump in my lap. I don't risk it; I'm a dog person = clearly not up to your level of "edgeplay". lol Focus.

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