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CaringandReal -> RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom (4/8/2010 5:31:49 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lovingpet
I've said it before and I'll say it before. There is no topping from the bottom. Thinking makes it so.
I've known a lot of submissives who intentionally (and, occasionally, unintentionally) set out to control their dominants. They are sometimes confused about their motivations for doing so, but the acts themselves are clearly intentional, Maybe they have weak dominants, or, as Smutmonger pointed out, they wound up with somone who'll do anything to get laid (same diff), but intention exists there too: submissives pick their partners. Most are not entirely innocent babes wandering in the woods who fall prey to the first big bad wolf with a grin to come along. And a submissive orientied toward subverting control, even if he or she winds up with a strong partner, will still look for buttons, weak spots, pressure points, and try to use them with the dominant. If they don't succeed, they leave and find someone easier to control. While it may not be true on this message board (hard to say withouth knowing anyone is person) that sort of submissive is quite common, at least among the submissives I've met face-to-face. Sincerity is a rare trait.
The cat analogy falls to pieces at this point, because, unlike cats, most submissives do not share a simple, common psychology. And even some cats don't share this psychology. My cat, for instance, was abused by a former owner and obedience training would be a nightmarish thing to do to her, given her background. But, due to how timid those experienceshave made her, such training is not (yet) needed and may never be. I am actively encouraging her to be disobedient, to relax enough to show some fire and spark... and naughtiness. :)
So very many times I've encountered submissives who, while in public profess their innocent sweet obedience and love of service, intentionally choose weak dominant partners whom they can walk all over in reality. They want to be seen as submissive, in their heart of hearts they do not want to give having the control in the reelationship. Or they have "issues" that make them want to score points and win battles in a relationship, despite thei professed desires to submit. If someone calling themselves submissive is not really interested in being controlled, or wants to play games and subvert control, the firmest hand and the best training in the world is no good. Taking care not to choose that sort of partner in the first place is a skill that would behove new dominants to develop. You don't have to be intentionally malicious to do this sort of control gaming, you just need to be fucked up, neroutic or worse, which, in fact, many submissives are.
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