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Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 11:24:58 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
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This came up somewhat in another thread and it's still on my mind.

A comment about being flirty during a dom/sub first meet has me, simply for sake of curiousity, wondering what others consider domish/subish/masterish/slavish/whateverish flirting. Since it's such a subjective topic, I'm not definately not saying that something is or isn't flirty. I'm just curious about and interested in what others find to be flirty.

For me, when I'm being flirty with a dom it's usually a combination of geek flirting (yes we have our mating rituals involving comics and consoles

) and BDSM. Making little teases about pleasure pain, spankings and maybe, if the situation permits, laying across his lap or being thrown over his shoulder and being "stolen" for a few feet. Which might sound odd but where I do most of my flirting that doesn't get a second glance as it's common.

Commands don't really read as flirty to me. Occasionally they can but, looking back, it's usually a silent, walking backwards while beckoning me with a finger sort of command that reads as flirty to me. Commands and orders don't seem to come into play during the intital flirting phase of meeting a dominant. They just fall into place as we continue to meet and our personalities and desires form the power dynamic between us. Now, I suppose that a command could be flirty. Like, caressing my thigh or hand while telling/asking me to get him a coffee with lots of cream and emphasizing the cream while giving me a devilish look. I'm not sure how I'd respond to that during a first meet though.

It's interesting, to me anyway, to really think about what I personally finding appealing and flirty. Anyway, that's me. Hopefully I'll get some responses of what others find to be flirty!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

Post #: 1

RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 11:29:47 AM

jbcurious

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If, when.. that time comes (it´s hell living on a little island) everyone here has given me the confidence to just be myself. It´s a first meet, or date... my flirting style is a little sexual innuendo combined with being a little challenging. I don´t know how a prospective Dom will deal with that... but it he can´t, he won´t be the right one for me.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

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Post #: 2

RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 11:49:13 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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Is that a butt plug in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 11:52:50 AM

AquaticSub

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For you dear... Both. ;-)

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 4

RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 11:56:24 AM

itsmeinLV

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Joined: 12/23/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

For me, when I'm being flirty with a dom it's usually a combination of geek flirting (yes we have our mating rituals involving comics and consoles ) and BDSM.

Haha, I love it!

I honestly don't know how to flirt face to face. Never really got the chance to enhance that skill, haha. I get fairly shy and awkward every time I try. As for the other way around, demanding and commanding does not work for me, no matter how hot that person thinks they are. There's a fine line between arrogance and confidence, and I'm more in favor of confidence. Being playful and fun is always a good start too.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 5

RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 12:51:22 PM

QuirkyAnne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

For me, when I'm being flirty with a dom it's usually a combination of geek flirting (yes we have our mating rituals involving comics and consoles ) and BDSM.

LOL, reading this line brought a huge grin to my face and made me start giggling because the first thing I thought was, "Wow... Sounds like all 96 hours of DragonCon!"

_____________________________

Anne

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just STUPID."

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 1:11:09 PM

DWCskitten

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How about, "Oh, i'm such a naughty girl, i think i need to be spanked."

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formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.

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Post #: 7

RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 1:12:12 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
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I suck at flirting.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 1:33:22 PM

Smutmonger

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Ask me if I'd like to "do coffee sometime."

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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 1:46:26 PM

beej

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Joined: 1/24/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Commands don't really read as flirty to me.

i agree. when i'm with a dominant or when i'm being dominant, compelling and suggestive behavior is where its at for me. the feeling of being in the company of a predator who is sitting still just for the purpose of inviting you in to be bitten, the feeling of contained energy like a radiant furnace underpinning an otherwise charming conversation... that's how like to rope 'em in, and that's what usually ropes me! even in a flirtatious sub, charm and suggestion are the hot sauce for me. i just react differently depending on whether a D or an s issues the invitation. either i'll take my clothes off for him, or i'll take his clothes off for my own pleasure. hee. :)

fun thread.

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 2:53:00 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I don't change the way I flirt...flirting is flirting for me...a whisp of the hair, a sway in my walk, a look in my eyes or the way I will turn away but yet try to catch his glimpse...I don't know..I probably suck at flirting though.

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 2:53:06 PM

ShoreBound149

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"Hey, nice rack....great set of tits too...."

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 3:37:14 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't change the way I flirt...flirting is flirting for me...a whisp of the hair, a sway in my walk, a look in my eyes or the way I will turn away but yet try to catch his glimpse...I don't know..I probably suck at flirting though.

I definately don't change how I flirt in the slightest and wasn't trying to suggest that anyone does. More trying to figure out what kinds of flirting are tied to power dynamics and BDSM and what people find appealing and unappealing about those types.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 13

RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 4:02:21 PM

alhamdullilah

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*Smiles to Smutmonger* Would you like to do coffee sometime?

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 4:34:00 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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Beej, I liked your description.

How I flirt depends greatly on the personality of the person and the situation we are in. Flirting is about seduction and telling a woman who has spectacular breasts that everyone compliments to button up her blouse a bit as it is making conversation difficult sets you apart from the leg humpers and tells her you value her as a person. Telling a wall flower how much you would enjoy violating her savagely just might have the same effect.

I was at a club the other night and picked up on a hot young woman. I looked her in the eye oon occassion but didn't lear at her and kept the conversation low key, vanilla and cerbral. Made it clear I was enjoying the conversation and how uncommon that is. Explained what she was watching others do, made a few comments about how I would do it better. As she became interested, I was bold and asked her if she wanted to play but she begged off and I just went back to talking. I knew she wanted to but was nervous and by asking, I showed her I was bolder than the other guys and spoke what was actually on my mind. She knew people wanted her and I made it clear I did too but in a matter of fact sort of way that wasn't leg humpingish.

Finally she just had to try some stuff so I told her to open her legs (being forceful) but tempered it with "only pull your skirt up as far as you want me to spank your thighs" showing her respect and giving her a bit of control. I teased her that if I told her to lift it all the way she would (showing her I could see into her, although in this case it was rather obvious) but that I wasn't "that sort of guy" (half truth) and was just having fun with her, which was true.

As she got more and more turned on, I just kept giving her a bit less than she wanted, I caressed her lips with my fingers and as she opened her mouth, I slid them away, taking a risk, I slapped her face softly...and we both found out at the same time, she enjoys face slapping and a hand wrapped around her tender throat as well.

When I had her to the point where she wanted to spread her legs but I could tell she was nervous about being exposed, we were in the social area. We then went back to a playspace and then I hope I ruined her for anyone else less talented.

I don't flirt casually...

As for what turns me on in flirting? I can't stand bitchy but a bit of spirit really works for me, hard to define the difference but bitchy is, well bitchy, and spirit has a bit of "I am untamed but I am hoping you tame me" in it. Women who can flirt with their eyes really do it for me. I can't define it all but I rarely experience it but when I do...OMFG!

(in reply to beej)

Post #: 15

RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 5:02:33 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't change the way I flirt...flirting is flirting for me...a whisp of the hair, a sway in my walk, a look in my eyes or the way I will turn away but yet try to catch his glimpse...I don't know..I probably suck at flirting though.

I definately don't change how I flirt in the slightest and wasn't trying to suggest that anyone does. More trying to figure out what kinds of flirting are tied to power dynamics and BDSM and what people find appealing and unappealing about those types.

I guess that's what's confusing to me then. I only ever flirted with men who are a dominant personality whether they had ever heard of bdsm or not, who I wanted to get to know better for possibly dating. Now that I'm taken I have almost no use for flirting except with Master. Most men barely even catch my eye anymore.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 4/6/2010 5:04:30 PM >

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 5:02:36 PM

catize

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Joined: 3/7/2006
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I'm not comfortable flirting with someone I don't know. I worry that they may take me more seriously than I intended or I worry that if I try to flirt, they will respond in a way that that tells me they don't want to flirt back.
Guess I'm insecure and need some flirting lessons!
Laurel K. Hamilton's most recent novel is titled “Flirt”. I learned some things from a scene she described in a restaurant and it was pretty hot!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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Post #: 17

RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 5:52:42 PM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Vanilla flirting is just... well, showing interest. Infusing D/s into it adds a few things... I'll ask her to do little things for me. If I kiss her, I'll grab her hair and gently hold her head that way while I kiss and nibble her neck. Just small emphases of my control.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 6:35:13 PM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

For you dear... Both. ;-)

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RE: Flirting BDSM style - 4/6/2010 6:42:16 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
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sure. Do you like LEATHER?

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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

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Post #: 20

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