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Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 12:37:46 PM   
loveisnotenough


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/7/2010
Status: offline 		I want to clarify before I start that this is being posted from a dummy profile.  I have been on this site and these boards for quite some time.  People here actually do know me and that is exactly why I had to go this route.  I need responses based on the information provided here and not the history of things that would occur under my regular account.  Those who don't like this, please don't make what is a bad situation worse by posting simply to bitch about it.  Just don't respond.  For those willing still, I will appreciate your insights.

My Master and I are getting ready for a major life change.  The event is huge.  It means we both have a lot to do to get ready and some of it is not exactly easy.  Part of it is dealing with some personal stuff (individually) and also securing the situation for people we care about.  We each have to do our own part in order for the transition to be a successful and smooth one.

My Master has a friend in his life that he has helped support over the past approximately 6 years.  She has a health condition that limits her options for work and a disabled relative dependent on her.  They agreed together at the beginning that the situation was temporary and that she should be working to get to a point where she could take care of herself.  This has not occurred.  She is currently working part time (she has held full time work in the past and is capable now), has not a penny of savings, and has not dealt with credit issues.  He now is telling me that, due to the long history (some of which he hasn't but plans to tell me about), he feels an obligation to her that directly impacts his future with me.

Keep in mind that this event has been in the making for about a year now.  Also keep in mind that we were within a few weeks of things moving forward.  There are things that have been done that can't be undone.  There are other things that are coming up fast that need taking care of.  This problem leaves everything up in the air.  He has had the past year to sit her down and tell her what was going on as well as helping her move in a direction that would allow her to make it without his continued help.  I even expressed that I have no issue with helping her temporarily within some kind of boundaries for the first year.  I just don't want to suddenly wind up with two additional people dependent upon and more or less involved with our relationship.

Our relationship is not new.  His association with this woman predates him knowing me, however.  This is not his wife, girlfriend, former slave, none of it.  This really is strictly a friendship situation.  He and I have weathered a lot of stuff, but this one is shaking up my world.  I want to do the right thing as a person, an intimate partner, a slave, and all my other vanilla roles that this involves.  My trust in his ability and willingness to handle problems wisely is not holding up very well at the moment.  I am even having trouble respecting him because of this.  In my mind, he has put both me and this woman and her relative in a very bad position.  He did it because the conversation was to difficult to have and figuring it all out was going to be time consuming as well as emotionally draining.  He chose is comfort over all of our well being.  That's my perspective anyway.  Granted, right now I am pretty emotional about the whole thing and I can admit that.

I am sure the answers to this thread will get personal.  That's fine...to a point.  I need some degree of it.  At the same time, I don't want this thread to be so specific as to not be useful to other readers.  I want to get some insight on how people view the handling of personal matters by their D or s type with regard to their ability to have a healthy relationship and, more importantly, a healthy relationship with a power dynamic.  I also need some idea what my input and appropriate response should be as his slave.  I know this is more determined by my own dynamic and no one can give me a definitive answer.  I just want to know what would be acceptable in others' relationships.

I am trying to hold on here.  No one is perfect.  He has made a mistake and a big one, but that is just proof he is, in fact human.  Last I checked putting on the leather and swinging a flogger didn't change that fact.  My questions now are whether we can recover from this, how, what I need to do, and if I need to reconsider going forward with our plans at this time.  I know no one can give me those answers.  I just need input, perspectives, opinions, encouragement.  Please be kind.  I am well beyond stressed.  I appreciate polite and gentle replies.  Thanks.

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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 12:49:06 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I can only respond from how I would look at it from several perspectives.

My first thought, you knew, or at least saw all the signs of this situation, when you signed up to be your master's slave. As a slave, in how I consider an M/s relationship to be........how you feel about it now, well too bad so sad. Either you want to belong to him, with all the good and bad, or you don't.

Now, not knowing your personal dynamic, pretty hard to give specific advice. I have to admit, based upon the knowledge you've given.....I see weakness in him. This woman is, not only dominating him, but your relationship. And he is allowing it. Either he makes your relationship, your lives together a priority, or he makes her and her preventable drama his priority.

I would advise, again based upon the little, and probably biased, information given......taking a HUGE step back and allowing him to decide what his priorities really are. Serving this old friend and his relationship with her, or telling her to put her big girl panties on and making your relationship with him top priority. It does not sound like he can do both successfully.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to loveisnotenough)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 12:49:26 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Honestly, having been through a similar situation in the past let me say this simply:

You can't control him. Either you accept the situation as it is, or you don't. You can either stay with him, and support him in his decisions, or ask for release.

i know it's hard to hear. But the more worked up you get about it and involved in his relationship and business with this other person, the more you are alienating yourself from your Master - and putting him in a position where he may have to choose one relationship or the other. And you may not like his choice.

My heart goes out to you. i hope you find a way to find peace with things.

My best ,
julie

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to loveisnotenough)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 12:57:51 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		I see only 2 possible ways to look at this:

1. How he chooses to spend his money is his business.

2. It's a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into- is he really looking for a relationship with a sub, or does he need someone to pick up 1/2 the bills, with freaky sex as a bonus? And why can't he simply give her a cutoff deadline and then stop giving her money? His only obligation that I can see based on the avialble information is one of his own making, perhaps he feels since he agreed to support her, he should continue.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 1:05:38 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well, it seems that this is a single sticking point here, though a very large one.

Option 1:
You need to bring him to jesus.
He needs to bring them to jesus.

Option 2:
You live with it, it isn't as though you were blindsided.

Option 3:
You cry unacceptable and walk the walk.

I don't see many more that are not combinations of the above.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to afkarr)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 1:10:55 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		There are two kinds of people in this world

1.Those that believe there are 2 kinds of people in this world.

2. Those that don't.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 1:13:11 PM   
EclipseAbove


Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with what others have said - either you agree to be in the situation as it is and go forward trying to resolve the issue or you don't. You can't mix and match. It sounds like the situation with the other person comes with your Master. Take one and you take the other as well.

I will say that if your Master let the situation continue just to avoid having an uncomfortable conversation, that is a big red flag. Yes, people are human and will make mistakes. But one of the biggest challenges of being in a D/s relationship is not avoiding situations out of discomfort. If your Master was willing to allow this situation to just go on, what else would he allow just to avoid an uncomfortable converstaion? Of course, I've only heard your side and many specifics were left out. But it is worth you raising your concerns about this with your Master and the two of you discussing it.

If you are going to proceed forward with him, my advice would be to get on board. Work with your Master, support him and do your part to execute whatever plan he has for the long term resolution of the situation. If you have fears and concerns, talk to him about them and work through them. It certainly sounds like the best hope for a good resolution is having everyone doing what they can.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 1:34:11 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		it would be curious to know what bits he hasnt told you, because this sounds way more involved than just a friend helping out another friend. - whatever this is that he hasnt told you is what is impacting here.  so he is holding out on you over something that is clearly quite heavy or he would have already filled you in.

he's holding all of his cards close to his chest and not really letting anyone see his full hand.  he appears to be asking everyone to live with some degree of deceipt so that he doesnt have to do anything unpleasant or unpopular but....,

he is relying on you, his slave to buckle down and accept.  by doing that he has chosen the softer easier option - thats pretty harsh considering the fact that you have prepared youreself for this huge move forward.

i would ask him to trust you with this information he hasnt told you - if you think youre really strong enough to hear it, (it might be nothing of course, but if it were, why hasnt he told you) it might be crucial to the whole situation youre in, it might not, but honesty needs to start between the two of you first - then equipped with all of the information ask him to let you work out with him a way to deal with all of this together.

this friend is relying on him for funds, i can understand her situation, but even so, she should be going to work and supporting herself.  it shouldnt be that she holds you back from youre life together and that is how i see it.

i might be very wrong, but id be thinking that she has something held over his head. 

i really wish you well and i hope all of this sorts itself out happily.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to EclipseAbove)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 1:35:29 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If you are posting from a dummy profile and you are familiar with the boards, you may already know what I'm about to tell you.

One of My huge strengths is the ability to prioritize the situations and people in My life.  I don't make bones about it.  Absolutely, in My mind, I know where everyone falls on the scale of importance.  In no uncertain terms, it goes something like this:

My children and grandchildren
Myself
My husband
My submissive
My closest friends and family (aside from those listed above)
Friends and family that I am not as closely linked
My other associations in the community
Co-Workers
Others

The situation that you are experiencing now would not be one that would happen in My world.  The only way this friend would hold a higher responsibility than My submissive would be if I was somehow responsible for the disability that hinders her from taking care of herself.  (Something to the tune of I was driving the car involved in an accident that left her disabled or some other freak accident.)  Other than that, sorry, but My inner circle is absolutely more important than the outer circle.

Basically, you need to decide if you can continue in your situation if the possibility exists that it isn't going to change.  While you mention that there are things done that can't be undone, I'm betting that if you continue moving forward in the direction you are now, that list of things is going to become longer.  It's been My experience in life that, when it really comes down to it, most things can be undone or you can be willing to walk away from whatever it is, even if you are starting over in some areas.  Yes, even though it's a loss, it's better than compounding the situation.  Very much like you don't decide to go through with a wedding just because you don't want to lose the deposit that you've put down on the reception hall.

All of us, no matter what label we've put on ourselves, have to know what we find acceptable and not acceptable in our lives.  I'm going to wish you the best of luck while you are deciding which of those two categories this situation is for you.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 1:41:21 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Wow...okay......

Not knowing the particulars, I can only say that this really is a fine mess.  I am going to go my usual cautious route and tell you to hold right where you are and wait.  You really need to hear what he has to say about this person.  Maybe it ISN'T quite "just" a friendship.  There's more to the story and you don't know what that is.  I doubt it is going to change the way you look at this, but it may impact how you choose to respond to it.

I can see where the distrust and negative stuff is coming from.  I think it is also the case that the newness of the information, the stress of both the news AND this life event (whatever it may be), and the crisis of faith it all brings up are working together to make things hard to sort.  You are clearly in overload and the whole world and whole relationship has gone negative and sideways on you.  This is a messed up situation.  There's no doubt about it.  Then again, is it really as unmanagable as it seems?

Keep in mind that this is NOT really your drama.  This little bundle belongs to him.  Does it impact you?  Yes.  Is that quite fair?  No.  Is it a dealbreaker?  Only you know for sure.  He has to find the solutions to this mess.  He made it and he's got to clean it up one way or another.  You can't make him.  He will deal with it in the way he sees fit.  You will have decide how and if you can live with his decision.  Doesn't it just suck when this becomes a little less than fluffy bunny stuff?  Now you have to do the hard work of a relationship.  Can you submit and trust when it's hard?  Life is hard.  People are imperfect as you noted yourself.  Can you follow an imperfect leader?  Can you submit to things you feel strongly are wrong and harmful?  Do you trust that he knows what he's doing and can make the situation not wrong and harmful?

From where you sit right now, I would be willing to bet every single answer was to the negative.  Give it some time.  Hear him out.  Give him a chance to solve this and show you he can be stand up about his mistakes and failures.  Stress brings out our character.  Unfortunately, it also highlights our flaws at the very times when everyone has less strength to deal with them and the consequences.  Be kind with yourself and with him.  Listen to your that inner voice and communicate honestly with you partner.  Now is not the time to shut down.  Now is when you roll up your sleeves and get down and dirty, sweat, cry, and bleed if necessary to get things right again.  That's both of you.  Relationships don't work one sided.  Take good care and all my best to you in your situation.

lovingpet                   

       

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to afkarr)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 1:58:40 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		This is rough, I'm sorry.

What do you see as your options, and would they match what he sees as your options?

It seems to me his mis-handling of this situation has rocked you somewhat; is that because it is out of character for him?

How serious is this for the third person and her dependent? What are the possible outcomes for them?

You wrote that you're wondering if you can go forward with the plans. Are you speaking if you alone can go forward or if you and he together can go forward with the plans?

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to loveisnotenough)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 2:12:47 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I see no reason to break off the relationship entirely, but I see no problem in putting that big "event" on hold for awhile until he gets his other "problem" resolved.  I mean, you do have the rest of your lives, there's no hurry.  And, this additional time would give you the opportunity to observe how he does solve problems like this, see how high you really are on his totem pole, and to decide if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life. (Whichever way that may be.)

I think this might be cruel smack of reality in your face.....and a golden opportunity to see how you both can deal with extreme stress and adversity.  This may uncover a whole bunch of unpleasantries that needed to be uncovered before embarking on big life-changing events, rather than finding them out when it's much more inconvenient.  Or, you may find a whole new respect for each other and your relationship. 

A wise person once told me "there is no perfect relationship.  You just have to find a set of problems that you can live with".   

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to subtee)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 2:41:58 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		When Daddy wasn't handling his affairs properly and it was something I was able to handle I put my nose in the mix and I stepped in and handled it for him because he wouldn't. Now of course that's not proper for all people, and it really could of backfired on me if we were Dom sub or something or he was more strict, but this particular issue concerned me too, on down the road, and it was already pretty serious, with their being talk of the land lady filing a report on his rental history that he was a bad renter, and  going to court and suing him and trying to have his wages attached for the money he owed her for not  taking his broke down truck with him when he moved, leaving it instead in her parking lot and it kept accruing parking spot fee's on it, and he wasn't paying them, and he wasn't moving it, and he'd left a lot of our belongings behind, and told me he'd cleaned the whole trailer out and squared everything up with the landlord, when he had not.

And there was no way in hell I was going to let it implode more  than he'd already caused it to.

Other times  in the past I nagged him to death because he wouldn't  be responsible unless someone is riding his ass.

But, that's not what I'd ever recommend a slave do nor would I say it's the right way to go for a power exchange relationship, just what I did lol.
quote:

ORIGINAL: loveisnotenough



I want to get some insight on how people view the handling of personal matters by their D or s type with regard to their ability to have a healthy relationship and, more importantly, a healthy relationship with a power dynamic.  I also need some idea what my input and appropriate response should be as his slave. 

(in reply to loveisnotenough)
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RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 3:01:25 PM   
loveisnotenough


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/7/2010
Status: offline 		I wanted to address some of these questions at least generally as I think they are pertinent and are reasonable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

What do you see as your options, and would they match what he sees as your options?


I see it as a matter of remaining as is and not doing this thing, going forward under alternate plans with some inherent difficulties that we weren't expecting to deal with, moving forward as planned but with the caveat of having to keep this person's situation stable until she can transition, or simply leaving the relationship and all of it because too much has been shaken up.  He sees it similarly, but I know he doesn't even want me entertaining leaving.  Too bad.  Not his call I'm afraid.

quote:

It seems to me his mis-handling of this situation has rocked you somewhat; is that because it is out of character for him?


This is both grossly out of character for him and at the same time getting into the deep end of some of the few problems we have had.  I have never seen him back down from something, even as difficult as it may be.  I have never seen him not handle his business.  I have never seen him not focus on and resolve real life issues before.  At the same time, letting things sneak up on him has happened a few times.  Not handling things in a timely manner may be a better way to put it.  I am rocked badly because of this because I just feel like yanking back all kinds of areas of control I've given him because apparently, based on this, he can't handle them and I'd be better off taking care of it myself.  I am speaking a little stronger than I mean to, but again, my emotions are in overdrive here.

quote:

How serious is this for the third person and her dependent? What are the possible outcomes for them?


They would likely wind up evicted and unable to pay for basic necessities including both of their significant health care bills.  She can get a secondary job and likely at least cover the difference that he would be leaving her with.  Her credit is such that she is going to have a hard time if they decide they need to move in order to reduce the rent payment.  I have also mentioned that, given her own condition and the relative's problems, that the relative really should be in a group home situation with ample visitation, but not subject to whatever instability the woman's life includes.  It is not my place to say much more, but it was a suggestion that would greatly reduce both her stress and the bills and hopefully be a healthy situation for the relative too.  I was asked to offer any ideas I had.  I did so... several and repeatedly.  I am also still thinking on it.  I need the rest of the information though.  That, I am told, I will be getting inside this week.

quote:

You wrote that you're wondering if you can go forward with the plans. Are you speaking if you alone can go forward or if you and he together can go forward with the plans?


A little from column A and a little from column B.  With what it is that we were getting ready to do, I have to move forward or not unilaterally to an extent.  Given the situation, it may be that I do this and little of what this action was supposed to do will actually happen.  It means I am making a lot of changes and giving up a lot on his word that at some point we will be a couple/family one day down the line.  I don't know if I can live off of promises and tomorrows.  I have some pretty significant todays to deal with and hard reality in my face.

I am not willing to clarify too much because, even with hiding myself here to protect both my identity and him, I find much more information would be violating both his and the woman and her relative's privacy.  I would love to offer more, but I really do not want to be guilty of plastering private information of strangers all over a website.  If I can answer a question I will, but don't be offended if I state that I just can't give that information.  I am trying to do the right thing by everybody here.  It's not easy.

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< Message edited by loveisnotenough -- 4/7/2010 3:08:15 PM >

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 3:14:49 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:


He now is telling me that, due to the long history (some of which he hasn't but plans to tell me about), he feels an obligation to her that directly impacts his future with me.


When I read this I got a sense that the guy does have some sense of loyalty. It could involve some manipulation or "wounded bird" syndrome going on but for whatever reason he has declined the option to simply cut and run and abandon this person altogether. I'd award a few points that. At the same time I would also be uncomfortable with the "some of which he hasn't told me but plans to tell me about" part of it. If there is some really deep seated reason that he hasn't shared the whole story with you I have a feeling that these other people may not be departing your (collective) lives anytime soon if you decide to remain.




_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to loveisnotenough)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 3:15:29 PM   
reynardfox


Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline 		life is just too short, when you feel like this, - walk.
Please, just reading this post wore me out.

(in reply to loveisnotenough)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 3:36:39 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		to the OP:
I often remind myself of this: People put their time, money, and energy into what is important to them.
You already know the answer. Do as your heart is already saying.
sunshine


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to reynardfox)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 5:11:29 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Seems to me that if he is an admirable person in all other respects, you need to ask yourself if your life would be better with or without him.

And if your life is better with him, then you need to let him know how important this decision is for you, and you need to know exactly what is going on. While i certainly don't think that two people have to share everything , if his decisions affect you, you deserve to know the whys and wherefores.

And if you stay, then you have to let resentments go. That isn't to say that you have to accept everything, or ignore things that you don't like, but you shouldn't hold things against your signifigant other.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 5:20:32 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		You asked what others would do in your shoes. Ok, I'll lay it out again. It's the same thing I always say in response to this sort of situation.

I take the commitment to be someone's slave very seriously. If I make a commitment like that, no matter what the other person does, I don't feel it's my right to change the power rules, to take control back, to make decisions of the nature you are entertaining as possibilites. Like you, I might think about doing these things and become very upset at something, but ultimately I have (and will, in the future) leave such things to his control and discretion and just try to be the best possible servant I can to him. Yeah, it sucks sometimes. A situation like this really blows. Nevertheless, there are many worse things in life, such as, to choose a relatively benign outcome, never meeting another dominant who strikes you as capable of owning you in the same way or to the same degree he has. It's a crapshoot. You might meet someone else someday, particularly if you are youngish and have plenty of time ahead of you. But you might not. I find I learn things, and I gain value in my life though staying with something, seeing it through, no matter how certain I am of a really dreadful ending. Things are not what they seem, surprises occur that you could never have anticipated or predicted. You're predicting outcomes now in a rigorously logical fashion. But life never bows to logic. It twists and flows around it, then laughs merrily as it scampers away, leaving poor logic in the dust, and the actual outcomes of things often bear no resemblence to the most rational of conclusions.

So what do I do in these circumstances? I remember. :) I remember why I trusted his judgement so much in the first place that I became his slave. Or, if I wasn't enslaved through trust (not all of us are), I remember just how I came to that state and why. I remember why I worship(ed) him, why I admire him, why I want to serve him with all of my heart. Remembering these things doesn't come to mind when a crisis like this hits. But this is the sort of soothing balm that calms the outraged emotions and desire to (perhaps) overreact. Right now you're focused on the moment and what seems to be a terrible mistake on his part. It overbalances things and doesn't let you see him clearly. If he had been a bumbling klutz from day one you'd never have reached this spot, where you call yourself his slave.

A side issue but one you might want to think about in the future, once more immediate things have settled down: I realize everybody dynamic is different, etc. yadda-yadda but given that words generally have common meanings else we'd never succeed in communicating simple ideas to anyone, how can you possibly call yourself his slave when you're willing to take things into your own hands so easily, to wrest back control when a crisis occurs? Can someone be genuinelly enslaved by someone else and still turn into a very free and independent woman making up her own mind whenever she feels like it (or whenever events put a certain degree of pressure upon her?) I tend to think not. You can be miserable with your master's decisions and acts and still be a slave. I realize you're only contemplating/talking about leaving him at this point and of course it is one option among several. But the fact that you even regard it as an option suggests to me that what you are calling slavery is not what I call slavery. Still, actions, not thoughts, indicate the true character of things. People cannot be blamed for having bad thoughts any more than they can be blamed for feeling bad things (although they can be trained to feel some things more often and feel others things less often). But should you go ahead and do it, break free of him, what will you think about this in the future? Were you ever really his slave?

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Handling Personal Affairs...Or Not - 4/7/2010 5:49:22 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Umm - your way isn't the only way people live in a slave relationship. Because she has a different way of reacting to situations doesn't mean that her relationship is any less genuine than yours.

I might think some of your statements silly, and condescending but if you were in pain, i wouldn't point that out. I might start a thread to get a consensus from the cm members, but i don't think i would lecture you.

You might want to consider how you phrase things.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 20
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