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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 1:32:04 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Don’t you think we do that in all relationships though Sir Russell ? I am certainly clued in enough to my partner to notice any little signs of unhappiness but I was also clued in enough to my ex vanilla partner to notice that too. If we posses human emotions then we posses the ability to tune in. We know when something is wrong often long before a problem is staring us blatantly in the face.
I think your right though when you say it should hurt us both. From a loving relationship to freedom is a painful road.

Your right about piss poor communication skills Michael and if thats the case in a bdsm relationship then its not surprising that it doesn’t work out.
People often say that a vanilla relationship is really no different to a D/s one but for me at least, I strongly disagree. My long term vanilla relationship involved building a home, sharing the tasks, planning the holidays and a sex life where neither of us had any idea of what was going on in each others heads. My non vanilla relationships have been similar to the above but with a deep communication about fantasy and feelings. In these relationships I revealed myself
The act of revealing and being accepted can be a liberating experience and I believe a strong building block for a stronger relationship. The act of revealing can also be a vulnerable place, especially if its one sided.
I strongly agree with you about it being ‘the easy way out’ for people who either don’t want or don’t have the ability to form solid relationships.

fragilepieces, thanks for such a lovely complement.
Its funny but I was thinking along those lines last night. There are many things that can change the direction of the path we were supposed to take. Illness, accidents, hormones and the like can change the tide of what was meant to be and what is.
I believe that most people who are in long term D/s relationships would agree that although D/s is hugely important to them, their partners health and happiness is more important.

Lol Leadership! That would be a clear case of ‘cutting your nose off to spite your face’

Hi Elisabella,
I see what your saying. Relationships change all the time. Some evolve and strengthen, some become ongoing but monotonous and some just weaken and die. ‘Relate’ is a powerful word because if you can’t relate then (and these are not my words but ones I strongly agree with) you can never be 2 halves of the same brain and you just end up living together in separate lives.

SailingBum, your right. Divorce rate is soaring and thats a sad fact but I think that is more to do with unmet expectations in the Western world of consumerism and the ease in which we can start up affairs on the world wide internet.
Nobody starts married life and keeps one foot out of the door unless there an agenda to that marriage. One foot out of the door comes after times of frustration in a dysfunctional relationship.
I think when a couple first get together, both to a degree ‘secretly’ keep a foot close to the door. Thats self protection.
Sadly life for most people is not just about fun. If you go at this long term there are going to be serious times, sad times and times when your going to have to pick up the pieces or she is going to have to pick up the pieces for you. Its riding the storms together that often put a new layer of strength into that relationship.
Its great to have fun. We all want it and we all deserve it. A relationship in its formative weeks and months is based around fun but then it settles. We start to share, listen, understand, support and care. We can still have lots of fun but most of us start to accept that coupling is not just about fun.
Some people don't want a life mate. Some people want to remain playboys and girls and thats fine so long as they are very clear about that.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 4/9/2010 1:34:59 AM >

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 8:19:12 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Elisabella, I don't think a momentary disobedience or lapse necessarily means that the dynamic is ended and that the people automatically need to dump each other or build a new dynamic. So far, I haven't disobeyed my Master even once, but if I did, he wouldn't dump me or stop being my Master unless I made a habit of it, or we discussed it and I could no longer submit to him, or something else was going wrong.

Maria, when I was looking, I actively tried to screen for this. If someone came out and said that if I disobeyed once, (or that if their slave/submissive in general were to do so), I figured we weren't compatible in the first place. If they didn't mention it, and things went well after a few dates, I brought it up and asked how they felt about it. So, the only way I could wind up with someone who felt that way would be if they flat out lied to me, which would mean they weren't trustworthy in the first place. I wouldn't waste my time trying to build trust with someone who was looking for an excuse to dump me right from the start.

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 9:00:21 AM   
SirRussellP


Posts: 107
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Why would any rational person feel that a human being won't make any mistakes.  As a Dom I expect to make them and I know my sub/slave will make them, I correct my own actions when needed and apply not punishment but corrections for her.

We talk about training our sub/slave and with training come mistakes, misunderstanding and just oops I didn't think you really meant that.  Everyone needs to get a grip and remember that we are all human.  When talking with a perspective Dom/Master if they say that if you screw up once its over just don't start.

Not quite sure who I am addressing here if it is Steve or Maria but yes I feel that if release doesn't hurt both the D and the s then someone never really committed to the relationship but was just playing around.  I really hate it when a relationship is based on D/s but one person only sees the play or sceneing instead of a something that goes way beyond the bedroom or dungeon.

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 9:56:02 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

This topic has been inspired through a conversation with a friend.
That conversation was about people in this lifestyle threatening to leave their relationship if the sub didn’t come up to shape.
We hear a lot of ‘keep getting that wrong and your out’, ‘Not submissive enough and your out’ and so on.
This topic isn’t really aimed at people who meet once a week for a bit of D/s BDSM interaction.
Its based on a full on relationship, a couple that are going at this long term or with the intention of long term.
I know that we recently had a topic titled 'One Strike and your out' or something like that! and that veered very much towards what 'one strike' actually meant. This is more about trusting and building a relationship under the shadow of being thrown away if you don't live up to D/s expectations.

Can a sub wholly trust her man if she sees him keeping one foot out of the door?
People fall in love, what then? is the importance of her submission more important than your relationship? You may say it is but if you are really in love then I personally find that very hard to believe. Is it her submission alone that made you fall in love or is there a thousand other things about her that if submission failed you would still have 999 things to celebrate? If her submission hit problems or just needed a break, would you have one foot out of the door?

My ten cents worth: If a relationship is based purely on a D/s dynamic and not allowed to grow beyond that, if that D/s dynamic dwindles then there is little left but then there was never much there in the first place.

Any relationship starts with roots. Those initial roots may be based around D/s and from those roots grows a firm stem. The stem then grows branches in many directions and those branches eventually blossom.
When I see ‘relationships’ with a whole load of trust but ‘one foot out of the door’ I just see a stem that has no branches.




hi

the blue bit made me smile because ive always used the metaphor of a relationship being much like a tree.  in almost all relationships a few of those branches get snapped off but the majority stay and hold the relationship up.  if all the branches get snapped off you have nothing to hold onto and no reason left to stay standing beneath a tree that offers no protection against the elements between you.

i had  a relationship with a guy who always had one foot in the door, we stayed together for 6 years and they were the most insecure destabilizing years of my life. i never felt that there was anything to rely on or hold onto.  in the end i left because and inspite of the child we'd had.

the romantic notion of Ds has fizzled away, the one that told me that when i found a guy who was into me and wanted to stay with me we would have all the ingredients for a happy, sexually stimulating, sharing world.  its fizzled away largely because Ds has always been the ruling faction, its always the basis upon which all of my relationships have grown from and possibly why, im now approaching this in a whole different way.

so ive done the 'foot in the door' mentality and im done with Ds being the driving force behind being with someone. for me there has to be way more than Ds or a sharing of BDSM tastes for a relationship between two adults to survive.  thats so elementary and obvious to me now, but its taken a ridiculously long time for me to really start encorporating that into the process of being with someone.

having had an Ms relationship i fully appreciate the premis of how that holds together and hangs - without the slave being wholly and completely submissive there is no TPE Ms.  repeatedly making the same mistake, failing to be submissive 'enough' is failing to keep to the Ms theyve agreed upon.  i actually accept and fully adhere to that in fact.  but used as a threat to achieve compliance is just bad Dominance at best - beating a sub with that stick and keeping it hanging over the door as a permanent threat to live under is so incredibly negative and does not allow for communication, working things through, holding the others hand when things get tough.

personally i would leap through fire for a man who valued me more than his rules and protocol and im sure im not the only one.BUT it is also important that the s'type upholds her end of the bargain

< Message edited by lally2 -- 4/9/2010 10:06:03 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 10:35:25 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:



Maria, when I was looking, I actively tried to screen for this. If someone came out and said that if I disobeyed once, (or that if their slave/submissive in general were to do so), I figured we weren't compatible in the first place. If they didn't mention it, and things went well after a few dates, I brought it up and asked how they felt about it. So, the only way I could wind up with someone who felt that way would be if they flat out lied to me, which would mean they weren't trustworthy in the first place. I wouldn't waste my time trying to build trust with someone who was looking for an excuse to dump me right from the start.


Andalusite, I think your right to feel that way. What your prepared to offer is something that goes way beyond a game.
I honestly don't think guys that say this kind of thing are looking for an excuse to dump you. I think their head is lost in a very silly fantasy without realizing the bleak reality.

quote:


Not quite sure who I am addressing here if it is Steve or Maria but yes I feel that if release doesn't hurt both the D and the s then someone never really committed to the relationship but was just playing around. I really hate it when a relationship is based on D/s but one person only sees the play or sceneing instead of a something that goes way beyond the bedroom or dungeon.


Its Maria! Steve rarely contributes to these boards but he does tend to hover over my shoulder when I start a post
I think there are many healthy relationships based on D/s and I think forming a healthy D/s relationship can only happen if neither are playing a game. I also think there is a great lack of understanding when people say they live this 24/7. If one doesn't understand about the dynamics of how that can work then they may be mislead into believing 'the game' must be played 24/7

quote:



i had a relationship with a guy who always had one foot in the door, we stayed together for 6 years and they were the most insecure destabilizing years of my life. i never felt that there was anything to rely on or hold onto. in the end i left because and inspite of the child we'd had.



lally, I'm sorry you went through this. I can imagine how awful it must of been. It amounts to mental cruelty.
Your a wise woman to get out of that and it looks like you have your life very much together now xxx


quote:


personally i would leap through fire for a man who valued me more than his rules and protocol and im sure im not the only one




No your not


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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 10:52:30 AM   
SirAldric


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/6/2009
Status: offline 		Whether D/s or M/s: it is a relation. Just a relation as there are so many vanilla relations, with just some extra icing on it. I don't believe long term relations can be based just upon kinky sex, or pure bdsm alone. Threatening, abusing or whatever will never work on the long run in a relation. Maybe as a short term policy you might get away with it and impress the other, but on long term you lose because it will get clear you have lost power & control.

Any relation (no exception) is based upon communication, respect and trust (ok.. love is nice too..). And if the intention really is to have a long term (D/s or M/s) relation, then you better work on that. Threatening will leave you with empty hands in the end.

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 11:25:43 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
personally i would leap through fire for a man who valued me more than his rules and protocol and im sure im not the only one.BUT it is also important that the s'type upholds her end of the bargain
I've always had a question that has never been answered. So assuming, for a minute, that I valued anything... my rules, my protocols, my very self, more than I valued Carol, then on what basis would she conclude that it was a "safe" thing to do to give herself to me? It seems to me that she'd be utterly screwed the first time there was some conflict between her and whatever else was higher on the list and that doesn't seem like a particularly safe place to be.

From a different angle, I am asking Carol to put ME at the top of her priority list -- above her own sense of right & wrong, above her own wants and desires, above her own "self" as she understands it. If I'm not willing to do the same, then how, exactly, is this relationship balanced and equitable? I have a very firm conviction that relationships which are not equitable are destined to fail in the long haul and I'm not in this for some short-term kink.

Without even a moment's hesitation or one regret, I would lay down my very life for her... how much more so would I be willing to put aside some aspect of our relationship no matter how rewarding I found it? Carol is and always will be at the very top of my priority queue and the moment that being my slave becomes an impediment to her happiness it'll tossed aside like so much useless baggage. How could she possibly be "safe" being owned by me were that not true?

I think it's worth noting that when two people BOTH carry this same conviction, then a total impasse is all but impossible. I have in the past removed Carol's slave collar (which effectively reverted her to my submissive wife who I love) because in my considered opinion, the dynamic was not working for her. Her immediate reaction to that was to then root out the reasons it wasn't working inside of her and get them fixed. We both value the other more than we value whatever our own perceptions of our "self" are. We are both much more focused on upholding our own end of the bargain than whether or not our partner is upholding theirs.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 12:57:46 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


quote:


.
lally, I'm sorry you went through this. I can imagine how awful it must of been. It amounts to mental cruelty.
Your a wise woman to get out of that and it looks like you have your life very much together now xxx


quote:



thank you ~ and i hope so!  xxx

< Message edited by lally2 -- 4/9/2010 12:58:09 PM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 6:31:16 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I am a slave extremely happy and fulfilled in a 'one strike' relationship that has lasted 5 years and in a poly relationship where his 'one strike' relationship with Alandra has lasted 23 years. If he stopped being master or Alandra and I stopped being his slave, then we would no longer be who we are. If we are no longer who we are, then the relationship has altered beyond what would be fulfilling and happy for us. I wouldn't dream of asking him to compromise his position of authority within our relationship because I love him for who he is.

Different people are happy and fulfilled in different relationships, so I am not sure what the purpose is in running down the type of relationship that I am fulfilled in.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 7:44:09 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
Different people are happy and fulfilled in different relationships, so I am not sure what the purpose is in running down the type of relationship that I am fulfilled in.

I should really let Jaz post for herself, but I had a similar reaction and you'll note her response to me. I think, Jaz was actually envisioning a different type of "one strike" than either your Master or I actually do. I can say that for me, this is not some weird plan to lay in wait for a mistake from Carol so I can get rid of her. There'll be no mistakes on our "one strike". She would have to say, flat out, "No, I won't do that." I'd then question her, "You're sure, knowing that that decision means your collar?" She'd have to confirm that that was indeed her choice. No tricks. No traps. Just the expectation of obedience that goes with the word "slave" in my book.

I honestly don't understand what the ruckus is about with the whole "one strike" thing. I mean ... uh... isn't that what the T in TPE means?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/9/2010 11:50:40 PM   
dawnsubmission


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/19/2009
Status: offline 		If one is no longer appreciated, repected, or wanted in a relationship, then one should move on. There is love for each of us out there somewhere... The hardest thing i have had to overcome (and am still finding difficult) is regaining trust after being lied too. One lie, i forgave. Two lies, i forgave. Three lies with conspiracy, i said no more... and was asked to "please stay".... i have because i love the one whose collar i wear and the thought of actually leaving the relationship took my breath, but i no longer trust and it breaks my heart, has injured my spirit... i seem to have lost my joy... Honesty, though sometimes painful, is 1000 times better than deceit... i know i should leave.... but i am bound.

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 1:41:49 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I am a slave extremely happy and fulfilled in a 'one strike' relationship that has lasted 5 years and in a poly relationship where his 'one strike' relationship with Alandra has lasted 23 years. If he stopped being master or Alandra and I stopped being his slave, then we would no longer be who we are. If we are no longer who we are, then the relationship has altered beyond what would be fulfilling and happy for us. I wouldn't dream of asking him to compromise his position of authority within our relationship because I love him for who he is.

Different people are happy and fulfilled in different relationships, so I am not sure what the purpose is in running down the type of relationship that I am fulfilled in.

Knight's Kyra


Hi kyraoMists and thanks for your response.
I fully get what your relationship is about and believe me, I respect that.
Believe it or not, my relationship is based around D/s and its based around D/s 24/7. I too wonder how it would be without it and understand that we would not be happy.
This thread should never of gone down the 'one strike and your out' route but it was inevitable that it did. This thread was about a dominants high expectations whilst using a loaded gun. This thread was about obeying through fear of loss.
Ill give you an example of something that regularly happens to someone I know.
He does very little and brings very little into the relationship. She adores the ground he walks on. He seems fairly indifferent to her. She is very submissive and busies herself pleasing him. On occasion she retaliates. She doesn't retaliate because she is bad, she retaliates because she feels worthless. He doesn't 'sort' things out when this happens but uses his most fearful weapon... 'If you don't like it then fuck off' but for her at the present time, thats not an option.
If she came on here (which she doesn't) and wrote something about her retaliation, you can bet your fathers uncle she would be told by a number of people that she's no good. Some Doms would clearly tell her that they wouldn't put up with her and she would be out. Some slaves/subs would tell her that if they behaved like her, they would be out.
We seldom get a full story from someone who initiates a post but the answers to the op often give the impression that the sub/slave gives and the Dom/Domme takes. I think you will agree that in a long term D/s relationship there is an awful lot of giving and taking on the mental side of things. For a healthy connection between two, three or however many people are in this relationship there has to be clear and definable lines. There has to be trust and there has to be appreciation and there also has to be a huge amount of communication.

There is also 'love' in many long term relationships. They are a couple, they are in a relationship. They go through the ups and the downs, the happy times and the sad times that most long term relationships go through to find a balance. Life may be hit them with hard times now and again. It could be a period of grief and depression, it could be a period of strife and worry and during those periods the D/s side of things may seem shaky. I believe these times to be the most testing ones. Is his dominance so important to him during periods such as this, that he would make a threat? Is this the time to use his 'loaded gun'? or is he going to understand that for now she just needs his support, for now he will accept she's not up to making his dinner or running around after him or is he going to do what I personally feel a good dominant would do. He would take over and see her through this period. By taking over he is still in control. When he demands that she sits down and talks to him about how wretched she feels whilst he cooks the dinner he is taking control. When he tucks her into bed and says 'I don't want you to do anything for the next 24 hours, he is taking control but if he says 'If you can't cope and can't jump to my tune then I think you should leave' then he has lost control and in my opinion is just a jerk.

I can say with absolute certainty that D/s within our relationship could never actually stop. The way we are made up would make that impossible. I am no different than I was with my previous long term vanilla partner (just myself) and he is the same with me as he was with his long term vanilla partner (just himself). It caused a lot of problems being ourselves in our vanilla relationships but here together we can be naturally us.
If D/s was to stop within a long term relationship then I believe that its one of the two things. Either one of the partners was playing a game and not being themselves or the relationship was reaching its end.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 4/10/2010 1:53:28 AM >

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 1:59:35 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		dawnsubmission, what you wrote is incredibly sad. I'm so sorry your going through this but I understand that walking away from love is one of the hardest things in the world. Sometimes its just easier to stay. Sometimes pain and distrust is more bearable than the absolute wretchedness and feeling of loss you know you will feel if you leave him.

I wish you well and hope you one day find the courage to sort this out.

_____________________________

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 2:40:56 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Reading this thread has been an emotional rollercoaster...from heartbreaking to affirming. I so appreciate reading everyones experiences and thoughts.

I have a very strong sense of self preservation.... There is no way I could trust someone enough to submit to them if I felt they had one foot out the door or a one strike policy...thus the rekationship would be doomed before it even started.

I am a person who makes mistakes, admits to them and learns from them. For many years this was something I found very frustrating, this need to experience for myself, rather then learn by example...until a friend told me that it was my role in life...because not only do I learn from my experiences...but those around me do as well.

This is the way I grow...if I'm too afraid to make mistakes, I'll stagnate as a human...making me undesirable to myself and anyone who honestly cared about me. If a D/M is looking for mindless obedience...I'm definitly the wrong sub.




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I have an explosive personality...


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 4:01:47 AM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		That tactic seems to be manipulative AND lazy.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 5:59:34 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		And then someone like Me comes along and screws up the whole thing.  

Before I even say too much here, I wanted to say how much I've enjoyed reading this thread.  A great topic Maria!  The contributions have been wonderful.

I can definitely see the point of view of many who have posted here about why a primary relationship may not work for some with this foot out the door concept.  If the way it's looked at as a constant threat or something held over a person's head, you're not exactly building trust and stability.  I understand that doesn't especially feel like a safe environment and if I were on the s side of the slash, I don't know if I'd particularly thrive that way either.

When Michael mentioned that many people are piss poor communicators and missokyst said people tend to decide that they are "in love" far too quickly, both of them were spot on.  While I completely admit that I find that often, both of these statements are true, I have to admit to wondering why they are true.  Probably another subject entirely.

Esibella said something very important when she made her comment regarding the crux of how people relate to each other defines the relationship.  Unlike some, the dynamic that I share with clip is based on him relating to Me because I'm in authority.  If we're going to talk about trees, roots, and such, that is what is there.  It is how we interact.  Kill that, and none of the branches that have grown since our original roots survive.  I honestly don't know how we would related to each other if that wasn't in place.  It's a funny thing, too, because in all of the things that life has brought us on life's terms, we can always go back to that root and become centered.  As harsh as it sounds, when he's caught up in something that is detrimental to him, I can take him back to that root, and remind him that I am in control of his inner being.  If I tell him that he is too wound up in whatever it is, and he needs to get back to the right mindset by the next words coming out of his mouth had better be "yes, Mistress," he is honestly expected to comply.  I don't know if we would relate to each other to the same depth otherwise.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 7:56:31 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Lady P, Im glad you joined the topic

I think as far as falling in love too quickly is someone elses judgment. People either fall in love or they don't and nobody can decide what it is they are feeling inside other than them. Its not something we should put a time span on. What is love? Is it that excited feeling when he walks through the door or is it the quiet calm of togetherness? its all questionable.

In my relationship prior to this one I had a long term sub male as well as the man I was in a relationship with. I never slept with the guy, had sex with him or made love with him. We did many things including dining out and vanilla social activities but even then it wasn't comparable to having a relationship with my main partner.
He came into my life because I wanted a sub male without the complications or getting in the way of my partner. If he had been unable to fulfill his side of the bargain, then I would of seriously have to look at why he was in my home. If he had changed in a way that wasn't acceptable to me then he would of severed the branch and everything related to that branch would of died but that's because it was a BDSM relationship and not a possible life partner one.





_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 10:02:10 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Jaz said:
This thread was about obeying through fear of loss.

And THAT would be the difference between what you were talking about and what some of us do. Carol does not obey me through fear of loss. She obeys me because it is her desire to be the best partner in life she can be for me. What motives both of us is a passion for building the most perfect union we can.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As harsh as it sounds, when he's caught up in something that is detrimental to him, I can take him back to that root, and remind him that I am in control of his inner being.  If I tell him that he is too wound up in whatever it is, and he needs to get back to the right mindset by the next words coming out of his mouth had better be "yes, Mistress," he is honestly expected to comply.  I don't know if we would relate to each other to the same depth otherwise.
It doesn't sound harsh to me. It sounds like a thorough and very, very deep authority dynamic laced heavily with respect and trust in both directions. Of course, as a male dom, when I say something like this I get flamed.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 11:14:51 AM   
Wizard18


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/7/2010
Status: offline 		53% last I heard... The whole "high school thing" mentioned eariler that "What are we in high school saying the BDSM version of if you loved me, you'd let me? meh."

Actually that is how it works unless your so jaded you have lost touch with being a human anymore. Then... we all have our limits.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: One foot out of the door. - 4/10/2010 1:58:50 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

uh... isn't that what the T in TPE means?


I thought everybody knew that the T has something to do with losing limbs via chainsaw. Have I been mis-informed?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 40
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